Three to Get Lei'd

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Just the veggie guy, the fish guy, and me. And the dead guy. But I guess technically, he didn’t go out. He’s still in there.”

  “Where was the cameraman when you went to get mangoes?”

  “He was walking around the kitchen, trying to figure out where there was enough room for him and that humongous camera to fit.”

  “Alive and well.”

  “Definitely.”

  “I heard you had a beef with him.”

  Kimo shook his head. “I blew up at them all the other night. You saw how small the kitchen is. Can you imagine me trying to work, Em and Sophie running in and out, Kiki coming in for one thing and another . . .”

  “Hey,” Kiki said.

  “. . . and then there’s the cameraman and that Peggy chick, and sometimes Randy wants to squeeze in too. Hell with it, I said. I’m under pressure now that we are so crowded. I don’t do anything interesting enough to film. I told them so.” He looked down at the floor for a second and then back at Roland. “I told them to stay out of my kitchen. Not in a nice way.”

  “Thanks, Kimo. That’s all for now.”

  “For now?” Kiki had been about to burst. “What do you mean for now?”

  “Come on.” Em took Kiki’s arm. “Let’s go back out to the bar. Roland’s got to help the officers interview everyone else too.”

  “Hey, Roland, I didn’t do it,” Kimo assured him. “And if I did. I sure as hell wouldn’t have used my best sashimi knife.”

  THE REST OF the interviews were painfully slow. Em tried to keep the Maidens and Tiki Tones from revolting and charging out the door. Roland didn’t want anyone inebriated before he and the other officers could interview them, so she served soft drinks and juices.

  Kiki, cut off from her ten a.m. martini, was ready to blow and was fidgeting on a barstool, watching as Roland walked up to Kimo to say something she couldn’t hear.

  Kimo walked over to join her.

  “What happened? What did he just say to you?” Kiki patted the carved tiki barstool next to hers. Kimo sat.

  “He said don’t leave the island.”

  “What-t-t?” Kiki’s face flushed red as a rooster’s comb. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Kimo shrugged. “Calm down. It’ll be okay. Bobby was alive when I left. That’s all I know.”

  “Don’t worry, Kimo,” Em said. “Everybody knows you’re innocent.”

  “Don’t worry? Somebody used my best knife to kill the guy,” he said.

  “We’ll get you another one.” Kiki patted the back of his meaty hand.

  “You two might as well go home,” Em said. “We’re going to be closed until tomorrow. Maybe longer.”

  “You sure?” Kimo glanced toward the kitchen.

  “Definitely,” Em said.

  “We never close.” Kimo echoed Louie’s earlier statement.

  “We do today,” Em said. “How about taking a few mangoes with you?”

  Free mangoes. It was all the comfort she could offer.

  “Naw.” Kimo shook his head. “Not now.”

  “Let’s go,” Kiki urged. She glanced at her watch. “It’s meatloaf Monday. We can have a nice lunch at C.J.’s. We’ll leave your truck here, and I’ll take my car up to Princeville.”

  “Meatloaf?” He shook his head. “I’m the number one suspect in a murder, and you want to go out for meatloaf? You go. I’m heading home.”

  4

  Strange Brew

  Kimo and Kiki bickered over meatloaf as they walked out together. A few minutes later, Roland approached the bar and sat down in front of Em.

  “If you’d like to come over to the house, I’ll fix you lunch,” she offered. “You can get away from this for a few minutes.”

  “Can’t while the coroner’s still here. I’m going to have a couple officers finish up the interviews. Basically none of the Maidens saw anything. They were all rehearsing in the bar together.”

  Em nodded. “Right.”

  “The rest of the crew was accounted for. Louie and Marilyn were together in the house.”

  “The only one in the kitchen was Kimo before he left.”

  Em toyed with a cardboard coaster with the Tiki Goddess logo on it.

  “He didn’t do it, Roland. I’ll never believe it.”

