The Journey

by Jennifer Ensley

Azazel gently touched my cheek. “Who was he?”

  “Who was who?”

  “The man who broke your heart, rendered it incapable of meaningful connection.”

  “What makes you think there was a man?”

  “So… a woman then?”

  “…No.”

  “Then it was a man. Please, Jem. Tell me what he did to you.”

  “He left me.”

  “And… you let his loss of interest affect you so deeply?”

  “He didn’t lose interest.” I looked away, wiping my nose. “He died. And all too soon, at that.” I swallowed hard. “I mentioned him to you earlier. Do you not remember?”

  “Ahh, yes. I see… Drella. He was the one, then?”

  “Yes… he was. Never again have I felt the way Drella made me feel.”

  “Have you ever tried? Has any other man been given the same chance this Drella was given?”

  “What’s the point?” I wiped my face and sniffed. “We’re mortal. We die. I’d rather spend my days investing in things that matter, things that will live on long after I’m gone. Fully investing my heart in a single person of this realm… it is an effort in futility. I’d rather give my love to the world, sprinkle seeds of hope across the globe. Then perhaps… perhaps…”

  “Shhh now, child.” He gently patted my hand. “I did not mean to cause such distress. Still, I worry for you—having your heart set on solitude at such a young age.”

  “Young… Hmpft. My body may not yet be ancient… but sometimes my soul feels like it is.” Fresh tears burned the backs of my eyes then. “The day I lost Drella… I lost myself. After years of just waking up and blindly accepting what the day had to offer me, I woke up one morning and realized… I only have a finite number of days on this planet—days I am forced to cash in with each new dawn. I decided then and there that I would be the one deciding how I would spend those precious, irreplaceable days I had been gifted. I don’t have a clue how many I’ll actually end up being blessed with, no, but I refuse to waste even one more… doing something that does not lift my heart. I determined that my days would no longer be spent in mourning, but on trying to find a bit of peace and happiness… and then sharing what I could of that with the world. I still carry the grief with me. Every. Single. Day. Some days it’s bearable, and some days I fear the weight of it will crush me. Yet, it no longer controls my life.”

  “Your words are beautiful and healing, fair Jem. Ahh… to be loved as that man was loved.”

  “Yes…” My voice cracked then. “We loved each other deeply.”

  “Shhh now, little one.” He squeezed my hand. “We shall save those remains for another day.”

  “…Thanks.”

  “Tell me. What is your favorite part of the day?”

  “My favorite part of the day? Wow, that’s a pretty random question. Hmm… I guess I’d have to say nighttime.”

  He chuckled softly. “That is not day.”

  “I know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “But that’s when my mind comes to life. Things seem clearer… when the sun goes down.”

  “I can see that.” He gently touched my cheek. “It is easier for you to hide in the dark. Am I right? Easier to submerge deeper into your private little solitude—encompassed by the night.”

  “Azazel… what about leaving those remains for another day?”

  “Apologies. Apologies. I did promise to leave that bit alone, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “And so I shall. Now, tell me. What do you think of dusk? What do you feel during the twilight hours?”

  “Huh? Oh, well I… I don’t particularly like the dusk. I hate the way it makes things look. Like… when you’re driving—it’s not dark enough for the headlights to be of any use, but it’s not light enough to see very well. It messes with me. In truth, I like to already be where I’m going when dusk falls. I sort of feel… uncomfortable outside, when day is changing into night.”

  “Is that so?” He smiled. “You are even stranger than I realized. Most people like to watch the sun set and the moon rise.”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong. You’d be hard pressed to find anything more beautiful than an autumn sunset in the Smokey’s. But still… dusk—it makes me uneasy.”

  “I know why,” he whispered.

  “Know why what? Why I get goosebumps at twilight?”

  “Yes.”

  I smiled then. “Do tell, Angel. Please, enlighten me as to why my skin crawls and my spine tingles, just after sunset.”

