He walks off down the hall, balancing the two kids on his hips and making them both giggle as he pulls silly faces. I watch him go, then I turn and walk into my room, forgetting to excuse myself from the group. I should feel bad about that, but my mind is hazy still. I haven’t accepted what’s happened yet. When I get into my room, I flop onto the bed and wrap my arms around myself. A second later, a soft knock at my door indicates I already have a worried friend. I guess I should have just pulled on a happy face and made out that I was ok.
“Come in,” I say softly.
Ace steps through the door, tilting his head to the side and giving me a warm smile. He walks over, sitting on the bed beside me.
“So, we all said don’t scare us like that again and how worried we were, but none of us asked if you were ok?”
I look over at him, and my bottom lip wobbles.
“Aw, come here kid.”
He pulls me into his arms and I grip his shirt, letting the hot tears slide down my cheeks. He stokes my hair, soothing me as I sob.
“I was so afraid Ace, I thought it was over for me.”
“We would’ve never let him kill you. I would’ve put my life on the line before we let him hurt you, Willow.”
“I know, but, it was so close and…”
“I know, I’ve been there before kid, I know how fucking scary it is.”
“Thank you, Ace. For everything today.”
“Hey, I would have your back no matter what.”
I nod, and he pulls me in closer. A moment later, Jagger walks in the room. He gives Ace a grateful smile and stands at the door, leaning on it and watching us. Ace turns towards me, grips my face and plants a hard kiss to my head. When he pulls back, he searches my gaze before saying, “We always got your back, you got me?”
“I got you,” I whisper.
He smiles at me, then stands, walking over to Jagger. They hug, man style and pull apart.
“Good to have you back boss,” Ace says.
“Thanks bud.”
“Take care of that girl.”
“You know it.”
When Ace is gone, Jagger walks in and closes the door behind him. He comes over to me, then drops to his knees and kneels in front of me, gripping my face.
“You feelin’ ok baby?”
I shrug. “I’m…getting there.”
“Big day, lots of shocks. It’ll get better.”
“Jagger?” I whisper, searching his face.
“Yeah baby?”
“Is this for real?”
“Babe, yeah, it’s for real.”
“You aren’t going to wake up tomorrow, when things settle, and realize it was just heat of the moment?”
“Look at me, Willow Black. Right in my eyes.”
I look into those blue depths. Just like he asked.
“You nearly dying out there today, it fuckin’ jerked somethin’ deep inside me. You know when it started though? When I really started feeling that pull towards you again? It was when you told me to hurt you. You got right up in my face, daring me to hurt you and in that moment, I honestly thought I could, but you didn’t. You believed I wouldn’t do it, you knew somewhere in your soul that I could never hurt you and you were right, I couldn’t do it. It was in that moment things started changing for me. The last week has been up and down, Summer has helped me deal and I’m grateful to her for that, but you, Willow, you are the reason I’m here and I’m fighting. It’s all you.”
I am crying again, friggin’ emotions. Jagger swipes the tears from my eyes and stands, pulling me with him. He leads me into the shower, and gently pulls my clothes off. When I’m naked before him, he sucks in a breath and watches me, letting his eyes slowly travel over my body before stopping at my hungry mouth. He focuses on that, sliding his tongue out to lick his lower lip. Fuck, that’s a beautiful sight. He grips his shirt, pulling it over his head, then he makes light work of his jeans. When we’re both naked, he presses his body against mine, claiming my mouth in a kiss so hot, I struggle to breathe through it.
He pushes my body into the shower and turns it on, letting the warm water wash over both of us. His fingers tangle into my hair as his mouth claims mine even harder. I whimper and lift my leg, wrapping it around his waist. After a swift hop, I have both wrapped around and my back is pressed against the cold shower wall. Jagger’s lips slide from my mouth, down my jaw and over my neck. I buck my hips, wanting him inside me, wanting to feel him, but he moves so damned slowly. His fingers pinch into my ass as he rocks my clit against his hard cock, rubbing it up and down, up and down.
