Walk of Shame

by Ashley, Victoria

  Once upon a time I actually cared about my image and the way I looked from another’s perspective. I would have never been caught dead working in a place like this, fucking every hot female with a wet pussy waiting between her legs and drinking myself into my grave. I actually wanted to love and to be loved. I had it before but lost it and myself, but she makes me long to be that person again. She made me realize that sometimes you have to peel back the layers to discover who someone really is. Otherwise, you may miss a remarkable person.

  IT’S ALMOST CLOSING TIME AND the only ones left in the bar besides me, Cale and Sarah is a small group of females that can’t keep their eyes off me or Cale. I recognize one of the girls, because I fucked her in the back a couple months ago. Her eyes haven’t left me once since the crowd died down. It’s starting to get a little on the creepy side.

  “Dude, that chick is all up on your shit hardcore.” Cale leans over the bar and starts wiping it down. “Are you sure you’re not down? We can make a great fucking time out of this.”

  I look from Cale, over to the tatted up redhead whose eyes are practically fucking me. I’m definitely not down. I just don’t feel the need. “I’m good. They’re all yours, bro.”

  All I want to do is get my ass out of here. It’s been a long ass day and I’m exhausted. The last thing I want to do is deal with some horny ass chick trying to get on my cock.

  Just when I think the girls are finally going to get up and leave, I hear the door open and the sound of heels pounding on the marble flooring. The first thing I think is that another girl is joining the group of women that have been waiting impatiently for me and Cale to get off.

  “We’re closed,” I say without looking up.”

  “I’m sorry. I was hoping to get here sooner.”

  My heart stops at the sound of her voice and my breath catches in my throat. I feel every muscle in my body tense as I bring my eyes up to see the woman that has been haunting me for the last few weeks. She’s standing there in a little green dress with those sexy strappy heels that I love on her.

  Holy shit, she steals my breath away.

  She smiles shyly when her eyes lock with mine. She looks nervous. “I can wait outside,” she says while pointing to the door. “It’s not a big deal.”

  I get ready to respond, but Cale jumps up from the ground and hops over the bar to stop her before I can. “Holy shit! What are you doing back?”

  Aspen looks at me for a second longer before turning her attention to Cale as he reaches in for a hug and shakes her back and forth. “Did you miss me that much,” she asks out of breath as Cale squeezes her half to death and then releases her.

  “You know it.” He takes a step back and I can’t help but to watch them. Everything in me wants to jump over that bar and kiss her, but I’m trying my best to hold back. “So, what the hell are you doing here? Are you staying with us again?”

  My heart speeds up just at the thought of her being under the same roof as us; a chance for me to show her that I’ve changed; a chance to let her fall for me.

  “No,” she says. “I’m actually here because well . . . I moved here.”

  Holy fucking shit. It’s suddenly hard to breathe.

  “I just couldn’t stay with Jay anymore. As soon as we got back home I told him it was over. I started looking around for a new job and packed up all my shit.” She stops to smile at Cale. “I found a job here in a salon and decided I wanted to be back home. I’ve missed it here and there’s nothing left for me back in Rockford. Riley is moving back in a couple months, anyway.”

  Cale looks paler than a fucking ghost, but I ignore his reaction and focus on Aspen. I can’t help the excitement that rushes through me. Every part of me is screaming to fucking kiss her and make her mine while I can. I can’t hold back. I need to do this. If I don’t, someone else will.

  Fuck it!

  I jump over the bar, grab her face and slam my lips against hers, tasting her with desperation. The feel of her lips give me a fucking rush and I know that after this I won’t be able to go on without having her as mine. I need her and I’m going to show her she needs me too.

  When we’re both short of breath, she pulls away and her eyes search mine. She looks scared and lost. The feeling makes my chest ache. I don’t want to do that to her.

  She just stares, breathing heavily, with her body trembling. Then without a word, she turns and rushes for the door. “Wait. Don’t fucking run away again.”

