Maybe for You--A Whiskey and Weddings Novel

by Nicole McLaughlin

  “You don’t say.” Leon took the bottle, holding his head back to read the label. “Stag Signature Bourbon.”

  Just then a female voice that sounded like Regina’s called out. “Leon, why aren’t you checkin’ this grill? It’s ready for the chicken.”

  Leon gave Jake a sly grin and held up the bourbon. “Don’t mind if I do. Care to join me out back?”

  Jake chuckled. “Happy to.” He turned to Alex, who just smiled and nodded. Outside he was introduced to Stephen, Nathan’s older brother and Juju’s father, and Leon Sr., his grandfather. Apparently, a visit from Alex was worthy of getting the entire family together, which he understood. They hadn’t seen her since the funeral.

  While Leon put the chicken on the grill, Stephen went in and grabbed some glasses. It wasn’t long until they were all toasting with the bourbon.

  “To Nathan. God rest his soul,” Leon Sr. said, raising his glass.

  “To Alex,” Stephen said.

  “To you all, for having me over,” Jake said awkwardly.

  Leon gave him a quick, fatherly wink. “And to you, son, for bringing the liquor.”

  With that, they all drank.

  *   *   *

  Alex watched the men toast outside the kitchen window. Things seemed to be going well, and surprisingly, it didn’t feel weird. Well, not too weird. She was here, in her late fiancé’s house with another man. While they weren’t technically here as a couple, it still kind of felt like they were.

  “They better not get lit out there,” Tiana, Stephen’s wife said, looking over Alex’s shoulder. “He’s supposed to have bath duty tonight.” She turned and looked at the eight-month-old sitting in the high chair. “Isn’t he, sweet girl? Daddy gonna give you a bath?” she crooned.

  Alex turned and smiled at the baby. “She’s so beautiful, Tiana. I can’t believe how big she is.”

  “I know, she’s huge. Last time I saw you, I was huge.”

  “You were pregnant, and beautiful,” Alex said, although she could barely remember Tiana being pregnant at Nate’s funeral. Nothing else had mattered then.

  “Girl, please. I gained forty pounds with that little stinker. She had me craving anything fried and covered in cheese.”

  Her husband had walked in behind her just as she said that and slapped her playfully on the butt. “Don’t you dare blame Camille. You still craving anything fried and covered in cheese.”

  “You better hush,” Tiana said. Alex watched as they pretended to smack at each other playfully, ending with a quick kiss as Regina yelled at them for nearly knocking over her potato salad bowl.

  “Get out of here with that nonsense,” Regina said, shoving Stephen toward the back screen door. “Tell your father to check on that chicken.”

  Her only son, Alex couldn’t help thinking as she watched Regina joke with Stephen.

  She glanced around the Williamses’ kitchen, recalling mornings sitting at the table eating Regina’s pancakes, or the Christmas Eve that she, Tiana, and Juju had made cookies—one of the few things she could cook—to set out for Santa. Alex hadn’t felt this at home in a long time. This was to have been her family. Her future. So, what were they to her now? How long could she maintain a relationship that had no true identifying factor?

  They were going to eat outside at a long picnic table, so Regina gathered up a tablecloth and a stack of paper plates and headed for the door. “Ti, give that potato salad another stir. Alex, will you start filling some cups with ice?” Then she was gone, outside to set up the table.

  Alex loved that Regina still treated her like one of her children, the way she always had. They got to work on their jobs, but the minute Tiana was finished, she leaned against the counter where Alex had been lining up the glasses.

  “So,” she said, giving Alex a long look.

  “So?” Alex replied. She’d always adored Tiana, and admired her. She could still remember attending her and Stephen’s wedding many years ago when she and Nate were newly dating and on leave. It had been such a fun week here in Atlanta. Ever since then, they’d gotten along well, even as infrequently as they’d been able to see each other.

  “You into this guy?” Tiana asked quietly.

  “What?” Alex laughed awkwardly. “We work together.”

