One Hot Cowboy Wedding

by Carolyn Brown

  “Amen, sister! And don’t fret, Pearl. Wil can always holler at Rye. He’s an old hand now at the baby business,” Austin said.

  “I ain’t never been on a girls’ night out before. What do we do?” Lucy asked.

  “Tonight we are going to a Chinese restaurant over in Wichita Falls because Pearl can’t drink, and besides, all of us are married except you and Gemma. So it would not be a good idea to go clubbing,” Austin said.

  “Dammit!” Pearl said loudly. “I didn’t read that damn marriage license close enough. Did it say ‘I promise to never go clubbing again’?”

  “That’s the spirit.” Jasmine laughed.

  Liz leaned forward and tapped Jasmine on the shoulder. “You’re the one who got married last. Have the vows changed? Do they say ‘I promise to burn my little black book when I get home and never go clubbing with the girls again’?”

  Lucy laughed. “No, they say ‘I will give my book to Lucy to burn.’ Gemma, you need anything cremated after you get married, you just bring it to me. I’ve got an old galvanized milk bucket that I use to cremate the remains of the past.”

  “And do you say a curse on anyone who comes back to tempt the newly wedded husband when you scatter the ashes?” Gemma asked.

  “Hell, no!” Liz said. “That’s my job. I’m the gypsy carnie woman. I can tell your fortunes or put a curse on the cremated remains of a black book. Your choice for five bucks.”

  Pearl giggled.

  Jasmine could have stopped the truck and hugged all the girls for that one giggle.

  “I’ve got a five in my purse. I’ll dig it out when we get to the restaurant. I want the curse,” Jasmine said.

  “Okay, are we only talking about black books?” Gemma asked. “Can you put a curse on things other than black books, Liz?”

  “Hey, I might be interested in that five-dollar deal if I ever find a black book in Rye’s stuff,” Austin said. “But I think we’ve missed something, Lucy. Did you burn someone’s address book or what?”

  Lucy smiled. “Last year Pearl brought me her address book and told me to burn it and make sure the ashes were scattered far and near and there wasn’t a bit of anything left with a name on it for Wil to find. I got to tell you, girls, it was a thick book. That girl was flat out a party girl. Wil must be a strong man to tame her down.”

  “Believe me, he is.” Pearl nodded. “I’m just going to make one call to see if everything is all right before we get too far out of town.”

  Everyone was quiet and the call only lasted a few seconds. “Wil says I can only call once an hour from now on.”

  “Good man,” Jasmine said.

  Lucy went on, “Couple of days ago Jasmine had bad luck all day. Started off with her alarm clock not waking her up and didn’t get no better. Mr. Murphy, that feller who controls bad luck, poured out an extra supply on her head. Way I figure it is that two people don’t get to sit down on a blanket in a pretty little field of yellow daisies with blue birds hoppin’ around singin’ songs in the trees above them and just flat fall in love. If they did, it would be boring as hell. So the good Lord employs Mr. Murphy to come around and throw a little heat at two people who are in love. It toughens them up so that when the big storms come later, like raisin’ teenage boys or even boys in their twenties like Blake and Dalton, that those people in love can weather the storm. So Jasmine and Ace got a little bit of heat blown on their cute little world when Jasmine found his little black sin book with all the women’s names in it that he’s known, kissed, or screwed around with.” She went on to tell the rest of the story in her southern accent, tossing in Kentucky wisdom along the way.

  Pearl laughed first, and then suddenly giggles echoed off the windows and the ceiling sounding like a playground full of third grade girls telling secrets.

  Lucy wiped her eyes and continued, “And so here I am with this little pile of ashes and two blobs of gold. Would you believe those initials were real gold, not just painted on with gold glitter from the hobby store? Well, they were! They had little thumbtack-lookin’ things on the back that pinned them right into that red leather. And they melted into a couple of bubbles of gold. I hated to pour that out in the hog lot. All those women’s names and stars burned up into ashes was one thing for the hogs to root around in, but those two little gold shiny things in the wallow. Why, they’d be tellin’ all their other hog friends that they had a gold-studded wallow at their place.”