  I step up behind her and grab her arm right as she’s reaching for the door. She yanks it out of my grip and takes a step back as I take a step forward. It seems to be our little game. “Why? Why should I wait?”

  I don’t hesitate to tell her the truth this time and I don’t give a shit that everyone is staring at us as if we’re some kind of fucking soap opera. This time, I’m not letting her get away; I can’t. “Because I love it when you touch me. It makes me feel as if I’m breathing; makes me feel . . . alive.”

  Her breathing picks up as I run my lips over her neck and brush her hair over her shoulder. “You make me want to be a better man. I want to take care of you. I want to make you feel wanted like you deserve.” I stop to kiss her neck before gently tugging her hair to the side. “I may not be perfect all the fucking time. I’m far from it, but you make me want to be as close to it as I can be. Give me a chance to make you feel good; feel wanted. I want you to be mine. I want to be the one you snuggle with and watch a movie with at night. I want to be the one you stay home with because you don’t like to go out. I don’t like fucking cats, but I’ll love them because you love them.”

  “I don’t know,” she whispers. “I’m scared. I can’t handle being crushed by you. It will only fucking destroy me, Slade.”

  “I am too. Trust me. This feeling is new to me. You’ve done something to me and I can’t stop fucking thinking about you. You’ve fucking ruined me. I’m not giving you up so easily.”

  Her lips part and it takes everything in me to not press my lips against them again and make her mine. I want her so bad, but I want her to want me just as much. I can’t force her to want me this time. It will never work that way.

  “You really can’t stop thinking about me?” I nod my head and run my thumb over her lip. “What about all the other women, Slade? I can’t be with a man like that again. I just can’t.” She looks around the room at the group of women watching us. She looks upset by them and a bit jealous. I don’t like that look on her. “I didn't mean for my presence to distract you from your job. I just wanted to let you know you'd be seeing me around more. I didn’t come looking for this."

  I cup her face in my hands and step closer to her to show her I don’t give a fuck about those women. “I haven’t been with any other women since you. The closest I got to having sex with a woman was before you left and I was still being a horny, heartless dick. I was confused and not ready for change. I won’t lie to you about that. I’ll never lie to you. I haven’t had sex or have even wanted to since you fucking left me that night. That’s a big fucking deal for me.”

  A tear falls down her cheek, but she tries to hide it before I can see it. She’s too late. I catch her face and rub the tear away with my thumb. She seems a bit surprised and torn. I don’t blame her. I was a major dick and I don’t deserve her trust. “I don’t understand why, Slade. You can have anyone that you want. I do mean anyone and everyone.”

  “But I want you. I know I’ve been an asshole and I’m sorry. I don’t even know how I let things go so far and let myself become an asshole . . . but when you fall it happens all too fast.” I step closer to her so that my lips are brushing hers. “All I’m asking is for you to give me a chance. We can take things slow. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I can’t stop thinking about you, Aspen. No one has been able to make me feel the way you do. No one has been able to make me feel at all.”

  She tilts her head up and rubs her lips against mine, but doesn’t kiss me. “I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a
good idea.”

  “How do you feel about me?” I tilt her face up so she can look me in the eyes. The eyes always give the heart away. “Tell me how you feel. I don’t want a bullshit answer this time. I’m standing here in front of everyone asking you if you feel the same way I do. Tell me the truth.”

  Her eyes search mine and I can see her walls break down a bit. She cares for me, but just how much? Is it enough? I can only hope. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I knew then that I wouldn’t be able to forget you. I was right. I was hoping that I’d be able to go the whole week and force myself to hate you. It didn’t happen. Every day, I fell further for you.” She reaches up and wraps her hands in my hair and gently tugs on it. “Then you opened up to me and I fell even more. It was unstoppable and I knew I was screwed in the best way possible. I wanted to know more. I wanted to help ease your pain. I wanted to cure you.”

