To Follow Her Heart

by Rebecca DeMarino

  Mary and Lizzie came in the morning to see how she was doing, which made the day even better than the previous one. Mary brought food, and Lizzie worked on some hat patterns. With her summer hats done and most of them sold, there would be a lull through the summer in the shop, which worked out well with all that needed to be done in the garden.

  Patience sat with her wolf-dog, thinking if she did not get up and do something she might be bored to tears. Jeremy had returned immediately to Winter Harbor. Lizzie suggested she draw, in hopes it would distract her, and gathered paper and pen. She opened the door to the back garden. Patience could see but one wild iris in bloom and set about capturing it. “Do I start with the petals or the stem, Lizzie?”

  “Why, I don’t know. Do it how you want to.” She fluttered her lashes.

  “But you are the artist, are you not? Where would you start?” Patience was not letting her off easy.

  Lizzie pulled a chair close and sat down. She looked out at the iris and took the quill. “What I would do is draw the bowl of the flower first—you know, the cup of it.” She began to sketch. “Then I’d add the stem like this, and finally spend most of your time working on the petals.” She gave the paper back to her. “Here, you finish.”

  She stared at the paper. Mary came out from the kitchen. “I’ve a stew cooking for you. It should last you a week.” She wiped her hands on her apron and looked at the paper. “Very pretty, Patience.”

  “I think I shall go mad. I cannot sit around with this foot.”

  Lizzie and Mary looked at her. Lizzie spoke first. “Have you talked to Jeremy about having a fall wedding?”

  “’Tis not like I’ve had opportunity to sit down with him for such a discussion.”

  Mary tapped her index finger on her lip. “I don’t think you should wait until fall, anyway. I think we need to go out to Winter Harbor and tell Jeremy that ’tis time to post the banns. He can work on that ship, but he can take a day to get married, too.”

  “I don’t know.” Patience closed her eyes. “He wants to build a house for us before we marry.”

  Lizzie waved her hands in the air. “Why? You have a house, and he can sleep in that bunk out at Harry’s when he’s working.”

  “He would say that’s not a way to start a marriage. And while I agree with that, I confess to you that I am so unhappy that he continually finds reasons to delay our plans.”

  Lizzie shook her head and sent the gray curls tumbling. “Well, he should not. If I didn’t know better, I would fear he feigns affection. But he loves you, Patience. That I know.”

  “We must go to Winter Harbor. The three of us, and we shall take Anna. We shall visit and see his ship. And we shall tell him he must post the banns.” Mary grabbed Patience’s hand. “He cannot say no. My gracious, Patience, he wants to get married, too. Of course he will say yes.”

  Mosh looked up from his spot by the hearth. His eyes begged to go too. “Why, how can I say no to all of you? But what about my foot?”

  Lizzie looked closely at it, pressing on her ankle with her fingers. “Well, you can sit in the wagon just as well as you can sit here. Only you won’t be bored.”

  Mary chimed in. “And I shall ask Barney to make you a walking stick. He can do that tonight. That’s it, then. We shall go on the morrow.”

  Patience winced. “Barnabas offered to make me a stick, but I said no. But would you be so kind as to bring some of your sweets? And a crock of the stew? Mrs. Sweeney is so very nice, and her fried fish is lovely, but . . .”

  Mary’s eyes opened wide in horror. “I would not think of going without taking food.”

  Lizzie shook her curls. “Those men need more than fried fish.”

  The next morning, Patience watched as Lizzie, Mary, Abbey, and Anna loaded the wagon with enough food to feed all the men who worked at the wharf. They’d petitioned Reverend Hobart to escort them to Winter Harbor and invited Rachel Youngs to come along. Both accepted with pleasure. Joshua lifted Patience up to the seat in front, and Lizzie climbed up beside her.

  Rachel sat with Mary in the back, along with Abbey and Anna, who found spots amongst the food bundles. Patience turned to Joshua and kept her voice low. “I thought you would have Rachel sit next to you. You are sweet on her, are you not?”