  “He’s the only one with even a hint of a motive. He had a beef with the guy, didn’t want any cameramen in the kitchen with him. He took off somewhere right before or after the murder—within seconds either way. The victim was stabbed with Kimo’s knife. We’ll see what prints we can pick up.”

  “Of course Kimo’s will be on it.”

  “Along with someone else’s, if we get lucky.”

  “Hopefully.”

  “No one else was around. If someone on the crew had a problem with Bobby, no one is admitting it. Why would anyone want him dead?”

  “He’s new to the crew, hasn’t been on island very long. Maybe someone followed him over from the mainland. Someone with a grudge,” Em said.

  Roland shook his head. “Doubtful that a hit man would try to kill him with all of you right here in the bar.”

  “There would be a lot more suspects, and the bar would be involved in more scandal.”

  “Anyone could have walked in on the murder.”

  “Thank heaven no one did. They could have been killed too.” Em took a deep breath and let it go. “He seemed like a really upbeat guy. He didn’t even mind that he couldn’t stay with the rest of the crew.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The budget is tight, so they put him up at the Haena Beach Resort and not the St. Lexus in Princeville with the rest of them. He was so excited to work in Hawaii he didn’t even care. I feel terrible for his family. We have to find whoever did this, Roland.”

  He stared at her for so long Em started to blush.

  “We? I don’t like the look on your face,” he said. “It’s making me nervous.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do I need to remind you of the pilikia you and your friends get into whenever you start trying to help me do my job?”

  “Last time you actually asked for my help,” she said.

  “And look how that turned out. I learned my lesson. Thanks for the offer, but no more, okay?”

  “Hey, I . . . we were all instrumental in helping you solve a double homicide.”

  “Everyone on Kauai is still talking about the brawl between the Maidens and that Japanese hula halau at the competition. On stage.”

  “That wasn’t my fault,” she reminded him.

  “Let’s just say trouble follows you and the Maidens around like stink on . . .”

  Before Roland could finish, Randy Rich joined them. He looked Roland over, then Em, and turned to Roland again.

  “So, have you solved the case yet?” Randy asked.

  “Working on it.” Roland didn’t smile.

  “We’ll need to notify Bobby’s next of kin on the mainland. That’s a call I don’t want to make. Any information you can give me would help,” the producer said.

  Roland pulled a card out of his back pocket. “Here’s the number his family should call to contact the coroner. It will be a while before we can release the body.”

  “Right.” Randy paused, stared at the card. “If we’re lucky, Bobby’s camera was rolling. Maybe he caught the perp on film.”

  “Perp?” Roland stared back at Randy, who was nearly half as tall.

  “Perpetrator. Where’s the camera now?”

  “Tagged as evidence.”

  “Did you play back the film?”

  “Not yet.” Roland glanced over at the patrolman leaning against the bar near where Sophie was working. The younger man, Shun, was sipping ice
d tea, but he had been listening to the exchange. Roland gave him a nod, and the man walked out.

  “You want us to run it in the editing van? We can all go out and take a look and film your reaction as you watch it.”

  “Thanks, but we’ll handle it.”

  “The film is the property of the production company. We expect its return no matter what’s on it.” Randy drew himself up, perhaps trying to appear taller. It didn’t work.

  “This case could take years to solve and then prosecute,” Roland warned.

  “At the very least we should have access to a copy. I’m going to call L.A. and get our lawyers on it ASAP.”

  Em was appalled. “You wouldn’t actually air the murderer stabbing Bobby, would you?”

  “Honey, you bet your bottom dollar. This is a reality show wet dream.”

  “Sicko.” Disgusted, Em watched Randy walk away. “There has to be a way out of that contract.”

  Roland stared out the door at the traffic backed up on both sides of the highway. They watched Officer Shun walk back in, his expression grim as he tucked latex gloves into his pocket.

  “What’s up?” Roland asked.