  I pull her face to mine and suck in her bottom lip before releasing it. “You did fucking cure me. Now give me a chance to cure you. If I fuck up you can punish me.” I smirk and she lightly taps my cheek. “I mean it.”

  Her eyes search mine for a second and I leave them open for her. I want her to read them; to see how I truly feel and that I meant every word that I said. “We’ll take things slow,” she asks. “At my pace?”

  “At your pace.” I smile as I bite her lip and press my body against hers. “Except for in the bedroom.”

  She laughs and again, it’s the most beautiful sound in the fucking world. Especially when it’s because of me. I never want to forget that sound. “I think I can handle that,” she whispers. “Just don’t hurt me, please. I can’t handle it.”

  “I won’t do that. If I hurt you I will only be hurting myself more.” I gently suck her bottom lip into my mouth before kissing her. She kisses me back with a desperation that says she’s missed me as much as I’ve missed her before pulling away and placing her forehead to mine.

  “Maybe you should stay at my house tonight. You know, come help me unpack.”

  “All right, guys,” Cale jumps in between us and places his hand on my chest. “This is getting too fucking mushy. Slade, are you running a fucking fever?”

  “Fuck you, Cale.” I push him out of the way and grab my woman, throwing her over my shoulder. She giggles and slaps my ass. I like it. “Have fun closing up the bar. I’m fucking out.”

  Before Cale or Sarah can respond, I’m out the fucking door. I smack Aspen’s perfect little ass, causing her to bite me as I head for the white Jeep that she points to.

  Looks like I have a lot to prove before Aspen will completely trust me and give herself to me fully. I’m willing to give it my all. She deserves better than what she’s had and that’s what I’ll be working to be. She’s opened my eyes and I’m not going to fucking let them close again. I’m tired of not living and just getting by day by day, trying my best to feel less dead.

  I have no idea where this will take me and if it will work out, but it’s worth fighting for. That’s the only thing I know at the moment.

  I’m going to show this woman that I can be her man and more; show her and myself that I’m still human . . .

  The End of #1

  I FEEL A HAND ON my shoulder pushing and shaking me, causing me to groan and scratch my head. I’m so fucked up that I can barely even move. To be honest, this could just be my mind screwing with me again, so I choose to ignore it.

  “Dude. Hemy. Get the hell up. Wake up, bro.”

  I make an attempt to open my eyes, but all they do is end up rolling into the back of my head and closing. I’m in the middle of my drug-induced coma, fucked out of my mind. My eyes are so heavy that I don’t even bother trying to open them again. All I want to do is sleep, to not have to think. My mind is a fog, no clues as to where it’s been or what it’s done in the past twenty-four hours; my synthetic nirvana.

  “It’s time for you to get out, man. Take Rachel and go. I got shit to do.” The voice echoes through my ears, not sticking to my mind for shit except for one word.

  All it takes is Rachel’s name for my mind to register what the hell is going on and for me to sober up enough to move. I knew I shouldn’t have come here last night. All I wanted was a quick release from my hell for ten minutes. I didn’t expect to get as trashed as I did, but then again I never do until it’s too late.

  Sitting straight up I open my eyes and shake my head, as if that’s going to take me out of the state I’m in. The room starts spinning around me, so I lean forward with my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes shut. I need to come down, but my mind is still off in the land of the thoroughly fucked up.

  “Dude . . . I told you to take it easy last night, but you were unstoppable as usual.”

  My brain finally starts to process and I open my eyes again to see my good friend, Mitch, standing above me with my shirt in his hands. He looks both pissed off and sorry for me at the same damn time.

  He throws my shirt at my face and it ends up landing on my lap, which I just now realize is covered with Rachel’s face buried in the middle. Rachel groans and digs her face into my hard on, but doesn’t wake up.

  Damn.

  In one quick movement I push Rachel out of my lap and jump to my feet. “Ah, fuck.” I rub my hands over my face and step away from the bed. “What is this shit?”