  “Because, smarty pants, that’s when the veil between worlds is pushed back. It is only for a few moments. That tiny span of time—just after the sun hides but the sky has not yet darkened. During that tiny blip of the day… our realms blend for a heartbeat. Then, we are separate once more.”

  I sat there, just staring at him. “So… that’s what it is,” I whispered, mostly to myself.

  “Yes, little one. Many unknown things can and do happen within that tiny breath of time. Do yourself a favor—and me as well—do not cross into the Nether during dusk. It is only a slight possibility, yes, but it only lasts for a moment. Why take the chance?”

  “Chance of what? What possibility?”

  “Just listen to me. Do not cross over while the veil is down. And that is my gift to you.”

  I matched his poignant gaze, then slowly nodded my understanding… even though I didn’t really have a clue. But I would definitely heed his warning—understood or not.

  “Now then. Come. Fill your amulet and let your amazing new journey begin.”

  I smiled when he did. How could I not? Although feeble and ancient, his smile was as captivating a thing as I had ever seen.

  “You must have been truly amazing, Azazel. I mean… before—”

  “Before all this?”

  He glanced down at the binding rocks as he spoke. I only nodded.

  “Yes. I guess I was.” He squeezed my hand again and I met his gaze. “You would have been as willing clay within my skilled hands.”

  “Yeah, right.” I rolled my eyes. “The other way around, I’d say. You would have been all like… Jem, my love, why do you toy with my heart so?”

  He growled at my mimicking tone. I only laughed.

  He sighed then and looked down at my hand upon his chest. “You are not far from the truth of it, I fear.”

  “Oh, please. You know that’s a load of bull, same as I do.”

  “Perhaps. Perhaps not.” The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. “Had I met you before this Drella person, you would have been mine… and happy in the chains that bound you to me.”

  “Umm… Should’a, could’a, would’a—didn’t. Enough with all the things that never were and never will be. My sparkle would have gone out, just like everyone else’s, then you would have tired of me. Besides, we met when we were supposed to meet. And… I’m happy that we did.”

  “As am I.”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle then. “Ahh… Who would have ever guessed? If the absurd thought had ever even crossed my mind that one day I’d be having a playful chat with the great Azazel, people would have said I was a total nutter—an absolute lunatic, beyond hope.”

  He smiled. “And if they could see you now?”

  “Then they wouldn’t just think I was an odd bird. They’d know the truth of it.”

  “The Great Azazel, huh? I kind of like the sound of that. Tell me. Is there anything about me you have yet to read, but wish to know?”

  “Duh. Only about a gazillion things.”

  “Truly? Name one and I shall answer it.”

  “Seriously? Are you just pulling my leg?”

  He only looked at me, quizzically.

  “I mean, no matter what I ask… you’ll answer it?”

  “If I know the answer, you shall have it. Seek and ye shall find. Ask and it shall be given.”

  “Hmm… Well, I’ve always been curious about the dynamics of your mating.”

  “My what?” />
  “Wait. I didn’t mean that all pervy, like it sounded. I only meant that, well… you are an Angel. Being such, your offspring would have been Nephilim, correct?”

  “…Yes. Why is that curious to you?”

  “Azazel, you are the father of giants. And I don’t just mean fairytale giants—real ones… giants.”

  “So?”

  “So… how did a human woman give birth to a giant? Were the Nephilim just born normal sized and then grew super big? Or were they giant babies? Did it kill her? —the mother. Did it tear her apart? I had this friend who used to breed show cows. Yeah, I know. Don’t even ask. Anyway, he bought the biggest, best, most award-winning Charolais bull in the whole world. But when he bred it with the biggest and best Charolais cows, the calves were so big they killed the mamas during birth. It was financially disastrous—spending thousands of dollars on a cow, only to lose it during the birthing process.”

  “And how did he solve such an expensive problem?”

  “Well, I know this sounds awful, but… he bought a bunch of field cows. You know—cows that just cost like three or four hundred bucks. Then he hired a veterinarian. The Vet would take eggs from the Charolais cows, sperm from that enormous bull, and then artificially inseminate the fertilized egg into the plain old field cows.”

