Say Something...

by T. A. Roth

  “Oh, Ben would you mind helping Alberto put the drinks in the ice chests outside,” my mom asks. My steps falter for a minute.

  “Of course, Mrs. Muñoz,” he answers politely.

  “Please, mijo, call me Anna.” He smiles at her and nods.

  He walks over to me and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be outside.”

  As soon as the screen door slams behind him, all eyes are on me. My mom is fanning herself, and my sisters have huge smiles.

  “Holy hotness, Rely.”

  I let out a nervous laugh. “What?”

  “Don’t ‘what’ us. Have you seen the way he looks at you? My chonies were about to catch fire.”

  “Alba,” my mom scolds.

  “Oh Mom, please, you’ve seen him, and I wasn’t the one fanning myself. I’m gonna tell Dad.” She glares at my sister and Alba just laughs.

  “Okay, you two. I told you that we’re just going to see how it plays out. I’m not dress shopping anytime soon, so you guys need to relax.”

  “That boy has it bad, Rely,” Amelie chimes in.

  She pulls me in for a hug and kisses my cheek. “I’m happy for you. Now let’s get chopping, you look like you can use a glass of your sangria.” I smile and start unloading the bags I brought in.

  BEN

  The screen door slams behind me, and I let out a deep breath. Wow. She warned me that she had a big family, but I wasn’t expecting that. The party is still an hour from starting, and I’ve already met at least fifteen family members. I walk toward her dad and try to get my nerves in check. I wasn’t lying about parents loving me, but I’ve never had a girlfriend. Dealing with her dad one on one is scaring the shit out of me. I’m six foot, and he towers over me.

  I walk up as he’s opening a case of soda.

  “Hi, Mr. Muñoz. I’m Ben. Mrs. Muñoz sent me outside to help you with the ice chests.” He looks up and smiles.

  “Nice to meet you, Ben.” He gives me a firm handshake.

  “You can start by filling up that ice chest over there. I’m just putting in a mix of sodas and water. Oh, and Ben, please call me Alberto. Mr. Muñoz makes me feel like an old man.” I smile and get to it.

  The conversation is comfortable. He asks some questions about school and football and is just an overall nice guy. The screen door slams behind us, and I see Alberto’s face light up.

  “There’s my girl.” Ari walks over and gives him a hug.

  “What are you guys up to?” she asks smiling.

  “Just finding out what Ben’s intentions are with my daughter,” he says sarcastically. Her eyes bug out.

  “Dad . . .” He starts to laugh and pulls her into his side.

  “I’m kidding, mija. He was just telling me about school.” He gives her a kiss on the cheek. ”I’m going inside to see if your mom needs anything else. Ben, it was nice talking to you. Take care of my baby.”

  “Always, sir.”

  Ari comes over to me as soon as her dad is inside. I pull her into me and she looks up. ”Did you survive?”

  I can’t resist her pouty lips and give her a kiss. “I’m fine. He’s a really great guy, Ari. Your whole family is. Stop worrying and let’s get a drink.”

  The party goes off without a hitch. I get tossed around several more times meeting aunts and cousins. Everyone is really nice, and I love watching Ari in her element. After a few glasses of her sangria, she finally calmed down. She’s been joking and laughing with her family all night. We even had a chance to dance a little.

  We’re sitting with her sisters around the fire pit. The party has wound down, and there are only a few people left. Her parents are inside cleaning up. She curls in a little closer.

  “You ready to go?” I look down and meet her gaze.

  “Yeah, whenever you’re ready.”

  “I was ready an hour ago, but I didn’t want to disappoint your fans.” She nods her head toward her sisters. Their boyfriends, Gabe and Danny, were excited to meet me after hearing I played football. They couldn’t stop asking me questions.

  I smile and peck her lips. “Jealous?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Hardly. Come on, superstar. Let’s go.”

  She grabs my hand, and we get up to start our round of goodbyes. We say our goodbyes to her sisters and their boyfriends then head inside to say goodbye to her parents and the rest of the family.