  Rachel opens her eyes and smiles seductively while reaching for my pant leg. I shake her hand off and push it away. “What’s wrong, baby? You seemed to be into me last night. Did I do something wrong?” She pokes her bottom lip out in a pout.

  Pointing my finger in her face I take a deep breath and exhale, trying to keep my anger in check. “The fuck I was. You know damn well I don’t want shit to do with you.” I grab for my shirt and start backing away. “I’ll deal with your ass later. I told you this shit had to stop. I have to go.”

  I rush through the house with Mitch trailing closely at my heels. As soon as I push my way outside, I stop and take a few deep breaths in an attempt to gather myself from the shit storm I just walked out of. My head is spinning even faster now, and I have no idea how I’m going to get my ass home in this condition. I can barely even stand up straight.

  “I have some bad news, bro.” Mitch’s voice is soft and full of regret coming from beside me.

  I don’t like the sound of this. I lean against the brick wall of the house and rub my hands over my face as fast as I can. “Just say it, man.”

  Mitch leans against the wall beside me. He hesitates for a short moment, meaning he doesn’t want to say what it is he has to tell me. “Onyx came over looking for you this morning. I tried telling her that you weren’t here, but man, she isn’t stupid.”

  I turn around and pound my fist into the brick wall as hard as I can, repetitively, angry with my damn self. The crackling of bone against the wall tells me how much pressure I’m exerting behind each swing. The drugs swarming through my bloodstream numbs my mind from the pain I would be experiencing otherwise. “What did she see,” I ask through gritted teeth. “Why didn’t you wake me up? Fuck, I could have explained everything.”

  “I tried waking your ass up. You were too fucked up. She walked in the bedroom and saw you shirtless with Rachel laying across your lap. She just stood there motionless for a while before turning around and walking out. She seemed pretty calm, man. I don’t know. I tried explaining, but she just kept walking, mumbling something about eternal heartache.”

  I let out a huff and glide my fingers through my sweaty hair. “How the hell did Rachel get in there with me? When I went to that room last night I was alone. I didn’t do shit with her. I never once touched her.” My jaw steels as I picture Rachel’s scheming hands on me. This isn’t the first time she has pulled this shit.

  “I don’t know, dude. I just went in there this morning to make sure your ass was still breathing and there she was, half naked, and sleeping on your lap. I didn’t know what the hell happened, so I just left you two alon
e.” He throws his arms up to show me he doesn’t really want to get involved. “I’m sorry, man. I think your time with Onyx is up. Everyone has a breaking point, a moment when they throw in the towel and walk away. You’ve screwed things up way too many times. You need to get your shit together before you end up dead and alone.”

  I stand here and let his words sink in as he pushes away from the wall and walks away, ending the conversation. I’m at a loss for words. I know I’m nothing but a big fuck up. I’ve always been worthless. Even my parents thought so.

  Giving my body a few more minutes to wake up and get with the program, I just stand here with my eyes closed, gripping the wall in front of me. I can feel the blood starting to ooze out of the torn skin, running down my fingers, but only because of the wetness and not the pain. I’m still numb from the pain, I always am. It’s what I spend all of my time chasing, and the reason I’m in this situation. How the hell am I going to explain this shit to Onyx? She’ll probably be gone by the time I get there.

  Dammit, I fucked up . . .

  THIRTY MINUTES LATER I PULL up in front of my apartment and hop off my motorcycle. It took me that long to be able to somewhat function normally. Even from the street I can see a couple of her suitcases on the porch, telling me what a damn screw up I am.

  I stand here watching Onyx as she throws another bag out onto the porch, not even bothering to look my direction. It’s really happening. She’s really leaving and I am too fucked up to even fight for her. I am barely holding the bile down that is rising in my throat. Even I think I’m a loser at the moment. How am I supposed to convince her otherwise?

  Setting my helmet down on my seat, I sprint over to the porch and reach for her arm just as she sets down another bag. “It wasn’t what it looked like. Let me explain.”