Room to Grow

by Lisa Heaton

  When they entered the restaurant, Sophie didn’t expect to see Josh since his truck wasn’t in the parking lot. She went with Chloe into the room Kevin had reserved and found him already there with balloons in hand waiting for Chloe.

  Nothing about his fake-tanned handsome face affected her. She used to feel proud to be on his arm, Ken and Barbie as people called them.

  “Happy birthday, princess!” Kevin said, flashing white veneers at Sophie over Chloe’s shoulder.

  He then moved Chloe back to look at her. “You’re all grown up.”

  The moment was sweet as Sophie looked on. No matter how often she had wanted Kevin to be a better husband, he couldn’t have been a better father. Since the divorce, Chloe had maintained distance from him when at all possible. Sophie had to imagine it was tough on him with the rift between them – hence the party to impress her.

  Kevin approached her. “Look at you!”

  He moved in as if to hug her, but Sophie dodged him.

  Recovering from her slight, he said, “You have only gotten more beautiful since I last saw you.” His voice became softer, and he shook his head as he spoke. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

  She shrugged at his comment and scanned the room looking for the trophy girlfriend.

  “I don’t see Jamie.”

  His lips formed a half frown. “Yeah, I guess that’s that.”

  Did he mean the relationship was over? She didn’t care enough to ask. Her greater concern was how Josh would react to this Kevin. This was the charming Kevin who thought he could sweet-talk her into having a normal conversation. That wasn’t happening. She had little, if anything to say to him.

  “Here you are.” Josh slid his arm around her waist. “I had to park a mile away.” He stood close and kissed Sophie’s cheek, his possessive actions not lost on her.

  Kevin stood staring, eyes wide and expecting an explanation. Sophie didn’t owe him one, so she took Josh’s hand and said, “Let’s grab a seat.”

  Before they could leave, Kevin stuck out his hand. “You were the yard guy.”

  “I was.” Josh grasped Kevin’s hand, their overly-firm handshake obvious by whitened knuckles. “Now I’m the boyfriend.”

  “So this is what keeps you busy now,” he said to her.

  Sophie nodded at Kevin and smirked as she walked away with Josh.

  “Did that upset you?” Josh asked her.

  “Not at all.”

  Over the course of the next hour, Chloe had everyone’s full attention except her father’s and Josh’s. Kevin stared at Sophie, and Josh often glared at Kevin. Sophie tried every way possible to stay tuned in to what Chloe was saying and doing. It was her only way to survive the awkward evening.

  Josh was a big hit with Chloe’s friends as they included him in the conversation. A girl Sophie didn’t know well was flirting with him, asking about his tattoos. Her intentions were evident to Josh since most times he answered with as few words as possible. Sophie wasn’t jealous. She could trust Josh.

  Kevin, on the other hand, was a different story. Now that he was single again, likely ousted by his younger girl, he had something to prove. Sophie half expected him to flirt with Chloe’s school friends. Instead, he kept trying to make conversation with her by bringing up things from Chloe’s childhood, like stories from vacations and holidays. It was clear he was trying to establish that his connection with Sophie ran deeper than Josh’s.

  “I don’t hate anyone, but I hate that guy,” Josh whispered in her ear.

  “That guy happens to be Chloe’s dad. Please just ignore him.”

  “He’s making that impossible.”

  After Chloe opened her gifts, Sophie snuck away to the restroom. The intensity of the evening had gotten to her. For the longest time she sat in a stall and stared at advertisements for a gym and a tanning salon. Anything was better than returning to that table.

  When she exited the restroom, Kevin was waiting for her just outside. Rather than stop, she kept walking past him.

  He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “Are you doing this to make me jealous?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Bringing that kid.”

  She pulled her arm from his grasp. “Are you kidding me right now?”

  “You knew what that would do to me.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  She tried to walk off, but he blocked her way and towered over her.

  “You’re actually dating him, the kid who used to work for us?”

