Maybe for You--A Whiskey and Weddings Novel

by Nicole McLaughlin

  “Alex, everything will be okay. I promise. I mean—I’m in shock, I think—but it will be okay.”

  She bit at her lip and could barely meet his eyes. “I’ve been thinking,” she said. “It’s crazy, but … you know, Charlotte and Dean can’t have children so they’ve started looking into adoption, and—”

  “Stop,” he said, dread and fury washing through him. The sudden look of fear in her eyes let him know it had come out more forcefully than he’d intended. But the words that were coming out of her mouth were so unimaginable he felt like he could demolish something.

  Pushing up from his knees, he stood, suddenly unsure of what to do with himself. He turned and looked down at her. “Alexis, if you think for one fucking minute, I’d let you give our baby to your brother, then you don’t know me very well.”

  “So then what? We just have it? Pretend we’re a family with me living halfway across the country? How would that work?”

  “Halfway across the—” He stared at her in confusion and then it dawned on him. “Are you kidding me? You’re still gonna do it? You’re going to still take this job. Pregnant?”

  She stood now, her body rigid with frustration. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s what I want. You know that, Jake. You’ve always known.”

  “Of course I know what you want, Alex. We talk about you all the goddamn time. But what about what I want?” he yelled, pointing at himself. “I’m not sure if you realize this, but I sure as fuck have feelings too.”

  Her mouth formed a perfect O, before her eyes narrowed in anger. “You asshole. I asked you about your feelings all the time.”

  “Did you, Alex? And if I answered, did you listen?”

  “That’s not fair,” she whispered.

  He knew it wasn’t fair. Right now he was being an ass, turning the table on her, because he had deflected every time she tried to probe too deeply into his emotions. He’d never wanted to share how hard it had been to be the kid who had needed special classes in school just to learn to read, or how his parents used to tell people that they just needed to “get Jake through high school,” when his siblings were getting straight A’s. Those things lingered with him, whispering in his ear that he wasn’t smart enough, that if anything good happened to him, he was just lucky or got by with his charm.

  While she was busy crying over her dead fiancé, would it really have seemed appropriate for him to share how his brothers teased him that he’d be the one that would never marry? Sometimes he tried to figure out if they based those assumptions on the fact that he always tried to appear uninterested, or did they believe he truly wasn’t capable of supporting a family?

  No, it had been easier to be her go-to. Her safe space. That’s what he’d wanted because it had made him feel good. Feel needed.

  They stood there staring at each other for a long moment, and the look of pain in her eyes was like a knife in his heart. This woman had been through so much, and now this. He held out a hand. “Come here,” he said quietly.

  She hesitated a beat, her lips trembling. Her shoulders slumped and she stepped forward. The minute she was close enough, he grabbed her and pulled her into his chest. He closed his eyes and rested his temple on her head, relieved when her arms wrapped around his waist.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “I’m sorry too.”

  They stood like that a long time, the sound of water hitting the dock below and the breeze on their skin. He knew this moment was only the beginning of a tough road ahead of them, but for just this moment, he wanted to hold onto her and not let go.

  Twenty-Two

  By the time Jake got back to the Stag, he was a mess. He was just glad that Dean appeared to have left already. Heading into TJ’s office, he shut the door.

  “What’s wrong?” TJ asked, looking up, brow furrowed.

  Jake sat down hard in the chair across from his friend and leaned forward.

  “I’m about to tell you something that you cannot repeat outside of this room.”

  TJ frowned.

  “At least, not yet.”

  “Okay,” TJ said. They’d been best friends a long time. Played sports together. Went camping together. They didn’t ever go to the same schools, but that had almost made their bond stronger because they’d had to work to stay close friends. And they had, even starting this business—along with Dean—together. Jake would take a bullet for TJ and he knew his friend felt the same way, even if they did sometimes bitch like siblings and have disagreements.

  Jake took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Alex is pregnant.”

  TJ’s eyes immediately went wide. “Shit, seriously?”

