by L. Ann Marie
“I’m not a Brother anymore so I don’t need it.” I move him to the gate control and have him open it. Once I ride through I wonder if I need to move. I put it aside and ride to the reader’s house. Keeping Security looking the other way, I shut the street lights and open the sister’s car door. I stuff the cash above the visor and lock then close it. When I’m riding away I release the Security Brother and let the lights go. Instead of going home I ride to the fish place we like off the highway. I keep people away from me and sit. A waiter comes and takes my order and I open to the people. I feel anger and look to my right. A woman is pissed at her husband. I block them and keep moving. No one is thinking about me, but a woman at the bar. I ignore her and watch my waiter walk toward me smiling. “I told them it was for you so they took it from a pain in the ass at the bar. They’re making him another order.”
I see the guy, in his head, giving the bartender shit and smile. “Karma. Thanks buddy.” He laughs walking away. They do know me here. He even brought the malt vinegar.
I eat until I feel anger directed at me. I look toward the door where Taylor is walking toward me. “What the fuck are you thinking Christian?”
I look at him wondering where this is coming from. “I was thinking I was hungry.”
He sits. “Don’t give me that shit. Why are you without Security? The guard says he opened the gate, but didn’t want to. You did that, didn’t you?”
I nod. “I did. I’m not a Brother and don’t need Security. Do you have Security with you?”
He leans back in his chair and looks at me. “You take Security with you whenever you leave the Compound. As for you not being a Brother that’s a whole different conversation.”
“No.”
He looks like I slapped him. “What do you mean no?”
“I’m not taking Security with me. You don’t have Security with you, Jessie doesn’t take Security neither does Aaron. Because I don’t know your words doesn’t mean I’m not qualified to keep myself safe. If I need help I’ll ask you or Jacob or even Brantley for it.”
“Jesus you’re a fuckin’ pain in the ass today. Security is always with you Christian, you’ve always had it.”
I throw money and stand. “I hit higher than all of you on the leaderboard. While everyone was living a real life all I did was train. I did that alone because that’s how it was for me. Now I’m here and you see my ability, but you’re still treating me like I can’t get from one place to another without Security—who don’t come close to me as soldiers. Tell me Taylor, if someone told you you’re not allowed to move around without Security what would you do?”
His first reaction is he’d laugh at them. I don’t give him time to answer. “You laughing at them is my point. I’m ahead of you too Taylor. Why the fuck do I need someone not trained as well as me on my right? You don’t.” I throw my leg over and wait for him to get on his bike then ride away.
He’s thinking about me without Security when he turns toward the Compound. I keep going and ride along the water until I hit our last town. I don’t want to push my luck too far so I turn around and head back. I see bikes with the lowlights and like the look of it. I need to talk to Jax about getting some on my bike. I always thought about them for HS, but they’re cool and I want them. I laugh. Losing my cut has been an uplifting and an enlightening experience. A car moves over the line and I push it back and fly by. At the gate the guard has it opening as I’m turning reminding me that I’m still tracked. I throw him respect and ride home.
Chapter Five
I run down the stairs and open the door. I swear if he wasn’t my brother I’d hit him. “Activity Center breakfast.” He walks away.
“Jay! What’s going on?” It’s like six in the fuckin’ morning.
I’m not getting anything. I look for Taylor and Terry, but get nothing. What the fuck? He doesn’t stop. I run up the stairs and get dressed. I hear the chopper, but I’m getting nothing from anyone. You’d think the quiet would be welcome, but I see my brothers and Officers gathered. This doesn’t bode well for me. I call to the ancestors for strength.
Co answers making me laugh. ‘We are with you Guardian of the unrest. Go with peace in your heart and a smile on your face son. The ancestors like when you smile.’
I’m still smiling when I walk into the Activity Center. I stop short at the door and Hawk stops with me. All the Officers are here right in front of me. I look around and see the kids and my family to the side. The MC Officers are here standing with my dad. All the Protectors are here from the MC and reservation. Co and Nunánuk stand with them.
