Sincere Deception

by Mesha Barton

  “Yes, I know you love me,” I said, sighing. “It’s just hard being acquainted with you after that whole situation. I had to get some space from it all.”

  “I understand that, Ava, trust me, I do… but I am not judging you. You are my friend and I am always gonna be here for you.” After noticing my strange exterior, she stopped speaking, looked closely into my eyes, and placed her hand against the tip of my shoulder. “Are you okay? What’s going on with you?”

  I heaved a sigh before responding. I looked towards the ground for a second, looked back at her, and said, “I know that I’ve done some depraved things. I know I’ve lied to both your brother and his best friend, and I know I’ve been deceitful and untrustworthy. But what I have to tell you now… it’s—it’s bad.”

  I grabbed the remainder of the liquor and carried it into the living room with me. Jalisa Followed. We both sat on the couch, and as she waited for me to tell her what was going on, she stared at me with a concerned expression.

  “Jalisa… I’m pregnant.” I took the drink and swallowed swiftly.

  “What?” she said, confounded. “You’re pregnant? By who? Is it Lee’s baby, or John’s?”

  “Neither,” I admitted, taking another swig.

  “Well if it’s not theirs… who’s is it?”

  “My sister’s fiancé, Hakeem.”

  “Summer’s fiancé?”

  “Yes.”

  She snatched the bottle of Tequila out of my hand and took a large mouthful. She then cleared her throat and directed her attention back to me.

  “First of all, if you’re pregnant you have no business drinking.” She took the bottle and placed it inside her purse. “Secondly, are you sure you’re pregnant? I mean, did you confirm this with a doctor?”

  “No, I didn’t. But I did take one of those home pregnancy test, and it showed positive.”

  “Well I’m not saying that the test is false… but I think you should see a doctor to make sure the results are accurate.” She removed the drink from her purse, consumed another mouthful, and then positioned it back inside. She then cleared her throat again and sighed. “How did this happen, Ava? How did you and Hakeem even manage to go as far as having sex?”

  “It wasn’t all that complicated… we went out with a few of his friends, he drove me back home, told me he wanted to fuck me, so… we fucked.”

  “But why, though? If you know he’s involved with your sister, why would you allow that to happen in the first place?”

  I didn’t even have a logical response to that question. At the end of the day, I knew what I did was wrong. I had no explanation to justify my immoral actions, and as she sat there continuing to question me, I remained dumbfounded.

  “I don’t know why I did what I did,” I finally stated. “But if I am pregnant with his child, I know both Summer and Autumn are never gonna speak to me again.”

  “That may be true, but you can’t let that fact keep you from doing what’s right. If you’re having Hakeem’s child, you need to contact him to let him know what’s going on. After you do that, at some point it’ll probably be best for you to tell Summer, too. I’m sure she’d more than likely want to kill you… but you owe her that much since you did sleep with her man.”

  “You’re right,” I said, nodding. “I have to tell her. But I wouldn’t want to tell her right away. I’ll tell her when the time feels right—”

  “The time will never feel right for you to tell another woman you fucked her man and got pregnant,” she replied, cutting me off. “I hate to come off so strong, Ava… but you have got to own up to what you did.”

  A few days later, I finally decided to go to the doctor to confirm the status of my pregnancy. Jalisa came also. As soon as we strolled into the office, I greeted the receptionist, informed her that I was a first time visitor, and then she handed me a few sheets of paper and asked me to fill them out. Jalisa and I took a seat in the waiting area. I proceeded to read through the papers and sign where my signature and feedback was needed. About fifteen minutes later, I returned my documents to the receptionist. “Thank you,” she said, scanning through the sheets. “The doctor will be with you shortly.” I smiled faintly, thanked her, and then returned to my seat.

