by Caroline Lee
“From what Belle has told me, you’re already involved with her.”
He couldn’t tell if that was censure in her tone or not. He shifted his weight slightly. “I’m sorry if you’re not comfortable with that. I can stop visiting her if you want. I was visiting Reddy, and figured since they were in the same class…” He knew he was blabbering, but shrugged. “I was just playing with all the little ones, really. But Kalli seemed to like me as much as Reddy does.”
Another shrug, like it hadn’t warmed his heart when the little girl had crawled over to pull herself into his lap.
She was studying him, her head cocked slightly. “How about she and I join you on Sunday, and we’ll see how it goes, before making any rules about you visiting her.”
His breath whooshed out of him in relief, and he smiled hugely. “That would be awesome!” Not just because he would get to see Kalli, but because Jackie had just agreed to another date!
He jerked his chin towards the small chapel in Old Town. “So you wanna meet out in front of the church Sunday morning? I always like Pastor Kevin’s sermons.”
“Sure,” she said quietly, then dropped her gaze to their linked hands.
“Hey.”
He squeezed her hand, and when she glanced back up at him, he smiled. He liked the way she blushed a little whenever he smiled at her.
Gotta remember to do that a lot!
“Thanks for going out with me tonight, Jackie.”
She shrugged, still not meeting his eyes. “Thanks for asking me out.”
“I…” He needed to tell her the truth. “I’ve wanted to for a while. A long time, really. Almost since I met you.”
Her gaze slammed back into his, but it was suspicious again. Like she didn’t believe him. “Why?”
“Why?” A laugh burst out of him, until he realized she was being serious. He immediately sobered. “Why?” he repeated. “Because…” How to explain? “Because you’re special. You’re funny and smart, and I really, really admire you.”
“Special?” she whispered, before looking away.
When she tried to pull her hands out of his, he tightened his grip reflexively. He didn’t want to hold her against her will, but she had to understand.
“I mean it, Jackie! You’re a really cool person, and I really like hanging out with you.”
She quit fighting him, but was still staring at his chest when she snorted. “Why? Why would someone like you want to hang out with someone like me?”
Someone like me.
Coop scoffed. “What’s so special about me?”
“Are you serious?” She glanced up at him, but looked away quickly. “You’re gorgeous and funny and you grew up here. You’re basically a celebrity.”
His burst of laughter was incredulous. “I’m a construction worker, Jackie. I’m just a regular guy! I don’t even have a good story to tell. You’re the special one.”
“Someone like me isn’t special,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“Someone who is determined? Who has a work ethic I really admire? Who is beautiful, both inside and out?”
This time when she glanced up at him, he smiled softly. And as he’d hoped, she didn’t drop her gaze again. This time she stared up at him, the setting sun reflected in her blue-gray eyes.
“I’m not beautiful,” she whispered again, but this time there was a desperate tone to her voice. Like she wanted to be convinced.
“You are,” he whispered back.
He wasn’t lying either. She was a little shorter than most women he’d been attracted to before, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest, and he loved her soft curves. They seemed to invite him to touch her, to feel if she was as supple as she looked.
In fact, he let go of one of her hands—careful to keep his hold on her other one—and reached up to brush a strand of her brown hair off her cheek. When she flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away, he brushed her cheek again, this time without the excuse of a strand of hair.
“You’re beautiful,” he repeated in a whisper. “And strong. And determined. And I really admire your values. I admire what you’ve overcome. You’re special.”
She flinched again at the word “special”, and realization crashed into Coop. Her ex-boyfriend had made her feel “special”, because no one else had paid her any attention. Is that what she thought was happening here? That Coop was paying her attention because he wanted to—
To what? To use her the way that other man had?
Coop dropped his hand by his side as his mind worked frantically to work through this problem. What did he want with Jackie? Did he just want to use her the way that Ivan guy had?
No. No.
Cooper mentally shook his head. He would never treat Jackie—Kalli’s mama—that way. She was way better than that, and he would never even consider it.
But what did he want with her? His mind and heart raced, and suddenly, he knew.
He wanted a forever.
But with Jackie? A woman he’d just had a first date with?
A woman you’ve been mooning after for months.
No, it was too soon.
Isn’t it?
Was it? Could he possibly be considering something long term with this beautiful, yet scared woman?
Yes, his heart whispered.
So he lifted his hand to her cheek once more. “You are special, Jackie. You’re special to me, and you’re very special to Kalli. We might not matter much in the grand scheme of things, but here and now, we matter. You’re important to me, and you’re important to Kalli. And I admire you so much for that.”
Was it his imagination, or was she holding her breath as she peered up at him? She didn’t say anything, but the look in her eyes told him she didn’t quite believe him, but was open to being convinced.
I need to know.
Coop needed to know if this was it. If Jackie was really the one—the special one—he’d been hoping for.
“Can I kiss you, Jackie Novak?”
Her eyes widened, and too late, he remembered that hadn’t been the name she’d been born with. But that didn’t matter. Whatever her past had been, here and now she was Jackie Novak. Jackie Novak was the woman he admired, the woman he loved—
Wait.
