FERAL SINS (The Phoenix Pack, Book One)

by Suzanne Wright

  You know, I used to look at mated couples and I’d think how amazing it must be, that once you mated you’d never feel alone ever again because that person would become a part of you. I mean, I know that my mating with Trey doesn’t count in an emotional sense, but I still didn’t expect this feeling of being…trapped. I’m bound to someone who won’t even touch me socially, who deliberately avoids me – unless I want to be left alone, apparently I’m interesting to him then – and who has my wolf enthralled. And how is it that he’s able to get my wolf so enthralled with him anyway? That shouldn’t be possible. She’s such a traitor sometimes.

  It’s freaking shit, the lot of it. I should be able to turn around to the person I’m mated to, even if it’s only temporary, and say ‘you know what, it’s my mom’s birthday today and I miss her’, but I don’t even feel like I can talk to him like that. See, you really are all I have.

  A noise in the distance pulled her from her conversation with Joey. So she hadn’t been left alone after all, and they apparently thought she wouldn’t realize this. Oh the bastards.

  So this was what Taryn had been feeling like, mused Trey as he sat at the kitchen table tapping his fingers on the surface. It hadn’t occurred to him that by establishing a distance between them it could actually be a bad thing, that it could actually hurt her. But the way Taryn had froze him out, walked away from him, pulled away from his touch…it hurt.

  She was his mate. No, not of the soul or heart, but she was still his mate and she had ordered him away from her. She had rejected his comfort. Generally he wasn’t a guy who offered comfort, but this was his mate. And she didn’t want him. A part of him knew that it shouldn’t hurt this much, but he didn’t want to think on that or he would have to address the question of why it hurt like this.

  What bothered him more than any of that was that she was clearly nursing some sort of emotional ache. One strong enough to make her withdraw from everyone and everything around her. His strong Taryn was close to breaking and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. That sense of helplessness was eating at both him and his wolf, increasing his need to find her and soothe her.

  Suddenly Tao appeared, panting. “Trey, we got a problem.”

  Instantly he was on his feet. “What?”

  “Taryn. I can’t find her.”

  “What do you mean you can’t find her?”

  “I did what you said – I stayed a good distance away but was close enough to hear if there was a problem. Maybe she heard me and got pissed off that someone had followed her, I don’t know, but I can’t find her.”

  “Shit.” So a large party of them searched. Searched every single inch of the forest, checked every tree, even the river. But there was no sign of her. It was obvious she had stopped at the river for a while, but then she seemed to have done a runner while covering her tracks. And damn if she wasn’t good at covering her tracks.

  With each minute Trey became more concerned and his wolf grew more restless, understanding that his mate was hurting and missing. For a split second, Trey had wondered if she’d done something stupid while so emotional, but the thought left his head instantly. Taryn would never take the coward’s way out of anything.

  “Okay,” said Dante as they came to a halt outside the forest. “Let’s put ourselves in Taryn’s shoes. She wanted to be alone. Nothing more than that, right?”

  “Yes, so she came out here,” said Trick.

  “But we wouldn’t let her be. And I doubt that while she was in that foul mood she was too pleased about her simple wish being ignored like that.”

  “Definitely not,” agreed Marcus, “but she didn’t come and verbally kick our asses and that doesn’t sound like her.”

  “It’s worth pointing out that she wasn’t at all herself,” said Dominic with a shrug.

  “But she will have been utterly pissed and insulted by the idea that we thought we could still follow her and think she wouldn’t know,” said Tao.

  “Do you think maybe she’s been teaching us a little lesson about how not stupid she is?” asked Ryan.

  It fell into place suddenly. Trey smiled. “Something like that. She’s been leading us on a merry chase. I know where she is.”

  Everyone’s expressions begged ‘Where?’

  “She’s back inside the caves. I’ll put money on it. She’ll have known that if she made it look as though she was missing, we’d come out searching for her.”

  “Leaving the caves empty apart from a few,” said Ryan.

  “And giving her what she wanted,” finished Trey, “the simple chance to be alone.” It was a brilliant plan, he had to admit it. She had totally played them, and played them well.

  “Shit,” cursed Trick. “I can’t believe we’ve been out here for hours and she’s been in the house all along. You’re sure?”

  “It sounds like something she’d do,” said Marcus.

  It turned out that it was exactly what she’d done, although at first Trey had wondered if he’d been wrong as she hadn’t been in the kitchen or living area or in their bedroom. If he hadn’t picked up her scent in the second floor tunnels, he might have ended up back on that merry chase.

  Following her scent, he soon found himself outside one of the guest bedrooms – not that they ever had guests. There were no sounds coming from inside, but he was certain that she was in there. Slowly and quietly he turned the doorknob and opened the door. His chest tightened at the sight before him. Taryn was curled up on the bed, asleep, with dried tears on her red cheeks. She was cuddling something, he noticed a few seconds later.