  Sitting there waiting for my name to be called was not a great feeling. Tense, I crossed my arms and legs, closed my eyes, and focused on the sound of my breathing. Suddenly, a young lady nurse called my name. I opened my eyes, and glanced at Jalisa. We both stood up and walked towards the nurse. She greeted us with a smile, guided us to a room, and asked us to take a seat.

  “I’m Betty. What brings you here today, Ava?” Her voice was high-pitched and cheery.

  In a nervous tone, I said, “I’m here to take a pregnancy test, or perhaps get some blood drawn to confirm whether I’m pregnant or not.”

  “Oh, okay! We can certainly take care of that for you!” She smiled, informed me that she’d be back in a few moments, and then exited the room.

  I was beyond anxious. I mean, I felt like I was gonna throw up right then and there. To comfort me, Jalisa placed her hand amongst mines, then squeezed it gently. “Everything is going to be alright,” she reassured me. “No matter what happens, I am going to be here for you through it all… okay?”

  I acknowledged her by nodding my head. I was just too fretful to speak or move. Just then, the nurse returned to the room with a urinating cup wrapped in plastic. She asked me to follow her, so I stood up and shadowed behind her. Once inside the bathroom, she handed me the cup, asked me to pee inside it, then place it on the sink once I was done. I did just that, and afterwards, returned to the room with Jalisa. Still refusing to speak, we remained silent until the nurse came back with the results. Nearly ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. A tall, middle-aged Caucasian man entered the room and greeted us with a casual smile. He then glanced down at a paper and took a seat.

  “Ms. Romano-Morris, I am Dr. Steen. I do have your test results and I am proud to inform you that you are pregnant. According to the date of your last period you provided, you are around six weeks along.”

  I could see Jalisa staring at me from the corner of my eye, but I refused to look at her. We all sat there quietly, until, finally, I thanked Dr. Steen for giving me my results.

  “You’re very welcome, Ms. Morris. If you’d like, I’ll get you on some prenatal vitamins today, and we can also schedule you an appointment for an ultrasound in a few weeks.”

  “No. No, thank you,” I declined. “I only wanted to know whether I was expecting or not. Maybe I’ll come back another day and figure the rest out.”

  “Well, maybe you should let him give you those parental vitamins,” Jalisa suggested. “We might as well get that taken care of as soon as possible, right?”

  Not wanting to curse her out in front of the doctor, I asked him to give us a few moments to talk alone. As soon as he left the room, I looked at Jalisa and huffed. “I appreciate you for coming here with me… but I don’t need you making any decisions for me.”

  “I didn’t make any decisions, I am only suggesting that you get everything you need,” she said calmly. “Ava, you are pregnant, and eventually you are gonna have this baby. Wouldn’t you rather know your baby is going to be healthy? I’m only trying to help you… that’s all.”

  “Honestly, I don’t even know if I want to keep this baby. I mean, of course I’d never want to abort my child… but under the circumstances, I may just have to consider it.”

  By the look on her face, it was clear that Jalisa didn’t know to respond. For a brief moment, she just stared at me. “I understand why you would consider terminating your pregnancy, and at the end of the day, it is ultimately your decision… but all I will ask is that you take a couple of days to think this over. Don’t make such a choice just yet. Let the doctor give you your vitamins. In a few days if you decide abortion is the best option, I’ll support you the entire step of the way.”

  “OK,” I said, nodding my head. �
��I suppose I can do that. But what about Hakeem? I mean, should I tell him about the pregnancy, or should I figure out whether I want to keep the baby or not, first?”

  “Well since this is also his baby, I think it’ll be fair that he knows what’s going on. After that, you can bring up the option of abortion and see what he feels about it.”

  “I guess you’re right. I mean, I’d whether not have this conversation with him or be forced to deal with this situation, but I did make my bed so I guess I’ve got to lie in it.”

  “Let’s just wrap this doctor session up, head back to your place, and call Hakeem to let him know the scoop. If you want, I’ll stay at your house with you until he arrives.”

