Before You

by Annie Brewer

  I remember her mom being such a neat freak. And us getting in trouble after tracking mud on the carpet. She was so mad, she chased us out of the house. It made us laugh but also fear her. I smile at the many memories invading my brain. “Your mom raised you right,” I say in all seriousness. Despite what their family is facing now, her parents made me feel like part of the family, and I’d always be grateful to them for that.

  Her eyes become a dark cloud as she turns away from me to finish her task. She says nothing else as her hand scrubs away furiously at the wood. Something I said seemed to upset her, but I don’t know what. It was a compliment to her, because not many girls our age would take it upon themselves to clean a kitchen that’s not theirs without a complaint. She took over like it’s her place.

  When she finishes, she uses soap and water to wash the rag before laying it across the shiny sink. “Ice-skating?” A smile creeps up on her face, reaching her eyes. What’s with this girl and ice-skating? She must be good at it or enjoy it enough to wanna go this bad.

  I stare at her with a squint as I pretend to think about it. “On one condition.” I hold up a finger. “You don’t make me get on the ice.”

  ***

  “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this!” I’m holding onto the side for dear life, moving so slow and unsteady on my feet as my legs are desperate to go separate ways, making my groin throb in discomfort. I’m practically doing the splits. This is so not my cuppa tea.

  Brent gets in front of me, skating backward, showing off his talent. “Oh, quit being a baby,” He sticks a hand out wide. “Look at all the kids on the ice doing their thing.” He’s right, people of all ages are gliding along the ice effortlessly. And even those that fall get right back up without much concern.It makes me feel like a chump. “They’re out there owning the ice.” They’ve obviously had lots of practice, too. I’ve had…none.

  I grip the side tightly with one hand and use the other to punch him in the shoulder, letting out a grunt. “Are you gonna quit making me feel like a jackass, or should I take off the skates now?” I already feel like an unbalanced loser in front of all these people. I knew getting on the ice was a bad idea. I’d be perfectly fine with sitting on the bleachers and watching. Damn Addie and her persistence and me and my inability to say no to her.

  Addie catches up to us from behind, turning her body so she’s skating backward, keeping pace with us. The girl has amazing balance with such confidence, and I’m quickly mesmerized. Her moves are flawless with a side of sexy. She bends down toward me with both hands on her knees and asks, “Are you ready to try getting off the wall?”

  I keep a firm grip. “No. I’m good here.”

  Her skates move in a circle and I realize right then that I could watch her move like that on the ice all day, never leaving this spot, and it would be a great day. “Come on.” She reaches out a hand, which I push away, making her frown. “Ky, take my hand.”

  I wave her off. “I wanna watch you.” I throw my hands up to ward off some dude who just lost his balance and plowed into the wall right beside me. It was a loud thud, making me cringe. The guy quickly apologizes as he rights himself before skating off. Both Brent and Addie are laughing at the fear on my face. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. If I weren't such a clumsy moron, I’d be happy to take her hand and skate beside her. But I am, so I don’t. And now I feel like a laughingstock.

  “Sorry, dude,” Brent chuckles. “You do look a little pathetic all hugging the wall and shit.”

  I just flip him off as I carefully make my way toward the exit. I’ve had enough embarrassment for one day.

  “Hey, where are you going?”

  “Fuck off,” I say with a grunt, disregarding the fact that I’m around a bunch of kids and probably shouldn’t curse here. In this moment, I don’t care. I let people go around me before attempting to get off the ice.

  Addie is by my side, holding on to my arm. “Ky, we aren’t making fun of you.” She blocks my way to freedom, stubborn as ever. “Just try it once with me,” she begs but I shake my head, not backing down. “Don’t give up.”

  My eyes narrow on her. “Move.”

  She reaches for me. “Ky.”