I’m pulling from all of them, but the Shaman are closed to me. I look at Jeremy. “You can stop I’m through.” He nods smiling. I look at Prez. “I know Dakota and Aiyana are shielding for you, but I can read you if I’m looking at you.” He nods and Co laughs.
I want to walk back out, but Jeremy yells, ‘Stay!’ in my head. I look at him, but he doesn’t give me anymore.
Pres steps forward. I watch him then look at Prez. He wants me to listen. I turn back to Pres. “You can come in Christian. This is us fixing a wrong.”
I roll my eyes and step forward five paces. Since there’s nothing, but open space this seems a little ridiculous. I’m struck again with them all there and me on the other side with no one behind me. This feels like shit. I turn, but Jeremy moves behind me holding Aubrey’s hand. Mase, Jacob and Terry move. Then the Protectors do with Co and Nunánuk. When the kids and Done move with Holly behind me, my throat closes up. I swallow throwing them chin and thanking them in my head.
“Something we should have seen and done as well. Our intention is fixing what we fucked up. We’ve spent all night getting everyone’s take on how you’ve been let down by us and are a little tired. You should know we all have your back. Thank you, Jeremy, for showing him.”
I look back and Jeremy throws me chin. They’ve been here all night?
“I transported the old ladies this morning,” Dakota says. I nod and look at Prez.
My dad steps forward. “I find I’m in this position a lot. I should have shown you the peace you get with the ancestors. I didn’t know how to get through, but never thought to show that to you. It was such a simple solution. Nunánuk told me I should, but Jeremy was trying to get to Mitch and I forgot all about it. It’s not an excuse—but an apology. Dakota and Prez were pissed at me again, but I didn’t understand how close we came to losing you. It was when Taylor was going through his shit and I didn’t think about the meditation until Danny told me. I tried to fix it, but I see now how that was too little too late. Christian, you are worth and loved as much as your brothers and sister. There is so much more that I should have done for you and didn’t. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you Son.”
I hug him and hold on. When his hands touch my back I feel all he does. “I don’t know how you’re still sane Dad. We weren’t easy that’s for sure.” He laughs and kisses my head. “You are a great Dad.” My mom comes over with tears on her face asking if she can hug me. I pull her to us. When I can’t take anymore I let go and step back. Jeremy puts his hand on my back pulling the energy away. “Thanks, Je.”
Pres comes closer. “We got help for Tess, Jeremy and Aubrey. Now the kids help each other. We had no idea how to help you and dropped that. That’s on us Christian. Little Ben was always watching and asking for ways to get help for you, but not understanding how your visions worked—we didn’t know what to do. As you know, doing nothing is what actually happened. As adults, we should have been there for you. We always thank Jeremy and Tess for saving so many of us, but it’s you that brings the majority of visions to us or sends them to Jeremy to give us. You alone have the ability to see so much more than we’ll ever understand. It wasn’t until Jacob and Taylor talked that we got a piece of what you go through daily. You see as we’re speaking, you get all that’s unsaid, you can’t just shut it off like Tess and Jeremy.” I nod feeling relieved that he gets it. “Even walking in, with everyone s
hielding, you still get it. I tried to give you peace here and still couldn’t.” He shakes his head, but he’s smiling.
“I saw everyone gathered, but didn’t get anything until I walked in. That’s why I told Prez so he knew I could still read him.”
He nods. “If all these people can’t shield from you, I don’t know how the hell you get through a day.”
I smile. “Dakota and Prez taught me how to control and shield. It’s good now Pres. It was a nightmare some days, but that’s over for me. I don’t think Rich and Tess understood how much I was getting. The blocks they taught me only worked for a short time. Janelle’s door was the same. I’ve trained and now take in what I want. I still get the visions the same, but I manage them instead of them taking me over.”
He nods. I see he wants to hug me, but keeps himself back. I step forward and hug him. “I’m sorry for letting you go Christian. We’ve learned so much. It won’t happen again.”
