Less Than a Treason

by Mary Birk

  “Best to be careful.” He looked down at the baby. “He’s a nice looking baby.”

  Anne smiled. “Thank you. I think so too.”

  “What are you and Gregory doing for the rest of the Christmas hols? Going away?” Rodney directed his question at the solicitor. Anne remembered Jeremy Stone was gay, and had been with his partner for many years.

  “No, we’re staying quiet; we have some family visiting. I’ll go back to Inverness tonight.” Stone peered over in the direction of the windows where the snow was illuminated in the lights around the outside of the house. “I may need to set out soon. I drove my own car and don’t want to get stuck here. I’ll be back on Monday.”

  “You will?” Rodney seemed surprised.

  The solicitor nodded. “You’ll still be here?”

  Rodney said, “Yes, we’re all planning to stay until New Year’s Day.”

  “Then I’ll see you Monday.” Stone smiled. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m getting a mite worried about the weather, so I’m going to sneak out. I don’t want to disturb the dancers to say goodbye. Lady Anne, it’s been a pleasure to see you. Take care of that boy.” He looked at Anne kindly. Too kindly, like he felt sorry for her. So he knew, too.

  “Thank you, I will. Please drive safely.”

  After Stone left, Rodney sat down next to her.

  Anne turned to him, curious. “Your families use the same lawyers?”

  “Stone takes care of all the Reids and their businesses. I’m sure they’re the backbone of his practice, but Mother is his only client in my family. My stepfather is a solicitor himself, so I assume he uses someone in his own chambers. And of course, my father has his own team of lawyers.”

  “I don’t think my family has any lawyers. Even my sister, Meg, with her divorce, didn’t use a lawyer.”

  “Is that wise?”

  “Probably not. We’re just not much for that kind of conflict.” She hoped no one would expect her to get a lawyer. That would be too depressing.

  After the music stopped, Krystal came over to them. She wore a pink fluffy dress that suited her perfectly.

  Rodney stood up. “You were dancing beautifully, Krystal. Are you having fun?”

  “Loads. This is a wonderful party. You have to dance the next reel with me, no matter how fast it is. Your mother says you’re super at these dances.”

  “Wasn’t Lance good?”

  “He was good, but I don’t think he really wanted to dance with me.” She turned to Anne. “You look great.”

  “Thanks, Krystal, you too. Take this man away and make him dance.”

  Rodney took Krystal by the hand. “Will you excuse us?”

  Anne made shooing motions. “Go, have fun.”

  “First, will you take a snap of Rodney and me, please?” Krystal pulled a little camera out of her pink-beaded purse.

  “Of course.” They posed standing together. Anne got the shot then handed back the camera.

  Krystal beamed. “Thanks so much, Lady Anne.”

  “Any time.”

  Walking away, Krystal leaned toward Rodney, speaking in a voice just loud enough for Anne to overhear. “I think Lance is high. Him and that friend of his. Coked up or something.”

  Then they were too far away for Anne to hear anything else.

  One of the men Anne recognized from their wedding celebration as a neighbor of the Reids came over to ask her to dance, but even as he got the words out, Terrence appeared again.

  Before she could say anything, he smiled at the other man—a smile that went no further than his lips. “Sorry, Paul. My wife’s promised me the first dance when she feels up to it. You’ll have to wait your turn.”

  The other man made a pleasant comment and escaped quickly.

  Anne kept her eyes straight ahead, trying to ignore Terrence. He was obviously terrified she was going to do something embarrassing if he left her alone with anyone. She willed herself to calm down before she said anything biting. Safest not to say anything at all.

  He broke the silence first.

  “I don’t think it’s too much to ask that we at least dance one dance together before you dance with anyone else.”

  She sighed. “Please just go away. I promise I won’t dance with anyone else. I promise I won’t let someone put his hands all over me again. I promise I won’t dance naked on the tables. I promise I won’t do anything but sit here with the baby.”

  He stood there, but finally, to her relief, he left. The next time she looked up, he was dancing with her mother. After the song ended, Terrence and her mother came over to where she sat with the baby.

  Her mother smiled. “That has got to be the best-behaved baby in the world. I can’t believe what he sleeps through.”

  “He is amazing,” Anne agreed.

  Her mother reached for the carrier’s handle. “I’m taking myself and my grandson upstairs to go to bed. I’m still adjusting to the time change and feel as tired as he seems to be. Anne, you can come get him from my room when you come upstairs. If the baby needs you before that, I’ll come and get you—unless you want to come up right now?”

  “Thanks, Mom. You go on up. I’ll just stay down here a little longer. He’s got a little cough, so can you listen for it, please? It worries me. Just leave your room unlocked so I can get in without waking you.” Anne pulled the blanket up around the baby and leaned down to kiss him. She held the carrier toward her husband so he could kiss Michael good night as well.

  Her mother gave a little wave on her way out.

  Terrence stayed where he was. Finally, Anne decided the only way to get rid of him was to go upstairs after all. She stood up to leave, then felt Terrence’s hand on her arm, pulling her back.

  “We haven’t danced yet.”