  I was simply too frustrated to speak, so instead of replying, I just shook my head. Once we left the room Dr. Steen gave me my prenatal vitamins, schedule me an appointment for the following month, and advised me to have a great day. Right after, Jalisa and I hopped into my car and headed back to my place. Pacing around my home like a nervous wreck, I didn’t know what to do. I knew that at some point I would have to reveal my pregnancy to Hakeem, but that was not nearly as easy as it sounded. You’d think this would be easy for me to do considering it was so easy for me to give him the pussy… but it wasn’t.

  “Just pick up the phone and call him,” Jalisa ordered. “All you gotta do is tell him to meet up with you. You two can either go out to eat, or he can simply come here.”

  “I’d rather him come here. I don’t think I’d be comfortable telling him such a thing in the presence of a public audience.”

  “OK. Well, call him, tell him you’d like him to come over for a small chat, and take it from there.”

  Reluctantly, I sighed, grabbed my phone, and dialed his number. Although praying he wouldn’t answer, he ended up doing so by the fourth ring.

  “Hey, Hakeem,” I said, dry. “How are you?”

  “I’m good,” he responded, seeming confused by my sudden desire to call. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to talk. Are you busy?”

  “I’m in the grocery store with Summer and the boys. They just wandered off somewhere. We should be leaving in a few moments, though. Why? What’s up?”

  “I need to talk to you,” I said, trying not to sound so edgy. “There’s no rush, but when you have some free time, would you stop by so we can talk?”

  “OK, that’s fine. But are you sure everything’s okay?”

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just want to spend some time with you, that’s all.”

  “Alright. I’ll be there in a bit. After we pay for these things, I’ll drop the family off, stop and get a bottle or something, then I’ll be on my way.”

  “OK. Thanks,” I said, then released the call.

  As soon as I got off the phone, Jalisa asked, “So what did he say?”

  “He’s busy right now. But as soon as he has some free time, he said he’ll be on his way.”

  “Well that’s good. At least you know he’s willing to have a conversation with you.”

  “That’s true. But I do feel bad. I mean, he’s out with his fiancé and children right now. Just knowing that I’m only inviting him over to tell him such a thing, it’s really bothering me.”

  “I can only imagine, but you’ll get through this. Like I said before… just be honest, tell him what’s going on, and leave it at that. We’ll worry about the outcome later.”

  Followed by her statement, she leaned in for a hug. She then stood up, grabbed her purse, and shuffled for her car keys. “I gotta head home to take care of some things. I know you’re nervous, but please call me after you have your talk with Hakeem. Love ya. I’ll talk to you later.” She turned and proceeded out the door.

  After she left, I felt helpless. Sitting there alone in my place while scrambling my brain as to how I would break the news to Hakeem was a feeling I never expected to feel. I wanted to contact him and call the entire session off, but I knew that, that would not be right. I exhaled a few times, snatched the remote off the coffee table, and decided to flick through the boring channels until he arrived.

  Approximately an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Assuming it was Hakeem, I sighed deeply, got up, and walked towards it. As soon as I saw him, he greeted me with a smile and came in. At this point, we were both standing in the middle of the kitchen when he passed me a bottle of Tequila. Submissively, I thanked him, then sat it on the kitchen counter.

  “Although I would like to… I won’t be drinking anymore Tequila for a while.”

  Not saying anything else, I continued to the living room and sat on the couch. Hakeem followed.

  He sat next to me and said, “What do you mean? Why would stop drinking? I thought you loved Tequila.”

  Refusing to acknowledge his statement, I remained silent and proceeded to flick through the channels.

  “Is everything okay, Ava? I’m confused… I thought you wanted me to come here to relax with you… but by the looks of it, you don’t seem to want to be bothered much.”

  I placed the remote down and directed my attention towards him. I looked directly in his eyes, swallowed hard, and then exhaled.

