The Mitfords

by Charlotte Mosley

  5) You say he’d never have gone ahead if I hadn’t helped; totally untrue. Mine was v. minimal, as you’ll see if you ever read the book. I knew naught about the St Margaret’s Bushey Herts part, naught about the German part. In fact I never saw Boud again after early 1937. My thoughts about that strange character were set down in Hons & Rebs, which you probably haven’t read; anyway, I asked P-J to quote what I’d said & he did. He would have done the same for all of you.

  Am sending a carbon copy of this to Debo, with assurances that I did not pinch her scrapbook.

  Decca

  Hen:

  I don’t know where we stand, having no word from you since I sent you a carbon copy of my letter to Woman. I was in a blind rage when I wrote it, & I bet you’d have been, too, had you been the target of those snidely-phrased accusations.

  All incredibly infuriating & I can’t help thinking you and/or Diana may have put her up to it.

  I shan’t say any more about my part in it as I’ve said it all a thousand times before. I do think that the sisterly efforts to suppress it (led by Sir O. Mosley, as I gather from the newspapers) were most ill-advised, a rotten thing to do & from your point of view disastrous as it gave the book enormous prepublication publicity.

  I’m mainly terrifically sad to think that perhaps this all means it’s curtains for us, that we shan’t be seeing each other any more or writing. If so, that’s absolutely up to you, I mean if you don’t answer this obviously I shan’t have another try. So as this is prob. my last letter, it may be rather long (sorry Hen, I know how you loathe reading long things but here goes).

  There were obviously deep things to be said, dating from more or less childhood, that I was really unaware of until 1974, thirty-seven years after the event, when you said that my running-away without telling was the worst thing in your life. I was v. astounded, and I honestly think you’ve revised all that, somehow, in yr. mind; as I remember us in those days, we weren’t all that adoring. That is, we weren’t interested in the same things and I was probably v. jealous of you for being so much prettier; it was far more Boud & me, strangely enough. Then you also admitted (in 1974, when we went over all this) that if I had told about running you’d have told Muv & Farve, so do admit my instinct not to tell was right.

  That whole year in England (1974) was a bit strained, as far as you & I were concerned. I suppose the P-J book was already a cloud, no bigger than a man’s hand. But also, I noted that you excluded me completely from anything to do with H. Acton’s book. 1 I asked you if you’d like to have any letters from Nancy to me, & you said no you’d got tons of letters, mine were not wanted. Then H. Acton asked if he could quote from Hons & Rebs & I said of course, & he did, extensively, but only to contradict everything I’d said. You & Woman were closeted with him about the book, but not me.

  I admit that at that point a certain stubbornness set in; I mean, why should you be the final arbiter of everything about the family? It was a bit maddening, so when you issued the Directive to the cousins etc not to talk to P-J I did not feel bound by this, on the contrary. In fact, they were the only ones who brought out a bit of the true Boud we knew.

  To chuck in a reminder about a couple of other things: Not only didn’t I steal your photo album, I sent you all the Muv letters from the Isle for max[imim] arch[ival] conditioning. Ditto, I sent anything else any of you asked for from the Isle, such as Nancy’s bookcases she wanted, yr. writing table, Woman’s table. As Bob remarked at the time, ‘your sisters know the price of everything and the value of everything’. (A paraphrase, Hen, in case you hadn’t noted. See Oscar Wilde.)

  Needless to say I’ve been asked to review the P-J book by mags & newspapers from hither to yon; so far I’ve said non, non, non. But I may yet do it, haven’t seen the finished vol. If I do, though, it will prob. be more about the drear efforts to squash the book than a review of the actual book. Haven’t decided, but thought I should say this so as not to be accused (once more) of duplicity.

  Well Hen I’ll be coming to England in December, as BBC propose to do a sort of documentary of me forthcoming memoir,2 a sequel to Hons & Rebs but mostly about Calif., with a few English bits as I gather with P. Toynbee, C. Cockburn & others of that ilk; not many still alive, alas. BBC already did a killing bit about Forest Lawn,3 with me being the Tour Leader at said cemetery. My book’s all finished, out here next August, don’t know about England.