  “Nothing on the camera.”

  “Which means the victim hadn’t filmed the killer.”

  5

  Shut Down But Not Out

  For the first time since 1964, the Tiki Goddess was closed during business hours.

  Even on holidays, Louie fed locals and tourists alike who had nowhere to go, including Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. For St. Patrick’s Day, Kimo cooked up a boiled corn beef and cabbage special. Patrons wore insane costumes at the Goddess Halloween Party, and photos from the event made the Garden Island News. They hadn’t even closed when a body had been found smoldering in the luau pit a year ago.

  But today, because of the murder in the kitchen, the local institution was forced to shut its doors. Roland told Louie the forensic crew couldn’t have a crowd wandering around, so there was no option but to shut down.

  Eventually the Maidens had all been interviewed. Nat went home, and Em gave up trying to convince Marilyn to go back to the beach house. As long as Louie lingered in the bar and the cameras were rolling, his fiancée wasn’t leaving his side.

  “What about all the lookie-loos?” Louie watched the parade of traffic outside. “They’re parking half a mile away now and walking up the road. The least we could do is serve cold drinks when they get here.”

  “I asked Buzzy to plant himself on the lanai and explain what happened then turn them away.”

  Buzzy was a fixture at the Goddess. The aging hippie with only one name and long, gray hair lived up the road somewhere in the jungle. No one knew exactly where, but rumor had it he made his home in a tree house behind an old Hawaiian graveyard.

  “You sure he won’t mind?” Louie wasn’t budging.

  “I’ll leave him with a six pack of Longboard in a cooler, and we can go back to the house.”

  Louie finally agreed. “Okay. Maybe giving him some responsibility will take his mind off his recent breakup. It’s been hard on him.”

  “I think it was probably inevitable,” Em said.

  “Me, too. When he first told me he’d fallen in love with a dolphin, I thought it sounded kinda nuts.”

  “Uh huh.” What sane person wouldn’t?

  “But eventually I started hoping it would work out for them. They probably never should have gotten engaged, though. He said she didn’t understand him and was always nagging him to spend more time underwater. I guess after a while communicating telepathically didn’t cut it.”

  “I can see where that would pose a problem.”

  Only on Kauai would I be discussing someone’s break up with a dolphin.

  She decided not to worry until this kind of conversation started to sound normal.

  On the way back to the house, she and Louie passed the coroner’s van parked behind the bar. The van doors were open. Inside was a gurney with an occupied body bag. Every KPD squad car on Kauai appeared to be parked in the lot.

  “Well, an afternoon off will give me a head start on a commemorative cocktail,” Louie said. His Booze Bible was filled with legendary tropical drink recipes inspired by major events in his life and at the Goddess.

  Em scooted between two police cruisers and looked for Roland in the parking lot but didn’t see him. They stepped off the gravel lot and onto the soft green grass that surrounded Louie’s long, low beach house, a wooden structure that fronted the ocean.

  “Don’t you think it’s kind of disrespectful to commemorate murder victims with cocktails? I mean, most people would find celebrating murder disturbing.”

  “These are chapters in the history of the Goddess, Em. Life is full of ups and downs, honey. We have to celebrate every minute before we drain our last tiki mug.”

  They reached the screened-in lanai. As Louie opened the door, his macaw, David Letterman, housed in a huge cage inside the main room, squawked, “Aloooooha! Suck ’em up!”

  Em was about to follow her uncle inside when she spotted Nat Clark walking along the beach out front.

  “I’ll join you in a minute, Uncle Louie. Nat’s headed this way.” She walked the few yards to the sand and sat on a low slab of coral worn smooth over the eons.

  “How are you doing?” Nat sat down beside her.

  “Okay, all things considered. How long do you think it will be before the police clear out?” she asked.

  “Most of the rest of the day, for sure,” he said. “Where are Randy and his crew?”