  Clenching my jaw, I grip the side tighter. “Move,” I say with a forceful tone, my patience running low. Honestly, I just want to sit on the bleachers and watch her. Admiring her from afar is safer than being this close to her. Not to mention, my clumsy ass would crush her once I let go of the wall and lose my balance. She wouldn’t be able to hold me up—not because I think she’s weak, but because I know my weight. It would be a disaster. I don’t want to hurt her or put myself through any more humiliation. “Please don’t push this.” I try to smile so she knows I’m not upset. I am upset but not with her. I can hear my father’s voice in my ear, chanting what a total loser I am. “I’ll sit out and watch you, maybe learn a thing or two.”

  She finally moves out of the way so I can get by. “If you want to leave, I understand.” There is a frown on her lips before she covers it up with a fake smile.

  Now I feel like a dick. So I give her shoulder a brief squeeze of reassurance, reaching the exit and shake my head. “No, definitely not. I just don’t want to embarrass you. I’m embarrassing myself enough as it is.” I wave her off. “Go, show off your skills.” Tossing her a wink, I turn my back, finally feeling my feet on solid ground and blow out a breath in relief. Scanning the area for a place to sit where I can take these skates off, I find an empty bench and practically run to claim it. It’s so crowded here: teens, kids, and adults alike fill the arena—on and off the ice. I’ve never been here before today but can honestly say this is a nice place for family and friends to gather and have a good time. Maybe if I’d taken an interest in ice-skating at a younger age, I wouldn’t feel like such a klutz. Then again, my father would’ve put an end to that quick, too.

  My toes flex from freedom as I slip my sneakers back on my feet. I don’t know how anyone can keep those skates on for so long. Some can do it for hours. Thirty minutes is enough for me. After returning the skates to the desk, I stand close to the wall, scanning the arena for Addie. I spot her in the throng of other skaters, but she moves like lightning and with such grace and speed. I watch in fascination…and a little envy.

  “Damn, how do you do that, Addie?” I mumble the words under my breath.

  “Enjoying the view?”

  I almost punch Brent in the balls for being a douche. He’s not subtle in his assumptions at all. Even though he may be right, that’s not the point. Yes, I’m enjoying the view…meaning, my mind is wandering off to inappropriate places each time she passes by and I catch sight of her ass in those black leggings she wears so casually. Especially when her hips sway to the music playing, and she doesn’t know she’s being watched. Creeper, I know. I have to dismiss the way my eyes cling to her backside the whole time, though it helps she’s so talented, I just want to watch her feet and how smooth they glide along the ice.

  “She could probably teach you a thing or two.”

  “Dude, you totally suck for this.” I try to keep a serious attitude, forcing a little annoyance, but it doesn’t work. I’m mesmerized…enchanted…intrigued, which is fucking crazy because those thoughts don’t belong in my head when it comes to the opposite sex. Here I am, though…thinking about this girl like she just stepped out of my dream. “She’s got amazing coordination.” I give a small wave when our eyes meet from across the way. She smiles, bending at the waist with her arms out. “I feel like a chump.”

  Brent laughs. “Dude, you’re so hooked.”

  This time, I do punch him, noticing then that he’s changed back into his shoes. “You’re not skating anymore?” I smirk. “Afraid you’ll look like a dumbass next to Addie?”

  He scoffs, “Nah, I’m not really a fan of ice-skating like that one over there.” He points to the girl in the rink, the one I can’t help but laugh and stare at, who is shaking her ass to the current song blasting t
hrough the speakers. She’s swaying her hips and arms with the rhythm, peeking over her shoulder at us. “Man, this girl is way more your type than Shelly.”

  I can’t help but agree with that statement, though I still ask him, “How so?”

  He has a goofy grin plastered on his face. Tapping a finger against the glass, he looks at me again. “She’s laid back and all about fun. You looked pathetic on the ice, but she didn’t care. She wanted to help you, teach you…a girl like her is rare where we come from.”

  I nod. “You can stop obsessing about my inability to stand on ice skates any day now. I know I suck. This whole thing was her idea, not mine. But now that I’m here…” I glance at her and she’s helping up a little girl with pigtails that just tripped over her skate, causing her to fall. I smile at the scene until some dude comes up to her, taking the little girl’s hand. He must be her big brother. He starts talking to Addie with this stupid, charming smile on his face as they skate side by side. It shouldn’t bother me, right?

