“I’m having a guest over here at the house. Three’s a crowd, got it?” She leaned in and spoke as if he were a two year-old. Who the hell was she having over? He knew better than to question her too closely.
“Anyone I know?” Did she have a new boyfriend? Tim hadn’t mentioned anyone, but then he hadn’t bothered to ask. Wouldn’t that just fuck everything up? He made a note to himself to talk to both Tim and Bryn before making a complete ass of himself.
“No, I don’t think so.” She rested her chin on her hand and leaned on the desk with her elbow.
When she didn’t offer any more information he decided to leave. He waved as he headed toward the front door. Taking care to not wake the baby, he gently pulled the solid oak door closed, barely able to hear the click of the lock engaging.
See, I’m already learning, he told himself. Looking up to the sky, he wondered if it was an ominous sign that storm clouds were gathering in the dusky night sky. Nah. After all, April showers bring May flowers, right? He shrugged off the thought and whistled his way back to his car. Now he was anxious to get started on this new and exciting chapter in his life. With enthusiasm and a little too much pedal to the metal, he drove back to Tim and Bryn’s apartment to get the key.
Now his heart soared. Gone was the dead emptiness he had felt after leaving RayeAnn last year. The funny thing was that until today he had never recovered from the sense of loss he had felt back then. Sure, he hadn’t been exactly celibate since then, but it never felt quite right having sex with a stranger. And he had no desire to get to know anyone better. He’d felt hollow and empty, and now he knew it was totally his fault. He parked his car on the street and jogged up the steps behind the Blue Bull Inn. Since Tim and Bryn had bought the place, they now lived in the apartment above the business.
The realization struck him like a fist to the gut, causing him to double over with a grunt. WTF! Nervously he looked around the apartment for an answer. Someone had definitely punched him hard in the gut, yet he was alone. He lifted his shirt and saw the red imprint of a fist, complete with knuckle marks on his skin. Bryn and Tim were downstairs at the Blue Bull, working. Maybe the Blue Bull was haunted? Wouldn’t Tim have told him? He’d have to do some investigating after he got settled into RayeAnn’s house. In the meantime he moved cautiously and quietly through the apartment, so as not to disturb whoever, or whatever, he had pissed off earlier.
Within an hour he had all his things assembled and loaded into the back of his car. He kept out only his tooth brush and toothpaste, along with his comb. He was itching to get a very early start tomorrow. He wanted to be there before Lillyanna woke up. Maybe he could get a pot of coffee brewing before their first full day together started. His heart swelled at the thought. He made a mental note to himself to call his mother once he was settled and let her know she was a grandmother. She would be thrilled at the news, but he wasn’t ready to share Lillyanna any more than he absolutely had to right now.
He took a shower and donned clean boxers before crawling into bed. His clean clothes for tomorrow were neatly folded and waiting for him at the foot of his bed. He stuffed his dirty clothes into an old pillowcase, lay down in bed and drifted off into a fitful, dream-filled sleep.
He was standing outside of RayeAnn’s house in the middle of a raging storm. Cold rain pelted his skin, stinging with every strike. Lightening and thunder made the ground quake beneath his feet, making him feel off balance. Lights shone out into the black night from the house. He ran to the covered porch and peered into the windows, watching as RayeAnn and Lillyanna played and laughed as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Lillyanna excitedly kicked her chubby little legs and waved her arms wildly every time RayeAnn opened her hands that covered her face. Reading her lips, he knew she was saying, “Peek-a-boo!” Each round brought more happy giggles from both of them. The sight made the stinging of the raindrops less painful. He knocked on the window. No response. Maybe the storm was too loud for them to hear. He knocked harder. Still nothing. He moved to the door to try to let himself in. It was locked. Desperate now, he leaned on the doorbell, pressing as hard as he could, but he heard nothing. Frantic now, he went back to the window and pounded with all his might. He didn’t care if he broke down the window. All he knew was that he had to get in.
