Destroy Me (Crystal Gulf Book 1)

by Shana Vanterpool

  “Aww,” Hillary’s mom’s says, faking her disappointment. “Do you really have to go?”

  Bach grins at her, still in the dark. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back,” he promises. “I’ve got to get to know my little sister.”

  I run outside and barely make it to the bushes in the alleyway. I’m balancing with my ass in the air, ignoring the catcalls from the open apartment doors. Hillary comes out with a damp paper towel, Bach following.

  “Thanks.” I take the paper towel and wipe my mouth off.

  Hillary’s glaring at Bach so profusely I know it’s coming.

  “Before you go,” she says. “I was wondering if you still had my pink heels. I left them at your place.” Then she marches her sweet little self back into her apartment and closes the door.

  Bach’s face pales. He’s white as a ghost. He starts to wobble, but I reach out and grab his arm to steady him.

  “No,” he breathes, horrified.

  All this time I thought Pink Heels was some random girl he hooked up with. I wanted to be her, for Bach to finally see me that way instead of putting me in a display case.

  I was wrong to do that for many reasons, but right now the biggest reason just left Bach here with the truth. I never could have been that girl to him. Not because he didn’t want me to be.

  But because Pink Heels was Bach’s sister.

  Chapter Nine

  Bach

  How much more can I take?

  The sick bastard in my head says this isn’t anyone else’s fault but mine. I did this. I fucked my sister. My fucking sister.

  Harley drops her towel in the trash can and gazes sympathetically at me, but on the edge is a calm level of rage I know will take a long time to get rid of. “I’ll drive,” she offers.

  I don’t argue. If I drive we’re both going to end up crushed against a wall. I don’t want to crush Harley. I want to crush myself. When we get the car, I lean my head against the window, watching the people pass by beside us.

  “What’s wrong with me? There aren’t enough women in the world? I have to screw my sister too? Did you see her, Harley? She’s so damn sweet. I just ruined her.”

  “No you didn’t. She was there too.”

  “She didn’t know!” My shout echoes loudly in the parking garage. “She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t know shit. What was she doing around me?”

  How did we end up together? Those kinds of girls don’t attract me. Never. The sweetness makes my skin crawl. I barely allowed myself to want Harley, but there is just enough bad in her to attract the bad in me. There isn’t an ounce of bad in Hillary. How could I take her to bed?

  It’s a good thing I can’t remember it. I took her heels off, I can remember that part. One in the living room and one in my bedroom. But I don’t remember anything else after that. I must’ve went hard that night, drinking too much and snorting too much. Otherwise I would have noticed her eyes, or her sweetness, or the fact that no girl like that would ever want me.

  “I don’t want to be mad at you,” Harley says. “So I’m not going to be. I’m going to blame your past, but this is the last time I blame your past on your actions. It’s a free pass. Your past cannot be used an excuse for every bad things you’ve done. You did those things. This shit has got to stop. I love you, Bach. I love you so much. Please tell me there’s nothing else that’s going to pop out and force me yet again to turn my cheek?” Her angel eyes plead with me.

  I take a long time to respond. I’ve lived my life this way for too long to know the answer. “I’ve been with a lot of women, pissed a lot of people off, did a lot of drugs, and did all three at once. I’m pretty sure I never knocked anyone up. I didn’t fall for that guy’s bullshit that one time I was too drunk to move.” At that she gawks at me. “He was cute though,” I tease, because if I don’t I’ll cry. I’ve been crying too much lately. “I’m pretty sure there’s nothing else. Almost positive. Kind of sure.”

  She rolls her amazing eyes and switches lanes, looking at me for a second. “We’re going to go get you tested right now.”

  I look away, not answering. It wasn’t a question.

  “She liked you. I mean she really liked you. I find it hard to believe that you were yourself around her. You think a part of you knew … ”

  “No!” She cringes at the tone of my voice. “I’m sorry, Harley. It’s just that if I knew I wouldn’t have done anything.”