  “Look at me,” Tiana said flatly. Alex did, to find her glaring at her with a don’t-bullshit-me look. Tiana was always direct. “Try again. You’ve been looking out this window checking up on him.”

  Alex sighed, letting her hand fall to the counter. “It’s not like that.”

  “Maybe not. But Regina thinks it might be.”

  “What did she say?” Alex asked, horrified.

  “Says she drove up on y’all holding hands at the grave site.”

  “Shit,” Alex muttered, grabbing another glass and adding ice. “Did it upset her?”

  “I don’t think so. But I think it surprised her.”

  “I hate that she saw that. It wasn’t like that at all. Jake’s a really nice guy. I’ve talked to him about Nate a lot. He was just being supportive.”

  “I believe you. But he can be supportive and into you at the same time.”

  Just then Regina came back in the kitchen followed by Tiana’s two older children, Juju and Devon, who was four. “Tiana, pull the cornbread out of the oven. Alex, fruit in the fridge.” Regina grabbed a platter from a cabinet and handed it to Juju. “Take this to Papa.”

  “Yes ma’am. And I’m sitting by Aunty Alex at the table,” Juju called over her shoulder.

  Alex winked at her. “Of course you are.”

  The next two hours passed by in a blur of laughs, photos, and funny stories about Nate as a child and as a teenager, and then several about him and Alex together. His family asked her several questions about their time in Afghanistan and Iraq, and Nate’s short period of time in Syria.

  Even Jake had occasionally joined in on the conversation, asking her questions. Juju had sat between them at lunch, which had probably been for the best. It was tempting to want to touch him, even if just for comfort, and she would have hated to slip and get too close in front of everyone here.

  After the chatting died down—mainly because baby Camille was ready for a nap—and Papa Leon Sr. lit up his pipe, Regina asked everyone to help carry in the dirty dishes.

  “We should probably get on the road if we’re going to start to Nashville this evening,” Jake whispered to her as everyone dispersed.

  “Okay. Give me ten minutes to help clean up?”

  He nodded. “Sure. Take your time.”

  She headed inside to find Stephen helping his mother load up the dishwasher. Regina turned when Alex entered. “There you are. Come with me,” she motioned toward the hallway and led Alex up the stairs and into her bedroom.

  The butterflies in her stomach came to life, wondering what in the world Regina could want to say to her in private. It had to be about Jake, even though everything during lunch had seemed normal and fine.

  “Sit, I’ll fetch what I’m here for,” Regina said, pointing at her bed. Alex sat down and watched her step into her small walk-in closet. While she waited she glanced around the small master bedroom. An antique chest of drawers anchored the far wall with Nate’s Air Force portrait on top. Alex sucked in a breath at the sight of it. She’d purposely bypassed photos on the first floor, not wanting to get emotional today. Just being in his family home had been difficult enough.

  The quilt on the bed was well worn but made of a lovely blue floral material that was so soft, Alex was tempted to lie down and inhale the scent of the Williams family. Leon and Regina Williams had raised their children in this modest home. Alex knew Nate’s old bedroom was down the hall, even though it had been turned into a retreat for the grandchildren years ago. They didn’t have a lot of money, but there was so much love in these walls she felt like she could almost touch it.

  Regina walked out of the closet holding a small box. “Found it.” She sat down beside Alex and opene
d it. “This was my grandmother’s.”

  She pulled out a beautiful gold chain with a dainty pendant hanging from it. Alex cupped it in her hand. There was an opal surrounded by tiny rubies. “It’s beautiful, Regina.”

  “Isn’t it? I was going to give it to you on your wedding day.”

  Alex froze, her eyes meeting the other woman’s. “Oh Regina. That’s okay. I’m glad to see it, though. It would have been beautiful with my dress.”

  “Silly, I still want you to have it.”

  “Oh no, I couldn’t.” Alex shook her head.