“Jagger,” I cry out, tangling my fingers into his hair. “Please don’t play with me.”
“Feel me baby, all of me.”
He thrusts his hips, causing my clit to clench painfully. I tilt my hips, trying to create friction so I can come, I just need to come. Jagger’s throaty growl as he rubs me up and down his cock, is so erotic is has goosebumps breaking out all over my body.
“Fuck me Jagger, please,” I beg.
“Make love, that’s what I want,” he says gruffly.
“Then please, just do it.”
He runs the back of his hand down the side of my face, gently, affectionately. Then, he lifts my hips and begins lowering me onto his cock. I gasp as I slide down his length, slowly, almost painfully. He buries his head into my neck and bites down gently, as he begins a gentle thrusting, burying himself as deeply inside me as he possibly can. I hear his soft, muffled moans in my ear and it’s all I can do not to shudder with the warmth that spreads through me. He’s making love to me, the way his hips are rocking slowly, the way his lips keep brushing against my lips. It’s all so gentle, so passionate.
“Baby,” I murmur.
“God, say that again,” he rasps, digging his fingers into my ass.
“Baby.”
He growls and his hips work faster. The warm water trails down my chest and over my belly, until it hits my pussy and the warmth sparks everything to life. I whimper as my release begins rising higher. Jagger is thrusting harder now, his hips slapping against mine as he brings me closer to the edge, his pained cries are the only thing stopping me going over. He sounds like it’s bothering him, like he can’t get to where he wants to go. Being gentle and sweet, is clearly affecting him. I reach up, tangling my fingers in his hair, my pussy is swollen and throbbing, and I really don’t want him to stop, but I know something is not right.
“Hey,” I say softly. “It’s ok.”
“Can’t,” he growls into my shoulder. “Can’t.”
He drops me and his cock slips out of me. Gasping, I let my body fall against the wall and slump there as I try to gather myself and forget the aching between my legs. Jagger turns, storming out of the shower. He grips a towel on his way out and when he’s gone, I wait a moment before following. I have just wrapped the towel around me when I hear the smashing sounds coming from my room. Rushing out, I see Jagger has smashed the lamp by my bed. I run over, gripping his shoulders just before he launches my alarm clock. He spins around, panting, fully naked and still aroused.
“Why can’t I fuckin’ come? Why can’t I do it when it’s nice, why?”
I grip his face, forcing him to look at me. “Hey, it’s just too soon. It’s ok.”
“I’m fucked up. I’ll never get through this, Willow.”
“You will, honey, you’re thinking too much about this. You’re not letting yourself feel.”
He drops his forehead to mine and whispers, “I can’t, I can’t stop it.”
“You just need time…”
“I can’t even make love to my own fuckin’ wife!” he barks, clenching his fists.
“Hey,” I say, gently stroking his chest. “Just calm down, let me help you, stop thinking.”
“Can’t, so fuckin’ frustrated.”
“Shhhh,” I whisper, reaching down between us and wrapping my hand around his cock.
He makes a strangled sound, but he doesn’t move his forehead from
mine.
“It’s ok, let me help you. Stop thinking so much, you’re thinking and it’s affecting you. Just don’t think.”
I begin stroking, and his chest begins heaving as my hand moves firmly, but slowly over his cock. I tweak his piercings and he makes a ragged sound deep in his chest.
“Come for me baby,” I say.
“God,” he rasps.
I stroke harder, faster, and his whole body becomes tense. He reaches out, finding the wall behind me and he pushes me into it. He puts his hands up either side of my head, but our faces remain close, foreheads pressed together. I squeeze his cock, and he jerks. I use my other hand to find his balls, and I cup them in my hand, gently rolling while my other hand works his length. He makes another strangled sound.
“Shhh, baby, shhh. Let it go,” I soothe.
“Willow,” he rasps.
“Let me have this, Jagger.”
“God,” he groans, his entire body clenching.
“Come,” I order in a firmer voice. “Now, Jagger.”
