We Are Toten Herzen (TotenUniverse Book 1)

by Chris Harrison

  "Daley Toxin was a good name for his stout."

  "She doesn't see the funny side of that."

  "Bekker's Bitter?" Marco raised an eyebrow.

  "Which I'm not. Not any more." Susan sipped her water. "Anyway, if the Americans like it they buy it so we won't say no to that income stream."

  "And what would you call a beer named after Rob?" Marco was grinning.

  "God, I don't know. Wayward Swing."

  When the food arrived it tasted alien. As usual. Susan picked and pecked at it, nibbled a bit off her fork, took ages to chew a mouthful. It was all an act, but she was here to experience normal life. She envied the other diners who didn't think twice about being bored by an evening of small talk and making the effort to look interested in nothing. Sometimes mundanity had its attractions. Mundanity was seriously underrated.

  "How is it?" said Marco grinning.

  "Delicious," Susan lied.

  "The odd tour venues you asked about," said Marco, "they're short notice cancellations, so we took the slots we could get."

  "That's fine. Ahoy and the UK were important. Geneva and Berlin are pretty good. Budapest. . . ." she giggled. "We'll make the most of it. They'll no doubt wonder why we dropped on them, so we'll answer that. It's a pity the Ahoy wasn't available on the tenth."

  Marco agreed. "Forty eight years to the day. Fancy that. Pity you weren't coming back in 2017. Make it a round fifty."

  "I wonder if he's looking down on us," said Susan. "Do you think Jimi's up there with all the others?"

  Marco paused a moment, teasing a piece of avocado. "What if he's like you? What if they're all like you?"

  Being ridiculous now, Marco. "You use Rob in the promotion of all this?"

  "Yeah. We can brief him and Tom. You sure he's in the right frame of mind."

  Susan took a moment to swallow. "Tom? Yeah. His sons have told him to get out of New York. Change of scenery. Take his mind off everything. He told me that he didn't grieve when she died. She died so long ago, he'd already gone through it. Now he wants to think of something else."

  "Distraction guaranteed," said Marco. "And you're sure about the vinyl only release?"

  "Aren't you?"

  "No, I personally think it's genius, but I wanted to hear your reasoning."

  "Throws everything up in the air. No trends, no bandwagons, no middlemen taking their cut for doing fuck all. I mean think about it. You take five minutes to upload a digital file to your server then charge the artist a commission for every download. Fuck off. And they're not getting the benefit of all the publicity that we generate. We generated that, Marco. They have no physical presence, pay no fucking taxes, it's easy money for them."

  Marco threw up his hands in surrender. "Point made."

  "And if we do a deal with a company who make record players. . . ." she winked and took another mouthful of chicken. Then choked on it.

  Marco tried not to laugh, but this happened every time. Susan talks, ends up on a subject that gets her going, forgets what she is and literally bites off more than she can chew. "You had enough now?"

  "I think I've reached my limit."

  "So what was it about Rob that persuaded you to change?" Marco was asking a lot of questions about Wallet. "What magic touch did he have?"

  "He came along with his head full of research and having your own past put in front of you like that, seeing the names of all those people we knew and who aren't here any more like Wim, I think we felt there was unfinished business. We wanted to give it another go and, fuck it, try get it right. Not everyone is given that opportunity."

  Marco had ordered a glass of red wine for himself. It looked tempting. "I saw the headlines over the Sony deal." Marco looked at Susan through the glass as he swirled it around. "Were you tempted to take the deal with them?"

  Susan grinned. "You know me too well. We got our manager. Now that everything's coming together I can't wait to see this stage?" Marco was holding back on the details. No amount of pressure made him crack, but then Susan wasn't really trying. She knew he had the vision in his head. He was one of the few people who had seen it in the flesh, stored in a warehouse down at Europort. The sleeping monster.

