“Do you think he got a good look at her? Would he be smart enough to put two and two together?” Suddenly she was terrified that he would. Which was really stupid after all the effort she had put into telling him about the baby in the first place. It wasn’t her fault he was too much of an asshole to open any of the letters, telegrams, e-mails she had sent, or listen to phone messages. Or maybe he had but didn’t believe her. Doesn’t really matter, I didn’t need him then, and I certainly don’t need him now. Financially she could take care of both of them very well. Now she just took research jobs she could do from home, and then only if the subject interested her. Again she thanked her lucky stars for Aunt Juliet.
“On second thought, I think he’s too much of a coward to do anything about it, even if he does figure things out. I’m pretty sure fatherhood isn’t on his bucket list. He was always pretty good at deceiving himself when it suited him. I don’t think this situation will be any different.” Bryn nodded in agreement.
Soon she was steering the car onto RayeAnn’s secluded driveway.
“Do you want me to come in for a while? I hate to leave you when you’re so upset.”
“I’ll be fine, but thanks for offering. You’re such a good friend. What would I have done without you and Tim?”
“Oh, please. Don’t you think giving us the money to buy the majority of the Blue Bull was more than enough? I still feel guilty about taking the money in the first place.”
“If you remember correctly, it was just a loan. I fully expect you to pay me back when you can, so just drop the guilt trip. You both deserve a break.”
“No one deserves one more than you. Let’s face it, as far as the last year has gone, you’ve definitely had extreme highs and lows. Five months of bed rest. Being a single parent without any emotional or financial support from the father. Tough year.”
“I’d do it all again in a heartbeat to get the reward I got. She’s such a miracle. I feel a little sorry for Ryker for not knowing the joys of having a baby. He missed some really special experiences. Can you imagine missing the birth of your own baby? How sad for him.”
“That’s true. You definitely came out ahead. I’ll give you a call later, just to check on you.”
“Sounds good. Thanks for everything…again.” She got out of the front seat and leaned into the back to undo Lillyanna’s safety seat and carried the now sleeping baby into the house. Why did car rides always put her to sleep?
She carried the car seat into the first floor nursery, formerly known as the parlor, and now redecorated to suit a baby. She placed the baby gently into her crib and stood, staring at her for a long time. She wished her parents were still alive to enjoy their first and, most likely, last grandchild. Her mother had always regretted that she couldn’t have any more children after RayeAnn was born. She had wanted a house full of kids, but was grateful for the one she had. Most importantly, her parents had never made a secret of the fact that they loved her unconditionally. That was the kind of upbringing she wanted for Lillyanna. Pure love.
She checked the intercom to make sure it was set properly and then proceeded to her office to work on her latest research project. The ringing doorbell caused her to detour to the front door at the last moment. Quickly she opened the door, not wanting the noise to disturb the baby. In retrospect, it would have been better to wake the baby than face what awaited her on the other side of the door.
CHAPTER 16
His hands rested on his hips while he paced in front of RayeAnn’s door. What was he going to say to her? Hell, he still wasn’t sure he believed all that Tim had told him, except he knew Tim wasn’t a liar. He had no one to blame but himself and his over inflated ego. Through all those attempts by RayeAnn to contact him, he had convinced himself that she wanted to apologize. After all, she had played him for a fool, hadn’t she? He’d been certain she was writing a scathing article about how fake and phony the whole paranormal investigation business was. It didn’t matter that it had truly happened to her, she would still slant the article negatively. Hadn’t he seen the evidence himself when he read her journal?
All right, he’d had no business going through her personal entries on her computer. Maybe he could make her believe that he didn’t realize he’d been reading her journal instead of a real article. Only problem with that is he’d be lying through his teeth. He’d known exactly what he was doing, although at the time he didn’t understand why. Still wasn’t one hundred percent sure…or so he kept telling himself.
That was when it dawned on him why he had done what he’d done. He was in love, and it had scared the shit out of him. Desperate, he had jumped to conclusions to justify his running away. In fact, he had run all the way to Europe, which it turned out hadn’t been far enough.
He’d joined Sean, a friend in Ireland, and spent the last year working for his friend’s paranormal investigation firm. They had traveled throughout Europe, investigating various cases, sometimes even getting results. He was grateful for all the experience he had gained, but the truth was, he missed home and missed RayeAnn. After a year of anger, resignation, and putting up a brave front, the truth of the matter was, he needed her. He missed her sense of humor, her smile and unwavering courage, not to mention he respected the hell out of her. She completed him, and he hadn’t felt whole since he’d left. Like a chunk was missing from his very soul. Of course, he couldn’t just blurt all that out and expect a favorable response. Hell, he’d be lucky if she didn’t run him off with a shotgun.
He had missed his mother a lot, too. Since his father’s sudden death five years ago, he always worried about his mother. She was such a young widow. After his dad’s death, he’d healed by diving head first into work, opening Soul Search with the hope of contacting his father on the ‘other side’. Yeah, that had never panned out, but he never regretted his choice. Had fate played a role that had led to him pacing on the front porch of RayeAnn’s house again? Somehow things seemed to be coming full circle, or was this just a feeling of deja vu?