  Except it does. And that pisses me off. She’s my friend and is entitled to speaking to whomever she wants. Especially since he is a decent skater and is enjoying himself. Why shouldn’t she converse with him? Now they’re laughing and the little girl does a twirl with her hands up in the air. It’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

  “My dad would’ve shit a brick if I tried that as a kid.” Maybe if I had younger siblings, it would be different. Somehow, I doubt it would have made a difference. I move away from the glass to sit on the bleachers. I’m trying desperately to let this feeling of jealousy slip away. It’s not an emotion I’m used to feeling and I can honestly say I don’t like it. I turn to my friend, to distract myself. “What’s the plan for tonight?”

  He shrugs before sitting beside me. “I think a party is in order.” He pauses as he takes in my expression and then waves a hand. “It won’t be a big one this time.” I’ve heard that before, but I say nothing. “Greg invited us to go camping.”

  “Fuck Greg,” I say harshly. Wherever he is, Rich won’t be far behind. “I’m not going,” I whine like a child.

  Brent sighs, clearly annoyed with my attitude. I guess I can’t blame him, he’s sort of stuck in the middle where we’re all concerned. We all used to be close until Greg decided to join football and transform into an arrogant jock. When we wouldn’t join him, much to my father’s dismay, he completely dismissed our friendship…yet he still expects us to attend wild parties and get shitfaced. He’s the reason I was dropping out of school—his drugs and ability to sweet talk us all into doing what he wants got me in over my head. Well, they weren’t technically his but he had connections any time he needed them.

  I lean back with my legs stretched out on the lower seat, holding myself up with my elbows on the seat behind me. I let my mind wander while my eyes roam the rink, not really focusing on anything in particular. Maybe a party is what Addie needs…then again, I don’t even know if she likes alcohol. If I know her parents like I think I do, I doubt they’d let their little girl go to many parties. And that’s why I decide a party would be good for her. Let loose and relax. She’s young and needs to experience life while she can. Besides, I’m a little curious how she’d act when she’s had a few. I shift my weight to one side, adjusting my pants by my crotch. “Fine, a party sounds good.” I give my friend a pointed look. “Make it a small one. None of Greg’s douchebag friends.” Something tells me he won’t listen and Greg’s friends will wind up inviting themselves anyway. Whatever, I don’t have to mingle with them.

  He nods, cracking a grin. “What about Shelly?”

  I shrug a shoulder. “She knows about Addie now,” I say, remembering the look she gave when she snooped in my phone. “I guess if they meet, it wouldn’t be the worst thing.” I would definitely have to be there in case Shelly were to use her claws against Addie. She can be intimidating and relentless. Especially toward other girls…which is why not many like her.

  Addie pops her head out of the exit, searching for us. I wave my hand until her gaze finds mine. She steps out onto the ground and plops down on the lowest bench from us. “Are you ready to go?” Her eyes flick between Brent and me.

  “Are you?” I sit up, resting my elbows on my knees. “You seemed to be enjoying yourself out there.”

  She glances to the rink and then back at me, a pleasant smile lighting up her face. “I love it on the ice. I practically live on it back home.”

  I don’t doubt that. She seemed so content and confident with each stride her skates made, as if nothing or no one else existed. It’s how I feel on the court. “If you’re not ready, we can wait.” I’m a hundred percent sure spending all day here would be perfectly fine with me. “Right Brent?” I punch him playfully in the arm.

  Brent rubs the spot in dramatic fashion, giving me a glare. Turning to Addie, he smiles. “Absolutely. We’re just discussing plans for tonight. We’ll be right here.”

  “And what are the plans for tonight?”

  “Party at his house,” I say with a nod to my left. “Are you okay with meeting new people?”

  Pointing a thumb over her shoulder, she gestures to the rink. “I just want to finish skating for a few minutes. I won’t be long.”

  I wave her off, enjoying the view from behind as she turns toward the entrance door and walks back onto the ice. I start laughing louder than intended—really, I didn’t plan to laugh at all…except in my head.

