Room to Grow

by Lisa Heaton

  Josh looked at the paperwork. “Nope. It all looks good to me.”

  “I hear you are going to get this boy organized,” Rodney said to Sophie.

  “It may take me a month or two after seeing that office of his.”

  “I’m sure Josh won’t mind you hanging around that long.”

  She looked up at Josh, but once again he wouldn’t make eye contact.

  “Go to work, Rodney,” Josh said. “Plants don’t plant themselves.”

  “Sophie said that,” Rodney said with a hearty chuckle.

  When the men climbed into their trucks and pulled away, Sophie turned to Josh. “What was all that about?”

  “I told you I helped them learn by the things you used to say. They just like to give me a hard time.”

  “I can see that.” She grinned. “I like Rodney as much as I like Justine.”

  “They’re a great couple.”

  “In their late thirties, I would guess?”

  “You would think. No, she’s forty-four, and he’ll be fifty next month.”

  “You’re kidding me. They both look so young.”

  “Like you.”

  “Me? I’m starting to look like the crypt-keeper.”

  Josh scowled. “Since I’m in charge here, I think I have a right to give you an order. Would you agree?”

  “In theory.”

  He smiled at that. “I order you to stop putting yourself down. Kevin did this to you. You are not the woman he saw, not by a mile.”

  Sophie swallowed hard, the thought of Kevin causing her stomach to sink. His often cruel words echoed in her memory.

  Josh said, “You are and always have been the most beautiful woman I’ve known. It doesn’t matter if you’re eleven years older than you were then; you’re still just as beautiful.” He took her hand. “But you’re not the woman I knew back then, not mentally. Seriously, Soph, what did you let him do to you?”

  She slid her hand from his and looked away. “I’m not sure I even know. I guess he just chipped away at me until I believed the things he said.”

  “You’ve seen Hope Floats, right?”

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “You know when Harry Connick, Jr. tells Sandra Bullock she used to be bodacious?”

  Sophie nodded.

  “That’s what I remember about you. You were bigger than life. You owned a room the minute you walked into it. Like when we would go to the garden center, you drew every eye to you, not just because you were so pretty. You captured people’s attention.”

  His face fell. “Now, you hang your head rather than hold it high. You underestimate yourself and your abilities. I’ve only been around you since yesterday, but I see it.” He hesitated. “Maybe because I remember every little thing about you, but I see the difference in you now. I want the real Sophie back.”

  She opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. A long awkward silence followed.

  “I’m sorry I said all that. It’s not my place.”

  “You’re not wrong.”

  “But I wasn’t right to say it.” His expression was tender. “I’ve hurt you when I only meant to challenge you – the way you used to challenge me.”

  “I’ll take it that way.” Tears stung her eyes as she looked away. “When you've been told you’re useless long enough, you begin to believe it.”

  “God doesn’t make mistakes. He has a use for you beyond what you’ve known so far, far beyond being dressed up like some Stepford wife and shown off as a trophy, beyond being someone’s mom and the cook and maid. There’s still life out here. I just hope you catch a glimpse of it.”

  Sophie let out a long sigh. How was Josh so aware of her life back then? Kevin’s interactions with her were limited when Josh was around. Still, Josh saw through their façade of a marriage. Nothing she ever did was good enough for Kevin. Meals were never gourmet enough. Her outfits were never the right thing for the occasion. If her hair was up, he would say she looked dowdy. When down, he would say she needed to do something with it.

  Now that he was dating a woman in her mid-twenties, Sophie had to wonder if Kevin did the same thing to her. Did anything ever please him?

  “I’ve started your first day off all wrong. I won’t say another word about it.”

  “You’ve challenged me. I can live with that.”

  Back in Josh’s office, they began to sort stacks of files. Sophie stood with an armload. “Give me all the old files, and you keep the current ones. Once I get my office organized, I’ll maintain the old files from there.”

  “Sounds good,” Josh said.

  He had been quiet much of the morning, only talking if she talked first. If she had to guess, he was regretting all he had said to her. For her, though, the more time that passed, the more she internalized his observations. She had, indeed, lost herself along the way. It wasn’t all Kevin’s fault. Her world became so wrapped up in Chloe and her school and sports and activities that Sophie ceased to be a separate person. She was just the many titles that Josh had suggested and more: mom, wife, servant at church, cook, maid, decorator, and all the other activities she buried herself in to forget that she once had hopes and dreams.

  “Soph?” Josh stood looking at her.

  “Huh?” She looked at him, wondering what she had missed.

  “I asked if you’re getting hungry.”

  “A little.”

  “Come on. I’ll take you to my favorite sandwich shop.” He grabbed his keys to lock up the front door. “My friends own it.”

  They walked the few blocks toward the café. Josh talked a little more than earlier, mostly about work. Before they reached the intersection where the restaurant was located, he stopped and reached for her arm.

  “I really am sorry for most of what I said.”

  “It’s no big deal.”

  “It is a big deal, and honestly, after the morning working with you, I see the old you. You’re smart and organized and quick-witted. That’s the woman I remember. I think you’ve just been a little aimless. Now you have direction.” He laughed a little. “Keeping me straight will keep you busy. I promise.”