No, he was certain he had never fathered any other children. That is, he hoped he hadn’t. In the beginning of Tim’s tirade about the past year he hadn’t been sure, but after seeing that baby earlier today, he had no doubt she was his. Even Tim hadn’t been able to get ahold of him during the past year. After arriving in Ireland he had lost his cell and never bothered to replace it. So many of the locations they’d investigated were in such secluded areas there often wasn’t a signal to be found. He never saw the point of getting a new one until he came back to the states. Another miscalculation on his part. Damn, that list was getting long.
If he hadn’t been so stubborn and had opened just one of the letters RayeAnn had sent he would have known a lot sooner about the baby. Instead, he had arrogantly scribbled insulting phrases on the outside of the envelopes and sent them back unopened. What an ass he had been. Probably wasn’t a stretch to assume that wasn’t the last time he’d feel like a complete ass.
When he heard the door creek open, he froze in his tracks. Terror filled him briefly before he cleared his throat, preparing to speak. His heart leapt into his throat at the sight of RayeAnn, just like it always did when he was around her. She stood in the doorway, arms folded tightly across her chest. Her lips were drawn tightly into a thin, straight line. No question she was unhappy to see him.
“Hi, RayeAnn.” He waited for a response, but when it was clear none was coming, he continued. “I think we need to talk. May I come in?”
“No. Go away. You seem to specialize in that.” She began to close the door, when he slapped his hand onto the solid wood, forcing it to stay open.
“Sorry. I just finished talking to Tim. He filled me in on all the…action that’s been going on here.”
“Then you know everything you need to know, so, again, there’s no reason for you to come in.” He heard a series of tiny squeaks sounding from inside the house. A second later they had turned into a wildly loud wailing sound of a baby’s cry.
&n
bsp; “What the hell is that?” He’d never heard a ruckus like that from such a tiny creature. Lungs sound good and healthy.
“It’s the ‘action’ you referred to. If you’ll excuse me, I need to attend to that.” She looked behind her into the house and gently closed the door. Through the open front windows he heard her cooing and consoling the baby. She spoke with such love and tenderness, it brought tears to his eyes. His baby was loved. No matter how she felt about him, she loved their baby. Without thinking twice, he opened the unlocked door and followed the noise to the back of the house. She had turned the sitting room of the old house into a nursery, complete with a bedroom for herself, as well. Smart move. This way they could live on the ground floor and not have to do the steps all day long.
He moved in behind her, purposely making a little racket so as not to startle either one of them. And he stood and stared, mouth wide open but soundless, while tears streamed down his face. His heart melted the instant he laid eyes on his daughter. He felt their heart to heart connection instantly. His overwhelming need to protect and love her consumed his very soul.
RayeAnn had never seen a man cry before, and certainly not the sperm donor of her baby. Huh, she must have underestimated Ryker’s acting skills, but she wasn’t falling for it.
“So Ryker, what’s your angle, here? Do I need to call the cops? Barging into my house without permission is a criminal offense.” She held the baby close to her chest as she gently rocked her body back and forth.
“I have a right to see my daughter. I won’t let you keep her from me.” She could see the anger written all over his face, and she didn’t give a shit.
“That’s quite a turnaround in attitude. Tim must have really read you the riot act.” He flinched, as if punched in the gut. “Funny how a few harsh words from Tim got the point across, and all my letters and telegrams were ignored. I’m not falling for it.”
“I want to get to know my daughter, RayeAnn. You may not like it, but I do have rights, you know. Don’t let this get nasty. I made a mistake, I admit it.” He threw his hands up in the air. “Can’t we just move on?” He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans while he paced a few steps.
“We don’t need you in our lives. We’re doing just fine on our own.” She kissed the baby’s head as she made her way to the rocking chair. She sat down and began to unbutton her shirt.
“What are you doing?” He gaped at her while she undid the buttons.
“I’m feeding her. It’s called breast-feeding. Feel free to leave, anytime. The sooner the better.” Once Lillyanna was settled and sucking eagerly, she stole a glance at Ryker. The look of horror on his face was actually comical. She bit the inside of her cheek hard, to keep from laughing.
“Does that hurt you?”
“No,” she sneered. “Disappointed?” She knew she was being a bitch, but she didn’t really care. She had held a lot in over the last year. Time to vent, bigtime.
“I don’t hate you, RayeAnn.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Oh, goody, goody, gumdrops. I’m sooo relieved. I’ve spent the last year worrying about that.” She put her free hand to her heart and looked to the heavens as if thanking God.
“All right, I deserved that. I get it, you’re angry. I can’t say I blame you, but we need to work out some type of arrangement, for the sake of the baby. You can go ahead and be angry, but I’m not going anywhere, whether you like it, or not.” His eyes grew darker and she knew he was struggling to keep his anger in check. He flexed his hands into fists briefly, before opening them again.
As much as she hated the idea of being around Ryker on a regular basis, she couldn’t deny her daughter the right to know her father. Lillyanna was more important to her than her contempt for the sperm donor.