  “Maybe you didn’t!” she shouts back. “That’s what I’m saying. Maybe you didn’t have sex with her. No one looks at you like that after they have sex with you.”

  “How did she look at me? I thought she was shy.” Wasn’t she? Please tell me she isn’t into me. That shit is even more wrong than I can handle right now. Some wrong is normal. I’m still Bach Bachmen. This shit is abnormal.

  “This could only happen to you.” She shakes her head sadly and pulls into the University main lot. When she parks she looks at me. “I hope this is a wakeup call.”

  “You were a wakeup call. This shit’s a sleeping pill. I’m never having sex again. Not with this dick.” I look down at my crotch in revulsion. “Even if it’s an amazing penis.”

  She shrugs nonchalantly. “It is pretty damn amazing. What are we going to do? Let it go to waste because you made a mistake? That would be a shame.”

  I refrain from smiling. None of this is funny. “I’ve gotten some good use out of it. More than most men in their entire life. I’m not worried.”

  She drops her calm demeanor. “Let’s go stick your dick in bleach.”

  “You sure bleach is strong enough?” I close my door and meet her near the hood.

  “Good point,” she grumbles, stomping her sexy ass ahead of me.

  I let her get a few feet in front of me so I can watch the way her ass sways with each strut. My dick’s not going anywhere. It’s got a lot of Harley to do. Recalling the feeling of her tight pussy gets me going. Nothing can make me give that shit up. Not even knowing I don’t deserve to feel it, have it, or for her to want me in it. It’s mine now. I’ve never had anything that was mine before. I’m holding on to her until the world forces me to let go. And even then I’ll never let go.

  When we enter the campus grounds there’s only a quarter of the kids around than there usually is taking summer classes. Most of them are younger, kids from the high school getting a head up before college. I ignore the stare of a young girl, couldn’t be over eighteen if I wished it. I was done with other women. The only one I wanted was walking a few inches in front of me because my dick had once again gotten me in trouble. Harley catches a few eyes with how she’s dressed. Those few eyes look away when I grab her fucking hand. I’m a loose cannon right now. That fucker in the bar finally got it. He wasn’t going to get in the way of me figuring out who pulled me out of that shed. Knowing that piece of information meant my nightmares couldn’t burn me alive anymore. I got out. They could only burn me for as long as it took for Patty to pull me out.

  I cringe thinking her name. She’s going to kill me when she finds out. I feel like pulling free of Harley’s hand and running into that damn wood chipper. I don’t think it will ever leave me, always whirring in the back, ready to grind my bones the second she let’s go of my hand.

  The university clinic is, as always, a buzz kill. Harley raises her nose at the smell. I’m used to it. The antiseptic and plastic smell are a part of making sure my dick isn’t going to fall off. I sign in at the reception area.

  The girl behind the counter, Tori, forgoes the usual paperwork. “How’s it been, Bach Man?”

  I wink. I always do. She laughs. She always does.

  “I’ll call you when it’s your turn.”

  Harley taps her heel against the floor repeatedly until my name is called. I go back and do the same thing I’ve been doing every time I come here. I drop my jeans, hand them my arm, and open my mouth. Once the piss, blood, physical exam, and saliva have been collected I return to the clinic waiting room to collect Harley.
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  “I’ll text you with the results,” Tori assures me like she always does, staring at my hand in Harley’s. She raises her eyebrow at me. “Is this going to be the last time I see you in here?”

  In answer I kiss the back of Harley’s hand. “I hope so.”

  She smiles warmly at Harley. “She tamed the beast. Never thought I’d see the day.”

  I like Tori. So I leave before I can say something that would disprove that. On the drive back to my place I don’t say anything. I can’t get Hillary off my mind. Who knew STD tests weren’t nearly as exciting in the face of screwing my sister. I force myself to remember that night. I know the night before the pink heels showed up in my apartment my nightmare had burned me alive, both mentally and physically. I woke up and went to the bar. I could have met Hillary there. The day after the pink heels were in my apartment I woke up next to Justine. Hillary happened between that nightmare and Justine. What about her would make me take her home?