  This piques Brent’s curiosity, drawing him away from his phone. He looks at me with an arched brow. “What’s so funny?”

  Shaking my head side to side, I consider the irony of it all. I have no words…none that won’t make me sound like a jackass. But I know Brent won’t let this go until I give him a half-truth of sorts. I just say the first thing that pops into my head. “In a cat fight between Shelly and Addie, I think she’d win.” I point my eyes to the rink where Addie’s spinning in a circle like a figure skater and drawing a crowd of admirers. “Would you agree?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that if they were to meet, which I don’t see it happening, but secretly, I can’t help thinking how interesting it would be. Perhaps a little hot, too. I know Shelly will let her possessive side out, trying to claim me as hers. What would Addie do? What would I want her to do?

  Guess we’ll find out soon enough.

  ***

  Addie

  I can’t silence the voices in my head, telling me what a bad idea this is. I already know this. Parties and me don’t mix. I should just tell Ky I’m not up for partying and stay at the house. He should be able to go if he wants. His plans don’t have to revolve around me completely. I’d be okay hanging out with his mom.

  “You’ve been awfully quiet,” Nancy interrupts my thoughts, placing a hand on my shoulder. It startles me. “Are you okay?”

  I force a smile and nod. I hate lying. It’s all I do lately, it seems. I just can’t get the words out for what I’m really feeling and talking about it will ruin everything. I take the handful of clothes to the register to pay. “Thanks for taking me shopping.” It was her idea to take me to the mall once we got back from ice-skating. She claimed she wanted some girl bonding time, which I can see she really needed so I agreed. And it’s been great, even though I’m not much of a shopper. I don’t know much about fashion, but I’m enjoying this time, nonetheless.

  Nancy has been such a great help since I arrived, making me feel welcomed and not at all a burden, even though I kind of feel like I’m stepping on toes. She shakes her head, putting a hand on the pile and whips out her wallet. “It’s on me.”

  I quickly shake my head. “No way.” I reach for my money and bat her hand away. “I got this.”

  Nancy is insistent and I don’t understand why. I have my own money to spend, though I’m grateful for her offer. “Addison, I won’t allow you to walk out of here unless I pay for those clothes.”

  I offer the cashier an apologetic smile for cau
sing a scene and wasting his time. Thankfully there isn’t a line of people waiting. I move closer to Nancy, setting my cash on top. “I want to pay for my own stuff.”

  “I just want to help.”

  I sigh, feeling my resolve slipping. I can’t back down…gotta be strong. “I appreciate it, I do.” I lean my head on her shoulder, giving her a cheesy smile. “These are my clothes, so let me buy them.”

  She appears torn, giving in and doing what she feels is necessary. It shouldn’t be a big deal or something to argue over. I just don’t want anyone feeling obligated to do anything or pay for everything when I’m the one disrupting their lives because I can’t handle being at home right now. I didn’t have anywhere else to go…or anywhere else I wanted to go. My family is all in Texas, but I needed to get out of Texas…not to mention, being with family is the last thing I need.

  Another glance at the irritated associate and I’m the one to cave. “Fine, you can pay for my clothes.” I slip the fifty-dollar bill back into my purse and close it. I tilt my head back, catching her satisfied grin. “But lunch is on me.”

  “Deal.”

  At the food court, I can’t decide between Subway and Chinese food. So I settle on Wendy’s. A delicious hamburger with all kinds of veggies and dressing smothered between two buns. At home, I don’t get to eat like this, may as well enjoy it while I can. After all that skating, I’ve certainly worked up an appetite for junk food.

  “Thanks for the clothes.” I smile at Ky’s mom sitting across from me. Ky looks so much like her with dark hair, except she has lighter eyes than he does, and right now they look tired as if she doesn’t get much sleep. Her cheekbones are high and her skin is a little wore out. She’s still beautiful, age hasn’t been terrible to her, though depression and stress haven't been too kind.

  Her eyes are unfocused on her food before she gives me a nod. “Thank you for letting me buy them.” She laces her fingers together on the table. “I don’t have a daughter to go shopping with, so I apologize for being persistent.”