  As he carefully closed the door and crept closer he realized that it was a shoebox. One that she had had for a while if the bad state of the cardboard was anything to go by. Curious, he sat beside her and gently took the faded-white box from between her now limp arms. As he removed the lid, his chest tightened again. Inside were nothing more than inconsequential little things like a net-bag of marbles, a large shiny stone, a plastic engagement-type ring, a miniature plush bear, and some homemade Christmas cards and birthday cards and other bits and pieces. But these little things meant everything to Taryn because they had obviously either belonged to her true mate or been given to her by him.

  Spotting a little velvet book he flipped it open and realized it was actually a photo album. Even as a little girl Taryn’s hair had had all those different shades running through it. She looked just as fiery and energetic. The kid who Trey guessed was Joey had clearly been besotted with her. On every picture he was standing protectively close to her, hugging her or holding her hand. Trey wasn’t proud of the twinge of jealousy he felt at how the little kid had been more or less born with rights to her.

  Inside the final two photo sleeves were small laminated cards. One had a picture of the kid on, along with his date of birth and the date he had died with a small sort of ‘rest in peace’ type message. On the other was a picture of a woman who looked uncannily like Taryn. Her mom, he quickly realized, noting that the date of her death matched the date of the kid’s. And then something else registered in his brain. Her mother’s birthday…it would have been today.

  Well shit. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut as it dawned on him. She had been grieving her mom today, had been probably screaming inside as the agony tormented her, but instead of coming to him – her mate – for any kind of comfort or even to just confide in him or cry on his shoulder, she had retreated within herself.

  Because she hadn’t felt like she could come to him, had probably thought that he wouldn’t want her to.

  Then when he, like a bastard, refused to give her the space she needed, she had finally sought comfort. The fact that the only place she thought she could find it was from a shoebox filled with memories of her dead true mate was like a blow to Trey’s gut. A blow he deserved.

  Guilt knifed through him as he thought on how much of a prick he had been to Taryn. Dante was right. Although this mating was temporary it didn’t mean that Trey should be able to just cast he
r aside. She had become his responsibility the second he claimed her, but all he’d done was try to escape that responsibility just because he got a little spooked by his wolf and some primal instincts. He had frozen her out just as she had done to him today. The feelings of rejection, anger and desolation he had experienced earlier were things that she had obviously been suffering with all this time. In total silence.

  Shit, she hadn’t deserved that, hadn’t deserved his cold shoulder, especially when she was being so loyal to their deal.

  It was a wonder that she hadn’t left – it wasn’t as if she couldn’t have snuck off. It was clear by the way she had led them on a merry chase and covered her tracks so well that she had the ability to at least try to make a run for it. It wasn’t as though fear of him kept her here. She hadn’t once expressed any fear of him, not even when his wolf had gone feral. Although Roscoe was dead and she didn’t need Trey anymore, she had stayed to fulfil her end of the deal. Even though he’d been a total ass. Even though his grandmother constantly strove to make her feel unwelcome. Even though it meant having to lie to her friends and repeatedly claim that her true mate had been nothing but a good friend.

  One thing was for sure – she was a better person than he would ever be. She was someone that any male would be proud to have as their mate, temporary or not.

  He wished she was his true mate even though that made him an absolute bastard where his actual true mate was concerned. But she had just been a baby. A tiny screaming baby who had been dumped in his arms while her mom rooted through her handbag for keys. The second she had landed in his arms she had stopped wailing and looked up at him. The next thing he knew, her mom was flapping excitedly saying stuff like ‘instant connection’ and ‘true mate’.

  Instead of being happy, he’d been scared. At fourteen years old, it had felt too damn weird to him to be told he had a strong bond to a tiny little baby. It had even made him feel a little ill. The fact that he hadn’t felt the tug of the bond made the whole thing worse, reminding him just how closed off he actually was. So he had stayed away from her and kept totally quiet about it. Her mom had promised to give him time to get used to the idea before telling anyone. But then two months later she’d fell asleep in her cradle and hadn’t woken up.

  Unlike Taryn, he’d never had a chance to know his true mate. The only picture he had of her was the one in his mind, and that image was of a little baby with the same baby features that most babies had. He had been disloyal to that little girl from the second he found her. He didn’t have anything at all that had once belonged to her, didn’t even have any memories of her. Taryn, on the other hand…she had kept her true mate’s memory alive as best she could. But for Trey and for the deal she had made with him, she had publically renounced that kid who she’d adored and who had obviously adored her in return.

  And Trey had trampled all over her and her feelings, being as neglectful to her as he had been of his true mate.