I step back shaken. “Thanks Pres.” Jeremy’s hand is on me and I feel the energy move out fast.
Prez steps forward. “It’s been an eye-opening night for us. Especially me. Aiyana was going no matter what I said.” I nod. “You made sure Co knew and she had Security?” I nod again. “I was wrong. I told you to go with Jacob and Terry, I went to meet Chance, both times telling you that I’d listen better, but I didn’t. The biggest thing that hit me, Christian, is you leaving without Security. Taylor came back and I got what you told him. You know I looked up where you’re at?” I shake my head no feeling like shit again. He had to check? “That’s when it hit me. I was looking at your scores and realized you knew exactly what I was thinking because I was doing just what you said I was. I doubted you. I swear I’ve never let you go Christian, but I didn’t show you respect either. You saying it should have been enough for me. I am sorry Brother. You had every right to give me back what I was throwing at you.” He looks to the side, but I’m looking at what he’s thinking. “Mucimi threw everything you told Holly to the kids. My boys made sure I heard it all. I told everyone word for word. Jacob told us about how we had no faith in you when your whole life with us has been living in hell with visions on our behalf. Taylor told us how you not needing Security is another way that we don’t show you the respect you earned. Elizabeth, Aiyana and Jeremy told me I am an ass for not showing you my faith in your ability.” Everyone mumbles. “Nunánuk and Co told me the ancestors are not happy with me and I’m fuckin’ afraid to jump.” I smile. He’s telling me the truth. “Christian we have asked you to give us everything without giving anything in return. Starting now I want to fix that. Will you give us a second chance here Brother?”
I take a breath and look at everyone. They all believe I should. They believe in me and I’m feeling it from them. I swallow hard. “Yeah Prez,” I say looking at him. I’m shocked at the look of relief on his face.
“You had every fuckin’ reason to say no there, Brother. I’m so fuckin’ glad it was a yes.” He whispers and I throw him chin. “We have your cut, but we’re asking for a little more from you Christian. Will you serve with your Officers as the new Protector Officer?”
No fuckin’ way? “Seriously?” He nods. “I’m not asking for that Prez. I just didn’t think anyone saw me. The real me.”
He nods. “For years, you’ve protected us. You know the history. I gave you a job and you stepped into it without complaint. You ran Ops saving Taylor and Aaron. Even showed what real Brotherhood is, getting money and an easier path to a woman that you’ve never met.” Oh shit. I look, but he’s not pissed. “You earned this and we’d be honored if you’d wear the Officers cut and take back the job I pushed you away from yesterday.”
I look for my dad. He’s smiling and gives me a nod. “I’d be honored Prez.”
Again, he looks relieved. I look at Dakota. “We will not take you for granted again Christian, but Prez feels relief knowing he was mistaken in his doubt of your ability.”
I nod looking at Prez and feel Jeremy’s hand on my back. Pres and Jessie are standing behind me. Jessie steps closer. “I was a dick. I got it right away, but wanted you to know I meant what I said. I won’t doubt you again Christian.” I throw him chin.
“Can I touch you to get your cut on?” Pres asks. I can’t believe Pres is putting an Officers cut on me. I shield against his thoughts.
Jeremy answers, “Yeah I got him.”
Prez smiles. “I was surprised when they asked to do this too. You understand Brotherhood, so telling you to extend it is pointless, it’s second nature to you. What this cut means, for all of us, is that we owe you respect for all you have done, do now and will do, to honor that Brotherhood and our Club. This cut is our way of showing the ‘all in’ that we dropped when you needed us. Your commitment and worth to us will never be questioned Christian. Your cut is an HS Officer’s, but also has the new Protectors colors. It is us that are honored Brother.”
I’m fuckin’ stunned and it’s not just because Pres and Jessie are touching me. Jeremy is taking it away.
“Brothers, I don’t think he can handle any more hands on him so give a cheer to welcome our newest Officer Christian Blackhawk head of the Protectors for the Princes of Prophecy.”