  He kept his eyes on the road in front of them, but she could see the corner of his mouth pull into a small grin. “She is very nice, Patience. And I know her father and you ladies would like to see a courtship, but the truth is, although I enjoy her company, my heart is called by another.” He looked sideways, and his eyes were lit with delight.

  Lizzie, on her other side, leaned in. “What did he say?”

  Patience could feel the warmth of a blush across her cheeks and turned her own eyes to the road. “Oh!” was all she could say.

  The ride was bumpy, and Patience clung to Lizzie’s arm, but Reverend Hobart’s expert guidance kept Chester on an even keel and the wagon upright. When they turned down toward the wharf, most of the dock workers stopped to stare. The reverend reined in the bay, and Patience saw Jeremy and Harry come out to see what had caused the commotion. Benjamin was not far behind.

  Joshua Hobart jumped down and strode over. “Good morrow, gentlemen. I could tell you this was my idea, but you would know that is not true. When the ladies get a notion, it’s impossible to dissuade them.”

  “I would be hard pressed to disagree with that.” Jeremy stuck out his hand, and they shared a handshake. “Thank you for ensuring they traveled safely.” He came up to Patience’s side and lifted her off the seat. “What a surprise.” He held out a hand for Lizzie. “I thought you would keep her off of her foot.”

  Patience leaned into his arm. “Lizzie thought we should come out to see the ship.”

  “It seemed a good idea. And we brought food. Show him the food, Mary.” Lizzie’s violet eyes sparkled under her lashes.

  Benjamin came over to help his mother from the cart and then assisted Anna and Rachel. Abbey had been the first one out. He leaned over the rail to look at the bundles. “Did you leave any food at home?” He chortled just like his father.

  Patience noticed Harry hung back. “’Tis so good to see you. You must come give me a hug, as my ankle still gives me pain.”

  He stepped up to greet her and bowed to each of the ladies.

  Mary took his arm. “Harry, we’ve heard so much about the ship. You must show her to us. But first you must show me where your larder is. We’ve come to stock it.”

  His eyes lit up. “Come this way with me, and I’ll show ye. We all like Mrs. Sweeney’s, but we welcome a good home-cooked meal for a change, to be sure.”

  Benjamin helped the reverend carry the food, and Jeremy helped Patience over to the trunk. “It seems this is my chair when I visit.” She looked out over the water, mirror still, and watched the seagulls swoop low over the surface. “But it is lovely.”

  “I’m afraid until that ankle heals it is the best I have. Or the box in the dry dock, if you’d like a better look.”

  She took his arm and pulled him down to sit next to her. “I’m afraid Lizzie and Mary have an ulterior motive to making this trip.”

  He smiled as he studied her face. “Other than seeing the ship and bringing us much-needed food?”

  She nodded. “Mary and Lizzie wonder why we don’t just get married now. And I wonder that, too. It doesn’t mean you cannot finish the boat. You can still work with Harry.”

  “I see.”

  “And we feel ’tis time to post the banns.”

  “I see.” He looked over his shoulder toward the ship. “And is that why the ladies are huddled over yonder, staring at us?”

  She leaned a little so she could see past him. “I do believe so.”

  He ran his hand through his thick hair, and it glinted like burnished gold in the sun. She could not help but stare at his profile as he contemplated the request. He was so handsome when he was serious.

  “I don’t like the idea of us being so fa
r apart, and I would like the distance even less if we were married. So I don’t see how that helps.” He gathered her hands in his. “I love you and want to marry you. Is that not enough for today? Can we not wait until Harry and I have the boat finished and I can build a home for us?”

  She wanted to shout no, they had waited long enough. She held her tongue, and she did not even know why. “We’ve been together and yet apart for a long time, Jeremy. If I must, I shall wait for you. But I shan’t like it.”

  He kissed her, and she heard the murmur of her friends, but she did not look at them. She should tell Jeremy how she really felt, and Lizzie and Mary were sure to point that out.

  Jeremy pulled away and patted her hand. “Now, if we are going to all invade Mrs. Sweeney’s, I think someone had better tell her. Shall I help you to the dining room?”

  “Yes. I hope we aren’t too many for her.” She leaned on his arm as he helped her to the fish house, where they were greeted by the proprietor and cook herself.