With every pound on the window his heart raced faster until he saw a tall handsome man move into the kitchen and stand behind RayeAnn. She sat on the floor and looked up at him with love in her eyes. The silky robe she wore fell away at the neckline and revealed one of her naked breasts. The stranger bent to kiss her, cupping her breast with his hand as he did. Lillyanna held her arms up to him, straining and begging for his attention, wanting to be plucked up into his arms. When the kiss was over he smiled brightly at the baby and obliged. He rested the baby on his hip, and she grasped his face in her little hands and tapped lightly, smiling the whole time. When the stranger looked up he made eye contact with Ryker and smiled an evil, twisted smile while his eyes glowed red. They were both in danger, and they didn’t even know it! Fury had him hauling up one of the wicker chairs on the porch and hurtling it at the window. Nothing happened. It just bounced right off. Then he knew nothing he did would gain him entrance. He had lost the two most important people in his life…again. Anger and frustration surged through him and he began to beat violently at the house with both fists, kicking it in between the blows until he felt someone shaking his shoulders and calling his name loudly.
When he woke up he was already sitting up in bed, his body covered in a heavy layer of sweat. Tim stood next to his bed, one hand on his shoulder.
“Ryker, what the hell? Are you all right, man?”
“Yeah. What happened?”
“Hell if I know. You were yelling for RayeAnn and Lillyanna at the top of your lungs and your fists were flying. That must have been some dream.”
“Try nightmare. God, it felt so real.” His breathing began to get back to normal but his heartbeat still raced. “What time is it?”
“Six in the morning. Is it safe for me to go back to bed now?”
“Sure. Sorry. I need to get going. Big day today, you know. I can’t wait.” Before Tim took two steps Ryker remembered to ask his question. “Hey, Tim, does RayeAnn have a boyfriend or anything like that?”
“Umm, technically, no. Some dude called Josh had been nosing around a little, but according to Bryn, RayeAnn told him about you moving in and I guess he didn’t take too kindly to the news and took a hike. Why?” Tim scratched at his head as he stood in the doorway to their bedroom.
“No reason, really, I was just curious. Hey, thanks again, man.”
“Well, good luck. If you and RayeAnn need anything, just let us know.”
“I will. I appreciate it.”
“Anytime.”
After another quick shower he was out the door and on the way to his future, excited at the prospect of what lay ahead for the first time in his life.
CHAPTER 19
Slowly the aroma of freshly brewed coffee registered in RayeAnn’s brain as she stirred sleepily, stretching slowly. With a start she became aware that she hadn’t heard Lillyanna’s usual happy baby babble as she woke. Alarm coursed through her until she heard baby cooing through the intercom and Ryker’s soft murmurings of love to the little girl. An occasional ‘ouch’ softly muttered when the baby must have grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged on it. Of course the baby usually found this hilarious and giggled wildly after each occurrence. It brought an unwilling smile to her lips as she listened to the exchanges in the kitchen.
When she heard them approaching, she sat up in bed and checked the clock, thinking it was much later than it was. At seven in the morning it was still dark outside. Ryker crept in with the baby in one arm and a mug of coffee in the other hand.
“Good morning, Mommy! Did you enjoy your extra sleep?” He moved over to her bed and set the mug on her nightstand before he took a seat on the bed.
“Actually, I did. Ho
w long have you been here?”
“Only about half an hour or so. I guess I was just anxious to get going today. It’s a big day for Lillyanna and me. Thank you for letting me be a part of her life. I’m ashamed of the way I’ve behaved over the last year. I have no good excuse. So I’ll just promise that from now on my priority is here.” She tried to hide the disbelieving look that crossed her face but apparently was unsuccessful, based on his next comment.
“I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t blame you, so I’ll just have to prove it with my actions. I’ve got a lot of fence mending to do here.” As the baby began to ferociously suck on her tight little fist she squirmed impatiently.
“Time for Lilly’s breakfast.” She held her hands out for the baby with the intention of feeding her.
He hesitated to pass her over.