The room explodes. Between the war cries and the whistling I don’t pick up on the Officers moving closer. I’m watching my dad, smiling at his war cry. “Brother, we have your new gear and a house on the Compound that Uncle Danny will make yours.” My eyes snap to Prez.
“Thank you for this. It is more than I ever thought I’d be here.”
His smile falters. “We’ll fix that Brother.”
“Can we eat now?” Uncle Danny says and we all laugh.
“Prospects!”
People start moving away and I move my foot so Hawk will get up. “I’m good Brother.” He stands by my side, but keeps his body against my leg.
Mucimi is throwing me pictures and I look for him. “Here,” Jeremy says and I look his way.
I pick him up and give him a hug. “Thank you, little man. I know what you’ve done here.”
“Love you.”
I laugh. “I love you too Mucimi.”
“How come you can hug the kid, but we can’t touch you?” Tiny yells from behind me and I jump a fuckin’ foot.
“You fuckin’ touch him and I’m shooting you that’s why! Get away from him!” Jessie yells and the Officers are laughing again. I don’t get it, so I take Mucimi to the table of Blackhawks.
* * *
We jump back with the kids and Dakota is smiling. “You are a good teacher my wise Protector. The ancestors are happy with the children visiting.”
I throw him chin, then look at the kids. We have Mucimi, Teller, Phoenix, Justice and Aquyà. “We will jump after every training class. That’s two days and we jump again. When you’re ready you can jump yourselves, but it’s dangerous to do that alone until you can control your spirit guide. You can jump with me, Dakota or Jeremy. Even Prez and my dad jump. If you need to jump, you find one of us and we’ll help you. Me and Dakota don’t need to be with you to jump with you. We can do that from anywhere. Do you have any questions?”
“What happens if we jump alone?” Aquyà asks.
I look at Dakota, he shows a girl on a bed with elders around her and a woman crying. “The place you can get hurt is not of this world Little Brothers. It is difficult to get back here if you are hurt there. What Christian says is right. You do not jump alone until he tells you that you are ready. It will not be long for that to happen. You already show control with your spirit guides. Christian believes you are responsible enough to learn this now. It is important that you show him you are worthy of that responsibility by respecting his knowledge of your abilities. He has much more to teach you and will need that respect and show of responsibility to move with you to the next level of training. If you show him that you are not responsible, he will not be confident to move you any further than where you are right now. Do you need me to explain that?”
&
nbsp; They all shake their heads no. “We’ll show him and our fathers we’re learning right Daddy,” Justice tells him.
I smile because they’re all thinking the same thing. Mucimi climbs on my lap.
“He asks if we have to talk Mohegan always,” Teller says.
I look at Dakota. “It is good to speak the language of the ancestors when we are in their world. I was taught by Co and our old Shaman and have never spoken any other way there. It makes the ancestors happy to hear their language spoken. You saw the beautiful colors they showed for you.” They all nod smiling. They’re so fuckin’ cute. “That was because they were happy to see children and hear their language.”
Aquyà moves to Dakota’s lap. “Are there other kids that visit the ancestors?”
“Sadly, there are not many. Today, people do not believe in the ancestors as they once did. Children are not taught to visit until they are much older and the ancestors do not hold the same meaning for them as they do for us. Some parents do not have the time to teach the children safely, so they do not learn at all.”
Justice sits up. “That’s why we waited for Christian? ‘Cause he can teach us to be safe?”
I wait for him to answer. If Co said Mucimi is ready to learn why didn’t he teach his boys?
“Part of the reason was Christian, the other is you are so close to the younger boys that we did not want an accident, like with the girl I showed you, happening before everyone was ready. Mucimi can read all of you. He could have been hurt without the knowledge Christian is able to get through to him. It was important for us to keep that hidden so he would not come to harm.”
I nod. He’s right and I’m glad they had the conversation taking him into account. I give them a minute and see they’re all good with this. “Two days we jump again. If you need to jump before that, you do what?”
“Find you!” they yell making me laugh. Mucimi giggles and it makes me laugh more.