When she pulls out, we both begin giggling again.
It could be an interesting day.
~*~*~*~*~
JAGGER
Fuckin’ hell. She did not just do that! I feel a twitch of anger in my chest, which is a first, but mostly it’s shock. Ava is back in her ear, and so she’s clearly gotten cocky. I move my hand to stretch my throbbing finger, fuck, my mind just isn’t with it today. I nearly cut my god damned finger off. This shit is fuckin’ getting bad. I look down at my boy, he’s staring up at me with a hopeful expression. I reach down, lifting him into my arms. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him and Leila, but fuck, Willow was just being an outright bitch.
“Hey Code’s, would you like Shayla to come and play with you?”
“Yeah!” he cries.
“Awesome bud, daddy will call her soon ok?”
Shayla is our babysitter. Willow didn’t honestly think I’d fuckin’ stay here just because she told me to, did she? I walk down the hall to Leila’s room. I can hear her gurgling, when I peer in, she turns her head and looks over at me. She’s cute as a button this girl, Willow claims that she looks like me, but all I see when I look into those green eyes, is her momma. I lift her from her crib, and she wraps a chubby hand around my chain. Both my kids found a fascination with that chain, fucks me why.
“Hey little flower,” I say to her, my voice monotone. “Want a bottle?”
She gurgles again, which I assume is a yes. I take her into the kitchen and slide her into her seat, then I prepare a bottle. My phone rings just as I hand it to her, I look down at the screen. Fuckin’ aye, this is just what I need, a way to fuckin’ piss her off for leavin’ me here with the kids. I know exactly what she’s doing, I also know it won’t work.
“Yeah, I am comin’,” I say, answering the phone. “Meet you there in ten.”
I hang up, and I search the fridge for the babysitters number. When I find it, I dial. Shayla answers on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Shayla, it’s Jagger. Can you watch the kids for a few hours?”
“Of course, when?”
“Now, if you can.”
“I’ll be right over.”
She lives three houses down, and sure enough, ten minutes later she’s at my door. I let her in, and watch her cheeks flare with color as she watches me. God damn women, they think they aren’t obvious, but they’re fuckin’ see through sometimes. Honest to fucking god.
“Willow will be back in a few hours.”
“Ok,” she says, walking over to Leila and patting her soft hair. “Hi little girl!”
I ring and let them know I’m on my way, and I turn my back to Shayla so she can’t hear my conversation. When I’m done, I kiss my kids once more, then I head out the door.
Yeah, let’s see how well this goes down.
~*~*~*~ *
WILLOW
Ava and I shop and laugh all day. By the time I look down, it’s past four in the afternoon. Knowing Jagger has probably had enough by now, we head home. Ava drops me off and promises to come back in a few hours with the guys. I pick up my bags and head towards the door, and that’s when I notice Jagger’s truck is gone. Wondering if he’s taken the kids out, I unlock the front door and step inside. I am greeted by my son, and for a moment, my blood runs cold. Then I see Shayla, our babysitter, comes out from the kitchen holding Leila. Now, my blood boils.
“Willow, hi, you’re home.”
Swallowing and forcing myself to breathe deeply, I say, “Where is Jagger?”
Her face goes a little red. “He…called me and asked if I could watch the kids about three hours ago.”
I struggle to contain my emotions, but right now I see red. I walk over very calmly and stop in front of her. Shayla is a very attractive girl, with long blonde hair and green eyes. She’s in her early twenties and often looks after the kids for me when I go to work or off to an appointment.
“Did he say where he was going?”
The red shade in her cheeks deepens. “Well, um, yes, but…”
“Tell me Shayla, if you value your job here.”
“I do Willow, I really do.”
I give her a look. “Then tell me where he is.”
“He rang someone. I heard him say…” she looks down. “Ace, booze and…tits.”
That’s all it takes to send me over the edge, I drop the bags on the ground and spin towards the door. My heart is thudding so loudly I can feel it pulsing in every point of my body. When I get to the door, I turn and say very calmly, “Please watch them for half an hour more, I won’t be long.”
“Of course.”