  “He worked for me. Now, I work for him. And yes, I’m dating him.”

  “Do you know how ridiculous you look with him?”

  Even before she could respond to that, Josh jumped between them and shoved Kevin against the wall. His forearm was pressing into Kevin’s neck, leaving him red-faced and gasping for air.

  Sophie grabbed Josh’s arm and tried to pull him off of Kevin. There was no budging him.

  With fist raised, Josh said, “If you ever speak to her that way again, I will break your face. This is your only warning!”

  “Josh,” Sophie said, “stop this now. Let him go.”

  When Josh loosened his grip, Kevin pulled away from him. He straightened his tie and looked at Sophie. “How much more low-end could you get than this guy?”

  Josh made a move toward Kevin, but Sophie stood in his way. “Just let him go.”

  There was a long moment when Josh didn’t speak. He was trying to calm down, so Sophie stood with him while he did, all the while thankful that the confrontation had ended without coming to blows.

  Finally, Josh rested against the wall and smoothed his hair back. He exhaled long and loud. “He wants you back.”

  “No, he doesn’t. He’s just trying to get under your skin.”

  “I saw it, Soph, the way he looked at you back there. That wasn’t a show for me. It was for you. He wanted to remind you of the good times.”

  “Well, I just happened to be there for the good times, and they weren’t all that good.”

  He reached out and pulled her to him. “I’m not sorry. I won’t lie about it.”

  “I get that you were mad, but Josh, you’ve got to get your temper under control. You can’t choke my ex just because he’s a jerk.”

  “What did you expect me to do? I heard what he said to you.”

  “Look at me, Josh.”

  He stood staring into her eyes.

  “What do you see?”

  “You tell me,” he said.

  “Defiance. I don’t believe what he said. I don’t look ridiculous with you.”

  Josh’s lips formed into a slow grin. “Yeah, I see it now that you mention it.”

  They rejoined the group but didn’t stay much longer. Chloe had plans with friends afterward, so Josh drove Sophie home. When he walked her to the door, he stopped her there.

  “You share a history with him that I can’t compete with.”

  “You don’t have to compete.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t like it. I saw what I saw. He wants you.”

  “But you have me.”

  “Do I?”

  “You do. Josh, you’re spring to me.” She grinned. “You know when the buttercups first appear, that feeling you get?”

  “Yeeeeah,” he said. “I know that feeling.” He rested his head on hers.

  “That’s what you do to me, what you make me feel.”

  “I love you, Sophie.”

  “I love you, Josh.”

  With her face in his hands, he said, “Do you mean that?”

  “I do.”

  “That’s the first time you’ve said it.”

  “But not the last.”

  ***

  The drive home went by in a blur. All the way he thought of Kevin and how he had looked at Sophie. When Sophie wasn’t looking, Kevin would catch his eye and they would stare for seconds at a time. Kevin was giving him notice that he was back in the game. Sophie may not have see
n it, but it was evident to Josh.

  That moment next to the restroom when he had pinned Kevin to the wall, Josh had nearly lost control. It wouldn’t have taken more than one more sarcastic word from Kevin for Josh to have punched him. Kevin picked up on that; Josh read it in his eyes. Good thing for Kevin. If history served as an example, once Josh got started, he was hard-pressed to be stopped. Even when Sophie had grabbed his arm to pull him off of Kevin, Josh had almost ignored her and let loose on him.

  When he had dropped Sophie at home, Josh hadn’t regretted what he had done to Kevin. He was still so keyed up over the whole thing, his only regret was that he hadn’t made a stronger impression on Kevin to keep him in line in the future. Now, though, in hindsight, he regretted the whole thing.

  Josh found himself sitting in the garden center, recounting the night, embarrassed over his actions and wondering what Sophie must think.

