by Mesha Barton
Three days later, I was released from the hospital. Autumn and my father were the ones that came to pick me up. I got dressed, and then prepared my daughter for her first contact with winter. As Autumn pushed us out of the hospital with the wheelchair, I was overwhelmed by an unexpected presence—Kelis. There she stood with an expression of both joy and sorrow. Nearly taking my breath away, she kneeled down, placed a peck upon my cheek, then hugged me as if it would be the last time she saw me.
CHAPTER 21
UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS
Blessing—I decided to name my little girl blessing, because every time I looked at her, blessed is what I felt. She made me want to become a better person. She made me want to go places I never thought I’d go. She made me want to see things I never thought I’d see. Slowly, Blessing was changing me.
I had not seen, or talked to her father in several months. He disappeared shortly after finding out we were having twins. Not a phone call, not a visit—nothing. If it weren’t for Jalisa, I don’t know what I would’ve done. She came with me to all of my doctors’ appointments, and when I was too nauseous to drive, she drove me wherever I needed to go. When my back was up against the wall, she gave me a shoulder to lean on. When I became depressed, she was the one who reminded me that life was still worth living.
A few times throughout my pregnancy, Lee would stop by to check on me. Not very often, but every blue moon. He confessed to me that he still cared for me, but wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship. In fact, he met a girl. They met during one of his business trips in Atlanta, exchanged numbers, and started talking a few weeks later. According to him, she was a great girl with a beautiful heart, and because he didn’t want to mess things up with her, he decided to date her exclusively. As far as John was concerned, we were strangers. I had not seen, or communicated with him since the day Lee found out about us. Autumn—her relationship with Rob was still standing strong. They adopted a baby girl, and moved to Hamilton permanently. Avery—he was still single, but doing wonderful. He got a huge promotion at his job, and ever since, the ladies would not stay away. He also finally decided that it was time to move out of Mamma’s house. He purchased a place not too far from me. Summer and I were still not speaking. In fact, I hadn’t seen her since my father’s birthday party back in March.
Realizing how wrong I was for hurting her, I spent a great deal of my days feeling guilty. On top of that, I was having a very difficult time coping with the loss of my daughter. On a positive note, though, I decided I would head back to school that following year to resume my occupation as a Registered Nurse. To make my mother smile from heaven, I also kept my promise to obtain my Ph.D.
Besides that, I concluded that my desire to find a man, was the exact reason I couldn’t find one. It was time for me to focus on myself. My dreams. My ambitions. My family. My life. I realized that I would never be able to receive a good man until I was ready to receive myself. I had to get rid of the baggage, resentment, and regret from my past, in order to obtain a great future with someone else.
Blessing was now my first priority. She was so beautiful—a spitting image of my mother, and as I sat there holding her inside my arms admiring her features, there was a knock on my door. Who could it be? I thought. I was not expecting anyone. Gradually, I stood up and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw Autumn. As soon as I opened the door, she walked in. Following behind her, I saw Summer. I simply stood there and stared. Finally, I invited her in and closed the door behind me. We all walked into the living room and sat down. Autumn grabbed the baby out of my arms, then proceeded towards the back room. Sitting there with Summer positioned directly across from me, my nerves started to tremble.
“I know you probably weren’t expecting me,” she begun. “But after hearing about your baby… I had to come see you. I am still very upset about what you did. But at the end of the day, that’s not what’s most important. Right now, my heart extends to the tragic of your offspring. If there is anything I can do to help take that pain away… I’m here. After all, I gave birth to twin boys. I know how hard this must be for you.”
Gazing into her glossy eyes, I could sense the sincerity of her heart. She meant well. This was not an act, nor was it trickery. Feeling ashamed, I held my head towards the floor and left it there. I wanted to express my apologies for hurting her, but my mouth just wouldn’t move. The memory of my deception was confined with shame. For several more seconds, I remained quiet. And then suddenly, I gained enough courage to express the depths of my heart.
“I cannot even begin to explain how remorseful I am for what I did. Not just to you, but to your children. If I could take it all back, I would—”
Interrupting me, she said… “I am not as upset with you as I am with Hakeem. Hakeem and I had a bond. We were in love, we had children; we were in the process of planning a wedding and future together. As much as I’d love to sit here and blame you for all the heartache I feel, I can’t. Hakeem is the one who stepped out on his family… not you.” As she talked, her voice wobbled. Tears departed from her eyes and hit her chest like grenades. “I knew you were struggling. The passing of your mother and sister, a shattered heart caused by the man you loved—I knew you were having a difficult time dealing with life. I knew this, but never offered to help or be a real sister to you. I treated you as though you didn’t belong in my family, and I’ve done so since the day I met you. You are not the only one who needs to apologize.” Followed by her statement, she scooted herself closer to me, wiped the tears that were flowing from my face, and planted a careful kiss upon my forehead. She then put her arms around me and squeezed. “I love you, Ava. I love you.”
It’s crazy how one horrible choice you make in life can actually turn out to be your biggest blessing. The obstacles I faced. The mistakes I made. The people I hurt. The pain I endured. It was all leading me to that very moment. Without those encounters, I would’ve never understood my purpose in life. I would’ve never grown. I realized that with joy, we must know pain. With sunshine, we must experience darkness. With laughter, we must acknowledge tears. With love, we must understand hate, and with correction, we must make mistakes. I also realized that sometimes God would lend us a person only for a season. Either to help us confront our past, understand our present, prepare us for the future—or all the above. Lost love, is not necessarily, love lost. In fact, it can be an unexpected blessing.
Autumn walked back into the room with Blessing. She positioned Blessing into Summer’s arms, and in response, Summer held her niece close and smiled. “She looks just like your mother. She has her eyes.”
Agreeing, I nodded, and smiled back. “Yes. She sure does.”