  She enunciated her words clearly and distinctly, as if to someone who was reading her lips. “I don’t want to dance with you. I’m going to bed.” She could feel Miranda’s stare from across the room, and she gestured in the other woman’s direction. “Why don’t you go dance with someone who wants to dance with you?”

  “One dance won’t kill you.” He tilted his head. “Go ahead, call your boyfriend and get permission.”

  “I don’t need anyone’s permission.”

  “Then let’s dance.”

  “I would just as soon you left me alone. I’m tired and I’m calling it a night.” She forced herself to smile politely and pulled away. “I mean it. Really. But thanks for asking.”

  Before she realized what he was doing, he unfastened her cape and took it from her shoulders, laying it on a chair. Then he took her hand and led her out to the dance floor. “One dance. This is a waltz. I know you can waltz.”

  She expelled her breath. “One dance, then I’m going up to bed.”

  When he took her into his arms, the relief at finally being able to touch him hit her instantly, and all her resolve not to let herself feel this way about him anymore evaporated. She felt herself relax in the safety of his arms and let him guide her to the music and around the dance floor through the trees sparkling with their fairy lights. It was as if they were dancing in a forest full of other couples twirling nearby. Just for a moment she pretended things were different. She let herself want him. From the way he held her now, she would have sworn he wanted her too.

  They circled the dance floor, and Anne thought with dizzy joy that she could do this forever. He was such a good dancer. Much better than she was, although she felt like a good dancer when she was with him. To keep calm, she focused her attention on the other people on the dance floor. Most of the guests were dancing now, and people didn’t seem to be concerned with how the couples were configured, especially in the absence of equal numbers of males and females. Some were dancing in groups of three, and the children danced in a circle of their own.

  Stirling was dancing with Meg. Good. He was nice and fun, and Meg looked so pretty with her red hair falling down the back of her beige silk dress. He had her laughing. Anne smiled as she thought
about what he’d said about that. And Rodney was dancing with Jeanne. Good, another nice man. She hoped her sisters were having some fun and that she hadn’t completely ruined their Christmas along with her own. She’d have to find some way to make it up to them for having dragged them into this mess.

  Dancing with Terrence tonight was the first time they’d actually touched since she got here, other than that first perfunctory kiss and the occasional slight contact when passing the baby between them. She was hyperaware of him and each touch of his body on hers. This was exactly why she’d been avoiding dancing with him. She’d wanted too much to have him hold her. Annulment or not, she knew if he wanted her, she wouldn’t be able to say no.

  But when she looked up into his eyes she could tell it wasn’t desire he felt. She flinched and turned away. Anger. John Stirling was right. He was really mad at her. The giddy happiness she’d felt evaporated. This wasn’t about him wanting her, this was about him hating her.

  When the song ended, he pulled her closer as the next song, a slower dance, began. This was too close. She could feel his body against hers, and now she knew that no matter how he felt about her as a person, he wanted her—or at least his body did. His mouth touched the side of her neck, and she felt her knees buckling.

  He slid his hand up and down along the curve of her waist. His hand traveled to the middle of her bare back and his fingers started to stroke up and down. He bent down towards her, and she felt his breath. “What are you thinking?” His voice had that dangerous, pre-fight tone.

  “Nothing much.” She breathed deeply, trying to stay calm. He wanted her to start something, but she wasn’t going to oblige him. Not with all these people around.

  “Liar.” His voice was low, but he said the word like he meant it.

  He wanted to fight, but she didn’t even know what they had to fight about. He wanted to dance, and they were dancing. He was the one who wanted out of the marriage, and she had agreed to the annulment.

  He raised his head back up and she could feel his breath against her hair as he spoke. “Tell me.”

  She continued smiling for whoever might be watching. “I was thinking how ridiculous it is for us to be dancing together like we’re a couple, when in a few days, everyone will know we’re not. I can tell Miranda knows already and she’s watching us. She’s obviously in love with you.”

  He was silent for a while as they danced, and she felt his fingers playing with the edge of her dress in the back, and then running slightly inside the edges. She shivered and thought she could endure this if she could be with him one more time. Just one more time.

  His voice was husky and she knew he was aroused. “I told you, we’re just friends. It’s not like us.”

  “For your sake, I hope not.” She gave a little laugh. “I’m not sure you could survive two relationships like ours.” She wanted to tell him to move his hand, but she couldn’t. It felt too good.

  “It wasn’t that bad.” He danced them behind one of the trees and his fingers teased inside the back of her dress, moving toward the front until he was touching the side of her breast. She closed her eyes and let desire pulse through her while she struggled to keep up with the conversation. Her senses felt drugged with arousal and his fingers on her bare flesh were doing what they’d always done to her, make her stupid with wanting him.

  “Not that bad. High praise indeed.” No matter what his words were saying, she wanted his fingers to keep going.

  “I’ll admit some of it was good. Not the being married part—the being lovers part.” His lips brushed her ear. “But then, you must be used to men telling you you’re good in bed.”