Love?
Cooper found himself smiling. Well, I guess we’ll find out.
Slowly, hesitantly, Jackie nodded, and Coop’s heart soared.
He didn’t want to frighten her, so he moved slow, leaning down towards her. He kept one hand gently on her cheek, the other laced through her fingers.
And when their lips met?
Pure magic.
The warmth he’d noted earlier during their date—when he’d held her hand—flowed through him. Not just up his arm, but through his entire body. He felt light, like he could fly, but also more grounded than he’d ever felt in his life. Like he was home. Like he was where he belonged.
She made a little noise against his lips—part whimper, part laugh—and he felt his heart repeat it.
Was she enjoying this as much as he was? He had to know.
It was torture to pull away from her, to make himself take a few deep breaths and let her step back. But she was breathing heavily too, staring up at him with wide, awe-filled eyes.
And he knew.
“I love you, Jackie.”
When her eyes widened further and she shook her head twice, he laughed, and shrugged.
“I’m sorry, but I do. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but it happened. And…” He took a step closer. “I’m not going to kiss you again, even though I can’t think of a thing I want more than that right now. And I already know just the memory of it is going to keep me up at night.”
“Me too,” she confessed, her expression a little sheepish.
“But I respect you enough to prove to you that you are special.”
And I’m not Ivan.
“You can’t love me, Cooper.”
He winked, and smiled, knowing it
would make her blush. It did.
“I can, and I do. You’re a special lady, and I’m going to do everything in my power to prove that to you.”
“How?” It came out part exasperation, part wail.
He chuckled and squeezed her hand, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms once more. “We’ll start on Sunday. You just meet me out front of the church with that precious daughter of yours, and leave the rest to me.”
Her nod was hesitant, and when she stepped backwards, towards the entrance to the Kids’ Korral, he let her fingers slip through his, even though it pained him. She needed to be the one to make this decision. She needed to come to him; he couldn’t push her.
If he did, he’d be no better than Ivan.
“I’ll see you Sunday morning then,” he said quietly, hopefully.
She nodded again, and then, miracle of miracles, offered him a smile.
“Thank you for the dinner, Cooper,” she said.
He smiled. “It was the best meal I can remember.”
And it was the truth.
CHAPTER SIX
Pastor Kevin’s sermon seemed to be speaking directly to Jackie. It was all about being imperfect and loving imperfection. The overall message was that God loved everyone, no matter their imperfections, so they all needed to love one another too.
Actually, the part which kept running through Jackie’s mind was the part where Pastor Kevin said, “God loves you, even with everything that’s wrong with you—and believe me, we’re all imperfect. But God loves those imperfections, so you should too. We all deserve to love ourselves, even if we’ve sinned, even if we’ve done things in the past we have a hard time forgiving ourselves for. God loves us anyway, and we need to forgive and love ourselves.”
We need to forgive and love ourselves.
To Jackie, that kinda sounded like what Cooper had been saying on Friday at their date: she might have done imperfect things in her past, but she was still special.
In fact, she glanced over at Cooper when the pastor said that line, and wasn’t entirely surprised to find him smiling at her.
When she raised her brow, as if to say “Did you put him up to that?” Cooper’s smile just grew. He nodded, but she wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with her unspoken question, or just Pastor Kevin’s message.
When she turned back to the pulpit, Cooper stretched his arm around the back of the pew, and his fingers brushed against her opposite shoulder. She was surprised how right it felt to have him touching her like that.
They sat there in the small church, and Jackie tried to concentrate on the rest of Pastor Kevin’s sermon, but her mind kept wandering. Not because of Kalli—her precious daughter was sitting quietly on Jackie’s lap, “reading” and occasionally chewing on a well-loved Pat the Bunny book.
No, her mind kept wandering because of Cooper. Cooper and his closeness. Cooper and the things he said to her on Friday. Cooper and his kiss.
It felt a little sacrilegious to be sitting there in church thinking about a kiss…but at the same time, so very right.
In her old life, Jackie had been kissed plenty of times; she’d even been the one doing the kissing a few times. But those kisses had been just preliminary, something to get out of the way. Perfunctory.
Cooper’s kiss had been…had been…had been everything.
He hadn’t once made her feel as if he were pushing for more. He hadn’t once made her feel as if he was ready to take what she wasn’t willing to give.
He’d called her special, then kissed her…and it hadn’t felt anything like when Ivan had done that same thing. With Cooper, it had been real. Truthful.
Jackie shivered, just thinking about it. Or maybe it was because Cooper’s arm was around her again, brushing against the backs of her shoulders.
When it came time to sing, Jackie stood with the rest of the congregation, hefting Kalli up against her shoulder. The eleven-month-old began to squirm, and Jackie tried to hold her still while reaching for the hymnal.
To her surprise, her baby was plucked out of her arms. Clutching the hymnal, she twisted to see Cooper settling Kalli against his chest, facing him. The baby laughed and grabbed at his chin.