He does, I feel the first hot spurt hit my hand. The next one reaches my belly. Jagger’s strangled, pleasured cry fills my ears as I gently stroke every last drop from the tip. When his body slumps slightly, I tilt my head forward and press my lips to his.
“So much for the shower,” he murmurs.
“Don’t worry too much about it, I don’t mind.”
He snorts a laugh. “That’s one charming line, baby.”
I peck him softly, then pull back and walk into the bathroom to wash myself off. When I come out, I see Jagger sitting on my bed, jeans on, staring at the door. I walk over, crawling onto the bed and across until I reach him. I press a kiss to his shoulder, and he shivers.
“Regrets?” I murmur against his hot, fucking great smelling, skin.
“No baby,” he says, more to the door than to me.
“What’s on your mind?”
He turns, meeting my gaze. “You really wanna know?”
I give him a ‘ are you seriously asking that’ look.
“Really Jagger, we’re going there?”
He gives me a half smile, then nods at the bed. “Mind if I get in?”
“Is Y a crooked letter?”
He laughs. “I guess that’s a yes.”
“It’s most certainly, a yes.”
He pulls back the covers, and slides in. He taps his shoulder, and I slide in next to him. I shuffle closer and rest my head on his shoulder. He grips my hand, tangling his fingers through mine and for a long moment, we just lay like that, entwined with each other, feeling each other, breathing each other. When he begins to talk, it’s soft at first, and I wonder if he truly wants me to hear it. I listen anyway, because sometimes that’s all a person needs, is to know someone’s listening, even if they don’t hear what’s being said.
“You know, there were some nights I honestly wanted to save every girl in that place. I really did. It was so hard seeing them, being forced on their knees, being forced to take numerous men at once. Worse, how they were so used to it, so brainwashed, it was an everyday occurrence for them. The first time I saw three men on a girl, it shocked me so badly I couldn’t move. I knew what went on, I thought I had myself prepared, and yet when it came down to it, I froze. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t defend the poor girl. I just sat there like the other slum, and watched it happen. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t stop it, but fuck, I should have tried. Then one night, I saw Summer on her knees, her master was beating her.”
I gasp. “Jagger…”
“He was beating her because she acted up and he didn’t like it. I saw his hand come down on her cheek, and I beat the living shit out of him. I beat him so badly he had to be flown out and he didn’t return. I remember the look of emptiness in her eyes when she watched me beat him. A few times she even cried out. Yet really, deep down, he was her security blanket, he was what she’d come to know. That’s the sad thing about it, is that they are so brainwashed, they honestly believe it’s where they are meant to be.”
“I’m sorry,” I say gently. “I can’t imagine how hard it was for you.”
“I should have done something, Willow. I should have beat every one of them.”
“You know Mick would have put a stop to that.”
“I know, but fuck, I felt so damned helpless.”
“What I said earlier, it was right. You were surviving, Jagger. Sometimes, surviving isn’t pretty, heck, most of the times it’s ugly but you have to do it, you have to battle on to protect yourself. You can’t always be the hero, honey. You know that better than anyone.”
He’s silent a long moment. Then he speaks, and his voice is pained. I don’t comfort him, though. He needs to get this out, without me interrupting.
“You know, when I shot Mick, he thought I wouldn’t do it.”
I squeeze his hand tighter, it’s the only comfort I can give him right now.
“He thought that I wouldn’t do it, he thought I was all talk, that I didn’t have it in me because he was my father. Why is it parents think that? They think that they can fuck you up your entire life, but it will never backfire. It doesn’t work like that. You can’t make someone’s life a misery, and expect that they’ll never retaliate. He surely knew it was coming for him, how could he not?”
I stroke my fingers over his knuckles, letting him know I’m still listening.
“He stood in front of me, pushing me, taunting me. He said “You’ll never do it, you don’t have the fucking guts” it was almost like he wanted me to do it, and when I did, I was sure the relief would be instant, but it wasn’t. Fuck, Willow, it wasn’t. I thought everything would just get better, I’ve killed before, I move on, but with this…it just didn’t happen. I felt something inside of myself die, and I don’t understand why. He made my life a living hell, how could I care that he was dead?”
