Unbreakable (Accidental Crush #3)

by Adrienne Torrisi

  “She was really upset, and I didn’t expect it. I thought she felt the same way I did, but she didn’t.” He shakes his head, and my heart breaks for her a little and for him, too. It’s apparent he still feels bad and maybe a little guilty.

  “I knew something was off. I knew she was depressed. Then she started calling me all the time, which wasn’t really like her. I mean, one of the things I liked the most was her confidence. She’s a lot like Casey—the world is hers, and she’s always in control.” He shakes his head again. “But this was a different Dylan. She would leave so many messages it would fill up my voicemail.”

  I smile to myself at the stabbing reminder of trying to reach Todd this summer and doing exactly the same thing—filling up his voicemail, trying to talk to him.

  He looks back over at me, the pain of retelling this story written all over his face, but the guilt is clear now, and that’s something I haven’t seen before.

  “I didn’t want to lead her on, Ash, so I didn’t call her back. Not once.” I see the glisten in his eyes.

  My heart sinks. I now know why he’s never wanted to talk about it. There is raw pain there, something he tried to hide for so long. I’m mad at myself for wanting to find out the truth this summer and for making him relive this now.

  “Todd, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anymore.” I reach for his hand, needing to touch him, needing him to know I’m here for him.

  He takes a deep breath and presses his lips together. I can tell he’s fighting to keep it together.

  He shakes his head again. “No, I should have told you months ago. I need to say this. I’ve never really talked about it with anyone.”

  He takes a deep breath before continuing. “The day it happened, I was at work. We all only had a few days left. I just finished caddying for one of the bigger guys at the club when I saw Casey walking up. I knew something was wrong. He didn’t say anything; he just pushed me in the chest and screamed, ‘She’s in the hospital, you asshole.’ I knew exactly who he was talking about, and I didn’t know what to think. Casey was ready to fight, and I was trying to absorb what he just said. ‘She’s on a ventilator, and it’s your fault’.” Todd’s voice cracks, letting me know his emotions are winning the internal battle.

  I reach for his hand again and squeeze it. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  When he glances over at me, I can tell he still has more to say. “I asked him what happened, and he just started screaming again, saying, ‘What do you think happened? You broke up with her and then fell off the face of the earth.’ Then it all clicked for me, I knew what she tried to do, and he was blaming me.”

  I run my hand along his arm, but he is deep in thought. “What did you say?” I ask gently.

  His eyes quickly land on mine then refocus on something outside the front window. “I was so mad. I couldn’t believe he was blaming me, and I couldn’t believe she would do something like that to herself. Casey was right up in my face, and I didn’t care anymore that we were at work or that we were surrounded by people. And trust me, everyone was staring. That place is a cesspool of gossip.”

  He’s so focused it’s like he’s traveled back to that day, reliving every detail.

  “I pushed him back. This was not my fault, and I knew it. Dylan had a lot of issues, and I might have been one of them, but I knew this wasn’t because of me, so I shouted back in his face, ‘This is not my fault. You know why I didn’t call her back.’ ” He looks at me to explain, “I talked to him about Dylan, and we both thought it was best not to return her calls, and then he was standing there, blaming me? I couldn’t even be upset for what just happened to her or to even find out if she was going to be okay. Instead, I wanted to kill Casey, so I pushed him back harder, and he launched at me. That was it.

  “I really wanted to hurt him, Ash. I couldn’t believe someone I thought was my friend—someone I talked to about everything, and we both decided it was best for Dylan not to return her calls—was standing there, blaming me for something so terrible. I knew he had to be hurting. I know I couldn’t handle it if something like that ever happened to Sid, but none of that mattered.” He stops himself when he realizes how much he just said, but it’s clear he has needed to talk about it for a long time. Once he started, everything just poured out.

  He gives me a small smile. “I don’t really remember what happened next. I lost control in that moment. I know I did.”