  In part, what bothered him was how much he must have looked like his dad, pulling a stunt like that. Josh looked so much like him anyway it was eerie. Over the years when people had commented on how much he resembled his dad, Josh’s first thought was always of embarrassment rather than taking it as a compliment. Anyone who knew his dad knew what an irrational hot-head he could be when set off by most anything.

  His dad had spent a night in jail after an altercation at the bowling alley one night. Josh and his mom had picked him up the next morning to take him back to his car. That was the only instance where his dad’s temper had gotten him in trouble with the law, but two jobs were lost and half of his family didn’t talk to him because of how volatile and opinionated he could be.

  There was nothing about looking like his dad that gave Josh any pleasure. So remembering that moment with Kevin was now reason for deep humiliation.

  All that was just on an emotional and mental level.

  On a spiritual level, Josh felt as if he had taken ten steps back in his maturity. He still had a temper, but over the past few years, he hadn’t become physical with anyone as a result of it. Yes, Kevin was a jerk, and from the world’s point of view deserved a good punch in the nose for all he had done to Sophie. That wasn’t Josh’s place, though. And for taunting Josh the way Kevin had, he deserved a good choke-hold, but that wasn’t who Jesus was, which meant that’s not who Josh was supposed to be either.

  Josh knew he had much growing to do, much unlearning to do in order to be less like his physical dad and more like his Heavenly Dad. Just when he thought he was over that old part of him, it came roaring back to the surface.

  Back when the Phil incident had gone down, Josh had worried then about a future with Sophie and what might happen if they ran into more Kevin-types. Little did he know it would be the real Kevin who would become a problem. Josh felt it deep down inside; Kevin would try to come between them.

  Now, it wasn’t just his temper that was causing Josh a problem, it was fear. He had no greater fear than of losing her.

  Josh dug his phone from his pocket and texted her: I could sure stand to hear those three words again.

  Sophie: I love you.

  He called her.

  “Hey,” she said, her voice soft and sleepy.

  “You’re still up?”

  “Barely.”

  “Three spoken words would be even better to hear.”

  “I love you, Josh.”

  “I love you, babe. And I’m sorry for losing it tonight. I just can’t imagine losing you to him.”

  “That’s never going to happen.”

  “He was your husband, Soph.”

  “Yeah, but he was everybody else’s boyfriend.”

  Josh laughed at that. “That really does get in the way of a good marriage.”

  “Hear me when I say this: I will never, ever go back to him. Not only would I never hurt you that way, but I would never do that to myself.”

  “It would kill me.”

  They only spoke a minute more, and Josh got off the phone feeling more secure than when he had called. He ended his night with the best memory still caught in his mind, the look in her eyes when she had said she loved him. There was no question she had meant it.

  ***

  The next morning Sophie sat with Chloe eating Cheerios and watching Disney. They did that every Saturday morning when she was home.

  “Dad about died when Josh came in,” Chloe said without taking her eyes off the screen.

  “Yeah, I know. You should have told him.”

  “Probably. I had no idea he broke it off with Jamie.”

  Sophie didn’t respond.

  “He said he’s never seen you look more beautiful.”

  “He was being kind.”

  “No, he wasn’t. It’s true. You’ve never looked more beautiful than you do now. You glow when you’re with Josh.”

  “I feel it, like I’m a candle twinkling.”

  “I want that,” Chloe said.

  Her on again off again thing with Austin was off again and had been for more than two weeks.

  “Sweetie, maybe you need to move on from Austin. If it’s this complicated and tumultuous now, then marriage will be a nightmare.”

  “I don’t know how to move on.” She stopped and looked thoughtful. “I don’t think he knows how either.”

  “You fight too much. It’s not healthy.”

  “I know, but things just go from nothing to an explosion in seconds. I’m not sure how to stop it.”

  Sophie had all kinds of advice for her daughter but nothing any different than what she had expressed before. Chloe didn’t listen. She would ultimately do what she wanted.

  “Just know I’m here for you. I want you to be happy, with or without Austin.”

  Chloe left her to get ready just when Sophie’s phone chimed. It wasn’t Josh as she expected.

  Kevin: I’m sorry about last night. I was a jealous idiot. I didn’t mean you look ridiculous. You don’t. You looked like a million bucks!!

  Sophie didn’t reply.

  Kevin: I don’t blame you for not replying. Just know that I’m sorry. You’re invited to join Chloe and me tonight for dinner. My treat.

  Sophie didn’t reply.

  Not ten minutes later, Josh called.

  “I was hoping to take my referee to dinner tonight,” Josh said with a chuckle.

  “Convenient enough, your referee is free for dinner.”

  “Dena got her new carpet installed and wants to have a cat-pee-free dinner party there. Bring Chloe if she’s not up to anything.”

  “Chloe has plans, but I’m in.”

  That was the moment she should have told Josh that Kevin had texted, but she didn’t. It would only stir up his suspicions, the last thing any of them needed. They were a thing now, so she would have to keep tensions as low as possible between Josh and Kevin for Chloe’s sake. At least her birthday was over. The holidays would be shared with Chloe going between houses like the previous year, so she wouldn’t have to worry about the two hotheads being thrown together until Chloe’s next birthday.

  While Sophie dressed to meet Josh, Chloe stuck her head in the door. “Dad’s here. He wants to say hi.”

  “Tell him hi.”

  “I mean, like, in person.”

  Sophie just stood and stared at Chloe.

  “Mom, don’t be rude. He’s waiting.”

  When she entered the living room, Sophie found Kevin on the sofa, looking as at home as if he still lived there.

  He stood when she came in, his eyes filled with wonder. “Wow! Look at you in skinny jeans.”

  “Yeah, I finally gave in.” Sophie turned to her daughter. “She’s been trying for years.”

  “You can pull them off for sure,” Kevin said.

  He came closer and moved in to hug her. With Chloe watching Sophie tried to remain polite but still barely allowed him to touch her.

  “Come to dinner with us tonight,” he said.

  “Thanks, but I have plans.”

  Chloe went to get her purse, so Kevin said, “
With the landscaper, I guess?”

  “With Josh. You might want to remember that name.”

  “Josh.” He nodded with disinterest in his eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  He stood staring for some time, then said, “Don’t you ever look back and wonder what happened to us?”

  “I don’t have to. I know exactly what happened.” She paused. “And all the whos who have happened.”

  Chloe came back ready to go.

  “Mom, are you sure you don’t want to come?”

  “Positive. But you two have a good time.”

  When they were gone, Sophie grabbed her phone and called Karen.

  “Josh was right. Kevin is making a move,” she said as her greeting.

  “If you go back I’ll kill you!”

  “If I go back, please do!”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Since the day after Chloe’s birthday, Kevin had stopped by to see his daughter often. More than once Sophie had come home after work to find him there. His explanation was that he wanted to spend time with Chloe to make up for the past months. Sophie wasn’t buying it.

  When he did come over, Sophie would make an excuse to get out of the house. So that Josh wouldn’t know about Kevin’s visits, she would offer to meet him out for dinner, or sometimes they would hang out at Dena’s and play board games.

  It was becoming problematic trying to keep her two worlds separated until Chloe went back to school. Recently, Chloe was putting more pressure on her to stay with them at home or to go with them when they went out. Something was happening with Chloe; Sophie could sense it. She was hanging on to her father’s every word like when she was a little girl. Everything he said was funny and every suggestion the best idea. Sophie couldn’t help but feel for her daughter. It had been a tough year for a girl who had once idolized her dad.

  Sophie had just gotten off the phone with Josh. His summer cold was getting worse, so he planned to skip their Friday night out, leaving her with no excuse to avoid Kevin. Chloe had invited him over for a movie night. The last thing Sophie wanted was to be stuck at home, but for Chloe’s sake she would stay. Just the day before, Chloe had mentioned how much time she spent away and asked her to be around more. Now, she was guilted into movie night.