And when he pretended to bite the tiny fingers and made little munching noises under the cover of the opening notes of the organ, Jackie thought her heart might melt.
No. No, the things she’d done in her past meant she couldn’t afford her heart to melt at such displays. She couldn’t fall in love with a man who was good and kind. Cooper didn’t need someone like her in his life.
But when his soothing baritone voice joined in on Amazing Grace, Jackie found herself praying.
She closed her eyes on the prickle of tears, and whispered the words with a choked voice.
“’Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home.”
She remembered Father George’s promise, all those months ago in the hospital room. He’d said that God would bring her something even better than Kalli Jo.
Did he mean this? This feeling of rightness and peace which surrounded her now in a chapel in a small town in Idaho? A good man at her side, and her baby happy and healthy?
We need to forgive and love ourselves.
Jackie felt herself swaying against Cooper, and when his hand settled in the small of her back, supporting her, she shuddered.
She and Kalli had built a life here, by the grace of God. Could she allow herself to trust that same grace to lead her home?
Coop groaned and threw himself backwards atop the old quilt Aunt Bobbi had let him borrow, rubbing his full stomach. “Man, that chef makes a mean sandwich. But I think I’m going to pop.”
Sitting cross-legged beside him, Jackie chuckled. “Well, you were the one who ate two of them.”
He groaned again, pretending great distress. “What was I supposed to do? He was offering reubens and French dip yesterday—I had to order both! They smelled so good I’m impressed I managed to save them for today. Besides, Kalli shared with me.”
“I think she liked the chips more than the corned beef though.”
“Well, I’ll just have to teach her some refined taste, then.”
Jackie snorted quietly, then spoke to the baby. “No, honey, don’t eat the dirt.”
“See? Dirt she’s okay with, but not corned beef?” Coop smiled without opening his eyes. “Disgraceful.”
“She’s only been eating solid foods for a few months. Give her a break— No, no, sweetie, don’t put that in your mouth.”
Smiling, Coop rolled up on one elbow, and watched Jackie play tug-of-war for a small stick. Must’ve fallen out of the aspen tree their quilt was currently stretched under.
“Aw, let her have it.”
His verdict must have startled Jackie; she let go of the stick to glare at him, and Kalli lifted the thing sideways to chew on the bark.
“She could poke herself!” Jackie said indignantly.
“Relax.” Coop smiled softly and put his hand on the baby’s back. “She’ll be fine. This is nature, and Kalli’s being raised with a whole new generation of people who will grow up to love River’s End Ranch as much as we do. She’s gotta learn to chew on nature at some point.”
Jackie’s lovely eyes narrowed, and she impatiently brushed a wisp of hair off her forehead. “Like you did, I assume?” She really was beautiful, out here with the mountains as a backdrop. Like some kind of Mother or Nature goddess, protecting her child.
“Heck yeah, I chewed on nature. I crawled through it, I sat on it, I laid on it. I dug in it and swam in it and climbed it.” The memories of gallivanting around the ranch with his twin and cousins made him smile. “We got into all kinds of trouble.”
“And how many of you cut yourselves or choked or broke bones?”
He shrugged. “Not as many as you’d think. Wyatt once fell and busted his arm. Kenneth got a concussion, but he turned out okay.”
Keeping one worried eye on her daughter, Jackie rocked back, pulling he
r knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them. “So you’re telling me that I should just let Kalli turn into some kind of Tarzan wannabe, like you?”
“Sure.” He shrugged again and faked a frown. “I mean, we all turned out alright, and we hardly even remember Timmy and Jimmy and Benny.”
“Who were they?”
“Other cousins. Timmy got eaten by Bigfoot, Jimmy was with Clem when they were attacked by that woodchuck, and Benny choked to death when he ate that stick.”
Her fearful gaze immediately flew to Kalli—who was still happily gumming the smooth stick—before the worry softened, and she rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”
He nodded. “Me neither,” he said somberly.
“Are you ever serious?” Lashing out with one foot, she tried to kick him.
A lifetime spent around heavy machinery and explosives meant he had pretty good reflexes, so he caught her by the toe of her sneaker before her kick connected. Careful to keep her away from the baby, Coop pulled her off-balance, and she tumbled into him.
He caught her around her shoulders and lowered her to the quilt beside him, the baby sitting happily between their hips. His hands lingered on Jackie’s shoulders, but he forced himself to let go of her.
“Sometimes,” he murmured.
“Sometimes what?” she asked in a breathless whisper.
“Sometimes I’m serious.”
He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her more than he’d ever wanted to kiss anyone ever before. He wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to breathe.
But he wasn’t going to, not like this.
She’d been kissed before by men. Men who probably laid her down and hovered over her just like this. Men who hadn’t realized how special she was, how much more she deserved.
He wanted to kiss her, yeah, but he wanted to do so much more. He wanted to make her understand how special she was, and how much she deserved.
So he wasn’t going to kiss her, not like this.
When he straightened, propping himself back on his elbow, he thought he saw her sigh. In disappointment? He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. He wanted her to want him, yeah, but he didn’t want her to think he was like those other men.