  “Seriously.” Jake said, willing his friend to get it. It was obvious when he did. His eyes narrowing.

  “Wait. Do you mean…”

  “It’s mine.”

  “You’re kidding me.” He shook his head and lowered his voice. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “What do you mean what was I thinking? It was an accident.”

  “I figured that much. I mean what were you thinking hooking up with Alex?”

  “Well, I was thinking that she’s an adult who can make her own decisions. We were in an RV together for two weeks. It happened.”

  “Damn, man.” TJ said. “Does Dean know?”

  “No.”

  “When are you going to tell him?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  “Wouldn’t it be better to tell him right away?”

  “I wanted to, but Alex isn’t ready.”

  TJ sighed. “Wow. I’m just … I don’t even know what to say.”

  Jake scrubbed a hand down his face. “TJ, she’s … struggling. Still doesn’t know how to accept this. I think she’s scared.”

  “Who could blame her?”

  “Here’s the thing…” Jake looked down at the floor for a minute, considering his words, then looked back up at his friend. “I want this.”

  “You want a baby?”

  “The baby, her. All of it. I know it sounds insane.”

  TJ’s lips parted, and Jake could tell he was considering his words. “Are you in love with her?”

  Jake sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe. But I do know that the thought of her having my baby does not terrify me like I thought it would. I feel overwhelmed by the idea, but also … excited.”

  “Shit, dude,” TJ said. He smiled. “You’re right. This is insane. Who would have thought you’d be the one to have a kid first?”

  Jake chuckled. “Maybe the reality of it hasn’t hit me yet.”

  “It’ll hit ya when Dean finds out. That’s for sure.”

  They were both quiet for a moment. “I’ve got to convince her to stay, TJ. She’s still talking about moving to Virginia.”

  TJ sighed. “Give her some time, man. This is a lot to deal with.”

  Jake nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” But it was a lot for him to deal with also, and yet he wouldn’t consider anything that didn’t include them together. Several times he’d thought back to that single mother at the airport. How much she’d appeared to struggle all on her own. Alex didn’t have to do this by herself, he was more than willing to raise this baby with her. That’s what he wanted. Suddenly he couldn’t understand why she didn’t.

  *   *   *

  Charlotte had convinced Alex to get out of the house that Sunday and go to the Labor Day cookout at TJ and Jen’s. Now that the four of them—Alex, Joel, Dean, and Charlotte—were in the car on the way over, she was glad.

  It was a gorgeous day. She’d put on a cute outfit that made her feel somewhat normal, and even she had to admit that she’d gotten tired of staring at the four walls of her bedroom. The best part of today, so far, was that she hadn’t been sick, although the thought of smelling grilled hot dogs made her want to gag.

  If she was being honest with herself, she was also really excited to see Jake. It was a weird thing, to long for someone, to miss them, yet also fear and dread their presence.
She wasn’t even sure why she felt that way. He’d called her several times since she’d told him about being pregnant, but they never talked for long, just enough for her to fill him in on how she was feeling. She could tell he wanted to talk more, and even see her again, but she’d kept things brief between them.

  They pulled into TJ’s long country driveway, and Alex searched for Jake’s Jeep but didn’t see it. She frowned. They’d texted this morning and he’d said he was heading out here around noon. It was now quarter after.

  “This is a beautiful house,” she said. It was obviously newer construction, but was made to look like an older two-story farmhouse with a porch running the expanse of the front.

  “Isn’t it?” Charlotte said from the front. “TJ built it a couple of years ago. Wait until you see the inside. The kitchen is to die for.”

  She was right. The minute they walked in, Alex was in awe. The entryway was bright and airy with the most gorgeous house plants and grand staircase. Jen greeted them excitedly in a red tank top that showed off her bright tattoo sleeve and navy shorts. Her dark hair was in a ponytail, showcasing a red streak of highlighted hair peeking out beneath her ear.

  “Your hair is fantastic,” Alex said when Jen came over to give her a hug. “I love the red.”