  “I’ve enjoyed the morning. I like making order out of chaos. I love that I’ll get to fix the place up. I’ve run out of rooms to decorate at home. And I’m glad I will be able to take some things off your plate with the clients.”

  When they arrived at the café, the line trailed out the door and down the sidewalk. Sophie turned to Josh. “This must be everyone’s favorite place.”

  “Yeah, but everyone isn’t best friends with the owners. Come on.”

  He took her arm, and they moved past the line and through the front door. People gave them wondering looks, so Sophie tried not to make eye contact. Once inside, a voice from behind the counter shouted Josh’s name. Josh threw an arm in the air and kept going.

  Every seat was filled, but that didn’t slow Josh any. He took her around the counter where employees worked and pointed to a stool. “You can have my seat.”

  A young woman approached with a smile. “You brought company today.”

  “I did.” Josh turned to Sophie and smiled. “This is my newest employee and former boss.”

  The young woman studied Sophie a moment and then her face lit up. “Then you must be Sophie. I’m Dena.”

  Sophie nodded, once again wondering how so many people in Josh’s life knew about her and why they did at all.

  “Nice to meet you, Dena.”

  “Her brother Drake is in the back. He’s the real sandwich genius,” Josh said.

  Dena handed Sophie a paper menu. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get your bearings.”

  When they were alone, Sophie said, “How do you know them?”

  “They used to own a sandwich truck that roamed around the city. Amazing food. People followed them wherever they went. I’ve known them since I first started the business. We both found places here at about the same time.”

  Sophie scanned the menu. “What do yo
u suggest?”

  With a grin, he said, “The Josh is pretty good.”

  Sure enough, he had a sandwich named after him. It had several types of deli meat, bacon, and avocado. “That sounds good to me.”

  “You won’t be disappointed.”

  Sophie sat perched on the stool, while Josh stood next to her and devoured his sandwich. “I feel bad about taking your seat,” she said.

  “No worries. I’m glad to have company while I eat.”

  Still, she wondered. “Why do so many of your friends know about me? It’s feeling bizarre.”

  “You meant something to me. Isn’t it natural to tell others about people who impact your life?”

  “Yeah, I suppose.”

  Dena came around often to check on them, but Sophie suspected it was more than that. She seemed curious as she asked questions about how she and Josh had reunited. Josh fielded each question without elaborating much.

  “It was just one of those perfect moments,” he said. “She needed a job, and I needed some help.”

  With her attention toward Sophie, Dena said, “I hope this works out. Josh deserves it.”

  On the way back to work, Sophie couldn’t get Dena’s comment out of her mind. It sure didn’t seem that she meant she hoped the job worked out. Nothing about their time with Dena had made sense. By the way she had looked at him, Dena may like Josh as more than a friend.

  Drake only made a short appearance since he was busy in the back, and when he did, he didn’t seem at all surprised by Sophie’s presence.

  “You’re close to Drake I take it,” Sophie said as they walked along the car-lined street.

  “I am. We lead a Bible study together.” Josh glanced back toward the café. “We have it there every Thursday night.”

  “So your group met last night?”

  “We did.”

  “I suppose you told Drake that I’m working for you?”

  “I did.” He glanced her way. “Why do you ask?”

  “He seemed to be the only person who wasn’t surprised that I’m here.”

  “I told our group last night.”

  “Dena seems to like you,” Sophie said.

  “She’s a sweet girl.”

  Sophie agreed that Dena seemed sweet, but that wasn’t the first word that came to Sophie’s mind to describe her. Gorgeous maybe, exotic even, with her dark, almond-shaped eyes. She and Drake were likely of Mediterranean descent.

  Dena’s obvious curiosity came to mind again, so Sophie said, “But you’re not dating?”

  “No. We tried that a few years ago, but it didn’t work out. She’s more like a sister to me now.”

  Sophie considered a look Dena had given Josh; it was peculiar. Her smile was wary as if she didn’t know what she thought of Sophie’s presence.

  “You could pass for their brother with your dark hair and eyes.”

  “Drake copied my slammin’ haircut.”

  “Slammin’ means cool?”

  With an embarrassed smile, he nodded and dragged his fingers through his hair. “I bet you hate it. The proper name for it is a disconnect.”

  “I don’t hate it at all. It suits you. Back in my day we still had the mullet, so who am I to judge, right? Yours is just the opposite, party on the top and business on the sides.”

  Josh laughed at that. “I’ve never considered it that way, a reverse mullet.”

  They waited for a car to pass before crossing over to their street. Josh said, “Spring break is right around the corner. Will Chloe come home?”

  “I’m not sure. I hope so.”

  “Is she working in Knoxville?”

  “Just a part-time job. She has a boyfriend there who seems to keep her busy.”

  “Do you like him?”

  “The jury’s still out on that.”

  “Yeah, why’s that?”

  “They’ve done a lot of back and forth this past year. I think it’s him, but I don’t know the whole story. I just know Chloe’s mood rises and falls with their relationship.”

  “That’s hard, then.”