  “Ingenious.”

  “Yeah, I guess. Great for the Charolais—sucked for the regular cows. They were basically living incubators for the pricier, higher-classed cow.”

  “So… their lives were given to the betterment of a superior race of cow.”

  “Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it,” I grumbled. “There are many opposing views as well—arguments that we’ll not get into right now. But… that whole thing always made me sooo curious.”

  “Breeding giant cows?”

  “No, silly. Breeding giant people. Did Angels use women as just living incubators for, as you said, the betterment of a superior race? I mean… unless there are girl Angels—”

  “There are not. And just how would that work, Jem? If I had a child with another Angel, the babe would be Angel. Not a mix blood.”

  “…Yeah. I guess you’re right. So… how did it work with human women?”

  His eyes sparkled again. “Shall I show you?”

  “Eewww… nooo… duh.”

  He laughed then. “Fear not. Such a thing is no longer possible.”

  We both glanced down at the large stones and fell silent for a time.

  He gently tugged on my ponytail. “Are you yet pure, Jem? Have you not experienced what it’s like to be with a man?”

  I nervously cleared my throat. “No! I’m not still pure.” My voice cracked then. “Jeez, Angel. What kind of question is that? Just because I’ve never felt about another man the way I felt about Drell, doesn’t mean I quit dating entirely—even married… a few times.” I swallowed hard. My cheeks felt like they would burst into flames at any moment. “I know how the sex part works. Well, maybe not with an Angel.”

  “It works the same.”

  “Ugh! Stop.” I held up my hands. “I don’t care to hear about that. That’s not even the part I was curious about. Jeez…”

  He chuckled softly. “If you are so experienced, why are you stammering and fidgeting and sweating?”

  “Shut up,” I barely mumbled, turning away from him.

  Azazel gently tugged on my ponytail again. “Hey… Jem… Do you truly wish to know the answer?”

  “I did.” I glanced back towards him. “I guess a tiny piece of me still does. But, no. No, I do not truly wish to know. Not anymore. Some things are probably better left to the imagination, I suppose.”

  “Yes… I suppose.”

  When I just sat there—silent, still blushing, lost in my own thoughts—Azazel softly cleared his throat.

  “We have put off the inevitable long enough. Do you not agree?”

  When I didn’t answer, he paused a moment before going on.

  “Lovely Witness.” He gently touched my back. “Have you forgotten about the man who is yet waiting for you?”

  “The what?”

  “The man who brought you here. I heard him say that he would be waiting for you… right there.”

  “Oh crap… Drella.” I immediately started fumbling around with my things. “Crap. Crap. Crap. He’s gonna be sooo pissed.”

  I stopped fumbling and took a deep breath, trying to steady my hands and my nerves.

  “Is this the same Drella who left you?” Azazel softly whispered. “The Drella who died? The one you loved above all other men?”

  Tears burned the backs of my eyes when I turned to face the Angel. “…Yes. The same.”

  He tenderly stroked my cheek then. “How very painful for you, little Jem. So close, yet—”

  “Yes. I know.” I cleared my throat. “Okay, Gramps. You ready? Tell me if I hurt you.”

  I heard him suck air in through his teeth as my thumbnail pierced his flesh.

  It was nothing like I had imagined. I believed I would have to jab through his crinkled, rough hide. Nothing could have been further from the truth. When my strangely-imbued thumbnail but touched his ancient skin, it was like sinking a knife into warm butter—easy in, easy out. The underneath of my nail held the single drop of blood needed to fill the small stone on my amulet. Nothing oozed forth from the wound. Not even a tiny bit was wasted.

  I hurriedly picked up the circular pink bandage and gently covered the tiny half-moon cut I had left him with.

  “See?” He lightly touched the bandage, smiling. “All that fretting over such a tiny thing.”

  “But… you lied to me.”

  He looked up, a furrow now forming between his brows. “I did no such thing. How did I lie?”

