by Ann, Becca
A smile tugs at my lips. “Yes, he is.”
Mrs. Nelson hangs up, and the phone slips from my hand. I stare at my ring. My twenty five cent ring that means more to me than any mood ring, any idea of paradise and any ski trip.
The ski trip.
My mind drifts back to earlier in the hallway with Mr. Miller.
“No, Alexis I didn’t. It was—-”
Ryan. That bastard!
Chapter 26
Ryan
The butt of my jeans is completely soaked. That dog makes sure when it gets a bath, so do you. It’s not helping that it’s freezing outside, and I promised Grams I’d look at the radiator on the Lincoln. I’m pretty sure my ass is a popsicle.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, but my hands are more than greasy, and I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone. So I plop down on the creeper, and swing myself under the car, using the blasting music on my iPod to tune out everything else.
Too bad it can’t tune out all the crap going through my head. I mean, she just stood there. Said nothing. And I’m still hung up on her. Fixing her ring, covering her butt with her job, thinking about her when I should be concentrating on this darn piece of crap car.
I messed up. She couldn’t forgive me for what I did. Yet, I’m still trying to put it back together. And even if the small chance she does forgive me, where do we stand? Friends again? Or do I get sucked back into the endless torture of wanting more, and never having it?
Sniffing, I push back that damn prickling behind my eyes I can’t seem to get rid of. Losing Lex permanently is not something I want to do. I’ll take “just friends” any day, as long as she’s still here.
I’m so lost in thought I almost bang my head as I jump. Someone’s hand is on my foot! I’m yanked out from under the car, rolling to a stop in front of the sexiest girl in the world.
Who looks like she’s about to explode as she rips my earbuds out.
“What the hell?!” she shouts at me, taking the words right from my mouth. “You lying ass!”
Whoa, what did I do this time?
I sit up, rolling some but get my footing. She’s standing over me, arms crossed, and a look that says I better start talking.
And I have no idea where to begin.
“Uh…”
“Oh that’s real good, Ry. Play stupid.”
Heat shoots up my neck, and I stand, ready to spit fire back at her. But the last time that happened, well…
I take a step back and wipe my hands off on a rag I’ve got on the hood. The action calms me down enough to talk.
“Really, Lex, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Setting the rag back down, I lean against the car, hoping the distance will keep us both calm. “Is it ‘cause I took care of Brewster?” Because that’s all I can come up with.
She takes two steps toward me, eyes still burning into my skull. Then she pushes me back so hard, I have to catch myself to keep from toppling over. So much for keeping distance.
“Stop! Just stop it!” Another push, and tears are starting to form. “It’s not just today. It’s every day. You saved my job. You fixed this ring.” She pushes me again. “And you paid for the trip, didn’t you? You lied, said you convinced Mr. Miller to let me go, but you didn’t say you paid for me.”
I wait for her to catch her breath, trying to keep my own voice steady as I dig myself out of this one. “I tried talking to him, but the only way to get you on that bus was to fork out the money. So, that’s what I did. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d flip, and you’d use your own cash to go.” I cock my head, because I know she knows I’m right. “I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
“Why?” she spits through her teeth.
“Because you need that money to get out of that craphole of a house. You need it to get into college.” I gulp. “And to get to somewhere you can finally be happy.” My voice drops an octave. “I wasn’t going to let some guy who doesn’t deserve you take that away.”
“So you spent all that money just so I wouldn’t have to.”
“Yeah.”
“But why?” Her hands rest on my chest, and she shoves me, but it’s not hard. Her head falls and she talks to the ground. “Why do you always do things like this for me? Be honest. Tell me the real reasons you’re always there. Why you’re still here even after…”
I stand there like a moron gagging on my tongue. The longer the silence stretches, the redder her face gets and her whole body shakes.
And I say nothing.
She looks up, brow furrowing and shoves me so hard, and I have to take a step away from the car so I don’t put a dent in it. Her eyes water and her hands go up to give me another blow. I catch her wrists, holding her, not leaving her gaze. She’s mad, has every right to be. After the mess I’ve made of things, I deserve much worse than this. But she’s mad because she’s hurt. Because I’m keeping things from her. Because I never once… not once told her how I really feel.
Without another thought, I kiss her. Slam my lips against hers and lock her in my arms. She fights me at first, but not long enough for me to worry I’m doing something she doesn’t want me to. Soon the hands that were pushing me away are pulling me closer. Reaching up into my hair and yanking me toward her. I’m already so close, we end up stumbling till I have her against the garage door. It’s like we both can’t get enough. Tugging each other so much I’m sure we’ll both bruise, but I don’t give a crap. She doesn’t seem to either.
I’m kissing her with everything I held back, everything I feel. So much is behind it, I don’t know how I kept it in. Or why I kept it in.
It’s a few minutes before I break away, letting my breath float over her face. She keeps her eyes closed, and her hand firm on the back of my neck, her body still locked against mine.
Though it doesn’t really need to be said, I say it anyway. Because Lex should know if she didn’t get the hint from my lip attack just now.
“I did it because I love you.”