  He looks back out the front window. “The next thing I remember is Brian shouting in my face and pushing me back. I remember looking over at Casey, who was a bloody mess, and I knew I wasn’t much better, but I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything. I got suspended from work, which I still hate.” He squeezes the steering wheel in front of him.

  “What happened to Casey?” As soon as the words spill out, I regret it. But for once, there is no hate from Todd when I mention him.

  “Nothing. His dad got him off because they’re members. He went to work as usual. His dad threatened to get me kicked off the football team, though. I guess they donated money for our field a few years ago—tax deduction or something—so he even has power at our school.”

  “But when Dylan woke up, she told them it wasn’t me; it was them—her parents. And of course, they couldn’t handle that, so they still blame me, but Dylan wouldn’t let them do anything.”

  “Did you talk to her, see her?”

  “Yeah, I drove up to see her. We’re cool. She told me it had nothing to do with me, but she was pissed I never called her back.” He laughs for the first time, breaking the tension that was filling the car.

  Then his eyes finally meet mine again, and the smile is back in them. “She was like, ‘Oh, so is this how I get you to return my calls.’ I honestly think all the calls were just a distraction for her, and the whole thing was to prove a point to her parents”—he takes a deep breath—“but I never wanted to talk about it. It felt private and like it wasn’t something to talk about. Ryan doesn’t even know the whole story. I mean, Brian knows most of it because he saw the fight. They both knew I got suspended for the last week of work, and they knew what happened with Dylan because it was all over the club. But they were cool, asking if I wanted to talk about it, and when I said no, it ended there. Only my parents know about the football thing.”

  He looks down at my hand as his fingers run over mine. “I still blame myself a little, though, deep down. I should have called her back. Maybe just talking to someone would have stopped her.”

  “You were right before; this is not your fault.” I pull his face toward mine, needing him to see how serious I am about this and how grateful I am that he is opening up to me. “Todd, it is not your fault. She chose to take those pills. She told you herself. She stuck up for you.”

  His eyes travel back down to my hand as his fingers move up to the bracelet he gave me on my birthday. “I know,” he whispers. “Thanks for listening, Ash.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I just need you to understand why I can’t stand him. And then, when I got that picture of you both and I knew you were with him every day at the pool, all of my hate for him came back.” His eyes meet mine again. “I trust you with everything, but I don’t trust him.” His look changes from filled with love to harsh and hard. “Now do you see why?”

  I take a deep breath, which may be the first time I have actually breathed since we started talking. This is a tough one. I do fully understand, yet at the same time, I know Casey, and I’m sure he wasn’t thinking straight when he found out about his sister. They only really have each other, so he must have lost it, and it was easy to blame Todd.

  Suddenly, there is a loud fist slamming on my window.

  “What the hell?”

  “What’s up, jackass?” Todd says as he rolls down his window, looking past me.

  I turn to see my brother Ryan standing there with a wide grin on his face. “You scared the shit out of me, jerk!”

  “Ash bug, language.” He makes the tsk-tsk motion with his finger. “W
hat are you two doing in here? You’ve been out here forever, and we’re going to be late for practice.” He stops almost mid-thought. “Better yet, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know,” he says as he notices our hands intertwined. “Come on, Todd; we’ve got a fancy dinner date.” Ryan gives me a smirk. “He’s mine tonight, Ash. Come on, Toddy; we don’t want to be late for our date.”

  “You truly are an idiot.” Todd says with a laugh. “You’ve been hanging out with Brian too much,” he shouts out the window to Ryan who is walking backward to his car.

  “You were mine first,” Ryan shouts back before he points to me. “I saw him first, Ash.”

  “I’ll see you at practice,” Todd yells back. “I just need a minute. Cover for me with Coach if I’m late.”

  “I’m not running laps for your ass, so hurry it up,” Ryan shouts back as he throws his gym bag in his car.

  “I love you, too,” Todd calls to him as he rolls the window back up. Then his eyes lock with mine. “I guess I’ve gotta go.” He shrugs.

