Lone Rider

by Lindsay McKenna

  “I cherish every moment with you, Tara. I have from the day I met you.” Swallowing, his throat tight with nearly overwhelming feelings, he rasped, “You need to know that you’re a bright and shining light in my life. I never thought I would ever experience what I do in your arms, with your kisses. You make me feel hope, make me feel alive, and I dream … I dream of something so much better for both of us if we can just keep talking and showing how much we mean to each other.” He pressed another kiss against her hair, the honeysuckle scent rising into his nostrils.

  “I feel the same, Harper,” she whispered against his T-shirt, nuzzling into his chest with her cheek. “I feel so wonderful when we’re like this. You make me feel safe.”

  “I always want to be there for you, sweetheart. And I will be if you’ll let me. We’re going to have ups and downs, but it’s moments like these that bind my wounds and I know what we have can help heal us together, Tara.”

  Nodding, eyes closed, Tara tightened her arm around his middle, content to rest against him, wanting nothing else. “I don’t want this moment to end… .”

  “Me neither …”

  *

  Tara tried to steady her voice, her heart pounding so hard that she hesitated for a moment before speaking. “Do you really think we can do this, Harper?” She saw him give her a lazy, boyish smile that melted all her building fear.

  “I’ve been waiting for you from the day I met you, Tara. I know I’m a bad risk, having been married and divorced, but I’m older now. I know what caused it to fall apart.” He smoothed his thumb across her cheek. “I think our feelings for each other are strong enough, still growing toward each other, to take this shot at happiness. You make me happy, Tara. I always feel so damned good when you’re around me. You have no idea how much I look forward to having breakfast, lunch and dinner with you. I want to know what you’re thinking because you’re smart, sensitive, funny and sympathetic. I like to see the world through your eyes, your thoughts and ideas.”

  His earnest, gruffly spoken words feathered through Tara and she felt her heart expand until she thought it might burst open with such profound joy that she might die of euphoria. “I—I guess I never knew you felt like that about me.”

  Grimacing, Harper slipped his hand to her shoulder, gently smoothing out the material across it. “I haven’t exactly been the most demonstrative person with you. That’s my fault. But we’ve been through some pretty hectic ups and downs since meeting, too. It seemed we went from one crisis right into another one. There was no quiet time, no backwater where we could relax and honestly open up to each other. First, it was Cree Elson. Then, the bear incident.”

  “God, this stuff happens in threes,” she muttered, shaking her head, enjoying his hand gently moving along her shoulder. “I hope I’m wrong about that …”

  “Maybe we’ll get lucky this once,” he said. “Two’s enough in my book. We deserve some down time.”

  Snorting softly, Tara said, “I’ve never had luck, Harper. It doesn’t figure in my world, believe me. I have to earn everything I get.”

  “Well,” he rasped, leaning over, kissing her wrinkling brow, “that’s going to start changing right now.”

  His lips brushed her flesh, sending wonderful sensations of pleasure through her. She felt her breasts tightening, her whole body catching fire, simmering, wanting Harper. As he drew away, his hand coming to rest over hers, calmness in his gray eyes, she felt the bubbly joy moving through her. “I hope you’re right.”

  “Tell me what you want right now, Tara. Talk to me.”

  Her voice was soft and filled with emotion. “I want more than your kisses, Harper. I want you. All of you. The wounded part of me is unsure. The healthy part of me is positive I want to get past all these hurdles and be with you.”

  “We’ve been through so much, Tara. I think if you look back at your life in the military, you’ll see you were always a risk-taker. I was one in my military job, too. We both need to use that risk-taking side of ourselves and use it now. We did it and survived combat. You and I aren’t in combat with each other. We’re trying to find a way, a passage, toward the other. If you look at all you’ve survived in the military, you’ll know in your heart that we’re a risk worth taking. You and me,” and he held her gaze, waiting for her answer.