Her eyes pop open. I smile and play with the ring on her pinky. The one I gave her.
“I do everything because I love you. Not that best friend kind of love, but… more than that, Lex.” Letting my nose touch hers again, I go close to her lips because I just have to be there. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. For disappointing you. For not being someone you deserve. I won’t be that selfish ever again.”
I’m not expecting a laugh, but that’s what I get. All the anger she had before seems to have vanished with that kiss.
“Selfish?” She still keeps close to my face. “You are the least selfish person I know.”
“It was selfish. I knew you’d be pissed about the drinking, but I did it anyway. Because I was—”
“Hurt.” Her hand drops from the back of my head to my chest, taking a ragged breath before she says, “And I’m sorry. I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”
Smiling, I wiggle my nose against hers. “I was hurting me, Lex. You didn’t know, because I never told you.” I take her face in my hands. “That’s my fault, not yours.”
I’m about to kiss her again, but she looks down, and all I get is the top of her head. “How long have you felt this way?”
That’s a hard question to answer. Feels like forever. I don’t remember not loving her. So all that comes out is, “A long time.”
She sighs, and I take that as my cue to step back, since she’s pressed against the garage door and can’t move. Her hand grabs mine though, making sure I don’t go too far. That’s when I notice she’s not wearing a jacket. Going out in the cold again. I roll my eyes as she shivers.
I unzip my jacket and go to take it off, but she bolts into my arms, wrapping herself in the hoodie with me. Chuckling, I zip us up, and let her rest her head against my chest.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks, relaxing in the warmth of our bodies.
“Didn’t want to ruin it.”
It’s a lame excuse, but it’s the truth. Lex nods
against me, squeezing my middle. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“What?”
“To realize everything I was looking for, everything I needed, I already had.” She snuggles deeper into my chest. “I’ve loved you for a long time, too. Just didn’t know it. And not that best friend kind of love, but… more than that.”
Everything in my body sparks as her hands run up my spine. The girl I love just said she loves me back. And I’m not drunk this time. I’m not dreaming. It’s me and Lex, sharing the same jacket, clinging to each other like we never want to let go. The smirk on my face probably looks cocky as hell as I pull her chin up so I can look at her.
And her two dimples.
“You do?” Because that’s the genius line that comes out my mouth. “You love me, too?”
She rolls her eyes and attempts to punch me, but the jacket holds her hands tight against my back. “Duh. How can I not love you?” Her nose wiggles against mine. “You’ve got the sexy eyes, the paradise body, and…” She slides her hand down, sticking it in my wet back pocket and squeezing. “My predictions have been confirmed about your amazing ass.”
I chuckle and tighten my hold on her. “All physical with you, huh?”
“Well, I’m not going to get into the sappy stuff, because you’ll just make fun of me.”
“If I promise not to, will you get sappy on me?” Because despite everything she’s doing, I have to know if I’m making her happy. She deals with so much crap at home, at school… I mean, at the ski lodge she didn’t have to deal with that, but here she still does.
“Really?” Her eyebrow goes up. “You think you can control that smart mouth of yours?”
I purse my lips together and nod. She laughs.
“Sappy stuff, huh?” She wiggles her nose against mine again. “Well, I can’t possibly name everything you do for me, because we’d be here for a million years.”
I guffaw, and she gives me a look that says, ‘shut your attitude or I’m not saying anything else’. I turn that guffaw into a cough real quick.
“Anyways… like I was saying, just for example, you remember a few weeks ago when we were at Skippy’s?”
Of course.
“Yeah.”
“And you crawled in the backseat with me…” She nods toward the Lincoln. “…and you said—”
“I told you to stop crying. Real sensitive, aren’t I?”
She attempts to punch me, but still can’t do it right with her trapped hands.
“No, you told me Sandy had boogers hanging out of her nose.”
A chuckle rumbles through my chest, and her head bounces as I laugh. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”
“I didn’t.”
“And that’s the sappy stuff? Booger talk?”
Instead of punching my shoulder, Lex gives my butt cheek one big pinch. It stings, but I’ll take that over a bruised bicep.
“Will you let me finish?”
“Sorry.” I laugh.
She lets out a hot breath so close to my mouth, I’m tempted to not let her finish.
“I thought that was it. Poof. No love for me. I was destined to be alone just like my mom always says. Sad doesn’t even describe how I was feeling. And you, you made me laugh. Made me smile. Gave me hope. Made me forget. No one, not my family, not Nate, not even Kaylee, could do that for me.”
She snakes her hand under my jacket, going up my chest and resting on my face.
“All that stuff you said earlier… why you paid for my trip, because I deserve to be somewhere that makes me happy… well, that’s right here, Ryan.” She squeezes me, and lightly kisses my lips.
“Damn it,” I say when she pulls back.
She gives me a look. “What?”
“How the hell am I supposed to beat that?”
Her smile goes so wide her two dimples appear. “Can I stay here tonight?”
Concern wraps around every inch of me. Lex only asks to stay if she’s having family issues. Maybe her anger before wasn’t entirely about me.
“Is it your mom?”