  Outside on Bergweg, wide and leafy and waiting to be strolled, Susan and Marco headed back to Oosterwijk. She tried not to think how they looked together. Marco, a well groomed, smartly dressed, sixty year old with no signs of fat or thinning hair, out with a twenty something, black haired thing of exotic beauty in her high heels and tailored jacket. She was businesslike, she could speak Marco's boardroom language when she wanted to and she knew the first appearance on Madison Avenue, when the band walked through the door of the meeting room, had thrown the Sony executives and directors and managers. Expecting four washed out, messed up, feral old timers, they got what? Youngsters. Beautiful youngsters. More than they could handle. It had felt good. It had felt . . . yeah, Rob nailed it: liberating.

  "What did you learn from them?" Marco asked.

  "How the opposition thinks. Their reliance on borrowed names and associating with someone else's success. The need to tie in one product with another. How to sell an artist to a totally unrelated outside agency. What social media does well and what it does badly. How live venues are controlled by a few operators. How the message is more important than the product and what fans actually experience and expect."

  "And your conclusions from all that?"

  Susan smiled and bowed her head. "Nothing's changed in thirty five years. And let's beat them at their own game."

  "You ready for that?"

  "I'm ready for anything. Are you? You know everytime I meet you it makes me think about who's had the better life." Susan refused to let go of Marco's hand and swung it lightly as he answered.

  He took a deep breath. "Lot of hard work, which was fine so long as there was an outcome. Lot of worry when a new product is launched. The increasing hassle and headache around patents and copyrights, licensing and litigation. Defending your back all the time from competitors. Personal issues and people who want to take everything off you. And then you sell out."

  Susan nodded. "There I was thinking you quit the music business."

  "And then you die." Marco laughed. He cupped Susan's face in his hand. "Losing people is just as hard for me as it is for you."

  "Yeah I know. Strange world we live in," Susan said. She could feel Marco's subtle pull towards him and awarded herself the passionate kiss that followed.

  -

  "So where does Marco come into all this?" Wallet checked his watch. The other two were late. After Elaine won the Top Trumps they decided to return to the graves and the agreed meeting point around one in particular. A nondescript plot with a square granite headstone and the understated detail: Wim Seger 1950-2002.

  "Money," said Dee.

  "He looks rich."

  "Rich, successful, bright. Good businessman."

  In contrast, Wim Segers was none of those things. "Fifty two," said Wallet.

  "Too young for anyone," said Rene.

  "So, you helped them in some way when you got the money off Micky?"

  Rene and Elaine had propped themselves against two sides of a large cross, waiting quietly; one consoling himself in defeat, the other secretly revelling an unexpected success. Dee was close to Wallet next to Wim's grave. "It took a while, but we helped Wim set up a bakery and Marco went into telecommunications."

  "Bread and phones?"

  "Bread and phones. Wim didn't really go back to being a musician. He got a job working in a bakery then decided he wanted to work for himself. I think it was about 1979 or 1980 when we gave him something to start his own place. Then just after expanding to open a restaurant he died. Had a heart attack. Susan and Marco have gone to his restaurant tonight."

  "Funny isn't it, if they were like you they wouldn't have to worry about building something up and then having it kill them."

  "I don't think the pressure killed him," said Dee, "he drank like a bastard. Tripl
e beer killed him, not work."

  "And what's Marco's story?"

  "He carried on with music, but being a bass player it's not something you can busk with in a shopping street. Not without annoying the fuck out of everyone. He got a job as an apprentice I think, in engineering. He worked for a phone company here in Rotterdam, but when he heard about mobile phones being the next big thing he got ideas. He bought the first one he came across and used it like a display model, meeting business people when he was out fixing their old crummy systems, took orders, started importing a few and selling them on. He was in right at the start and built up a sort of early mobile phone company. With our money to get him going."

  "So he must be worth a bit now?"

  "Oh yeah. He's worth more than we are. He sold out a few years ago and was properly wealthy. He's astute too. He got married, had kids, but he set up a fund; a separate company, offshore I think, nobody knew what it was for. Then when he divorced and had to pay alimony and maintenance the fund covered it all."

  "And his wife didn't get half of it in a divorce settlement?"