  Harper was right. She tucked her lower lip between her teeth for a moment, glancing away, hearing the deep emotion, the yearning, the need for her, in his strained voice. “I remember my mom telling me that life wasn’t for the weak. Living was always going to be challenging. It takes courage and bravery to live. She warned me that there would be times when I’d be so scared that it would paralyze me. And she was right on all counts.” Melting beneath his tender gaze, she managed, “It’s time I risk my heart. I can’t keep listening to the negativity in my head. I need you, Harper. All of you. I’m willing to try …” and she choked, tears burning in her eyes over her decision.

  He grazed her temple, looked beyond her for a moment, then settled his warm gaze on her.

  “We’ll take this a step at a time, Tara. There isn’t going to be a rush or an urgency, and even though I feel like it inside, it’s not the right track to take with you, with myself, right now. Do you agree?”

  Giving a jerky nod, she whispered, “Yes, no hurry, no expectations, Harper, because I’m so damned scared I feel like crying and running away sometimes.”

  He sighed and gathered her up against him, his chin resting against her head. “Then we’ll be afraid together, okay? We’ll run toward each other, not away from each other when that happens. Fair enough?”

  Closing her eyes, pushing back the tears, Tara managed, “Y-yes …”

  “Look,” he said patiently, “the worst scenario is that we discover through a process of trial and error that we aren’t meant for each other. It’s all right, because at least we tried. We found out, Tara. And that’s better than living the rest of our lives wondering if we’d had the guts to walk toward each other, instead of running away from possible happiness. We just won’t know until we give ourselves permission to try. Do you agree?”

  She managed a croak of a half laugh. “You’re always so logical and calm. Yes, I agree.”

  He smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple. “The worst is out of the way, sweetheart. And you’re the one who has to set the ground rules for us. Tell me what you want and I’ll try to give it to you. Just because we’re trying to explore what we have doesn’t mean this fragile relationship of ours is a done deal one way or another.”

  “I need to hear that, Harper, I really do.”

  “We respect each other, Tara. We care about each other. And we’re sensitive to each other’s moods and ups and downs. We’re doing the best we can even though we’re pretty well fractured by PTSD.”

  “Are you scared?” and she lifted her head from his chest, searching for and finding his warm gaze. His mouth, such a beautiful part of him, twisted a little.

  “Scared just like you. But everything we’ve ever dreamed about having is always a challenge,” and he caressed her cheek. “We’ll do this even though we’re scared out of our minds, we’ll inch forward at your pace. You’ll talk with me, Tara, you’ll tell me what you want so I know where my boundaries are with you. I’m no mind reader. This is going to be tough going because neither of us is used to working on a relationship like ours. I tried and it ended in divorce.”

  “Yes,” she sighed, “and I’ve been avoiding it like the plague, knowing I was broken in so many places.”

  “Yet you’re a good human being, sweetheart. You’re kind and caring and you aren’t selfish. Despite your wounds, you’re whole in ways so many others aren’t. Don’t you see that?”

  “I guess,” she muttered, shaking her head. “My parents raised me to be a responsible person to others; the world didn’t revolve around me. I’ve always been that way.”

  “And you have no idea how much that appeals to me, Tara. I like you just the way you are.”r />
  “Thanks,” she whispered, touching his roughened jaw.

  “Where do you want to start? What’s comfortable for you? And we’ll take it from there.”

  “You have a say in this, too, Harper.”

  “Of course I do, but I’m on a learning curve right along with you. I learned by clamming up with Olivia that I lost the marriage. I’m going to force myself to talk with you, to let you know where I’m at emotionally. Otherwise? It’s not going to work. I’ll be making a lot of mistakes, Tara, and I hope you realize I’m far from perfect.”

  “My mom always told me there was a man out there for me, the perfect puzzle piece, like a jigsaw puzzle, who would fit me perfectly.”

  “I like how your mom sees the world,” he said, touched.

  “Mom is a jigsaw puzzle addict. She loves putting puzzles together.” Tara laughed. “I don’t like puzzles, but she loves them. She’s always got two or three sitting around on her desk, or at one end of the counter at the hardware store, or wherever she can start a new one.”

  He chuckled. “Well, I kinda like the idea of fitting another person. That’s a nice way to see us.”