  “I’ve never known you to run out of fish, Mrs. Sweeney, but I have several friends here with us tonight.”

  Her grin spread wide. “Have them come in now, why don’t ye? You’ll get a table before the men clear the dock. Otherwise, you’ll be sittin’ outside.”

  He pulled a chair out for Patience and turned to find Benjamin and Anna already coming, with Harry, Joshua, and the ladies in tow.

  Everyone raved about Mrs. Sweeney’s fried fish, and Harry and Jeremy entertained the group with sea stories—some even Patience hadn’t heard before. But she sat quietly, her thoughts on the conversation she and Jeremy had while sitting on the trunk.

  When they left, Patience limped on Jeremy’s arm and let Joshua and Benjamin walk ahead with her friends. Only Harry remained behind to walk with them. He spoke softly, his hat still in his hands. “Ye know, Jeremy, I dun’t want the ship to stand in the way of you takin’ Patience for yer bride. We could use a celebration here, and I have me reasons to see to it that ye get wed.” He gave Jeremy a feisty look, and Patience didn’t miss it.

  She stopped so that they maintained some distance from everyone else. “What reasons, Harry?”

  “Oh, me own.”

  Jeremy nodded. “Well, Harry, thank you, but I have some reasons that we need to wait.”

  “Aye, and I just want to be sure I’m not one of ’em. Because I’ll do whatever I can to see ye married.” He winked at Patience.

  She looked at Jeremy. “I’ve been thinking during dinner about what you said. It hurts me very much to tell you this, but I think we should not see each other anymore. Because what we are doing now is more painful than just putting this whole issue out of my mind. I think I need time to do just that.”

  His eyes snapped to hers, and his mouth opened, but no sound came out. He moved toward her, but she could see he hadn’t a clue as to what to say.

  “No, Jeremy. I need to go. Finish the boat with Harry. I shall not be asking you again about wedding plans. There shall be no wedding.” She began to walk away, but the pain in her ankle reminded her she could not go without help. “Harry?”

  His blue eyes had lost their sparkle, and that would have broken her heart if it wasn’t already in pieces. “Harry, walk me to the wagon, please.”

  She didn’t cry on the ride home, for she was beyond tears. Lizzie and Mary thankfully did not question her. And when Joshua carried her into her parlor and settled her on the pumpkin-colored sofa, he only wished her well and good night. But she felt his arms linger around her, and she knew he hoped that one day she might be ready to love again.

  32

  May 16, 1665

  Winter Harbor

  Jeremy watched the wagon pull away. His heart was a stone in his chest, and it was painful. He was right, wasn’t he? It would not be a good way to start a marriage—living apart. But watching her ride away in that wagon with Joshua Hobart at the reins just made his stomach burn. Had Hobart finally won her over? Had she come here with the plan of breaking off their engagement?

  He stared after them until the wagon disappeared and then turned to see Harry and Benjamin sitting on the trunk. He walked slowly out on the pier to join them. It was a warm evening, and the water gently lapped at the side of the planks. A silver slip of a moon had risen, and the thought of Patience and how much she’d love this evening occurred to him, and he hoped she was not enjoying it with Hobart.

  Benjamin stood up when he reached the trunk.

  “You don’t have to get up.”

  “I think I’ll go to bed, Uncle Jeremy. We’ve got a lot of work to do in the morning. Good night, Harry.” He clapped Jeremy on the shoulder. “You all right?”

  “Yes. Good night.” He sat down next to Harry.

  The two lingered there in silence for almost an hour. Finally, Harry spoke up. “I don’t understand ye. I know ye love her. Ye won’t find another lady like her.” He turned to look at him. “Why don’t ye marry her?”

  “Harry, I want to. I do love her. Believe me, it’s my intention. Over the years, I’ve always known that when I was ready to give up my ship, I would marry Patience. But now the time has come, only I didn’t give up the ship—it gave up me. And what surprises me is, I’m torn. Not really torn, I know I want to marry her, but I fear something will happen and I will be hurt—or worse yet, she will be hurt.”

  Harry harrumphed. “Ye’ve already done that. She’s hurt, if ye haven’t noticed.”