  "No," said Dee. "Technically it wasn't his, so she couldn't claim it, but it was set up exactly for that purpose, like insurance, so it wasn't seen as misappropriation. He's a clever bastard. Him and Susan. They're like two peas in a pod, you know."

  "And he's retired?"

  Dee's impish face looked up at Wallet. "You're very interested in him, Rob. Are you absolutely sure you're not jealous? You know a jealous vampire is a dangerous thing." Her weight pushed against Wallet every time she turned to him. Occasionally she'd tap his foot with the outside of her boot to emphasise the point she was making. "I hope you're not becoming the enemy within."

  Wallet reassured her with a withering expression. "I can't get to the other side of a busy road without looking both ways, how am I supposed to take on the four of you? In fact, I can't even beat you at Top Trumps either. How did it come to this?"

  "Lenny Harper took us on. The right time, the right place, a few sharpened bits of wood and goodnight sweetheart. You're not that much thicker than Lenny Harper."

  "Thanks."

  Dee became alert to two figures approaching. "Heads up," she said. "Come on stop fucking about, this isn't the place."

  Susan and Marco rejoined the assembly. "We're all set," she announced. "Money, dates, album, stage."

  "Stage?" asked Wallet.

  "Can't have a tour without a stage, Rob," Susan said. She was still gripping Marco's hand.

  "When do we get to see it?"

  Dee led him back to the car. The others followed. "You are so pushy. Pushy pushy pushy Wallet. Good things come to those who wait."

  Wallet breathed out and put his arm round Dee's neck. "Haven't travelled on First Great Western, have you?"

  The Independent

  Toten Herzen Sign New Deal

  Unknown label puts up fifteen million Euros

  The name Toten Herzen is no longer a dark memory from the decade that brought us the three day week, oil crisis, power cuts and mainland IRA atrocities. Following several months of convoluted negotiations with Sony that eventually fell through after a series of murders, the four piece rock band with over six million record sales have signed a deal with Alien Noise Corporation.

  Who? A press release issued to news agencies at midnight last night gave no clues or indications as to the identity of the label. The most likely explanation is that the band itself has formed its own company to maximise lucrative financial opportunities and keep all profits in house. Alessandra Marni of the media investment company All Night Ventures thinks the fifteen million Euro figure is on the low side. "When you hear a label announce how much a deal is worth that's sometimes the figure that will be earned by the band, it doesn't include the gross amount that will be shared by label, publishers, distributors and any other parties to the deal."

  What sets the ANC deal apart is the announcement that Toten Herzen will not be following the usual channels or music business practices. 'Toten Herzen have learned from past and more recent experience that if you want something done, do it yourself.' One wonders if the spate of murders in Europe and America are included in that sentence!

  The exposure to Sony was not without its benefits to Toten Herzen. New York based manager Tom Scavinio will relocate to Europe following an offer to manage the band. Scavinio, whose wife died of cancer last month, responded to the call from Toten Herzen. "It's a fresh start, an opportunity to move on, and I'm looking forward to working with a band who are much misunderstood by the media and public alike."

  In spite of all the activity since the first stirrings of the band in March of this year, they still haven't been positively identified in public and questions are still being asked about how they will look and perform after thirty five years. Alien Noise Corporation hinted the band may start to make public appearances now that a deal has been secured.

  Daily Mirror

  Vampires Offered Lifeline By Aliens

  Fifteen million Euros to maintain Toten Herzen's blood filled comeback

  A mysterious company has offered to pay for shock rock band Toten Herzen's comeback. After the four rockers were given the boot by Sony earlier this year a shadowy group of benefactors using the name Alien Noise Corporation has stepped in to finance the geriatric comeback. The press statement announcing the deal was, fittingly, released at midnight last night.

  A music industry insider suggested the money may be from the middle east, possibly a consortium looking to explore the financial possibilities of sponsoring a music artist. Whilst there is little money to made from music sales, other opportunities can be lucrative if the artist is noteworthy and rarely out of the public eye.