“I’d let you do it, but you don’t have the proper equipment. I promise I’ll give her back when she’s done. In fact, I’ll even let you clean her soiled diaper afterwards!” Laughing, she took the baby into her arms and exposed one of her breasts. Within seconds the baby was latched on tightly and sucking noisily, content with the meal.
“Wow, look what a miracle she is.” RayeAnn saw the tears glistening in his eyes as he stared intently at his daughter. Her heart lurched at the touching scene in front of her. She understood the awe and wonder he was feeling, she had it every day since she’d been blessed by this little creature. Still, she stiffened her spine and vowed once again to not succumb to any tender feelings toward Ryker. He was still just a sperm donor. End of discussion.
Clearing his throat and pulling his gaze from the baby, he motioned to the mug on the nightstand. “Don’t forget to drink your coffee before it gets cold.”
“That’s for me?”
“Yeah, who’d you think I brought it for?”
“I just assumed it was yours. Thank you. Wow, what service.”
“You deserve to be treated a helluva lot better than you have been by me in the past. I wish I could take it all back. I just had such intense love for you that I got scared and ran like a coward, and I hurt you. I’m so sorry, RayeAnn. I promise I’ll try to never do that to you again.”
“You know, Ryker, as much as it hurt and confused me, you’re the one who missed the most. The miracle of Lilly as she grew inside me. Her birth was sooo awesome. I’m sorry for you, if that makes any sense. Those are things that you’ll never be able to fix, no matter how hard you want to. But I guess we all learn from our mistakes. You’ll never know how much you missed.”
“Yes, and I have no one to blame but myself. Do you think we can just promise to move forward from here and leave all the other stuff behind?”
“Things can never go back to the way they were, romantically between us, I mean. This living arrangement needs to stay completely platonic. Can you deal with that?”
“I guess I have no choice, do I? It’s not the ideal way to bring up a baby, though. Babies need to see their parents love each other as role models for them.”
“Lilly will just have to accept our love for her as an example. At least we can be respectful of each other and enjoy her together. That’ll be enough. Heck, what some children see would make an adult cringe. Not every family situation is happy or peaceful. We at least can give our daughter that.” She wasn’t budging on the negotiation in this area. One of the major mistakes she was determined to not make again was to have sexual relations before having a commitment from her partner. She had been way too easy with Ryker, which was really so uncharacteristic for her. Hell, she’d only slept with three men in her life and one of those was sitting at the end of her bed.
“Sounds good for now. It’s a deal. Do we need to shake on it?”
“Later, I’m a little busy right now.” She smiled and looked down at the baby asleep at her breast, occasionally giving a halfhearted suck. She carefully moved the baby to her shoulder and gently patted her back, waiting for a burp to escape before lying her back down in her crib. When Lilly let out a loud belch, she jumped slightly at the abrupt sound then settled back into a contented sleep.
“That’s my girl,” he said proudly. A huge smile graced his handsome features and lit his eyes. Yes, he was very proud, and it showed on his face like a beacon.
As the day progressed she felt the loss of not having the baby all to herself. Every time she made the smallest peep Ryker was in there like a rocket and checking on her. For most of her morning nap he sat next to her crib and just watched her sleep. He smiled and softly chuckled when she made a cute face or did something cute. He was smitten, to say the least.
When RayeAnn did have the opportunity to do something for the baby he was right there, less than a hair away and breathing down her neck. For a brief moment she considered making brownies laced with ex-lax for Ryker, just to get at the baby. If she moved her elbow a little too far back, she found herself sticking it into his six pack abs. Why couldn’t he just step back a few feet and observe from a little more distance? Maybe he needed glasses and was just too vain to admit it. Regardless, she felt crowded.
By the time afternoon nap time hit she was ready to push him out of her way. So much for the peaceful and quite upbringing they’d spoken of earlier. Right now she could have easily punched him in the gut, just to get him to back off for a minute. Feeling claustrophobic, she decided to walk down her long driveway and get the mail, even though it was quite chilly today. When she got back he was waiting for her at the front door.