  “I want to make everything ready for us. I’m not sure what’s wrong with that. I’m training as a shipwright with you, and I thought that was a good thing. When we are done, you can retire and Winter Harbor will still have a shipbuilder. I’ll build a home for Patience, and all will be good. Until then, I am going to have this fear in the pit of my stomach that I’m not doing this right and something’s going to fall apart.”

  “Have ye told all this to her?”

  He stuck his feet out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, and studied his boots. “Yes, I have. Mayhap not all of this. I did tell Mary that watching her and Barn in those early years really did make me stop and think about the risks.”

  “All of life has a risk, Jeremy. But God didn’t give ye a love to see you run from it. And the risk of buildin’ this ship is losing Patience. Dun’t do it. Go to her. Tell her what yer afraid of, but tell her too that she means more to ye than anything else. Women need to hear that. Dun’t lose her for a ship, my friend. And if ’tis in God’s plan for ye to build the ship, ye’ll find a way to have both.”

  “You always have given me good advice, Harry. I’ll go see her.” He leaned his head back and stared at the starry sky. “It might be too late, though.”

  Patience sat in a rocker on the front porch, drawing paper on her lap, Mosh curled at her feet. She’d spent the morning trying to forget the night before in Winter Harbor, but to no avail, and finally she’d settled on sketching. She watched a butterfly with golden wings dotted with black wave its wings as if drying them as it rested on a blade of grass.

  She poised her pen to begin drawing, but then she saw Joshua Hobart walk up the path from the road. A pang of sadness gripped her. Where normally she’d be glad to see the reverend, today he only reminded her that she and Jeremy had argued. And she’d broken off their engagement. She had been right to do that. Of course she’d been right.

  “Good morrow, Patience. How is your ankle today?” He walked up onto the wide porch.

  Mosh sat up, cocking his head, his blue eyes on Joshua.

  “Much better. I was able to hobble out here completely on my own.”

  “I’m so glad. I was thinking the market is tomorrow on the green, and I was wondering if there was anything I could get for you. Or perhaps if your ankle is well tomorrow, you should like to accompany me?”

  She looked up at him, the sun behind his form. She shielded her eyes with her hand, as her bonnet was not doing much good in keeping the glare away. “I don’t know. The market is always so nice, but my ankle might n
ot be up to that. But thank you.” She looked away, and he sat on the porch step.

  “Is that better? So I’m not in the sun?”

  She smiled. “Yes, much. But in truth, I’ve been in the sun long enough. I think ’tis time I go in.” She gathered her drawing things.

  He hopped up. “Let me help you.” He offered her his arm as she stood.

  She leaned on him, and he helped her inside. Mosh followed closely behind. Lizzie was at work in her hat shop, and she called out her hello. “I made some of that French lemonade, if you two would like some.”

  Patience looked up at him. “That does sound good, does it not?”

  “Very good.” He helped her to the kitchen. “See, it’s still much easier to walk with a little help, isn’t it?”

  She looked into his warm brown eyes, and her breath caught as his arm came around her. He bent and kissed her lightly on her lips. Her arms embraced his neck, and it felt good to have him hold her. He put a finger under her chin and drew her mouth to his again. His second kiss was longer, more insistent, and for a moment she didn’t want it to end. But she pulled away. “Joshua. I’m not ready for this. It would be wrong for me to let you think I want something more than your friendship right now.”

  Joshua didn’t move. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I did that. Well, yes, I am—I’ve thought of kissing you since I first met you. But I had no intention of coming between you and Jeremy. And I certainly do not wish to rush you. Please forgive me.” He reached out to smooth a stray wisp of her hair.

  Her heart wrenched. “I’m sorry. I want to be your friend. I just don’t trust myself right now to make any more decisions. I’m not even sure if the one I made last night was the right one.”

  She heard him begin to say something like “I understand” but something caught his attention beyond her, and she turned to look. She could see Jeremy through the window, walking up to her house. She wanted to faint. He would think the worst of Joshua—and he’d be close to right.

  “Here, sit in the chair. No reason for you to hobble anymore. I’ll let him in.”