“Because he was your dad, honey,” I say gently. “A certain part of you, no matter how hurt, still remembered that. He was your parent. You are a part of him. It was never going to be something that was easy to get through.”
“Sharleen saw it you know?”
I think about Sharleen, and I close my eyes. I haven’t seen her, none of us have, she’s still in jail and I imagine that won’t end for her anytime soon. I know Jagger feels some pain that it was how her life ended up, how could he not? She was his wife, for Christ sakes. Even he’s not that heartless.
“I’m sorry, Jagger.”
“She loved him, for whatever twisted fucking reason. She honestly did, her face when I killed him, her screams, it haunts me.”
I stroke my fingers up his arm, gently rubbing to try and soothe him. There isn’t much I can do for him, much I can say, he just needs to get this out and have me hear it.
“Then I found out about Aunt Mary and her betrayal. It hurt me Willow, to my very core. She was like my mother, she was meant to be on my side. She was meant to have my back. Who do you trust in life, when your own Aunty is the one to bring you down? And when Maggie blamed me…”
“Honey, she doesn’t blame you.”
“I never let her fight out her demons with Mick, I took him, and with that I took her chance at letting go. She had to look after me, she was always like a mother to me and she didn’t have to be. She never got to be young, be free, feel alive. She was always looking after me, trying to help me. She never deserved it, and yet she made something of herself, but when I look at her, I see the pain that’s still there. I see the longing in her eyes, the longing to just feel something. Maggie is great at what she does, she’s a fantastic doctor, but that’s all she has you know? She has never held down a relationship, she has never gone out and made a fool of herself or gotten drunk. She has never danced around with her girlfriends at a slumber party. She’s had life ripped from her, because of Mick, because of me, because of our mother and I took away any chance of letting her deal with that.”
“Maggie is a strong girl, she won’t be angry at you forever Jagger. She just
needs time. She doesn’t need Mick to be able to find something worth living for. She just needs the right person in her life, the right friend, the right man, something to help her through.”
“I let her down.”
I snuggle in closer, breathing him in. “No, you did what you had to do.”
“Maybe, but I still let her down and she needs to hear that I’m sorry.”
“She will, give her time.”
“And you Willow, what I did, how I treated you…”
“Jagger, hey, it’s…”
“No,” he says, cutting me off. “Don’t say it’s ok, because it’s not. I did things to you, that shouldn’t be done to anyone, let alone your own wife. I treated you wrong, Willow, and I know all the apologies in the world won’t change it and I know you’re willing to forgive me and work it out, but baby, I fucked up and you should know that I will do everything in my power, for the rest of my living days, to make this right.”
“Honey,” I murmur against his chest. “You being here is making it right.”
“I said I would fight, babe, and I will.”
“I know you will, but I want you to let this guilt go, you’re holding so much. I understand it, I do, but you need to let it go. I forgive you, we moved on, we’re ok now. Don’t hold the guilt over me and let it eat you away, baby, I forgive you.”
“Why are you so fuckin’ incredible?”
“It’s love, honey. No one ever said it would be easy.”
He’s quiet again for a long moment, then he sighs. “I should go back to bed.”
I nod, trying to understand, even though I want to be selfish right now and beg him to stay. I won’t though, because he’s not ready. “Ok,” is all I say.
“Soon, I’ll get back in here with you, I promise.”
“I know.”
He rolls, pressing his warm lips to mine and kissing me so softly, my whole body shudders. Then he presses his lips to my head, holds them there a long moment, and then pulls back.
“I love you, Willow baby.”
“I know you do, big man.”
“Sweet dreams.”
He slides out of the bed, gives me one last lingering look, then he’s gone. I sink into the mattress, already missing his warmth. With a deep sigh, I close my eyes and try to focus on anything but the cold, empty patch beside me.
Dark Destiny (Dark Brothers Book #4) Page 10