  Gemma got the hiccups. “Lucy, only you would think of such a thing. You should be a writer.”

  Lucy held up her hands. “Not me. I can’t put two words together on a piece of paper without wearin’ out an eraser. Hated English in school. But Momma could make a story out of anything, so I guess I got that from her. Anyway, here I was thinkin’ about the hogs gettin’ all uppity because they’ve got gold in their wallow and I just couldn’t do it. So when it all cooled down, I fished out the two little nuggets and brought them with me on our girls’ night out. Pearl, would you roll down the window just a little bit so I can throw them out?”

  Lucy leaned across Pearl when the window was half open and flung the tiny bit of gold out.

  Immediately, red, white, and blue lights flashed behind them and a siren began to blow.

  Lucy groaned. “I killed myself and got away with it and now I have to go to jail because I threw out pure gold? This ain’t fair. And besides, it’s my first time to get to go on girls’ night out, and besides all that, I don’t get to be in a wedding. Life sucks, girls!”

  “Don’t mess with Texas.” Gemma pointed straight ahead to a roadside trash can with those words emblazoned on the front.

  Jasmine eased over to the shoulder and rolled down her window. The Texas Highway Patrolman was standing at the side of the truck before the window reached the bottom.

  “License and registration, please,” he said.

  Jasmine fished her license from her purse and Pearl found the registration in the glove box.

  “You ladies realize there is a fine for littering?”

  “Officer, that was me doin’ the litterin’,” Lucy said. “You see, I had to burn up Ace Riley’s black book this week and when it was all burned there was some of the gold from the initials on the front…”

  “Wait a minute. Gemma, is that you back there?” he asked.

  “It’s me, Sammy, and she’s tellin’ the truth. All she pitched was a tiny little gold nugget so the hogs in Ace’s pen wouldn’t feel superior to the other hogs in Montague County because they had a gold-studded wallow.” Gemma hiccupped.

  “Y’all been drinkin’?” Officer Sammy asked.

  “Sober as a sinner on judgment day,” Lucy said.

  “You serious, Gemma? This woman really burned Ace’s book? Who married Ace Riley? Did you, Gemma?”

  “Hell no, Sammy! I did not marry Ace. He’s like a brother.” Gemma hiccupped again.

  Lucy’s blue eyes popped wide open. “No, sir! Not me. That would be Jasmine, this woman right here.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned. Aren’t you the one who owns Chicken Fried?” Sammy asked.

  “Yes, sir, I am.”

  Sammy shook his head in disbelief. “And you burned that famous red book?”

  Lucy raised her hand slightly. “I did that, sir.”

  “I know men that would have sold their souls to Lucifer for that book. Hell, I would have mortgaged my truck and tomcat just to get to a copy of it.” He chuckled. “Y’all get on your way and don’t be litterin’ no more. Not even gold from a black book.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Jasmine said.

  “And Gemma, if you are lyin’ to me about drinkin’, at least promise me you won’t drive.”

  “Sammy, darlin’, I ain’t lyin’ but I promise I won’t drive tonight.” Gemma crossed her heart.

  “Okay, you ladies be careful and no more littering.” He went back to his patrol car and followed them for a mile before he took the next off-ramp into Wichita Falls.

  “I was scared out o
f my underpants,” Lucy said. “I thought for sure he’d haul me to jail and what would Tyson do for breakfast tomorrow morning?”

  “You are sweet on him, aren’t you?” Jasmine asked.

  “I could be, but it’s too soon to be tellin’ just yet. I got to figure out if I’m tryin’ to save him from himself or save him for myself before I decide if I’m going to put him in my black sin book. Come to think of it, he’d be the first name in the book. How did you say that star business went, Jasmine?” Lucy said and then cracked up with giggles. “You talk now, Gemma. How did you know that policeman?”

  “Well, it’s damn sure not as funny as the hog lot story. I dated him a couple of times. Remember when he followed you to the Halloween party last fall, Liz?”

  “Oh, he’s that officer. I remember him now.”

  “Yes, he’s the one, but he wasn’t the one. Liz done promised me a cowboy, not a policeman, by Christmastime, and I’m holding out to see just how strong her voodoo is.”