  “Yes you can, and you will.” She pulled the necklace back and gently laid it in the box before handing it to Alex. “I’d even told Nate my plan. And that woman, Charlotte, who was planning your wedding. She and I had emailed several times about tuxes and such.”

  “She never told me about the necklace.”

  “Well, it was to be a surprise.”

  “Regina, I just—”

  “Alexis.” Regina grabbed her hands and looked her right in the eye. “Tiana has another of my grandmother’s necklaces.”

  “I bet she’d like this one, also,” Alex countered. “Or Juju.”

  Regina shook her head. “No, doll. This one was always meant for Nathan’s wife. And while that may not have happened, you’re the closest I’m ever going to get. You carry my baby in your heart, and so this belongs with you.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, her chin trembling.

  “You’re always going to feel like my daughter, Alex. You belonged to Nathan and that means you belong to me too. You’re one of the only parts of him I have left. And I’m talking about even when you fall in love with someone else. D’you understand?”

  Alex nodded, but suddenly felt the need to make something clear. “Just so you know, I’m not in love with Jake. He’s just a good guy.”

  Regina smirked, a sad but kind look in her eye. “Nate already taught you this lesson—good guys are the easiest to fall in love with.”

  Fourteen

  The ride back to the RV park was quiet for a long time. Jake wasn’t quite sure what to say because it wasn’t entirely clear what was going on in Alex’s head. It occurred to him that right now she may not be interested in talking to him at all after such an immersive reminder of Nate. He didn’t want to upset her further if that’s where her thoughts were, though he hoped that wasn’t it.

  “Thank you for coming and being such a good sport,” she said, relieving him.

  “It was my pleasure, Alex.” He smiled at her, and he’d also meant what he’d said. “They’re really great.”

  “I know. I miss them. I mean, we only saw them once or twice a year, but between email and care packages, there were always updates. Not so much these days. Partly my fault.”

  “How so?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t make as much of an effort I guess. I think Regina tries to follow my lead. Doesn’t want to bug me.”

  “She really loves you though. They all do.”

  She was quiet for a moment, and he hoped he hadn’t upset her. “Want to hear something stupid?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “Sometimes I’m angry that Nate didn’t wait to die until we were married.” She chuckled.

  “I don’t think any of your feelings are stupid, Alex.” He tightened his grip on the wheel. As well as he’d gotten to know Alex at this point, in-person conversations like this made him nervous. When their interactions were all through messaging, he could really think out a response. Sometimes they were delayed by the time difference, so he was able to really put thought into them. But like this, he was afraid of saying the wrong thing.

  “I actually had a woman say to me, ‘at least you weren’t married.’” She let out a sound of disgust. “What does that even mean? Like, I hadn’t loved him as much as I would have a few weeks later? Like a legal document makes my pain any less?”

  She shifted in her seat to face him, patting her chest as she went on. “If we’d been married, I would have had rights. I would have had his name. And that family. I would have had that family.”

  Jake breathed in deep, unable to look at her. Blowing out slowly, he finally replied. “From what I can tell, Alex, you do have that family. They adore you.”

  She turned and leaned back into her seat. “It will fade. I’m so far away. The kids will get older and not think about me. The only good thing is that today took some of the pressure off, in a way.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, pulling into the park.

  “Sometimes I feel this weight to keep Nate’s memory in this world. To talk about him. To think of him, so he doesn’t fade away to nothing like he never existed.”

  Putting the truck in park, he turned to look at her. He could tell when she’d come out of Regina’s bedroom that she’d been crying—her eyes were still a little puffy.

  “Seeing them today, looking at their photos, listening to their stories. I’m reminded that Nate is alive in their home. In their heads and hearts. It’s not just up to me. I know that sounds crazy.”

  Jake reached out and grabbed her hand. “It doesn’t sound crazy at all, Alex. I’d never thought about anything like what you’re saying before, but when you say it, I get it. I saw it too. I’ve never met Nate and after today, I feel a little like I knew him.”

  “I’m glad.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. “You know, I don’t think we entirely fooled Regina.”