I open the door and charge out to my car. I unlock it and get in, reversing so quickly I nearly hit a car coming down the street. After a mass of honking, I finally get out and speed towards our local bar. I know exactly where Jagger is. I also know he probably meant for Shayla to overhear him because he’s trying to send me a message. That message, is that I shouldn’t fuck with him. My vision blurs as rage and hurt swarm through my body. When I pull up at the bar, I leap from my car and storm through the wooden doors into the large, open space filled with people.
In the middle of the room, is a stage lit up with pink lights. Women twirl topless on poles. I see him right away, sitting with Ace, Rusty and Bull. They’re all looking up at the blonde girl spinning around the pole. I am about to charge over and drive my fist into his face, when I see his expression. He’s got this lazy little grin, one dimple in his cheek is showing. It halts me. It stops my body from going any further. It breaks me apart. It’s a look I saw a long time ago with Jagger, before we ever fell in love. It’s that carefree, do what I want, fuck what I want look. I feel the tears running down my cheeks but I don’t bother to stop them.
When he looks over and sees me standing there, heaving and sobbing like a pathetic child, he stands. The other guys turn and when they see me, their eyes widen. Jagger looks confused and his eyes scan over me. He goes to step forward just as I am turning to rush out the door, but Ace grips his arm and says something to him. I don’t see anymore, because I am shoving through the crowd to get back out the door. When I hit the fresh air, I run towards my car. Just before I get there, a hand grips my arm and spins me around. It’s Ace. I react badly, my hand lashes out and slaps him clean across the face. He winces and takes two steps backwards.
“How could you, Ace? How could you bring him here and let him gawk at other women? I thought you all cared about me? I thought I mattered but…you’re all just the same!”
He looks hurt. “Willow, it’s not like that. We would have never let him touch, we just thought….”
“What?” I shriek. “That he might feel something if he watches a bunch of girls waving their titties in his face? That maybe it would make him feel better? I am meant to make him feel better, Ace. I am meant to be the one he smiles at. Not them. How could you?”
“Willow, we weren’t trying to hurt you. We were just watching. He needed a break, just some time to feel like a man. To feel like himself again.”
My tears are blurring my vision as I rasp, “To feel like a man? Are you serious? A man does not need a bunch of naked women to make him feel again. If you all think that’s what he needs, then I’m wasting my time. Even worse, if that truly is what he needs, then I’m done here. I don’t deserve this, I love him, you all know I love him. He knows I love him. He’s choosing this path, and I can’t be on it any longer.”
I turn from him, not wanting to justify my feelings to him any longer, it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap how I’m feeling right now.
“Willow!” Ace yells, slapping his hand onto the roof of my car.
I slam the door and just as I pull out, I see Jagger step out the front door. Our eyes meet for just a moment, and then I’m gone. The entire drive home is painful and slow. When I finally get in, Shayla has put the kids to bed. She worries about me, but I pay her and thank her, then send her on her way. Ava has tried to call
over and over. I guess she heard what happened. I bet they all heard what happened. I check on my kids, grip a bottle of vodka, and walk into my room, slamming the door and locking it.
The feeling in my chest burns every part of me. I’m afraid this time…I’ve really lost him. I don’t even know what to say to him. What can I do? Do I kick him out? Do we try and talk? Do I leave him? I don’t know. Nothing makes sense. None of this is how it was meant to end up. I can’t lose the man I’ve fought so hard to keep. How can that be fair? Is this the road we’re meant to travel? He’s everything to me. I just want, for one second, to know that there’s something left inside him for me. That this isn’t the end for us. I don’t even know if he loves me anymore. I don’t even know if he wants to love me anymore. Where do I go from here when the only man I’ve ever loved…doesn’t love me back?
My life without Jagger…it’s empty.
Without Jagger. I’m empty.