  I don’t know if Abyssinia,4 am anyway in floods of tears rereading this last letter, so will close with love,

  Henderson

  Dink, Oys, Benj all in fine fettle.

  Darling Honks

  Oh dear, the enclosed. I can’t make a break with her. The whole thing makes me so SAD, & the odd thing is it does her too.

  I will think v. carefully before answering. I do hate the little pin pricks she can’t resist. No doubt there will be much irritation with her BBC interview. Oh dear.

  Much love, Debo

  Darling Debo:

  I’ve seldom been more depressed by anything than by Decca’s letter to you. It is so dreadfully sad. Despite her digs at me I can’t help (half) feelings of fondness for her & I’m sure you must have them much more than I do. Then one really hates & despises things like the horrid little husband’s remark about the furniture at Inch Kenneth, which is made even worse by her rude & silly assumption that you won’t recognize its extreme wittiness. She is SO ghastly in those ways & then the pathos comes uppermost & one forgets about it.

  I am very surprised at her reactions to Harold’s book. When you write do please point out that he didn’t put (or ask for) one single letter from Naunce to me – or to you, did he? Anyway I know there were none to me. The idea that you & Woo sat over him telling him what to put in or leave out is pure fantasy. Can’t she SEE that Hons & Rebels is ninety per cent lies & rubbish & that any would-be biographer wd have to reject most of it? She is just so obtuse.

  One thing that worries me rather, if you go on seeing her as before, is whether it’s a bit unfair on Woo who has been so loyal & steadfast throughout, while hardly (probably) much minding herself as it were, do you see what I mean. But there again, she doesn’t seem to mind a bit about (for example) Decca’s nasty letter to her. To tell you the truth I am torn in every direction & I think perhaps on balance you should see Decca because she probably can’t help being spiteful & obtuse & underneath everything there is Decca, somebody one loves. I felt that so strongly when Naunce was so unkind to her, when poor Naunce was dying & Decca would have done anything to please her or help her.

  Oh Debo my heart is like lead thinking about it all darling.

  All love, Honks

  Dearest Hen

  Thanks v. much for yours. For goodness sake don’t let’s quarrel. It would be too sad, & here we are getting OLD & really I couldn’t bear it, severing ancient ties is no good, I think we’d both mind very much indeed, probably more than we think.

  I suppose what we must do is face the fact that we are deeply divided in thoughts about many things and that underneath the ties are v. strong. So perhaps the best thing is to admit that, & continue from there, if you see what I mean.

  I must tell you what I think about the book about Bird, & then I shan’t mention it again. Have you read it? It leaves a v. nasty taste in the mouth & completely misses Bird, is insulting in an insufferably condescending way re Muv & Farve & other perfectly good relations. Far the best bit (the only good bit) is the quote from Hons & Rebels.

  Her qualities didn’t exist according to the author & I guess it’s because he wots not of them himself, her huge bold truthfulness, funniness, generosity, honesty, courage – never heard of such things, or anyway doesn’t mention them. He never once describes anything nice about her, the sneering style comes through every sentence, none of her friends are reported as saying they loved her etc etc till one is left wondering why on earth those friends saw so much of her, as presumably they needn’t have done. He uses a despicable form of writing which unfortu
nately is within the law, viz. putting in quotes things meant to have been said by people who are dead.

  I am more than glad I did not see P-J because nothing I could have said would have changed his attitude to Bobo, sneering & hateful on every page. When it comes to her attempted suicide he is unable to understand it or deal with it except like something out of Woman’s Own.

  Luckily the book is very bad. I see he teaches English in America. I pity his pupils as he can’t write. He also falls into the fashionable trap of giving deep psychological reasons for the smallest things, some of them perfectly ridiculous, like the reason for her becoming a Nazi was the move from Asthall to Swinbrook – what of soldiers’ children, or diplomats’, if every move of house is to turn a child to politics of extreme views.