  Liz patted her on the leg. “Honey, you just wait. He’s being groomed for you right now and he’ll be here for Christmas. It was written in the cards.”

  “Wearin’ nothing but a Santa hat and boots, right?” Gemma asked.

  “I conjured up the cowboy. You got to ask Santa for the rest of it, and that’ll depend on whether you are a good girl or a very good girl,” Liz said.

  “What if I’m very good at being very bad?” Gemma asked.

  “Then I’d say you’ll get your cowboy with nothing but a Santa hat and cowboy boots,” Liz said.

  “Hey, I just realized Bridget ain’t here with us,” Lucy said.

  “She and Frankie are making up after a fight they had earlier this week. She whined for days but yesterday she was all spicy,” Jasmine said.

  “Takes a while to get some kids raised up, don’t it, Pearl?” Lucy asked.

  “Girl, if you are talkin’ about yourself, I’d say you were pretty easy to raise. You pretty well had things figured out when I got you,” Pearl said.

  “I’d figured out some of it, but you helped me a lot.”

  ***

  It was well after midnight when Lucy and Jasmine made it home. They both had early mornings so they tiptoed down the hallway. Lucy went to her room and Jasmine eased into the bedroom with intentions of peeling out of her clothing in the dark and being asleep when her head hit the pillow.

  “Oh, honey, you are so ready!” a high-pitched voice said.

  “Mmmm,” Ace mumbled.

  The only light in the room was what filtered through the curtains from the full moon, but it didn’t take a hundred-watt bulb to see that there was a woman in the bed with Ace or that she was naked as a newborn baby and had her body glued to his back. And where her hand was headed put a jealous streak the size of a football field right down Jasmine’s back.

  “Dammit!” Jasmine whispered.

  Evidently one woman in Texas didn’t know that he’d burned his book and wasn’t even smart enough to know that it was hay season and he was too damn tired for sex? She flipped on the light and the woman sat straight up in the bed.

  Ace sat straight up and rubbed his eyes. “Damn, Jazzy, that felt good. Why are you turning on the lights?”

  Then the red-haired woman squealed and jumped out of bed, taking the sheet with her to cover her nakedness. “You are not Blake. What in the hell are you doing in his bed?” Her voice went from a mouse squeak to a full-fledged all-out screaming fit.

  She turned on Jasmine, pointing her finger, and nearly losing the sheet. “And who the hell are you coming into Blake’s bedroom this time of night?”

  Jasmine bit the inside of her lip to keep from bursting into laughter. “This happens to be my bedroom, lady.”

  “Blake is married? Damn! He didn’t tell me he had a wife.” The woman gasped and pointed at Ace. “And who are you? If that’s his wife, then why are you in her bedroom? Does Blake know you are messing around with his wife?”

  Ace had thought Jazzy was making a move on him. She’d kissed him between his shoulder blades and ran her hand down his chest to tease him into a full erection, and she whispered that they were going to have hot sex all night. He really thought it was Jazzy and hoped that he had enough energy for at least one round of sex. He’d been so tired the whole past week that he’d barely kissed her. And then the lights came on. Now some redhead was screaming that he was messing around with Blake’s wife?

  Blake heard the commotion, and came running across the hallway. Lucy opened her door and Delilah meandered down the hall and into the bedroom where she jumped on Ace’s bed. He grabbed a pillow and covered his nakedness as both Blake and Lucy pushed into the room.

  “What is going on in here? I heard screaming and it sounded like… it was two women. Ace Riley, you better start explainin’,” Lucy said.

  The redhead sneezed three times. “Cats! I’m allergic to them. Get that thing out of here.”

  Blake stared at the woman. “What are you doing in this room? And why are you even here? I told you I couldn’t see you until Saturday night.”

  “You said your room was the one closest to the foyer on the right when we were having phone sex last night and I thought I’d just surprise you tonight.” She sneezed again.

  Blake chuckled.