  “I didn’t ask you to stop by so that we could kick back and chill. I asked you to stop by, because there was something I needed to tell you. Something we both probably don’t want to discuss, but unfortunately, need to…”

  “Well, this must be very serious. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you brought me this way to tell me you’re pregnant,” he said in a joking manner. “What’s wrong, really? Why am I here?”

  “I’m pregnant, Hakeem. Six weeks to be exact.” Not knowing what else to say, I simply sat there and held my head down.

  We both remained silent for about fifteen seconds, and then he said, “OK… well I won’t deny you being pregnant, but how am I supposed to believe that the baby is mine? Don’t get me wrong, but weren’t you fooling with several guys at the same time?”

  “Yes. I was. But you were the only person I had sex with 6-8 weeks ago. Trust me… I know for a fact that this is your baby.”

  It took him several seconds to react. He then sighed and said, “OK. So, you’re pregnant, and if this is my child I am certainly going to be in his or her life. But this is still so very fucked up! How the hell am I supposed to tell Summer I’m having a baby by another woman?!”

  “I don’t know how. But when you put your dick inside me, you didn’t seem to think about those consequences, now did you?”

  “Don’t get sassy with me, Ava. It takes two to have sex! I stuck my dick inside you, but you let me!”

  “I’m not tryna argue with you, Hakeem. But playing the blame game is not gonna make this baby disappear. In less than nine months, there will be a life we’ll have to take care of. I don’t know about you, but I’m not looking forward to it. Not only that, but once Summer finds out, she is going to be devastated and probably never speak to us again.”

  “You’re right. She’ll never speak to us. I know this for a fact. Therefore… I don’t think we should tell her about the baby. Let’s just keep this on the low for now, keep this between us, and figure out how we’re gonna handle this later.”

  As I sat there deciding to agree to such an immoral action, I realized just how fucked up this all actually was.

  CHAPTER 19

  PROFOUND OUTCOMES

  Pregnancy was exhausting. I was drained. I mean, there were days I simply did not want to get out of bed. I consistently had little, to no energy at all, so there I was lying in my bed with the covers over my head when I heard a garish bang on the door. Puzzled as to whom it could be, I slowly climbed out of bed and walked to the door. I glanced through the peephole. It was Autumn.

  Right away, I opened the door, and right away, she barged inside. After closing the door and locking it behind her, I turned around only to find her staring at me with a cold, pained expression.

  “How could you?” she questioned. />
  “How could I? What do you mean?”

  “C’mon now, Ava don’t stand here and play stupid with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about! How could you have sex with Hakeem and let him get you pregnant?”

  Not knowing just what to say in response, I stood there staring at the floor. This went on for nearly a minute. I then looked back at her and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing would come out.

  “Oh, so you can go out and fuck my sister’s man, but you can’t be grown enough to admit it?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

  Sighing before replying, I said… “Look, Autumn… as much as I would prefer to tell you a lie, I know that will only makes things worse. Yes, I had sex with Hakeem, and yes, I am pregnant with his child… but I swear… I never meant to hurt anyone; especially not Summer.”

  “But you’re not just hurting Summer! You’re also hurting her two children! How could you betray my sister like this?! How could you be so unbelievably inconsiderate and selfish?! How could you be such a damn whore?!”

  At a loss for words once again, I drew a blank. I simply could not verbalize my defense. Not saying anything else, she shook her head at me, sucked in her teeth, and stormed out of the door. I continued to stand there dumbfounded even several moments after she left. It was as if my body was trapped inside a closed casket. I could not maneuver. I could not think. I could not speak. My entire existence was numb. After all I had done, and the foolish ways I behaved, I didn’t even have the balls to tell the truth and admit my bullshit. As I stood there nearly in tears with my back against the wall, I decided that it was time to pay Summer a visit. Just the thought of doing so caused my heart to pound faster. My fingers began to quiver, and my throat started to close. I dried the tears from my eyes, raced towards the bathroom, threw on some street clothes, and ran out of the door with my purse and keys in hand.