  Now Hen that’s me answer to your points. I loathe the book about Bobo because of the final unfairness of her & the parents & all the dead people not being able to answer the foul & inaccurate way they are described. But I do not want to break our friendship over it and for my part, having written all this, I will not mention it again.

  So Hen there we are.

  When we meet there are heaps of other things I long to (a) ask & (b) answer about childhood, lovings & loathings & all.

  Anyway do let’s remain in touch – when are you coming, & where?

  Much love, Yr Hen

  Hen of course I want to be friends, that was the whole point of writing as I did. I can’t begin to say how pleased I was to note yr. envelope, having been passionately looking through my post for it day after day. I absolutely agree that we’d mind terribly if we cut off – I know I would, in fact I’ve been incredibly upset because when you didn’t answer for such a long time I thought you’d decided on this dread course. Bob & everybody here noted I was deeply miserable & v. shaken; but you know how difficult it is to explain to anyone outside the family so it was SUFFERING IN SILENCE.

  To answer: As for being deeply divided in thoughts about many things, that is v. true. I sometimes have felt a trifle hurt that you are totally uninterested in things I write etc, but on the other hand I admit I’m not much of a hand at farming or horse shows! So I suppose we’re about even on that score. But I also agree about the ancient ties being far stronger than the fact we happen to have completely different interests & viewpoints.

  I don’t think the P-J book itself should divide us, but I do fear your attitude to me re it might. You seem to think I’m in some way responsible for it, although I’ve told you dozens of times exactly what I did & why – I was glad, at least, that you thought the quotation from Hons and Rebels was good. I agree with much you say about the book, also with what P. Toynbee said in his review which you’ve obviously seen, but I enclose with the bits I agree with underlined. However I also thought the efforts to suppress it very wrong, so to me the shortcomings of the book faded before that.

  The way it came across to us here, from the newspaper accounts, was that Sir O. Mosley was leading the pack for suppression largely because the book would undermine his recent efforts to rehabilitate himself via his self-serving autobiog. in which he never was really all that anti-Semitic (am pleased his t.gram to Streicher was in P-J’s book and also got mentioned in reviews), ditto the Skidelsky book.1 So obviously you can see how that struck me. Of course I realize your motives (suppression-wise) were v. different, as you said in yr. letter. Anyway, that is why I came to the defence of the book when the Sunday Times man rang up. In fact if I had reviewed it (which I’m not going to) that is what I shld. have stressed, the Mosley effort to suppress, not the book qua book.

  In your letter you go very lightly over the main divider, viz. Woman’s really vile accusation of scrapbook thievery, & that I gave P-J photos out of Muv’s albums (which as you very well know I haven’t got, & never did). You say you ‘didn’t try to stop her’ writing that, so I assume she did discuss it with you? Also you say ‘we must all be allowed a point of view’. Well I don’t call implying I’d stolen your scrapbook a ‘point of view’.

  Woman’s written too, saying let’s forget it all but she also says not one word about her letter re the scrapbooks. So while I’d love to forget it, I can’t bring myself to write to her pretending all is OK when it isn’t at all, with me. In fact I think she bloody well ought to apologize and you might tell her this.

  There’s another thing, this BBC film. Essentially it’s about Calif (Civil Rights Congress in 1950’s, funerals, prisons, other aspects of Calif life). But also there’ll be some brief background out of Hons and Rebels, & of course Boud will come into that. What I intend to do is to say all you said (I might even crib your very words – ‘huge bold truthfulness, funniness, generosity courage’) and particularly to say how much we all adored that amazing character. After she died, which was just after Muv came to stay here, I wrote to Muv saying that in a way I had mourned her as dead when politics first parted us. Muv wrote back, ‘Yes, I suppose Bobo also mourned you in that sense, she knew you would probably never meet again, but her love for you was quite unchanged. When I gave her your love when she came back, she knew it was with one part of you, I could see by her face. I think you both understand each other. I remember saying to you, I am so glad you sent a message, after all we shall all be dead soon. But how little did I think she would so soon go away, I thought I would be the first.’ Hen I wrote all this out from Muv’s letter because that is the sort of idea I should like to get across in the film (although v. briefly as the film isn’t about that).