  After about twenty minutes of hugs and kisses, we head toward the front door. I’m about to step outside when Ari stops me.

  “Crap. I forgot my purse in Alba’s room. Wait here or we’ll never leave.”

  She kisses my cheek and takes off running down the hall. As I’m waiting, I notice the frames lining the hallway. Three big frames with each of the girls’ names call my attention. I walk over to Ari’s frame and stare at the pictures. She looks so cute. The pictures start at preschool and go all the way to high school.

  My eyes are wandering over each picture, but my eyes keep getting pulled to the one labeled 2nd grade. She’s smiling in all the rest, but this one is different. Her hair is cut boy short, and she’s forcing a grin. Her eyes look sad. She rounds the corner and stops abruptly when she notices what I’m looking at.

  “Got it. You ready?”

  I turn to look at her. “Yeah, I was just looking at your pictures. You look cute with short hair.”

  She stiffens for a minute then tries to play it off with a laugh. ”Uh . . . yeah the scissors and I got into a fight. Let’s go before my parents try to make us take leftovers.” She grabs my hand and pulls me out the front door.

  ARI

  I HATE THAT PICTURE. I begged my mom not to put that one in the frame, but she insisted. My hair is cut in a short pixie before they were popular. I spent the rest of my school year being made fun of. The kids at school nicknamed me Peter Pan.

  I didn’t lie; there was a mishap with the scissors. I just haven’t told anyone why. I shake off the direction of my thoughts and change the subject. I don’t need him noticing my change of mood. He opens his door and slides in next to me, starting the car.

  “Thanks again for coming with me. Everyone loved you. I had to break up a fight between my aunts about who would win you over if they were thirty years younger.” He lets out a loud laugh.

  “Well, lucky for me, we’ll never have to find out.” He leans over and kisses my cheek before pulling out of the driveway.

  “I’m glad you invited me, I had fun. Everyone was really cool.”

  “I’m just glad my sisters were too busy to give you too much of a hard time . . . I’m sure they’ll make up for it the next time they see you.” I catch my mistake.

  “I mean . . . uh-” I’m such an idiot. It’s been a little over a month, and I’m already planning future visits.

  I’m supposed to be keeping this light, and I’m screwing it up. He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze getting my attention.

  “There will be a next time, babe. Stop freaking out.”

  “I wasn’t, it’s just that-”

  “Yes, you were, and you need to stop. It’s okay to make plans for the future. I plan to be in it.” Well, that just shut me up.

  “I like rendering you speechless. It’s cute.”

  I look away and roll my eyes. “Whatever.”

  We get back to my apartment, and I ask Ben to spend the night, which has become a regular thing since the night Maria sent her infamous text. He parks in his usual spot, taking his overnight bag out of the trunk.

  “Pretty sure of yourself, huh?” I tease playfully.

  “A guy could hope.”

  I give him a kiss before pulling him into the apartment. It’s after midnight so we don’t bother with the lights and just head straight for the bedroom. I grab my comfy tank and boxers and go to the restroom to wash up and change, leaving Ben to change in my room. I come out of the restroom expecting him to be ready and waiting.

  I’m surprised to see him on his back with his arm slung over his eyes and his chest slowly rising and falling.
I turn off the bathroom light and crawl in beside him. I give him a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

  “Hmmm . . . I’m sorry; I was just resting my eyes.”

  “It’s okay. I’m tired, too. It’s been a long day.” He pulls me in closer, and I make myself comfortable by resting my head on his chest.

  He kisses the top of my head. “Goodnight, babe.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I’m standing in the mirror, and I can’t stop the waterfall of tears. He’s coming tomorrow. I need him to stop. He put his hand under my shirt and rubbed my back. The memory makes me cry harder and bile rises in my throat. My hands won’t stop shaking. I’m holding Mommy’s sewing scissors. They’re big and sharp and Mommy warned me that I should never touch them. I can’t tell anyone. I need him to stop. I’m scared. I need to look ugly. Beautiful . . . He always uses that word. I hate it. He smells my hair. He’s always putting his nose into it and making sounds. Those sounds make me feel yucky. I stand in the mirror and look at my long hair. I wanted it long like a princess. I hate it now. I need to be ugly. He calls me his princess when Mommy and Daddy aren’t around. I grab a chunk of my hair and put the scissors to it. I need two hands because the scissors are too heavy. I close my eyes and close the scissors as hard as I can. A big piece falls off, and I start to shake, but I grab another piece and do the same thing. My hands start to hurt. I’m almost done. I cry harder. Mommy and Daddy are going to be mad. I just need him to stop. Please make him stop . . .