  Her smile softened and she leaned up, her lips against his. “I want to sleep with you tonight. I want to love you and I want you to love me. I know it won’t be perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. Are you game? Is this what you want, too?” and she allowed her lips to barely brush his, feeling his immediate reaction, his arm tightening around her.

  “We want the same thing,” he managed, his voice low and thick with so many emotions.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The anxiety of being imperfect, the scars on her body received from years of deployments in combat, whether Harper would think her desirable or not, raged through Tara as she stood naked in front of him. His bedroom was cool with the mid-June night air slipping in beneath a partly opened window at one end of the quiet room. Her heart was beating rapidly, as much from fear of being rejected by him as from wanting him.

  The moonlight was silvery as it slipped around the edges of the drapes across the only window, lending a muted radiance that silently surrounded them. Harper had undressed along with her, their clothes in piles here and there on the cedar floor. Tara was old enough to know that no one was perfect body-wise, but she still cared deeply what Harper thought of her. She managed a nervous half smile and whispered, “I’m feeling so unsure of myself with you.” Instantly, she saw Harper’s gaze sharpen and hone in on her upturned face.

  “Hey,” he growled, settling his hands on her shoulders, “don’t go there. I’m beat up, too, inside and out, Tara.”

  “Yeah,” she choked, absorbing the callused warmth of his hands smoothing along her shoulders, as if she were a fractious, scared horse that needed to be calmed. Well, she was nervous. “I see the scars on your body, Harper, and it really brings home to me how hard deployments were on you, too.”

  Mouth flexing, Harper slid his hand down to her flared hips, halting at a long two-inch scar. “You have your fair share of them, too.”

  “Oh, I got plenty of nicks and dibits,” she joked as he lightly stroked the scar with his fingers, his brows moving downward, concern in his eyes as he studied it.

  “And like me,” he said, holding her anxious stare, “I’ll bet just by looking at a scar or touching it, the whole episode comes back to you?”

  Making a sound of frustration in her throat, she began to feel her worry dissipate as Harper continued to graze her waist and hip lightly, stroking her, as if to erase her anxiety. “Yes. Worse? The emotions come roaring back with it, which makes it even more difficult sometimes.” She made a helpless gesture toward her right hip. “I try not to look at myself when I’m naked. I avoid it. I don’t want to remember.”

  “I do the same thing,” and he grinned a little, his hands following the curve of her hips, holding her, but not so close as to make her uncomfortable. “I tend to pay attention to shaving this face of mine but wash the rest of my body by Braille.”

  “Does it bother you that I have so many scars?” She was afraid of the answer. There were swellings on her legs and hips particularly that would never disappear. Discoloration came along with each one of them as well.

  Looking deeply into her eyes, Harper rasped thickly, “No, Tara. I like you just the way you are. You’re beautiful in my eyes … my heart,” and he slid his hand behind her nape, asking her to come forward, and she did.

  The look in his slate-colored eyes, burning with a fire that made her heart triple in beat for a moment, told her so much. So much. Taking that halting step forward, trying to push all her reservations aside, her worries and fears away, she lifted her hands, placing them lightly against his darkly haired chest. His flesh was warm, firm, and she felt the muscles leap beneath her fingertips.

  His mouth gently claimed hers and she became lost in the heat, his strength and the tenderness he imparted to her, his hands outlining her shoulders, drawing her even closer to him. Lost in the building haze of his desire, his mouth telling her of his need, she felt all her fears being burned up in the heat that flamed between them. The moment Tara leaned languidly against him fully, his erection pressing into her belly, all her coherent thoughts turned to ashes. Feeling him control the amount of strength he exerted against her mouth, his hands cupping her shoulders, worshipping her, making her feel sacred and as necessary as breathing, a soft sound of pleasure vibrated in her throat.