  “Don’t laugh at me. I went to the bathroom first and then made sure I opened the door to the room closest to the foyer. You did this on purpose, didn’t you, Blake? Well, it’s not a funny joke and the joke is on you because I’m out of here.” The redhead gathered up clothing off the floor as she talked and stormed down the hall with the sheet dragging behind her.

  “I’d say that it’s pretty plain what’s happened. That woman don’t know left from right. We need to get out of Ace and Jasmine’s bedroom.” Lucy led the way out with Blake right behind her. Just before she closed the door, she turned back to Jasmine and said, “This ain’t Ace’s fault.”

  “Hey,” Blake yelled at the flow of blue cotton sheeting sweeping the floor ahead of him. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it plainer which room was mine, darlin’.”

  “Don’t ever call me again.”

  Lucy waited until the woman was gone before she turned toward Blake. “Next time you pick up a woman, be sure she’s smart enough to know left from right. I’ll buy you a little stamp with each word on it next time I get to the hobby store. You can ink the top of her hands and maybe this won’t happen again.”

  “She did know left from right,” he said coldly. “I just didn’t tell her that it was on her left after she came out of the bathroom and her right before she went to the bathroom.”

  “Same difference. That could have been a train wreck in there. They’re still on fragile ground and they didn’t need this right after the red book thing. Now where’d Delilah go?”

  At the mention of her name, Delilah came out of Blake’s room, her big fluffy yellow tail high in the air as she walked down the hallway like a queen to her room. Lucy giggled at the sight. It had been a night for sure. She had a lot to tell her momma the next time they talked on the phone. And this would make such a funny story that she could picture her momma wiping at her eyes with her apron tail.

  “Good night, Lucy,” Blake said.

  “Night, Blake,” she said and followed Delilah into her bedroom.

  ***

  Jasmine sat down on the edge of the bed and removed her sandals. “Okay, stud, what have you got to say for yourself? Don’t you even know your wife’s touch? Someday when you really get married, that could get you in big trouble.”

  “Really get married? I’m married now. You’re even a jealous wife. You said so when you met Mallory.” He moved the pillow back to its rightful place, leaving himself without anything to cover his nakedness.

  She scanned him from eyebrows to toenails.

  “I was asleep and she snuggled up to my back and started to mess with me. I thought it was you,” he said. Her green eyes stalling out midway down his body and a whiff of her per
fume was already arousing him again.

  “Guess we need a top sheet since your bimbo went home with ours for a souvenir.” She padded out into the hall and brought back a folded white sheet. She flipped it out over the bed and it floated down to cover him. She tucked the ends into the bottom of the mattress and then returned to undressing. Jewelry went on the chest of drawers. Khaki shorts and bright yellow tank top were folded and laid neatly on a chair so she could wear them again the next day.

  She was down to panties and bra when Ace started humming the traditional striptease song. She whipped around to find him grinning and the sheet making a tent right below his waist. She put a hand under the edge of her panties and teased him by pulling them down an inch and then back up, gyrating the whole time to the music he supplied. The girls had all talked about making Liz teach them to belly dance. Now she wished she did know how to do real belly dancing or had even watched those pole dancers better on television.

  Ace reached out to her. The music stopped when she walked to the edge of the bed and he wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her across him. Wrapped up in his arms, she forgot all about the redhead and looked up to see his lips on his way to hers.

  A quick involuntary flick of the tongue wet her lips in anticipation. Ace’s met hers in a clash of pent-up heat. He nibbled her lips, then moved to her eyelids and to the tip of her nose and she got hotter by the second.

  She let her hands roam over his broad back, every inch increasing the heat flowing from her fingertips to fuel the liquid heat in the pit of her stomach. She laced her hands around his neck and brought his lips to hers for a series of lingering wet kisses that sucked all the air from both of them.

  “Jazzy, you are so hot and you make me hot as the devil just touching my skin,” he rasped when they finally broke away to catch their breath.

  He slid her panties down to her feet, peeled them off, and tossed them off the edge of the bed. Then he worked his way back up, tasting, teasing, and loving the way she wiggled and moaned. When he reached her mouth, he lowered his lips to hers and slid inside her at the same time.

  “Oh! Oh! Now that feels good,” she said.