“Yes and no.” She smiles. “She’s not drunk. Shocking!” Her laugh gets muffled by my t-shirt. “She’s actually ‘trying’ to get back on her feet. Going to AA and stuff.”
My head jolts back, but she cuts me off from asking about it.
“But I really, I just want to have our last night. The one we didn’t get to have on the trip.”
I have to shift my lower half away from her, so she doesn’t feel what exactly that request does to me. “Uh, you know my grandparents live here, too.”
She laughs. “I’m not saying we’ll do anything. I just want to sleep next to you.” She gives me a peck on the cheek. “Please?”
“I’m not allowed in the guest room.”
Her smile widens, going two dimpled again. “I’ll sneak into your room.”
I want to. But knowing Pop-pop and Grams, we’ll get caught. I nod, but hedging my bets, I unzip her out from my jacket, take her hand and pull her into the backseat of the Lincoln.
“Just in case we don’t pull one over on my grandparents tonight…” I lay down across the seat, motioning her to cuddle next to me. She falls into the crook of my arm, letting out a sigh. The good kind of sigh. The one that says, “I like it here.”
“Hey, Ry?”
“Yeah?”
“You just beat me.”
Her hand slips under my shirt and she plays with the hair there. All the times she made fun of me for being excited that puberty showed up, I want to push out some wise comment about how she acts happy it’s there, too. I come up with a better idea, though.
Pulling her chin up, I give her another kiss, soaking in the fact I can. I can lose control and be with her the way I’ve always wanted to.
My girl.
My Lexie.
My best friend.
I’m happy here, too.
Epilogue
Ryan
“Happy almost week anniversary, you guys!” Kaylee says, wrapping both me and Lex in a huge hug that chokes off my airway.
“Kaylee,” Lex croaks. I’d laugh but damn this girl is strong. “You don’t have to squeeze us to death every time you see us together.”
“It’s been six days since you made it official. It deserves celebrating.” She pulls back, and grabs onto Nate’s hand. I give him a look because he needs to talk to his girlfriend about her enthusiasm, but by the way he kisses her cheek and wraps his arms around her middle I know he won’t say a word.
Lex tugs on my sleeve, pointing at the screen above the theater that says our movie starts in five. “Oh, Ry, we’re going to be late.”
She dips her hand into my back pocket and pinches, and I try to hide my reaction, but I can’t help the goofy-ass grin that forms across my mouth.
Nate spins Kaylee around so she can hop on his back. “Have fun with the chick flick, dude.” He smirks and runs off before I can beat him up. Kaylee agrees to any movie he wants ‘cause she knows if she gets bored, they’ll make out instead. I haven’t been to a movie with Lex since we got together, so I’m hoping I can try the same move once the lights go out.
Lex’s body presses against my side as she stands on her tiptoes to reach my ear. “I thought they’d never leave.”
I turn and press a kiss to the dimple I know is sitting in her cheek. “Come on, I’ll take you to this lameass movie.”
“I don’t want to watch the movie.”
My eyebrow goes up, and she kisses me on the mouth quick before I can even really kiss her back.
“Mom is at an AA meeting, and my room is so very empty.”
I smirk. “That is a problem. We should fix it.”
She wrinkles her nose in that adorable as hell way then takes her spot on my back. For as much shit as I gave Nate for all the PDA, I think I get it. When I’m with Lex, I forget there are other people around.
“You know what?” she asks from my back.
“What?”
“I used to
whine to Kaylee all the time about how when she’s with Nate they need to tone it down or get a room. But I think I get it now.” She leans over and kisses my cheek, and I laugh because damn, this girl is perfect for me.
We get to the Lincoln, and I set her on her feet, pinning her between myself and the car door. Swiping her hair from her face, I shake my head because I can’t believe she’s mine.
“I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I finger the ring on her pinky, then gently pull it off. She raises an eyebrow as I try to fit it on the finger next to her pinky, but it won’t go past the first knuckle.
“Damn it, I was trying to be romantic.”
“You’re not proposing to me, are you?”
She laughs, and I tickle her stomach as she jerks back.
“No, you goof. Just making sure you know that one day you’ll get a ring on that finger.”
“Ooh, I hope he’s hot.”
“He’s definitely that.”
“And good with his hands.”
“He’s a badass handyman.”
“And a college graduate.”
“Setting up a timeline, huh?” I slip the ring back on her pinky. “I’ll mark it in my calendar.”
“Make sure to tell him to spend more than a quarter.”
I’m about to reassure her that if and when that day ever comes, I’ll definitely be getting her something better than that ugly ring, but she twists the cheap plastic around with a smile and flicks her eyes to mine.
“On second thought, just resize this one. I’m sort of attached to it.”
I press my forehead against hers. “Then what should I get you instead?” Even though this whole conversation is hypothetical, so far in the future, I know whatever she asks for I’ll do it.
Her eyes get that sexy evil glint, and she moves her body flush against mine, making things ping and pop everywhere under my skin.
“What I want won’t fit on my finger,” she whispers, snaking her hands between my jacket and my shirt.
“I don’t care.” She can have whatever the hell she wants if she’s going to keep doing what she’s doing.