  Well enough of that shit. The mating might be temporary but for as long as this female was here she was his to respect and care for and protect – especially to protect from him and his asshole ways. It was the least she deserved, but more than that, it was what he wanted. He knew that even if – by some miracle – he was to mate someone permanently in the future, this temporary mating he had with Taryn would probably be the closest he would ever get to having a true mate, because she was everything he would have wanted and he doubted he would ever meet anyone like her.

  Placing the shoebox on the floor, Trey carefully lay down behind her and locked his arm around her waist as he curled his body around hers. His wolf released a rumbly growl of contentedness, but right now Trey wasn’t doing this to appease his wolf or feed a hunger. He was doing it because Trey the man wanted to hold her.

  If it hadn’t been for the hunger pang in her stomach, Taryn probably wouldn’t have woken. Not while she was so comfortable and warm and relaxed. And certainly not while her wolf was so at ease having Trey snuggling up to her. Wait, what? Instantly her eyes shot open and she tensed.

  “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve woke up to find myself curled around you like this.”

  She would have told him to fuck off and give her the breathing room she had asked for – no, demanded – but there was something different about his voice. The gruffness she had gotten used to was gone. There was a new softness to his tone, a tenderness she hadn’t heard before. Both of which she had to be imagining along with the hand that was affectionately fondling her hair.

  “I’m really sorry about your mom.”

  She stiffened even more. “You went through the shoebox.” Through her very personal things. She was just getting ready to snap at him for it when he surprised her by brushing her hair aside so he could kiss along her neck. Damn if her neck wasn’t hypersensitive.

  “You look a lot like her.” He kissed his way up the curve of her neck and grazed his teeth over her ear before sucking the lobe into his mouth, eliciting a gasp from her. “I love how responsive you are.”

  “Okay this is where you explain to me what the hell you’re doing.” She had meant to sound abrupt and firm but the words had come out kind of breathy. “I asked to be alone.”

  “And I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to be around me either.” Wanting her soft and relaxed so that she didn’t bolt before he had a chance to talk to her – and just because he liked to taste and touch her skin – he continue to kiss her neck and ear while at the same time snaking his fingers beneath her sweater to caress her stomach. “You have the softest skin.”

  “Now I’m really confused. What is this? Your idea of comforting me?” She didn’t want him touching her because he felt sorry for her. In fact, she didn’t want him touching her at all, or at least that was what she told herself.

  “This is me saying I realize I’ve been a prick and it’s going to stop.”

  “What?”

  As he swiped his tongue over his mark she shuddered, deeply satisfying both him and his wolf. “I shouldn’t have kept my distance from you the way I did. I shouldn’t have frozen you out.”

  “No you’ve been doing the right thing by trying to keep a distance. We don’t want to imprint.” It was getting hard to follow the conversation now that his touch was becoming less gentle and more seductive.

  “Just because we don’t want to imprint on each other doesn’t mean I should be delegating you to someone else like you’re a duty. There is a halfway measure between keeping a distance and imprinting.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Fun.” He slid his hand over her jeans and rubbed against her clit, relishing her moan. “We can have that, can’t we?”

  “I take it by fun, you mean sex.” Surprising her, he flipped her around to face him and cupped her face. His expression was serious.

  “I’m not just talking about that. I’m talking about us spending time with each other the same way people who are in a casual relationship do.”

  “What’s brought all this on?”

  Unable to resist those lips, he leaned forward and nipped at them. “When you froze me out earlier, it hurt, but I realized I deserved it. I got to thinking about the way I’ve been acting, and the way I haven’t been acting. Like I told you that first night, I claimed you and you’re my mate whether this is short-term or not. It’s time I started treating you like it.” He licked his tongue along the seam of her mouth, tempting her to open for him. The little witch didn’t. Obviously his explanation wasn’t good enough. “I’m not much good at verbal apologies, baby, but I am good at oral ones.”

  “Oral ones?” His meaning became clear as he gently pushed her onto her back and began sliding down her body. She gripped him by the head, keeping him still – which happened to place his mouth level with her breasts and so he grazed one the nipples poking through her sweater with his teeth. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I need to apologise. It’s really very important.”

  She wo
uldn’t laugh, she wouldn’t. “Look, as much as it would be nicer if we could actually interact, that doesn’t mean that sex has to enter the equation.”

  He stiffened. “Are you saying you don’t want me?”

  “I’m saying I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me.”

  “Where the hell did you get the idea that I don’t want you?”

  “I’m not your type, don’t even dare lie and say that I am.”

  “I admit you’re not the type I’ve gone for in the past, but I’ve realized it’s been a mistake to overlook slender blondes with heart-shaped asses and breasts like these.” Leaning up on his elbows, he bunched up her sweater and cupped her bra-clad breasts. “See how perfectly they fit in my hands.”