CHAPTER 3
WILLOW
I hear the door to his bedroom slam, and I know he’s home. Getting to my feet, I sway just a touch. I’ve had a few shots of vodka now, and did it ease the pain? Hell no, but it makes it easier to deal with. I twist my door handle, and step into the hall. I can see the faint light in Jagger’s room, so I begin walking towards it. I don’t really know what I plan to achieve with this little visit, but I have to talk to him. I just need to get this out. It’s been in too long and clearly things are not getting better with me sitting back and letting it pass. So, it’s time to sort this out, once and for all.
When I reach Jagger’s bedroom, I open the door gently. I peer in and see Jagger standing at the window, looking out. He’s only wearing jeans, and oh, he looks divine in the moonlight. He’s holding a glass of whiskey in one hand, and the other hand is pressed firmly against the glass. When he hears me, he turns and our eyes meet. It’s in that exact moment, I know what I have to do. Not for him, but for myself. I need my answers, and I know exactly how to get them. I put the bottle of vodka down, and his eyes swing down to it, then back up to me. I am walking towards him, slowly, wearily. I am risking a lot doing this, I know I am, but I have to try.
When I stop in front of him, I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I can tell by the haze in his eyes that he’s drunk. I reach out and press my hand to his chest, and he flinches. He doesn’t push me away though. So I continue. Gathering all my strength, I drop to my knees. I hear his sharp intake of breath, but I don’t give him time to react. I grip his jeans, pulling the top button open and yanking them down. When his cock springs free, it’s hard and pulsing. That has to be a good thing…right? The piercings glisten under the moonlight and I can’t help myself, I lean forward and slide my tongue over them. Jagger hisses and he tries to step back, but I grip his jeans and pull him back.
I wrap my hand around his length and I squeeze him. He begins panting, and I hear him try to say something but his words are cut off when I lower my head and take his cock into my mouth. His strangled cry spurs me on. I let the entire length of him slide to the back of my throat, then slowly I let it out again. Up and down, I let my mouth work him. His hand tangles in my hair and he rasps, “Willow, stop, please.” It’s a pained plea, and it’s filled with desperation. I don’t stop, I keep sucking and pulling with my lips. My other hand reaches up and I cup his balls, gently rolling them in my hand.
“Fuck, please. Stop. Stop.”
He grips my hair and pulls my head back, but it’s already too late. His cock jerks and he begins to come. The first warm spurt hits the side of my cheek, the rest falls to the floor in long, thick rivulets. Jagger’s fingers are in my hair and his head is back against the glass, his body is shaking and he’s making a pained sort of sound. When he lets me go, I stumble backwards and land on my backside. I use the back of my hand to wipe his release from my cheek, then I stare up at him. He’s jerking his jeans up, and he’s heaving so badly his body is almost shaking. I get to my feet, and my knees wobble as I step towards him.
“Jagger, I want more. I want…”
“No,” he rasps. “No.”
“Please,” I cry, stepping closer but he puts his hand up. Stopping me.
“No, I won’t do it. I won’t fuck you.”
“Why not?” I scream, shoving at his chest. He looks up at me with a fierce expression.
“Because you don’t want this, Willow. You don’t want me to fuck you when I’m like this.”
“Don’t tell me what I want!” I yell, kicking a chair angrily. “Don’t you dare tell me what I want! I’ve been here pretending for the last fucking two months. I’ve played your little silent treatment game. I’ve let you go without touching me. Don’t tell me no, Jagger. Just let me do it. Just…let yourself do it.”
“No!” he growls, low and deep.
“Why? Tell me why!”
“Because that’s all it will be, Willow. All I will be doing is fucking you. I won’t feel a god damned thing, I will just fuck. That’s not what you want. You want me to make love to you. You want me to be inside you and feel something. I won’t! Do you hear me? I won’t! All it will be, is a god damned, emotionless fuck!”
That hits me hard, right in my heart. I charge towards him, hitting him hard with my body. He stumbles backwards but manages to catch me before I swing my fist. He grips my arms and presses them to his chest, bringing us close. I squirm, but I can’t get out of his grips. He’s too strong.
“Why aren’t I good enough?” I whisper through my pain. “I love you, Jagger. I’ve tried so hard, but I’m just not good enough. Why don’t you want me?”