  I’m putting all this down (afraid the letter’s getting monstrous long – are you still reading, Henny?) in aid of for once, trying to set forth some inner feelings about us and specially what I think are the dividing things. Because otherwise although I, for one, am v. much in favour of The Reconciliation on any terms, I also think it would mean v. much more if some of these murkier areas of our relationship could somehow be cleared up, & at least a mutual respect for each other’s opinion arrived at. Viz., you thought it was RIGHT to try & suppress that book & I thought it was WRONG, but I can sympathize with your reasons (although not with those of Sir O).

  As you said, there really are heaps of things to discuss from childhood on, & I should love to try, although I suppose neither of us is specially good at introspection. But we might be getting better at it now we’re getting OLD? (60 next year for me.)

  Yr. long-winded, Hen

  Darling Honks

  Henderson is in London, we are having dinner tonight, I pray it won’t lead to anything untoward, I will not waver or quaver from certain PRINCIPLES but am very anxious not to put up barriers which wd, or might, never come down till we’re dead.

  Woman & she are meeting, dinner in Burford!! Hen suggested Shipton (perhaps she’s staying there, don’t know) & Woman said it was too far, I should have thought three more miles wouldn’t have made much difference but Woman works in a mysterious way. I don’t know if this meeting has happened or is still to happen, will find out all tonight.

  Much love, Debo

  Dearest Hen,

  I can’t say how pleased I was with our meeting (also THANKS for smashing dinner) – I do so hope we have more time in May when I’ll be back for the next episode in the Mitford Industry as the E. Standard calls it.

  Am writing in a terrific rush as my time here is almost up & 1 million things still to do.

  Am off to NY from here to meet up with Bob, we’ll be there until 27 December then home. The main thing I’m doing at the mo. is translating my book for the English edition: sidewalk = pavement, clippings = cuttings etc. I’m sure I’ll get it all wrong, unaccustomed as I am to yr quaint tongue.

  The filming was INCREDIBLY gruelling, they make one do every word about 3 or 4 times. Woman came to dinner in Burford, we were rather surrounded by Toynbees & Michael Barnes1 & Co. She & Sally T.2 hit it off like anything. All were in stitches most of the time as Woman explained her forthcoming book of country sayings, & how cows need a change of view etc.

  Much love, Yr Henr />
  Darling Honks

  Well. I had dinner with Decca & I think we cleared up many things & parted ½ tight & in floods at 12.30 having started at 8. I will tell you when I see you, better so I think. She & Woman had dinner last night in Burford, I WISH I had been at that one. Woman said ‘Philip Toynbee was awfully nice, a dear old man’, OH HONKS do admit & of course he looks a human wreck, teeth & hair no how, & always had a specially revolting skin.

  She also said (attractive) Mr Hine had put on a purple robe to be on the telly round the churchyard with Hen – ‘very sweet of him’. What will be the outcome of these strange interviews. She is going to say how she adored Bird & how we all did & is going to say it again & again GOOD. If she does that nothing else matters except I think that she’s going to say about Muv turning Nancy out of the car on Mull when the war began & she hurried to London. The tale is that N said Hitler was something or other upon which Muv is meant to have said ‘if you say that again you can get out & walk’.1 Now then I was on the Island when the war began & I don’t remember N being there but alas I can’t trust my memory.

  I quite understand you aren’t interested in yr book any more. I feel just the same when I’ve made a gargantuan effort re something like the Farmyard here, & now I’m on to the butcher’s shop, yoghurt, etc at the Jersey farm in Pilsley & all one’s pathetic self goes into the damned thing & when it’s set up & running someone else can do it, eh. It’s just like a book & I suppose a painting or having a baby & doing up a house. Must go.

  Much love, Debo

  Darling Debo: