by Lisa Heaton
For the past few days he had been trying to guess what she would wear. When the door opened and she stood there in his t-shirt rather than sexy lingerie, he nodded. “I guessed that.” He grinned as his eyes trailed down to her red heels. “Now that never even crossed my mind.”
He closed the space between them and picked her up. “I really have plans for you now.”
It was dark and quiet, just after one in the morning. Josh’s head was resting on Sophie’s pillow. She had been dozing off and on, but he was still too keyed up to sleep.
He trailed his finger across her bottom lip and smiled when she did.
“Are you ever going to let me sleep?” she said.
“Probably not.”
“That’s okay. I’ve slept plenty in this life.”
“We have a lifetime of this ahead.”
“I know. I was just thinking that.” She kissed him and moved in to rest her head on his shoulder. “It was everything I thought it would be – more than I thought it would be.” She paused, then said, “I’ve been so stressed about this, about you seeing me for the first time.”
He touched her cheek. “And did I seem disappointed?”
She giggled and shook her head. “No, not at all.”
“There’s no woman more beautiful to me than you.”
“You make me feel beautiful.”
“It all keeps getting better with you,” he said. “While we danced tonight, I thought I was the happiest I could possibly be. Now,” he stopped and sighed, “I feel something I’m not sure I can explain. There’s a level of peace now that the wait’s finally over. I can’t ever remember feeling this at rest. That’s what I feel with you, like I can rest.”
“You can rest with me, Josh.”
Soon Sophie was asleep, but still he lay there wide awake remembering the night and how happy she had been at the reception. He had rarely taken his eyes off of her and had to force himself to even engage in conversation with others.
His mother’s words came to mind, the things she had said when he was alone with her just after dinner. She had tears in her eyes when she said how happy she was for him. That meant so much to him. The fact that his father wasn’t there hadn’t bothered him until after the ceremony. To see Sophie with her dad only highlighted the absence of his own. This wasn’t a day he would ever get back. No matter how frustrated he had been with his father over what happened during their visit, the truth was he had wanted his father to be there. He should have called like Sophie said.
That one phrase made him smile: Sophie said. Hadn’t he learned all those years ago to listen to what Sophie said?
He drifted off with his wife in his arms and a smile on his face.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“I promise,” Josh said. “I’ll be good. This is Chloe’s graduation. I wouldn’t dream of making a scene.”
Sophie studied Josh’s expression and almost believed him. “I’m sure Jamie will be here, so that should keep him away from us.”
“If not, that’s fine. We can all sit together. This is our lives now, all of us. For Chloe’s sake we will all learn to get along.”
“Who are you, and what have you done with my crazy boyfriend?” Sophie said.
“You better not have a boyfriend!” He grinned at her. “I’m all grown up now and a husband.”
“There they are.” Sophie gave him one final look. “You haven’t seen him since Chloe’s birthday. If he starts, just let it slide.”
Kevin and Jamie approached with Kevin looking as if he didn’t know if they should. His smile was hesitant.
Josh held out his hand. Kevin did the same. “Good to see you, man,” Josh said.
“You too.” Kevin turned to Jamie. “This is Jamie. Jamie, this is Josh, Sophie’s…” He paused and blinked a few times. “Sophie’s new husband.”
“Good to see you.” Kevin said to Sophie and leaned in as if he might try and hug her.
Josh didn’t move, but the look on his face must have served as a warning since Kevin stopped his movements.
At that, Josh took hold of Sophie’s hand and led her to their seats. That was one of the oddest encounters of her life, them all greeting one another as if they were friends.
“How’s Chloe?” Kevin said to Sophie.
“Excited. Nervous. Kind of crazy.”
Kevin chuckled and nodded his head. “Our girl will be home soon.”
Tears came as Sophie said, “I know. I’ve been waiting for this for four years.”
Josh put his arm around her and gave her a little squeeze. “You’re a good mom,” he whispered in her ear.
She looked up at him, feeling hopeful. They had only been married a few weeks and so far, she hadn’t mentioned to Josh about trying for a baby. They used no contraception, and since he never brought it up, she didn’t either. It was like it never crossed his mind.
Their love life was spontaneous, a fact she had appreciated up until then. Now, going forward, she wanted to be more strategic. Since she was irregular, something that created difficulty in predicting ovulation, Sophie had read that trying every other day would give her the best chance of conception. So that was her plan.
On a few occasions she had almost brought it up to Josh, but she feared they would begin trying and then nothing would happen. She didn’t want to see him be disappointed month after month if she couldn’t conceive. It would seem less hurtful for them both if she just kept it to herself for the time being.
“You okay?” he said.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking good stuff.”
The ceremony began and was long. A few times Kevin looked around at her and said something, but mostly they were all quiet. Jamie hardly spoke a word. Sophie nearly felt sorry for the poor girl stuck with Kevin. It was just the beginning of her being criticized into submission, and she probably had no idea. Already she was wearing a pant suit Kevin’s mother would approve of. Sophie just shook her head.
After the commencement they all went to dinner, an evening that wasn’t so bad. All in all, the night was a success. When they arrived at their room, Sophie said, “You really impressed me tonight.”
“You think that was impressive? Wait about five minutes to see what I do next.” He lowered his head and kissed her neck.
It would be difficult to stay on an every-other-night schedule when married to a thirty-year-old. This was supposed to be their off night.
She stepped away and hoped to distract him. “You know what I mean. With Kevin, you did great.”
“He didn’t give me any reason to body slam him.”
“I’m sure he learned his lesson.” She sat in a chair rather than on the bed. “Did you notice how quiet Jamie was, almost like he warned her in advance? And she looked like a Stepford wife, huh?”
“If I didn’t know better, Soph, I would say you were jealous.”
“Oh, good grief! I’m not jealous.”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you sure?”
Sophie felt guilty since her meaningless talk had backfired and given Josh a reason to worry. “I promise you. I’m not even remotely jealous. I was just making conversation.”
“Well, talking about your ex has kind of killed the mood here.” He shrugged. “I’ll hit the shower.”
That wasn’t at all how she had intended to end the night, with him upset.
Life with Chloe back home was different than their first weeks together as a married couple. They had less privacy now. Trying to make love with a younger child in another room was much easier than having an adult kid across the hall. It just felt too weird for them both.
Josh handled it well and never acted frustrated by it. His fix for the situation had been to take care of business at the office in his old room upstairs. So far so good. It had been easy to maintain her baby-making schedule that way. She had begun calling them go days and no days.
“Hey, Mom.” Chloe flopped down on the sofa next to her.
Sophie had been so lost in thought, she hadn’t heard her co
me in. “What are you up to?” she said.
“I’m headed to the café. I told Drake I would be there early.”
“You go early and stay late. You must really like your job there.”
“I do. It’s nothing like the pizza place.”
“Have you put in any applications anywhere else?”
Sophie was trying to be encouraging without being pushy, but after the past few weeks, she was beginning to wonder if Chloe even wanted to find a job in marketing. It had been her major, but now she never even mentioned it. All she did was talk about the café.
“No, for now I’m good. Drake needs the help for the summer. Maybe I’ll get a little more serious in the fall.”
“If that’s what you want, I support you.”
In the past few weeks, Chloe was hardly ever home. After the café closed at seven, she would hang out with friends and often not come home until after midnight. Sophie didn’t ask for details and Chloe never offered them.
Since her kid was nearly twenty-one, Sophie had to give her some space. Until Chloe came up with a longer-term plan, she would be with them. There was no reason to question her or make her feel as if she was living under a microscope.
“Austin called,” Chloe said.
Sophie’s head snapped around at that. “He did?”
“Yeah, he wants to come visit.”
“What did you tell him.”
Chloe was quiet a minute. Finally, she said, “I told him I think it’s best that he not. It’s time we both move on.”
Sophie didn’t respond to that, and Chloe scrambled out the door for work. That left Sophie sitting there, her suspicions high. If Chloe didn’t want to get back with Austin, that could only mean one thing.
She texted Josh: I think Chloe is seeing someone!!
It was a Saturday morning, and Josh was at the office.
Josh: Why do u think that
Her reply: She’s over Austin. That can only mean there’s someone else in play.
Josh: Explains the late nights. Why wouldn’t she tell u
Sophie: Good question. Maybe he’s 9 years younger.
Josh: I’ll scrape up bail money. Be home soon btw. Get ur t-shirt on ;)
That made her smile since it was a go day and they would have the house to themselves.
Sophie woke that following morning with Josh snuggled in close.
He grinned when she opened her eyes. “Morning,” he said, then moved in closer as if to kiss her.
She knew that look in his eyes, so she dodged him. “I have morning breath.”
“I don’t care.” He grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her to him.
It was a no day, so she had to think of something. She pulled back. “I need to get in the shower or we’ll be late for church.”
Josh glanced at the clock. “We have plenty of time.”
“Can we wait until tomorrow?”
He moved back onto his own pillow. “Sure. You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired this morning. A shower will help me wake up.”
She went into the bathroom with a sick feeling churning in her stomach. That was the first time she had ever lied to him. There was no way to keep this up for much longer.
They had been married for two months, but that was too soon for her to feel worried yet about not conceiving. If nothing happened after five or six months, then she would consult with an infertility doctor. Until then, she knew she would have to tell Josh that she was trying.
After church they stopped for a bite to eat before going home. She could tell something was up with him since he was quieter than usual.
Once they got home, he took her hand and led her to the sofa. “Are you sure you’re okay,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry.” He paused and just looked at her. “I’ve been feeling like a jerk all day.”
She took hold of his hand. “Why?”
“I’m acting like I’m fifteen years old, being so inconsiderate of your feelings. I’ll back off in the bedroom.”
“No, it’s not that at all.”
“This morning, I felt you pull away. I’ve noticed it a few times.” He squeezed her hand. “Babe, if you ever don’t want to, you just have to say so. A no won’t bother me.”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I just wanted to wait until tomorrow.”
“Okay. You just have to say you want to wait. I never want you to do something if you’re not in the mood.”
“It wasn’t about me not being in the mood.” Sophie closed her eyes. When she looked back at him, the concern in his eyes broke her heart. “It’s never that.”
“Then what.” He sat back. “I’m pretty lost here.”
“I’ve tried to keep it at every other day.”
“If that works for you, I’m okay with that. I’ll be more considerate –”
“Oh, Josh, you’re never inconsiderate. It’s that I’m hoping to get pregnant. I’ve read if we do it every other day then that’ll increase my chances. It’s about when I ovulate –”
“Wait! Are we trying to have a baby? Did I miss something?”
“Well, we’re not using contraception,” she paused. “I mean, you know that can happen.”
“Yeah, I figured if it happened it happened. But I didn’t know you were trying.”
Before she could speak, he said, “Don’t you think you should have mentioned it?”
“Yes.” She sighed and glanced away. “I had just hoped something would happen before my birthday. That number terrifies me.”
“I get that, but that’s not the point. I just think you should have told me.” He slid back farther in his seat. “So these past weeks, every time you initiate sex you’re just trying to get pregnant? Like, every other day you’re making sure we do it?”
“I wouldn’t put it that way.”
“How would you put it?”
“Well, you initiate it a lot too.”
“But when you do it’s with an ulterior motive?”
“Not every time.”
He stood. “But sometimes you do?”
“Yeah, sometimes I do.”
Josh ran his fingers through his hair and began to pace. “I’m not mad.” He shrugged. “Who would be mad at that?” When he stopped in the middle of the living room, he said, “I’m just a little disappointed. That’s something I should have been a part of deciding.”
“Josh, I’m sorry.” She stood and went to him. “I didn’t keep it from you to be deceptive.”
“Then why?”
“I was afraid you would be disappointed if I couldn’t get pregnant. I thought I would try it first to see what happened. If I can’t in a few months, I’ll need to see someone for help.”
He listened and nodded, but he didn’t seem okay.
“What?” she said.
“Mostly, I guess I’m hurt that a lot of those times weren’t because you wanted to. You just wanted to get pregnant.”
She smiled at him. “I always want to.” Her hand moved up his chest and to his face. “I always want you.”
He wrapped his arms around her and finally smiled. “But you just want me every other day?”
“Yeah. Please don’t be mad.”
“I could never be mad at you.” He dropped his head and rested it on hers. “If this is what you want, then I’m in.”
“Really?”
“Really. Just don’t keep things from me. That was the worst part of this. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.” He kissed her nose. “I don’t want you to feel like you need to struggle alone. And I would never be disappointed in you.”
***
What guy would complain in his position? Josh wondered to himself. Since Sophie had come clean about trying to get pregnant, things between them had been better. Those times before when he had sensed her unease when he reached for her made more sense to him. That never happened anymore. If anything, over the past few months, they had settled
into such a routine of go days and no days, that it was becoming a little too predictable. He missed the spontaneity of waking in the morning and making love to his wife for no reason.
Now, it was actually planned out in advance for them. At first it was exciting to run upstairs at work on a go day, but lately, he wasn’t feeling exactly enthusiastic.
It wasn’t about the sex or even that it wasn’t something that happened naturally anymore. He was feeling something that he couldn’t define, uneasy about the whole thing.
Sophie was asleep beside him and he found he wanted to sneak out of bed before she woke since it was a go day. What kind of idiot would think that with a woman so beautiful?
When she began to stir, he waited, but then she drifted back off to sleep, so he lifted the covers and made his exit, trying not to wake her. That made him feel pretty lousy.
By the time she came downstairs, he was leaning against the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal.
“Hey,” she said. “You’re up early.”
He drank the last of his milk and set the bowl in the sink. “Yeah, I thought I would get a head start on some sketches. Once you get to the office, we will be running all day.”
For a moment she just stood there looking at him, clearly puzzled by his behavior. Normally he was the last to roll out of bed.
“I’ll head on now.” He kissed her cheek. “Get your quiet time done. I’ll see you soon.”
He left her standing there and got as far as the front door before turning back.
“Come here,” he said as he took her in his arms. “I love you.”
Her eyes were still wide from his curious departure.
“I love you,” she said.
Josh was in his office when Sophie came in. “I was just heading down to the hub,” he said. “We’ll take off when I get back, so if you have anything you need to get done, that’ll give you at least half an hour.”
With a quick peck on the cheek, he was gone.
Since he had arrived at the office he had thought about his morning bolting from bed and home. That wasn’t fair to her. The fact that it was a go day had him on edge. He knew she would make a move, and he dreaded it. It was easier to avoid her than to reject her advances.