  “Thank you. I just did it a couple of days ago.” Jen pulled back and looked her over. “How are you after your bout with the plague?”

  Alex laughed. “I’m fine. But it was ugly.”

  “I heard. Damn, you poor thing. Out all ends, huh?”

  “Jen, good Lord,” Charlotte said with a laugh. “Go show Alex your kitchen.”

  Within no time she’d had a tour of the entire house, from the pantry to the gorgeous tub in the master bedroom, where Alex now sat, wishing it was full of water and bubbles.

  “This house is insane, Jen. I could spend days in this tub alone.”

  “I practically do. It’s one of my favorite things.” She looked around the design magazine worthy bathroom. “But I definitely got lucky.”

  “What do you mean?” Alex asked.

  Jen shrugged. “I would have never had this house on my own. I grew up poor as hell. Sometimes homeless. I was shit with money. Hell, I’m still shit with money. I got lucky that TJ fell in love with me. I mean, we don’t necessarily make sense on paper, you know?”

  Alex frowned. “But you make sense when I see you two together.”

  “Thanks,” Jen smiled. “Thankfully he has the patience of a saint. I’m kind of a pain in the ass.”

  “Kind of?” A deep voice called out from the bedroom.

  Jen laughed and rolled her eyes as TJ joined them in the bathroom. He walked in, put an arm around Jen’s waist, pulled her against him and kissed her forehead.

  A sharp ache sliced through Alex at the sight of such tenderness. Such easy happiness. Jen was right, they were a bit of an odd match—Jen’s boldness contrasted with TJ’s polish. How did two people get so lucky? And did they realize that all of this could be yanked away from them at any second?

  “This isn’t weird at all. The three of us in your bathroom, you two kissing and me in the tub,” Alex joked.

  “Oh my God, it’s not weird.” Jen said. “I swear, I bring every person I know up here and tell them to sit in the tub.”

  “She does,” TJ said, winking at Jen. “Anyway, I’ll leave you two alone, but food’s about ready.”

  “Okay,” Jen said, watching him leave. “See, that. That’s why I’m lucky. He made this happen.”

  “You kind of made it happen too, Jen. By being so awesome he couldn’t help but want you.”

  “True,” she said, and they both laughed. “But I had a tendency to push good things away, and luckily he forced me to see that I deserved it.”

  Alex got quiet, suddenly wondering if Jen knew about her being pregnant. It wouldn’t surprise her if she did. Jake and TJ were best friends, and it was unlikely that TJ would keep it from Jen. If she did know, Alex appreciated that she wasn’t giving her the third degree.

  She rose up out of the tub and stepped out. “Thanks for showing me around.”

  “Absolutely. I’m sure the novelty of living here will wear off someday. Then again, I kind of hope it doesn’t. I’m grateful for everything I have because of TJ. Sometimes you don’t know how much you want something until you have it.”

  “I bet,” Alex said, making her way down the main staircase. She worked Jen’s words over in her head as they headed to the back deck. The minute Alex walked outside she met eyes with Jake’s, whose stance visibly relaxed when he saw her. She didn’t miss the way his eyes ran up and down her body.

  He met her eyes again, and their gaze held a little too long—until he leaned down to listen to something Joel was telling him. She watched him laugh and nod his head, his eyes darting warily back to her.

  She sat down next to Charlotte and her photography assistant, Lauren. The conversation was about Dean and Charlotte’s wedding, and she tried to join in as much as she could, especially when Charlotte told Lauren about them going to taste cakes.

  “Weren’t Jill’s cakes to die for?” Lauren asked Alex.

  “They really were. And her little kitchen was so cool.”

  “I need a man to propose just so I can go in and order a cake,” Lauren said, laughing.

  Alex smiled as a shadow came over her. She looked up to find Jake standing there quietly.

  “Lauren, let’s go make a plate. I’m starving,” Charlotte said, standing up. She winked at Alex. “Can I bring you a burger?”

  “Sure,” Alex nodded.

  “What do you like on it?” Charlotte asked.