  “Did you have a college girlfriend?”

  “I did, more than one.” They were nearing the office when he slowed his pace. “I wasn’t this guy in college, especially that first year. It was easy to get caught up in all the hype of being a football player. Girls chased after every guy on the team. I made a lot of bad choices back then.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t easy.” Her lips formed into a knowing smile. “You were too handsome for your own good. I bet it was more like dozens of girls chasing after you.”

  “Maybe, but that’s not where my mind was most of the time, not on a real relationship.”

  “You mean it was on football?”

  “Not at all. Just other things.”

  With that comment they reached the office, so she allowed the subject to drop. He now seemed distracted anyway.

  Josh made a few calls while Sophie sorted through files. When he got off the phone, he said, “We have an appointment at two. By the time we get back from that, it’ll be quitting time.”

  “We end at four thirty? And what about tomorrow?”

  “Four. Only the garden center is open on Saturday, so I won’t need you tomorrow.” He scratched his chin. “I don’t think we ever covered your pay. What is all this going to cost me?”

  “I have no idea. Just pay me what you can afford.”

  “I’m not sure this is how salary negotiations are supposed to work.”

  “I don’t think so, either,” she said. “Just pay me whatever you would pay anyone you hired off the street. That’ll be fair.”

  He smiled and nodded. “I think you’re worth more than that. I’ll just surprise you.”

  Later in the afternoon, Sophie went with Josh to meet with a client. Like their appointment with Mrs. Wilkes, Josh asked Sophie’s opinion and wanted her input to shape the vision of the project. Being with him and working alongside him felt natural. One pitched an idea, and the other built on it. Back and forth they went with suggestions until they settled on a concept. Josh sketched a rough image on his pad for the client to see, but even before he did, Sophie could see their vision in her mind. This was what she was born to do. The day and all the possibilities that came with it breathed new life into her winter-weary soul.

  ***

  Josh sat alone at his organized desk, hardly able to believe that Sophie had made such a dent in the mess. Not only had he been overloaded with work, the fact was, he just wasn’t an organized guy. He loved the field work and sketching designs, but the paperwork required to run his business was a nightmare.

  Sophie had made it all look so easy. Sure enough, he hadn’t been looking for help when he offered to hire her, but already he could see what a difference she would make.

  His words to her earlier that morning rang in his head again and made him let out a long, heavy sigh. No matter what she said, he had hurt her. To him it was like they were picking up where they had left off all those years ago, as if a day hadn’t passed. Maybe it was that sense of old familiarity that had made him speak so candidly. Whatever it was, he hadn’t taken her wounded spirit into consideration.

  Josh picked up his phone to text: I was a jerk this morning and just can’t stop thinking about it. Hope u can forgive me. Hope you’ll come back Monday

  Sophie: …

  Sophie: …

  He waited, feeling a tightness in his chest.

  Sophie: You were right. I have no idea when I lost me.

  Josh: No, I saw you today. You haven’t gone far. ;)

  Sophie:

  Josh: So you forgive me?

  Sophie: Nothing to forgive.

  He could see the look on her face even then and replied: I wouldn’t do anything in the world to hurt you. Night Soph. See u Monday.

  Sophie: Night Josh. Can’t wait.

  Josh tossed his phone on his desk and thought of what she had said on the walk back from lunch, about him having girls chase after him
at school. He had meant what he told her; his mind was never on any girl there or football for that matter.

  Most of that first year he spent grieving over losing someone who was never his. He was careless with girls and used many of them to ease his pain and loneliness. If he could go back and undo any season, it would be that one. He had hurt others because he was hurting.

  He couldn’t go back and unsay the things he had said that morning to Sophie, but he would sure be more thoughtful in how he dealt with her going forward. She was a strong and confident woman somewhere beneath the damage Kevin had done, but until she saw that about herself, Josh would handle her with much more care.

  Before heading up to bed, Josh looked once again at his desk. Not only did she make him incredibly happy on a personal level, she was truly what Room to Grow needed, both in the field and in the office. He had no doubt that he would never regret hiring her.

  Chapter Four

  Sophie was brushing her teeth when she heard a racket out back. Still in her pajamas, she peeked through the bedroom window blinds. Josh was there rolling a wheelbarrow across the lawn.

  She pulled a hoodie on to hide that she wasn’t wearing a bra and stepped out onto the patio.

  “What in the world are you up to?”

  He glanced at her and continued what he was doing. “Helping you get caught up.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  The sight of him gave her an unusual quiver in her stomach. He wore jeans as he had the past two days, but today he had on a snug fitting short-sleeved t-shirt. Muscles bulged, and a tapestry of tattoos formed sleeves along his arms.

  For some reason the sight made her swallow hard. She didn’t know it before today, but she liked tattoos. On Josh they seemed fitting.

  “I’m not sure what you’re standing there staring at,” he said. “Go get dressed, and get out here and help me. I’m helping us find Sophie.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  While snapping her overalls, she noticed how her hands trembled. With them outstretched before her, she tried to will them to stop. What in the world was wrong with her? It was just Josh.

  She poured them each a cup of coffee before joining him.