  “You said it wouldn’t hurt.”

  “And it did not.”

  “Don’t lie. I heard you suck in your breath when I first stuck you.”

  He smiled. “That wasn’t a lie… and it wasn’t from pain, either. That tiny noise was merely the audible proof of my internal ecstasy.”

  I rolled my eyes and looked away. I think I was blushing again. He laughed.

  “Okay then. I better get going before I get into even more trouble.”

  I removed the lid from my water bottle and tore open the wrapper on a new Hershey bar. “I’m just gonna leave this right here.”

  “It is not necessary.”

  “Necessary or not, I’m leaving it.”

  Azazel only smiled in resignation at the stern look I gave him. “Very well. Do as you wish.”

  “Thanks, Gramps.”

  “Why do you keep calling me Gramps?” he mumbled before pinching my side, pretty hard, actually.

  “Ouch. Stop it.” I slapped at his withered hand. “I’m gonna leave the candle burning as well. If you don’t mind. It’s not got a whole lot longer to go anyway. Do you want me to light another one?”

  “That one will be plenty.”

  “Okay, let’s see… I’ve already opened the water and chocolate… I put your bandage on… filled the blood stone…”

  “There is nothing more to keep you here, Jem. Quit stalling.”

  “I know. Ugh… I’m being ridiculous. You’ll be fine. You were fine before me, you’ll be fine after.” I slapped my hands down on my thighs and started to stand. “I’ll be back soon. Okay?” Without thinking, I leaned over and kissed his crumbling cheek. “Stay outta trouble. You hear me?”

  “And you as well.”

  He grabbed my arm when I moved to stand.

  “Jem?”

  “Yes?”

  “Next time… come alone.”

  I smiled. “I don’t think I’ll have a choice. This whole escorting thing—one-time deal, I believe.”

  “Good.”

  We smiled at each other, but he didn’t let go. I didn’t object, only waited until he was ready for me to leave. When his grip slowly loosened, I patted his hand and turned back towards the inclined corridor.

 
Chapter

  4

  “What took you so long?”

  I let out a screech when Drella stepped from the shadows and grabbed my arm.

  “Holy hell, Drell,” I said through a pant, clutching my chest. “You nearly scared the life right outta me. Jeez.”

  The ground suddenly began to quake beneath our feet. An eerie, unearthly sound rumbled up the darkened passageway. I covered my ears, wincing.

  “What in the—”

  “It’s him,” Drella said coolly.

  “Him? Who him?”

  He rolled his eyes. “The Angel. Who him did you think?”

  “The Angel? Azazel?”

  Drella only gave me a level glare.

  “That didn’t sound like him. It sounded more like a beast… something dreamed up in nightmares.”

  “It is. He is.” Drella jerked me by the arm and turned me back towards the darkness. “Tell him you’re fine.”

  “Wh-what?”

  “Tell him.”

  “But…”

  I took a step forward, but Drella quickly pulled me back to him.

  “He can hear you just fine from here. Now, tell him.”

  I looked back and forth, from Drella’s angry eyes to the thick blackness further down the tunnel. I was stunned… until that Otherworldly growl rumbled around us again.

  “Tell him!”

  “I-I’m fine, Azazel. I just got scared. That’s all. No worries. Okay?”

  “…Jem…”

  The whisper could have only been in my mind. I thought it was, until Drella grunted out his disgust. I knew then, he had heard it as well. He turned to go. I chased after him.

  “Not big on following rules, huh?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “I want to ask. You have no idea how badly I want to ask. But the words that might spill from your lips… I dare not know the truth of it.”

  “I didn’t do anything wrong,” I mumbled under my breath.

  He spun back to face me. “Didn’t do any—” He glanced back over my shoulder toward the darkened tunnel. “Come on. Now.”

  “…Drella…”

  That second whisper froze me in my tracks. I cringed. Drella’s back stiffened.

  “You told him about me.”

  It wasn’t a question. More like an accusation.

  “S-sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to. It just… slipped out.”