  “Lots of lettuce and jalapeños,” Jake answered for her.

  Charlotte smirked, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of them, finally landing on Alex.

  She nodded. “He’s right, but maybe this time pickles instead of jalapeños.”

  “Got it,” Charlotte said, heading inside.

  Jake sat down in her vacated chair, pulling it closer, but not enough to draw attention. Thankfully everyone was busy chatting, eating, or inside getting their lunch from the spread that had been laid out on the big island in the kitchen. Dean was thankfully busy manning the grill and wasn’t paying them any attention.

  “How are you?” he asked, leaning forward, elbows on his knees.

  “I’m okay.”

  “You look amazing today.”

  “Thanks,” she said, adjusting her sundress in her lap.

  “Jalapeños make you sick?”

  She smiled. “I’m afraid they might. My stomach’s been a little sensitive.”

  He nodded. “I want to touch you,” he muttered.

  “Jake.”

  He sat up with a sigh and looked around the yard. TJ’s house sat on a giant lot surrounded by farmland. Crop fields on one side, cows on the other. It was surprisingly beautiful and very serene.

  “I love it out here,” she said.

  “Do you?” Jake asked.

  She looked at him. “It’s so peaceful.”

  When he didn’t respond, she looked back to find him staring at her intently, elbows now settled on the armrests of the lawn chair.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Let me give you this, Alex.”

  She laughed, shaking her head. “A giant home in the country?”

  He shrugged. “A home. Peace.”

  Her eyes went wide. “Is that what you want? For us to just play house?”

  “No, I don’t mean to play.”

  “Well, that doesn’t sound like peace to me at all. Do you know what happens when you make happy plans, Jake? People die.”

  Leaning forward, he narrowed his eyes. “Is that what you’re afraid of, Alex? Because you can’t live life waiting for tragedy.”

  “Are you really saying that to me? I lost my parents in a car wreck and the man I love in a helicopter accident.” She noticed the way his jaw tightened when she mentioned loving Nate. Tough—s
he would never not say it. And those losses she’d mentioned, that didn’t even include the pain of losing her second real family to divorce. When her parents had died, Dean and his now ex-wife Amy had treated her like she was their own. That, too, had been taken from her. Loss and grief were a constant in her life. “Jake, every time I have a family, or try to, I lose someone I love. I’m tired of hurting.”

  “I understand that, Alex. Do you not think this scares me too?”

  She glanced around the deck to find Dean watching them. There was no way he could hear their conversation, but it had to look odd, the way Jake was leaning toward her with a scowl on his face.

  “Stop,” she said. “We’re not alone.”

  He relaxed, sitting back a bit in the chair, but still leaning to the side to be close enough to talk. “We need to tell everyone soon, Alex. I want to be free to touch you whenever I want.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean, Jake? You seem to think once we tell everyone, it will just be a happy thing.”

  “It could be, Alex. If you let it.”

  “Don’t you think this is hard enough as it is?”

  He shook his head and put his hands on the edge of the chair as if he was going to stand up. “Say the word, and I’ll tell your brother right here and now. We can do this together. Fuck anyone who gives us a problem.”

  What was he saying? Did he really mean that he wanted them to be a couple? What, get married? She could never put herself in that position again, it was too painful. That kind of love, that kind of commitment, it was terrifying. “Why are you doing this to me, Jake? This was my chance. I made a plan. I have a job. If I couldn’t have a family with Nate, then I don’t want one.”

  He stared into her eyes, his jaw rigid, nostrils flaring as he breathed in and out deeply. Finally he stood up and went inside without another word.

  She sat there, her heart pounding in her chest. What had she done? Was she shivering? How could she have said those words to him? Immediately she stood up but was stopped by someone grabbing her arm.

  “What the hell was that about?”

  Alex turned to see Dean, eyes narrowed.

  “Nothing. Let go of me.” She yanked her arm from his, easy to do because he hadn’t really gripped her that hard, but her anger concerned him. She could tell by the shock on his face.