  “You want to come up? I need to get some clothes and stuff.”

  I blink. We’re at Harley’s apartment. I follow her upstairs and watch her throw shit in her backpack. “I need a drink,” I admit as she ducks out of her bedroom wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a light cream sweater. Her hair’s in a ponytail and I can tell she put makeup on.

  “Drink me.”

  “My own sister?” I can’t wrap my head around it. “I would have known. Even piss drunk I would have looked into her eyes and known.”

  “Listen,” she says forcefully, grabbing my face between her hands. “You didn’t sleep with her. I know it.”

  “How?”

  “Because she’d be looking at you the way I look at you.”

  “Then why would I bring her back to my place?”

  She doesn’t know. I don’t know. Nobody knows but Hillary. I’m not going to ask her. She deserves to never see me again. She deserves to be in the dark, to smile at beautiful things without me there to taint them. “I don’t want to see her ever again.”

  She surprises me by frowning. “She’s your sister. You don’t have any family left, Bach. Shouldn’t you want to salvage some sort of relationship with her?”

  “Why would I bring her back to my place?” I repeat, dumbfounded in a way that’s starting to piss me off.

  Harley lets me go. I can tell she wants to forget this particular indiscretion. I don’t blame her. So do I. Just as soon as I figure out why I brought my sister back to my apartment. “Why didn’t you tell me she existed?”

  “The same reason I never told you about the shed, or my mom, or my dad. I didn’t want you to know about them. Why should you?”

  “Because I love you.”

  Every time she says that to me the pussy meeting I attend regularly crowns me its leader. We pussies have to stick together. “I love—”

  Before I can finish someone knocks on Harley’s door. I answer it before her, much to her annoyance. Even mad she’s hot as hell. I can’t wait to roll those skinny jeans down her hips and legs. I turn the handle, still taking her clothes off with my eyes. I’m fucked up in too many ways.

  “Bach,” someone says.

  I turn to them, grinning. My grin fades fast. “Whitney?”

  Why is slutty little Whitney at Harley’s door? Behind me Harley gasps. She knows before me. She’s been doing that shit a lot lately.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Her eyes are red and her makeup is smeared. I’m burning again. The shed’s on fire. The flames are coming for me. “What are you doing here?” I yell.

  Whitney’s used to guys like me. She doesn’t even blink. “It’s Dylan,” she says, her voice strong and yet breaking right before me.

  “No,” I whisper. “No.” Not my douchebag Dylan. Not the same kid who used to help cover my bruises and chase girls?

  Behind me Harley makes a squeaking noise. I spin around and grab her before she can fall.

  “No,” Whitney answers. “He’s still alive. At least that’s what his officer told me. They’re not flying him home until they can stabilize him at the military base in Afghanistan. He lost a lot of blood and something’s wrong with his leg. They’re not sure of the damage.”

  Now that I know he’s not gone I’m pissed off. “What a fucking idiot! I told him that shit wasn’t fake. It’s real!”

  “Language, Bach. My goodness.” She touches something behind her legs.

  I peek between them to spot a wide-eyed child hiding behind Whitney’s long skirt. “You have a kid? Since when?”

  “Dylan said that if anything happened for me to come here. He said Harley would take care of us. What if something happens to him, Bach?” Her bottom lip trembles and she falls into me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

  The moment she frees the child from her body I get a good look at her over Whitney’s shoulder as she sobs into my shirt. All I think can think is: Dylan’s going to get it. He’s a lying, manipulative, idiotic, pussy ass douchebag. But I’m still glad he’s okay.

  “Why would I want you to come here?” Harley demands, upright now that she knows Dylan’s not gone like her father.

  “Does she know?” Whitney whispers in my ear. I shake my head imperceptibly. “Do you?”

  “I do now,” I whisper back. I know. I was wrong. But I know. I give Whitney a hug, because I know that Dylan’s been screwing with her too. He screwed us all. “Is he really okay?”

  She nods and wipes her eyes. “His officer said his unit was attacked by a sniper. Four of them didn’t make it. Dylan got hit during the scurry.”