  “They packed up and headed to their hotel. “I think what happened finally hit them. They seemed pretty shaken up when they left, especially Joe.”

  “Is your uncle okay?”

  “He’s already thinking about creating a new cocktail to commemorate the murder. Marilyn is acting like it’s the worst thing that could ever have happened to her. She’s afraid they’ll have to postpone the wedding.”

  “A lot of people might be delighted about that. You included.”

  She shrugged. “I gave up hoping Louie would come to his senses. The wedding is inevitable. Kiki hasn’t been able to sabotage their plans, so I don’t think even this catastrophe will put them off.”

  Em adjusted her sunglasses and gazed out over the green and turquoise waters of the Pacific. Cloud shadows floated across the surface and turned the water a deep dark blue.

  “I’m going to grill some ono around four,” Em said. “You’re welcome to join us.”

  “Nothing I like better than fresh fish,” Nat said. “But I think I’ll pass.”

  “Coward.”

  “I figure there’ll probably be some high drama going on with Marilyn around, and there’s always the chance Randy and the crew will show up to film you all having dinner. So thanks, but count me out.”

  A nagging suspicion forced Em to speak up.

  “You don’t think Randy would have orchestrated this, do you? He’s been coming up with some crazy concepts, hoping something spectacular will happen. He even suggested some of the locals stage a bar brawl, and when Louie put his foot down he mentioned bringing in some young, sexy hula dancers.”

  “Let me guess,” Nat smiled.

  “Kiki went crazy. That idea was nixed.”

  Nat frowned and stared out to sea. “Randy’s a putz, but I can’t believe he’d stoop to murder.”

  Em’s cell phone went off playing “Crazy,” the ringtone she’d assigned to Kiki.

  “I should take this one,” she told Nat. “Kiki might have some news.”

  “I’ll go.” He started to rise. She waved him back down.

  “Hey, Kiki.” Em barely got the words out before Kiki started shrieking. Em pulled the phone away from her ear. Even Nat heard her loud and clear.
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br />   “Kimo’s been arrested!”

  “But why?”

  “He’s the only suspect. His were the only prints on the knife. He was last one to see Bobby alive. They don’t have any other suspects. He didn’t do it, Em. He didn’t do it!”

  “Of course not.” Em had to shout over her.

  “We’ve got to do something. We’ve got to picket the police station. Hold a sit in. Make some Free Kimo signs. The Maidens need to start calling everyone they know and get them out to stage a protest. Would you please call Flora and tell her to start the phone chain? We’ll need a fundraiser ASAP. We’ll have to sell laulau. Or how about a naked car wash?”

  Kiki was always threatening a naked car wash. She had convinced the Maidens that people would pay them to keep their clothes on.

  “I’m sure Kimo will be out on bail before the phone chain is done. How about you take a deep breath and try to calm down?” Em worried Kiki’s brain would blow.

  “That’s easy for you to say. Don’t tell me not to worry, Em. It’s not your husband facing the electric chair.”

  An image of her ex, Phillip, strapped to an electric chair flashed through Em’s mind. There had been many dark days during her divorce that she would have relished the idea.

  “Tell her that Kimo’s not going to get convicted,” Nat said.

  Em put her hand over the phone. “I can’t tell her that. Who knows what might happen?”

  “So far the police don’t have any proof other than Kimo’s fingerprints. Naturally they were on his knife.”

  Em could hear muffled yelling beneath her palm. She uncovered the phone.

  “Kiki. Kiki, listen. Don’t worry. Of course I’ll call Flora and have her start the phone chain, okay? Just calm down. She’ll let all the Maidens know what’s happening. You call Flora in an hour or so and update her. If you need bail money, just let me know. Uncle Louie and I will stop by the bank and meet you in town.”

  Kiki’s mahalo came out like a garbled sob, and the call abruptly ended.

  “Naked car wash? Say it isn’t so,” Nat said.

  “Only as a last resort.”

  6