“Where’d you go? I was looking all over for you.”
“I walked to the mail box. Is something wrong?” Worried now, her breath caught in her throat for a moment.
“No, I was just wondering. Is it normal for her to sleep this much? Maybe she has her days and nights mixed up. My mom said I did that as a baby. Do you think we should take her to the doctor and have her checked out?”
With a chuckle, she eased his fears. “She’s perfectly normal, I assure you. Just last week we had her four month well baby check and she was doing very well. The doctor says she’s very healthy and right where she needs to be on her growth chart. And yes, it is normal for a baby to sleep this much. Since she generally only gets up once a night for a feeding, if that, she doesn’t have her days and nights mixed up. Are you bored? Feel free to go watch television or something, if you want. Make yourself at home.”
“What are you planning on doing while she sleeps?”
“I’m in the middle of a research project, so I usually work on that during her naps.”
“Oh.” Looking a little out of place and dejected, he stood there for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t have anything to do.”
“Maybe you could go in the kitchen and chop up some veggies for the chicken stir-fry I’m planning to make for dinner. It would really help me out.”
“Great! I’ll get right on it.” She could tell he was glad for the new project when a sigh of relief escaped him and his face broke into a relieved smile.
“Thanks.” She had no idea what kind of busy work she would have to find for him tomorrow. All she knew was right now she needed some quiet alone time. She hurried into the library. She sat down at her desk and was soon absorbed in her research.
He stood at the sink and washed the vegetables thoroughly before drying them and taking them to the island to dice and slice. Thinking over the events of the morning, he couldn’t help but smile. How much better could fatherhood get than this? His daughter was perfect in every way, and her disposition was that of a happy little person. She laughed far more than she cried and he liked that.
He knew he was getting on RayeAnn’s nerves, but to her credit she had held her tongue. Once he got used to the baby’s routine she would have a lot more free time for her research. He had every intention of assuming the care of the baby, with the exception of breast feeding, for as long as RayeAnn would let him. He had a lot of time to make up for, and he intended to do the best he could to make up for all his past mistake
s. It wouldn’t be easy since she had already said this was to stay platonic. Hopefully he could worm his way back into her heart with enough good deeds and thoughtful gestures. Every time he watched her with the baby, love shining in her eyes at their little bundle of joy, his heart swelled like the Grinch’s did in the Christmas special. He couldn’t help it, not that he’d really wanted to try. Since learning of Lillyanna’s existence, all his memories of their past relationship had been from a new perspective. A perspective that he didn’t come out looking too good in. What in the hell had he been thinking? Or maybe a better question was what part of his anatomy had he been thinking with? Once he realized that he had genuine feelings of love for her, he’d run instead of staying and facing the truth. Never again would he run from love.
The love of a good woman like RayeAnn and the love of a wonderful daughter no longer scared the shit out of him. In fact, now he craved it. Now the question was how to get to that place where they could both admit they loved each other. Without a doubt RayeAnn loved him, even if she wouldn’t admit it. Hell, he couldn’t blame her for the fear she felt. He had hurt her badly, probably in more ways than he was even aware of right now.
The solution dawned on him in the middle of slicing a carrot. A beautifully simple plan came to mind immediately. He would merely have to shower her with love until she buckled under the pressure and admitted she still loved him. Easy peasy.
CHAPTER 20
After a week of tripping over each other to get to Lillyanna, RayeAnn was relieved that they had finally fallen into a comfortable routine. Mornings and evenings were RayeAnn’s time with her. Although he was still breathing down her neck, he held back on taking charge. The bulk of the day belonged to Ryker. Soon he knew the baby’s schedule as well as RayeAnn did. Always ready to step in at a moments’ notice if necessary, he hovered and tried her patience daily. The man was obsessed! The thought brought a smile to her lips. This could have ended so much worse than having a man head over heels in love with his daughter. She clung to that thought whenever she wanted to slap him silly.
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