  “Seriously!” Harley shouts. “Why are you here?”

  Whitney closes her eyes and grips my arm in a gesture that suggests I’m now a part of Dylan’s lie. “We’ll go get a hotel,” Whitney mumbles. “Can I have your number?”

  I don’t know what to do. Harley’s looking at me as if I’m punishing her again. Whitney’s probably been lost for the past year. “You don’t need to get a hotel. You can stay at Dylan’s and my place. You can have his room. Here. Harley and I need to talk.” I take my house key off my keychain and give it to her. “What’s her name?” I whisper.

  “Aubrey.” She smiles at her daughter with so much love I can’t wait to smash Dylan’s face in.

  “Do you have money for milk?” Aubrey’s socks are dirty, her face is crusty, and there’s a suggestion that Whitney doesn’t shop at the mall, so much as thrift stores.

  “I have a few things of formula, but I’m not sure how long it will last. I spent all of my money on a plane ticket the second I got the call. I panicked. I probably could have waited. She hardly ever gets to see him as it is, you know? What if she never gets to know him? I panicked.” She reaches down and picks up her daughter. “I couldn’t help it.”

  I take my wallet out and pull out a fifty from the last of my cash. “Here. If you need more ask.”

  She stuffs the bill in her bra. “Thanks you, Bach.”

  I can’t focus right now. Too many truths are shattering the lies I’ve been clinging to. Those lies are what brought me to Harley. If they weren’t lies are they going to take her from me? And why does the thought of losing the only woman I’ve ever loved scare me more than the possibility of losing my best friend? I don’t deserve anyone. “Go. We’ll be over later.”

  The second I close the door after her and turn around Harley slaps the ever-loving shit out of me. I see stars and spots and I swear the moon is in her living room. “You son of a bitch!” she screams, jumping on my back. “You’re helping that whore? He cheated on me with that?” I can’t talk. My shit hurts.

  “Harley,” I groan, touching my face. “I have to help her out. Put two and two together, babe.”

  She slides down my back with fury in her eyes. “Why did you give her money? And your key? Why the hell would I want to help the woman he cheated on me with?”

  The stars are starting to ebb. “Listen, I love you, but if you hit me like that again I’m going to consider doing it back.” I
push to my feet and face her. She tries to hit me again, and I laugh, blocking her blow. “You want to know the truth? I’d let you punch me in the face every morning for the rest of our lives just to keep you.”

  That snuffs out her anger like blowing out a candle flame. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do that to you. After everything you’ve been through. I’m sorry. I just get so damn mad. The lies are killing me, Bach. I can’t take anymore. You promised there was nothing else.”

  “I thought there wasn’t. I can’t believe him!” It’s as if Harley’s anger enters me after leaving her. I’m infuriated with this man I don’t even know. “We shared a bed, Harley. Now all of a sudden it’s like I don’t even know him.”

  “Tell me about it,” she mutters sadly. “And tell me all about why you gave the girl he cheated on me with a place to stay.”

  “It all makes sense now!” I pace her living room. “For the record he never came out and said he was screwing Whitney.” I can tell she’s losing her patience with me. “He said he enlisted to give her a better life. I figured that’s who he was talking about.”

  “If he wasn’t talking about Whitney then who was he talking about?” Her beautiful face loses some of its color. “Because he made it sound like he was doing it for someone else when we talked on the beach. He wasn’t doing it for me or for himself.”

  “Come on, babe. You’re almost there.”

  I know when she figures it out because her heart breaks all over again. Lies were lies no matter how you told them. I know it. I’m a lying bastard. Lies are second nature to guys like Dylan and me. But there is a point where you have to draw a line. Sometimes lying to keep people only pushes them away further. I’m learning that lying really hurts the people you love a lot more than the truth. Dylan hurt Harley too many damn times to think she’d ever want him back. But I perpetuated those lies. What if she leaves me to leave him once and for all?

  “He was never cheating on me.” She starts to hyperventilate. “I cheated on him. He really did love me.”