  “Ari . . . baby . . . wake up . . . wake up . . .” I sit up and search my room. My face is wet from crying. I wipe the tears away with the back of my hand and reach up to touch my hair. Ben cups my cheek, and worry fills his eyes.

  “What was that? You scared the shit out of me.”

  “I’m sorry, it was nothing. I’m fine. Let’s go back to sleep.” I know he won’t let this go. His hands tense against my face.

  “No, that was not nothing. You were hysterical, and you kept begging someone to stop.” Shit.

  I didn’t realize that I talked in my sleep. I’m usually alone. I look down, and shame fills me. I’ve never told anyone. He’ll leave. The tears start to silently stream down my cheeks. He scoops me up and cradles me in his lap.

  “Shhh . . . shhh . . . You know you can tell me, right. It won’t change anything. Ari . . . please don’t cry.” I’m sobbing.

  The sincerity in his voice breaks me. I’ve never wanted to tell anyone as much as I want to tell him. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s here after having one of these nightmares or if it’s just because he makes me feel safe.

  “Ari . . . say something. Please, baby, you’re scaring me.”

  “I’m sorry.” I hiccup.

  I take a deep breath trying to calm myself and build up my nerve. I can do this. I have to do this. He wipes at the continuous stream of tears and hugs me a little tighter. I curl into his chest hoping it will be easier if he’s not looking in my eyes.

  “It wasn’t a bad dream, it was a memory. That picture you saw earlier with the short hair. I was seven.” I take another breath, and I feel him nodding his head urging me to continue.

  “I cut my hair. I got my mom’s sewing scissors, and I cut it all off. It was so bad that they had no choice but to give me a boy’s haircut. Everyone called me Peter Pan the rest of the year.”

  “Why?” he whispers. I pause for a beat gathering my strength.

  “I played piano when I was little. I’ve always loved music, and I begged my mom and dad to get me lessons. They rented a piano and had someone come to the house.” I start shaking.

  He rubs his hand gently up and down my arm. It’s soothing.

  “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

  “I was so excited and I was good at it. I picked it up quickly. I used to practice every day.” I pause and take another deep breath.

  “My teacher . . . he . . . uh . . .”

  Ben’s body tenses. “He what, Ari?”

  BEN

  Please don’t let it be what I’m thinking. I’m fighting to stay calm. I need her to tell me.

  “He was nice at first. He showed me how to put my hands on the keys. He taught me how to read music. He was impressed with me. I got stickers in my music book every time I mastered a new song. I loved getting those stickers. I would practice for hours.” I continue to nod my head so she knows I’m listening.

  “He would come over once a week. My mom would be in the room during my lessons. She would put my sisters down for a nap when he came over. Alba was going through her terrible two’s and she wouldn’t always sleep long. She would leave us alone to tend to my sisters. At first . . .” She closes her eyes and begins to wring her hands nervously.

  “It’s okay,” I urge her.

  “At first, he would just rub my back when I got frustrated. Not for very long and I wasn’t uncomfortable. Then it started happening more often. His touch would linger. When I didn’t say anything, he started putting his hand on my knee. It was summer. I usually had shorts on or a summer dress. The more skin I showed, the more he touched me.”

  “Did you tell your parents?” She jerks her head up and meets my eyes, shaking her head.

  “No . . . No one knows. You have to promise . . . please . . . please, Ben.” Her voice is panicked.

  “Shhh . . . shhh . . . I promise. I don’t understand, though, babe. Help me understand.”