  “Yeah, it seems that way.” I smile. “Thanks for telling me everything. I’m sorry about Casey and Dylan and the whole thing. I know that had to be really hard.”

  “It wasn’t easy”—he smiles—“but it’s done, and she’s fine, and it all worked out. I just don’t think I can ever forgive him for blaming me when we were friends. I mean, we talked about Dylan before it all happened, and he agreed I shouldn’t call her. Then, for him to turn on me like that …” He shakes his head. “It’s over with us. I’ll never trust him again, especially with you.”

  His hand caresses my jaw as his thumb runs circles over my cheek. Then he leans in and kisses me, really kisses me, and the feeling of his soft lips on mine reminds me just how right we are for each other.

  He finally forces himself to pull back. “Okay, I better go, or your brother is going to kill me.”

  “Love you. Have a good practice,” I say, opening the car door to leave.

  As I watch him drive away, I’m so happy he finally told me everything. No more secrets. I have no idea what to do about Casey, though. I get Todd’s side, but I also understand Casey’s. He freaked out and needed someone to blame. I wish Todd could understand Casey’s side, too. I wish Casey would just apologize, but I know he never will. They are both too proud, although of what, I have no idea.

  Casey! I never checked his text.

  Hey, Ash. George said he wants to keep the summer swim team together for fall/winter swim. Want to do it?

  I can’t believe it. My first thought is that this is amazing. Then my second thought is Todd.

  I close my eyes and mentally scan through how I think the conversation will go. I’m sure he will be totally cool with me hanging out with Casey every afternoon while he is at football practice. Shaking my head, I look back down at my phone to see there is an entire chain of texts from Casey.

  Come on, Ash.

  Do it.

  You know you love to swim.

  And you get to spend every afternoon with me.

  “Yeah, that’s the problem,” I say out loud to my phone.

  Great, now I’m talking to myself.

  Ashley Taylor.

  Say something.

  Actually text something.

  What am I going to do?

  Chapter 2: First Day

  ASHLEY

  It’s the very first day of my sophomore year. I am no longer a freshman, and it feels great! If I’m excited, I know Ryan must be ecstatic because it’s the first day of his senior year.

  “You know, you’re very lucky that I’m your brother,” he says with a smirk as we pull into the senior parking lot.

  “Oh, yeah?” I ask with an eye roll. I know exactly what he means. The senior parking lot is a big deal at our school. It’s seniors only, of course. The only exception is if you ride to school with a senior, which thanks to my parents’ timing of my birth, I do.

  “Yup. I’m your free pass to the elite.”

  “It’s just a parking lot, Ry. Relax.” It is pretty cool, but I would never admit that to him.

  If you try to park in the SL—senior lot—and you’re not a senior, the seniors will egg your car. All seniors get a special front window sticker, and if you don’t have one, you can kiss your car’s paint job good-bye.

  As soon as my foot touches the pavement, I hear Brian’s voice. “What? I’m sorry. You must be lost. This is the senior parking lot. I get how your tiny, sophomore brain might get confused since they both start with S.”

  “Shut up, Brian.” Todd elbows him as he comes up to meet me.

  “Well, at least you’re not a freshman anymore,” Brian says with some sincerity.

  “Well, at least you’re not an asshole anymore. Oh, wait ... never mind,” I say back.

  “She’s got you there.” Todd smiles as he wraps his arms around my waist. “Hi, Ash.” He leans down and kisses my cheek, his warm breath feeling wonderful on my neck.

  We’re interrupted by Mark Conner’s bright red pickup truck pulling into the lot, which distracts Brian from belittling me for a minute.

  Mark’s truck is huge. It’s the kind that has a back seat and four doors. It’s as if a car and a truck had a giant baby. I’m sure these trucks are a dime a dozen in the south, but we’re only a few miles away from Manhattan, so pickup trucks are few and far between. Therefore, you can see him coming from miles away, and you always know it’s Mark.