  His eyes went wide. “She say something?”

  “Nothing direct. But Tiana told me she saw us holding hands at the cemetery.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. Does that upset you?”

  She tilted her head, looking back at him. “No. I thought it would, but it doesn’t.”

  Relief hit him harder than he’d expected. “Good. Listen, you just want to chill tonight? We can get up early and head out in the morning.” After today, he was kind of in the mood to spend some time with her alone. Time that he didn’t have to spend driving.

  “Yeah, that would be nice.”

  Unclasping their hands, she made to get out of the truck, so he did the same. Once they were inside, she went into the bedroom and pulled the door shut. He sat down on the sofa, unsure of what to do with himself. It was almost four, so they had the entire evening to kill. Maybe she’d want to watch a movie or something. Go get some takeout later.

  When she came out of the bedroom in her running clothes, he was surprised and a little disappointed.

  “I hope you don’t mind. I just want to get this in. Clear my head a bit.”

  “Yeah, sure. Actually, I have some work I could do. Haven’t looked at the Stag social accounts today.”

  “Okay. I’ll be back soon.”

  “Be careful,” he said.

  She rolled her eyes but smiled. “I’ll be fine.”

  When she was gone, he sat down and glanced around at the empty space. How had he ever done this alone before? He already missed her voice. Her presence.

  Pulling out his laptop, he did the work he needed to do. Checked on their shipment that was sent to Nashville ahead of them, replied to a few Facebook posts and Twitter comments. He’d given Alex the job of posting some shots on their Instagram account, which he saw she’d done. The photos she’d taken on the trip so far were really good. She had a much better eye than he did, and her captions were a lot wittier. The proof was in the amount of likes and the increase in comments. And not a bikini in sight, so TJ should be pleased.

  Glancing at the time, Jake stood up and looked out the window. She’d been gone about forty-five minutes. They seemed to be in a decent part of town, but he knew anything could happen anytime and anywhere.

  Finally, he let his thoughts drift to the place he’d been avoiding. Would things be different after today? Because part of him felt like they should be. Yes, they’d discussed on multiple occasions that this was a short-lived affair. They were just enjoying each other, and it would come to an end once they returned to KC. But after s
pending an entire afternoon witnessing the results of the relationship she shared with Nate, he felt like a traitor.

  That family loved her like crazy. That man had loved her like crazy. The evidence had been presented to him today through the photo albums that Regina had pulled out and shared. The stories that they’d all told, laughing and sometimes wiping away tears. Alex had lost her best friend. The love of her life. And here he was just casually having a fling with her.

  It didn’t feel right.

  He ran a hand through his hair and clicked open a new internet window. Trying to think of anything else, he found himself mindlessly flipping from video to video. Reading the news.

  Finally, he heard the steady pound of her footsteps outside, and then the RV door opened. He made to get up as she walked in, but she immediately put up a hand. Her skin shone with perspiration, tank top spotted and ponytail damp.

  “Stay back,” she said. “I stink.”

  Sitting back down, he smiled. “Little bit muggier down here in Hotlanta, huh?”

  “Oh my Lord, and here I spent years in the desert. There’s hot, and then there’s Southern hot,” she said. “I’m getting in the shower.”

  He nodded. “Want me to go grab some dinner?”

  “Uh, sure. Whatever you want.”

  He went and picked up some sandwiches, making sure to get her extra lettuce and jalapeños—just like she ordered on just about everything she ate—and then got her a Dr Pepper. Her favorite drink, although she tried to drink it only every few days because of the sugar. He figured she deserved it today.

  When he got back to the RV she was dressed in her tiny shorts and tank top, her face bare and her hair damp. She looked beautiful. When he pulled out the Dr Pepper she smiled and took it from him.

  “You know me too well.”

  “Yes I do.” He handed her the sub. “Extra lettuce and jalapeños.”

  “Turkey and Pepper Jack?”

  “Do I look like it’s my first day on the job?” He asked, making her laugh.