  Toten Herzen qualify on both those counts. Their exploits have made headlines the world over, and whilst the band's public appearances may be rarer than those of aliens, the gory results of their actions are well documented. Award winning songwriters Torque Rez and Mike Flambor, who were due to work with Toten Herzen in New York, were found tortured and murdered in their recording studio hours after meeting the band.

  Reaction to the news was mixed. Lyle Kraznor of Metal Gods magazine described the news as fantastic. "Since their comeback was announced we've been waiting for details. Now we're a step closer to that and we get to see what they look like." Charlie Coombs of New Rock described the deal as a 'poisoned chalice.' "No wonder aliens are the only ones prepared to deal with them. No human would go there." A spokeswoman for Simon Cowell's management company Syco denied any involvement in the deal. "We don't do heavy rock bands."

  Timeline of Toten Herzen's atrocities:

  1973 - Toten Herzen formed in Ipswich by local scrap metal dealer Micky Redwall

  1974 - fans on their way to a concert are stopped by police and found with a headless horse in a horsebox.

  March 1977 - the four band members are found murdered by a mad fan in Highgate Cemetery. The murders turn out to be a hoax.

  April 1977 - manager Micky Redwall is killed by his own dogs, but rumours of his murder are not denied by the band

  March 2013 - Lenny Harper, the fan accused of killing the band, is beheaded in Germany

  April 2013 - music critic Mike Gannon is murdered at his home in London. The band's publicist Rob Wallet is arrested for his murder. Four music critics are murdered in one night. Rob Wallet is released by police

  June 2013 - Torque Rez and Mike Flambor, award winning songwriters, are murdered in New York. Anthony Rawls, aged fifteen, is murdered in Boston. Linda Macvie, a marketing strategist with Sony, is accused of the murder of pilot Leo Travner

  Terence Pearl: Blog post

  The alien connection, numerology and the cult of mass suicides

  Extract from my forthcoming book 'In League with Nosferatu: the Record Industry's Secret Vampire Conspiracy' by Terence Pearl

  It was only a matter of time before Toten Herzen completed their progress from rock band veneer to suicide cult reality. They have now announced a
new partnership with the aptly titled Alien Noise Corporation. As is the usual practice with this musical group the full details have not yet been disclosed, but closer scrutiny of what information there is results in some surprising conclusions and clues to the group's true intentions.

  The key to the puzzle, like so many secret societies before them, is in the numbers. The modern music industry is more about numbers than music and Toten Herzen are no exception. But where other music groups and recording labels look to numerology to fatten their bank accounts and use accounting magic tricks to avoid paying taxes, this group uses numerology for purposes of encrypted messages and mind control.

  The most significant date to turn to is the ritual murder of the band in 1977. Or March 21st 1977. March 21st is critical here because it is the day after March 20th, the Spring Equinox. In some pagan circles this celestial event is known as Oestre or Ostara (in the Christian Calendar Easter). Whichever belief system you choose, they all share the same theme of rebirth. Choosing to die on the day after the celebration of rebirth is Toten Herzen's way of asserting their statement of a new beginning: the first day of life is their first day of death. And thus the cycle begins.

  May 1st is another important date and the most terrifying in cultural and historic terms. Known variously as Beltane or Mayday it's most well known manifestation is Walpurgisnacht. A range of celebrations take place to mark the point halfway between the Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice and to the musical group their celebrations were of ritual sacrifice and blood letting. In the weeks leading up to Walpurgisnacht, five people were murdered in mid-April of this year and at the end of April in 1977 when the group's manager Michael Redwall was killed in an animalistic sacrifice. Then, the group adopted the spirits of wolves to combine both the qualities of the vampire and those of the werewolf. In Germany and parts of Eastern Europe, the stronghold of the vampire myth, Walpurgisnacht is seen as a time to execute witches by burning. (Interestingly, two members of Toten Herzen are Dutch and Walpurgisnacht is not celebrated in the Netherlands because Queen's Day was made a public holiday instead to celebrate Queen Beatrix's birthday. However, Beatrix was born on January 31st 1938, and it is interesting to consider the possibility that a greater conspiracy is at work to mask the true celebrations hidden from and ignored by the general public.)