  He’s not quite one of the three Musketeers—the nickname our school has for Todd, Brian, and my brother—but if there was a fourth Musketeer, it would be Mark. He’s probably the best running back our team has had in a long time, and he knows it.

  “Mark Conner, as I live and breathe!” Brian shouts as Mark hops out of his truck.

  Brian and Mark could have been separated at birth. They are exactly alike except Brian has sandy blonde hair, and Mark has brown hair that is so dark it’s almost black. They both have chiseled features that only seem to come with being a stellar athlete. They even have the same, exact haircut—short with just enough length in the front to spike it up.

  Brian has chocolate brown eyes, and Mark has striking hazel eyes that seem to change colors with what he wears, which is cool. I’m kind of obsessed with eye color, especially because mine are the most boring brown. Anyway, they both have the reputation of being major players on and off the field. I’m not sure either of them has ever had a serious girlfriend, but girls don’t seem to care; they like being with them when they get the opportunity. That is, until Blythe for Brian.

  “Boys.” Mark nods his head toward all of them. “Little Taylor,” he acknowledges me, giving Todd a smile I don’t miss. “Life is good in the SL, boys.” He gestures around the parking lot. “We’re seniors, baby!” he shouts at the top of his lungs.

  I can’t help rolling my eyes. We haven’t even been here five minutes, and this senior thing is already getting old.

  “So what football camps did you hit this summer?” Mark asks all the boys.

  Our school is a huge football school, and since we made it to state last year, a lot of the boys were invited to high profile college football camps, which helps them get recruiting exposure. As they go through them, my heart sinks at the reminder. I have one year left, and then Todd will be in college. As exciting as it is for him to be a senior, it means this is the last of everything we will experience together in high school, and I’m already dreading it.

  “I hit some of the southern schools; Florida State and Bama,” Mark says, beaming with pride. “But, man, they kicked my ass.”

  “Tell us about it,” Ryan says.

  I feel Todd’s arms tighten around me. I know he’s thinking about what happened at camp, and I know he still feels guilty. I just glance up at him with a smile. It’s an unspoken conversation between us, one where we know what the other is thinking.

  “Speaking of the south kicking our asses,” Brian says, noticing Blythe pulling into the parking lot. She parks her white BMW
right next to his red one. “Here’s my girlfriend.” He smiles as he walks over to meet up with her.

  On that word, Mark chokes on the water he’s drinking. “Did he say girlfriend? When did that happen?” he asks the rest of us with such a shocked expression I’m trying hard not to laugh.

  The boys glance at each other with smiles as they shake their heads.

  “This summer,” Todd answers.

  “Wow!” Mark says. “I lost my partner in crime, since you two are married.” He gestures toward Todd and Ryan, and then his eyes connect with mine. “No offense, little Taylor.”

  “None taken.” I return his smile.

  I glance over to see Brian wrap his arms around Blythe. The smile she gives him is so sincere. They work, they fit. I have never seen Brian look at a girl the way he looks at Blythe.

  Of course, she looks incredible, her curly red hair is wild and crazy, just like her, but it’s controlled chaos. She’s wearing tight jeans with a long, button-down shirt; a wide belt; and her classic, black cowboy boots. She has a jeweled headband on, but she’s wearing it 80s style around her forehead. Everything about her screams confidence. She stays true to herself and her southern roots, no apologies. She is who she is: artistic, stylish, and smart. God, I wish I could be like her, but I guess I’ll have to settle for being friends with her.

  “Hey, guys, Ash. How’s your head?” she asks as they join our circle.

  My hand instinctively goes to the scar, and I feel Todd’s arms tighten around me as if his protective mode kicked into autopilot at the reminder.

  Mark gives me a quick, questioning look.

  “Just a little accident at the pool while we were life guarding this summer.” I shrug it off. “I’m good. Thanks, Blythe.” I give her a look that says thanks for bringing that up.