  She caught her breath in hurt surprise and pulled away slightly, forcing him to withdraw his hand from the inside of her dress. She didn’t say anything, couldn’t think of anything to say, and concentrated on not crying. She tried to smile so anyone watching them wouldn’t see how upset she was, but she couldn’t quite manage it.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” His voice was hard, though, and she knew he wasn’t sorry at all. He persisted. “But you must admit our marriage has been a disaster.”

  She swallowed, a hard lump in her throat. “I don’t see any reason to discuss it.” She tried again to smile, and this time she succeeded. She didn’t want her son to ever hear about his mother causing any kind of a disturbance at this event. Michael would be embarrassed enough when, inevitably, he learned about why his father had left her.

  The music stopped, and a Highland reel started. Terrence led her off the floor, and she pushed away from him. She picked her cape up from where he’d left it.

  “Good night.” She turned, headed for the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To bed. Stop following me.”

  “I’ll walk you out.”

  “Go away.”

  “We need to talk.”

  She was too drained to protest when he took her arm and led her out through the conservatory at the end of the gallery. They walked silently past the jasmine plants lining the walkway. The scent of the flowers filled the air with a heavy, sweet fragrance, and the quiet of the conservatory after the din of the Long Gallery seemed ominous, too quiet, even with the faint sound of voices from the party drifting in.

  Terrence motioned to one of the benches situated along the edges of the room. “Let’s sit here.”

  Numbly, she sat down. She veiled her hand over her face. “What could we possibly need to talk about? I’ve agreed to the annulment. Just tell me what you want. I’ll do it. Then leave me alone.”

  “We need to talk about the annulment, and about Michael.”

  “Really? Now?”

  “It will just take a few moments.”

  “So talk. Then I can leave.”

  “I’m concerned about being able to see Michael with you living so far away. I know he’s young now, but I do want him to be with me as much as possible.”

  “Of course. You’re his father.”

  “I want us to share custody. Michael should be here with me in Scotland at least half of the time.”

  “That makes sense.”

  He looked relieved. Had he thought she would do anything to stand in the way of his relationship with Michael? He didn’t know her at all.

  “We need to work out the financial details.”

  Anne thought with dismay about the decimated state of her bank account. Between the expense of the trip to Scotland, having a baby, and buying Christmas gifts, she’d spent every penny she had. How much did an annulment cost? She was humiliated to have to admit to him she couldn’t afford to pay her share of the legal expenses right now. Maybe she could borrow the money from Meg or her mother. “How much do you think it will be?”

  He looked at her as if he’d never seen her before, then asked, in a hard voice she’d never heard him use with her, “How much do you want?”

  She shook her head, confused at his question. “I just need to know how much the annulment’s going to cost. It may take me a few months to come up with my half.”

  He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

  Seeing the relief in his face, Anne suddenly realized he’d thought she’d been trying to extort money from him, and she hated him with a fury of which she’d not known she was capable. She held up her head, wishing she’d never known him, wishing they didn’t share a child, wishing he was dead.

  She made sure her voice didn’t show anything of what she was feeling. “That would be unfair. We both want out of this marriage. If you let me know how much the annulment will cost, I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. It shouldn’t take me long.” If Meg couldn’t help her, then Andrew would.

  Terrence looked away. He must be making sure no one else had come into earshot of them. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll pay for it. Jeremy Stone will be here on Monday to meet with you.”

  Of course he would’ve already consulted his family’s solicitor about
the best way to get rid of her. How long ago had he made the decision, she wondered? Probably long before Michael was born, which would explain why he hadn’t read her letters.

  “He’ll have a financial proposal for you independent of what will be provided for Michael. I think you’ll find it more than generous.”

  She hadn’t thought she could feel more hurt than she already did. “I appreciate you doing whatever you want to do for Michael, but I don’t want or need any money from you for me. You don’t have to pay to get rid of me. I may be trash but I’m not that kind of trash.” She stood up and pushed another little smile past her lips. “I’m going to my room now.”

  Before she could leave, he spoke again, and she could tell whatever was coming was what she had seen in his eyes—what had put the anger there. His mouth was clenched and the words came out, cold and clipped like shards of ice.

  “It wasn’t bad enough you had to sleep with Grainger again, was it? You let him be there for Michael’s birth.”

  “What?” Anne was so stunned, she didn’t know what to say.

  He got up, came toward her. “You heard me. You let him be there when my child was born.”

  She took a deep breath, not willing to explain herself to this angry man. “You certainly never expressed an interest in being there.”

  “I wouldn’t have done that, in case the child had been his.”

  Anne shrugged, feeling her cheeks burn, but unable to tamp down her temper. “Unlike you and me, Andrew and I are friends.”

  “Friends?”

  “Yes, friends. Friends are there for each other. He was there for me when I needed him. You weren’t.”

  Terrence shook his head, looking as confused as a bull who’d thought he’d been in a fair fight, but had been unexpectedly skewered with a sword hidden in the matador’s cape.

  “You’re sorry Michael wasn’t his child.”

  “And I’m sure you’re sorry he’s yours.”

  “No, never that. Whatever happens between us, I’ll always be grateful to you for my son.”

  “Are you finished? Can I go upstairs now?”

  “You let Grainger paint you.” He almost spat the words.