She moved Lilly to her shoulder and gently patted her back, smiling when a loud burp erupted from her tiny body. The look of shock on Ryker’s face almost made her laugh. Almost.
“All right, here’s the deal. For today you can rock her until she falls asleep, then you’re outta here. In the future, you will call before barging in on us. No exceptions. We’ll work out a visitation schedule that works for me. You’ll have to work around my schedule. Take it or leave it.” She got out of the rocking chair and nodded her head for him to take a seat. To her surprise, he nodded his agreement and sat in the chair.
“Do you even know how to hold a baby?” Suddenly she wasn’t sure this was a good idea.
“Of course I do. Hand her over.” He wiggled his fingers at her, like he couldn’t wait to hold their daughter.
He gently but eagerly took the tiny baby into his arms, cradling her to his body as if he had been doing it all his life. Her tiny body was light as air.
“She’s so tiny. How much did she weigh at birth?” He gazed into the violet eyes of his daughter, drinking in every little detail of her beautiful face. One cute little yawn and he was hooked. In that instant he knew she had him wrapped around her little finger, and he couldn’t be happier about it. Daddy’s little girl.
“She was eight pounds even.” He choked back the lump in his throat before speaking again. “Tell me her full name. I mean, I know her name is Lillyanna…”
“Lillyanna Juliet Trenton.” She sat on the footstool in front of the rocking chair. She looked like she was ready to catch the baby if he dropped her.
“You didn’t give her my last name, why not?” His disappointment struck him in the chest like a punch.
“I didn’t expect to ever see you again, and you weren’t around to ask.” His huff of anger made the baby jump, and he made the ‘shhhh’ sound as he rocked her back and forth.
“Hey, you asked. If you can’t stand the truth, then don’t ask the question.” She poked an angry finger toward him, pissed. He ignored the anger and pressed on with his questions.
“Tell me everything about her. Is she a good baby? What kind of disposition does she have?”
“She is an absolute angel. If she’s ever cranky, I know something’s really wrong…she’s such a happy baby.”
“You love her,” he said it as a statement, but she answered anyway.
“With all my heart and soul, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
He raised the baby to his lips and kissed her softly on one cheek, then the other one. She smelled wonderful. “What sort of things does she like to do? Is she old enough to play with any toys?” His lame questions told him he had a lot of research to do about babies.
“Oh, yeah. She has a mobile that she lies under and plays with the toys that dangle down. There’s a night light in her crib that plays lullabies and does a light show on the ceiling for her that she enjoys. Peek-a-boo is big on the list.” He looked down at the baby and she cooed sweetly in his arms.
“See what I mean? Besides Tim, you’re the only other man she’s ever seen. Without Bryn and Tim I’m not so sure Lillyanna would be here today.” His head snapped up at the comment.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a long, boring story. Don’t worry about it. Just know that they were both wonderful friends when it mattered most.” He got the implication, he wasn’t there when she’d needed him.
“So, how long are you in town for?” Although her voice sounded casual, he knew her well enough to know better. Her fidgeting fingers gave away her anxiety.
“I’m back for good now.”
“Ahh, I’m going to make some coffee. I’ll be right back.” She sped out of the room without looking at him. She was upset, he knew her well enough to know.
Tim had been right during his rant, calling him a walking sperm donor. He had been right about more than just that point, too. He should be ashamed of himself and his behavior over the past year, and he was. If he hadn’t been so full of himself he wouldn’t have missed out on the most special and joyous time of his life. He had no one to blame but himself. He shuddered at the thought of what else he had missed out on because of his ego. Shoving those thou
ghts to the back of his mind for later examination, he tried to look forward.
Even though Lillyanna was falling asleep, Ryker stayed seated in the rocking chair. He just couldn’t bring himself to leave her, afraid this was all just a dream. What excuse could he come up with to stay? He couldn’t fake an illness, or it would be clear he had just put his daughter’s health in jeopardy by coming over. Exhaustion? Maybe, but he’d have to start yawning and acting groggy, and he wasn’t a good actor. Honesty? Maybe…
“She’s asleep now. You can lay her in the crib and meet me in the library.” It wasn’t a request, it was a command. Time to face the music.
CHAPTER 17
RayeAnn stood at the doorway of the library, waiting for Ryker to enter before she quietly shut the doors. She was proud of herself for the control she exercised by not slamming them right off their hinges. With her arms clamped tightly across her chest, she hoped her body language was threatening.
“Well, now that you’ve seen her, your curiosity should be satisfied. Do you have any more questions before you leave?” See, she could pretend to be nice.
“Just a million.” Shit. She wanted him out of there.
She sat in her desk chair and took a sip of her coffee, then crossed her arms over her chest. She knew it was rude of her to not offer him any coffee, but she didn’t want him to have an excuse to stay.
“If you’re worried that I’m going to ask for any kind of financial support from you, don’t. We’re fine just the way we are. I can handle everything.” Translation, I don’t need you.
“What if I want to help?”
“It won’t be welcomed. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just the sperm donor.” She stood and headed for the doors, intending to open them and show him the way out. But then, he already knew the way out. It was the same one he’d used to walk out on her over a year ago. She stood holding the doors open, waiting for him to leave.
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