  Just feeling so cherished beneath Harper’s mouth giving and taking with hers, convinced her that she had nothing to worry about and everything to celebrate with him instead. She’d had lovers before, but never this sensitive, never monitoring her as he did right now. It spoke to Tara about the depth of his commitment to her, his wanting her as an equal partner, wanting to learn what pleased her and what didn’t. What a far cry from the other men earlier in her life. That was the last conscious thought Tara had because in one fluid movement, Harper lifted her up into his arms, her body pressed sweetly against his as he carried her over to the bed. Depositing her on top of the quilt, she slid toward the center, giving him room to stretch out beside her.

  The luminescence of the moonlight did nothing but accentuate the planes of his face, showing the hunter-like intensity in his shadowed eyes, his highly developed muscles moving, contracting, relaxing as she welcomed his advances. There was great satisfaction in moving her gaze across Harper’s silhouetted body. His powerful masculinity reminded her of a cougar who was all lithe beauty coupled with an underlying danger that vibrated close to the surface.

  She wasn’t ever a passive lover. As Tara slid her hand across his broad shoulder, she once more was reminded of his strength as a man, pulling him down upon her, lips parting, wanting to taste Harper once again. This time, she shared her hunger with him, her lips firm, gliding, letting him know that her desire for him was equal to him wanting her. She felt him shift as he hungrily took her lips beneath his, his other hand sliding across her hip and cheek, bringing her belly flush against his warm, thick hardness. Fire leaped to life within her. As she moved sinuously against Harper, her hardened nipples entangled in the silken hair dusting his chest. A gnawing ache throbbed deep within her.

  Harper knew from talking with her that the best way for her to get an orgasm was for her to be on top of him, and he was fine with her choice of position. Slipping his hands around her waist, he ended their kiss and then lifted her up and over the top of him, her long thighs bracketing his hips. There was an unspoken concert between them, and Tara closed her eyes, sitting atop his warm, hard erection, the slickness of her own juices making her moan with pleasure. The moment he cupped her breasts, his thumbs brushing the tips, she gave a small cry, but it was a sound filled with utter gratification, not pain. Just the way he stroked her, teased her, lifting his hips, meeting her swollen gate, sent sheets of burning heat upward into her. She trusted him fully with herself. She knew he was focused on her pleasure right now, not his own, although she could hear his growl o
f satisfaction as she slid atop him, yet to have him enter her.

  Her whole world came apart as she eased down upon him, her body opening to him, widening, accommodating, the silky juices allowing him to slide deep within her. A low cry of raw fulfillment tore from between them as he teased each of her nipples with his lips, suckling her, making her lose her mind, shifting to that animal part of herself that enjoyed the act of lust with someone whose heart was a part of this heated dance between them. She felt Harper’s large, roughened hands curve around her hips, holding her, thrusting slowly into her, little cries of delight vibrating in her throat. The rocking motion he established dismantled her in the best of ways. In moments, her body convulsed inwardly, the explosiveness of the powerful orgasm making her cry out in surprise and pleasure.

  Tara floated, her palms against his powerful chest, fingers digging into his flesh as he brought her to a second orgasm within minutes of the first. Never had she come so quickly or so strongly, understanding that it had to be her heart engaging wholly with Harper that had allowed these amazing moments. Never had she felt so close to a man, wanting to be a part of him, feeling him melt into her until she felt as one with him. And when he released within her, he groaned out her name, his fingers tight against her waist, freezing in his own rapture of release. It triggered a third orgasm within her and she nearly fainted from the sizzling ringlets of throbbing, widening fire consuming all of her.

  Tara felt herself falling forward, her arms weakened, collapsing fully against Harper. He guided her so she lay like a warm, soft blanket across the length of his upper body, her head coming to rest upon his left shoulder, her damp brow pressed against his sandpapery jaw. They were breathing like two winded animals, clinging to each other, appreciating each other as never before. Harper moved his hands across her shoulders and slowly down her spine, cupping her cheeks, moving just enough to tease her wildly throbbing body once again. Tara uttered a groan, embracing him, arms sliding around his neck. He gave a low uttering of her name, and she felt him absorbing her as he gently rocked her against him, continuing to initiate ringlets of fire that still arced teasingly between where they were melted into each other.