  “My sisters were little. My dad had just started a new job and worked long hours. They were always so stressed. I couldn’t tell them because I thought it was my fault. I started wearing sweaters and long pants. If I didn’t show so much skin, he wouldn’t be tempted. But he didn’t stop. It got worse. He started putting my hand on his knee. The week before I cut off my hair, my mom had to run out to the store. I had panicked and I hoped she would see it in my eyes, but she was too busy with my sisters.

  We lived in a duplex at the time, and my aunt’s front door faced ours. She left her in charge. Ten minutes after my mom left, my aunt had to leave to pick up my uncle. She couldn’t see my face through the screen door, so she assumed I would be okay. He had been coming to the house for months. They trusted him, and I never said anything. They had no reason not to. He had his hand on my knee. He thought it calmed me, but it only made me jumpy, and I made more mistakes. He moved his hand to my back and rubbed it slowly.” Tears begin to stream down her face and my fists begin to ball up.

  “I couldn’t play anymore. I started crying. He tucked his hand under the back of my shirt and started rubbing my bare skin. He leaned in and whispered how beautiful I was, and not to cry, that I was his princess. He moved my hand onto his lap and put his hand over mine. He rubbed himself against my hand and started to moan in my ear. I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed. I just kept silently crying. He started to kiss my neck and moved faster. He let out a soft moan in my ear when he was finished. He made me promise not to tell my mom and dad. He said they would be mad at me. A few minutes later, my mom got home. I didn’t wait to hear what he said. I got up and ran to the bathroom and threw up.” I feel murderous rage. She can see it in my face.

  “I’m sorry, Ben. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.” She tries to get up, and I bring her back and hug her tighter.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry that some sick fuck took advantage of you. You were a child, Ari. You know this had nothing to do with what you wore or anything you did. Right? Tell me you understand?”

  She nods her head. ”I wanted him to leave me alone. I didn’t know how to do that without telling someone. So I cut my hair. I thought if I made myself look ugly, he would stop touching me. I tried to get through my next lesson, but I got so nervous that I made myself sick about an hour before he was supposed to come over. After that day, I told my parents that I didn’t want to take lessons anymore. It wasn’t hard to convince them. Money was tight.”

  “Did you ever see him again?”

  “I thought I saw him a few times driving by my school, b
ut I couldn’t be sure.”

  “Do you remember his name?”

  She shakes her head. ”I was seven; I called him teacher. It’s too late to do anything anyway. You and I both know the statute of limitations is way past its expiration date. Besides, it would be my word against his. I don’t want anyone to know. Promise me this stays between us.”

  The thought of not doing anything, not being able to find this asshole and at least beat his ass is making me see red.

  “It was a long time ago, Ben. I wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t been here to see me freak out.” I look up and see humiliation and pain in her eyes.

  “I’m glad I was here. I can’t believe you’ve been living with this for so long.”

  She hugs me tight then starts to move off my lap. “I’m really tired. I’m sorry I woke you up. Can we talk about this later?” I’m not even close to being done with this conversation, but I drop it for now.

  “Okay.” I pull her into my chest and try to go back to sleep.

  ARI

  I curl into his chest. I feel lighter after telling someone. I hate that he was here to witness one of my nightmares. I know he was frustrated with me, but it happened so long ago. He’s running his fingers through my hair lulling me to sleep.

  I sit up and look around my room. I hear a phone ringing. The bright sun pouring in through the window is blinding me. I pick my phone up off the nightstand to check the time, and it’s ten thirty. I never sleep in this late.

  The ringing starts again. I look over at Ben, and he’s dead asleep. I shake his arm a little.

  “Ben . . . your phone is ringing.”

  He sits up a little startled and leans over to dig into his pants pocket.

  “Oh, shit.” He’s able to fish it out of his pants in time to answer on the last ring.

  “Hello,” Ben answers nervously.

  I can hear a man’s voice on the other line. He slides out of bed, and I’m desperate to hear what’s being said. Minutes pass. He’s not saying anything, just listening intently. His face drops, and he begins to pace the length of the bedroom. He’s nervously raking his hands through his hair.