I go to lash out at him again, but he jerks my body forward. Our chests slam together and our lips do too, at the exact same time. Then everything happens so fast, so aggressively, it’s almost scary. He kisses me with such fury, I can taste blood, but I don’t stop. I hook my fingers into his hair, letting my nails run over his skin as I deepen the kiss. He shoves me backwards towards the desk in the corner of the room. When my back hits the wood, he leans around me and swipes everything off it. I hear it all smash to the floor. Jagger grips my hips, lifting me so my ass rests just on the edge, then he reaches down and tears my pants off, taking my panties with them.
Then his fingers are inside me. Deep. Hard. I scream as his other hand tangles in my hair and he kisses me angrily, while his fingers thrust in and out, in and out, bringing me to the edge. When I come, it’s furious and intense. I spit curses at him and convulse, all at the same time. He grips his jeans, pulling them down just enough to release his cock, then he’s plunging it inside me. He’s not gentle, and I don’t care. My fingers slide down his back, my nails removing skin as he drives into me. One of his hands is on the table, the other has my leg, holding it around his hip as he thrusts in and out.
I throw my head back, crying out in ecstasy as he pumps harder, faster, bringing me closer and closer to something I’ve so desperately needed. When I find it, my nails sink into his back so hard he roars with pain and pleasure, as he joins me in my release, coming so hard both our bodies shake. When we come down from that blissful high, he pulls back. I grip the table to keep from falling to the floor as he pulls up his jeans and turns, storming across the room. There is blood running down his back, and I lift my trembling hand and stare down at my bloodied fingers.
Jesus Christ. What did we just do?
~*~*~*~*
WILLOW
“Fuck,” Jagger hisses, pacing the room.
“What…was that?” I whisper, pulling my panties back on.
He spins towards me, his eyes are feral. “It was a fuck, Willow. It was nothing more than a god damned good fuck.”
“You don’t mean that,” I say, feeling my chest seize.
“I do mean it! Don’t you fuckin’ see what’s happening here? I don’t fuckin’ care anymore. I told you that it wasn’t what you wanted, how much more do you have to see to believe I am doin’ the best thing for you by stayin’ away.”
“Don’t tell me what’s
best for me, Jagger.”
He grinds his jaw. “I can’t do this, I can’t…be this anymore.”
“What’s the supposed to mean?” I croak, clenching my fists against my thighs.
“I need…I need time. I can’t be here.”
“You’re leaving me?” I rasp, feeling my body begin to tremble.
“Yes, I am.”
The way he says it, so empty, so cold. I make a loud, strangled sound and my hand presses to my heart.
“Jagger, you can’t…you…”
He looks over at me. “Don’t you see this is for the best?”
“How is it for the best? We’re your family, Jagger!”
“Yeah, and I don’t give a fuck!” he roars.
I gasp, stumbling backwards. I struggle to breathe as I process his words. I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck - it’s all repeated over and over in my mind until it makes some sort of sense. Oh god.
“Don’t you see, Willow. I don’t feel anything. Not for you. Not for my family. Not for anyone. I’m fuckin’ numb. I’ve got nothing left.”
Hot tears spill out of my eyes and stumble down my cheeks.
“You don’t love us anymore?”
He grips his hair and makes a pained sound. “I…don’t know how to explain this. I’m sure underneath it all, I love everything I used to. If it was just you I was numb towards, I would say no, I don’t love you anymore, but it’s not just you. It’s everything. I feel nothing. I feel no happiness. No sadness. No anger. Nothing. I am so fucking numb I forget what feelings are like.”
I feel my knees wobble, so I grip the table behind me to steady myself.
“We’re your family…” I whisper, my voice too broken to be used. “Those are your kids in there.”
“And right now, they’re better off without me,” he says, his voice a pained, empty shell.
“That’s not true!”
“It is true! I can’t do this, Willow. I can’t walk around pretending that I am not suffering.”
“I have tried to help,” I say, blinking through the blurry haze covering my vision. “I have sat here trying to help you, but you won’t talk to me.”
Dark Destiny (Dark Brothers Book #4) Page 3