Loving Spirit

by Linda Chapman

  ‘No,’ he replied. ‘We’ll get your stuff in from the car. See to them, Luke.’

  Ellie followed her uncle silently back to the car. The cases were heavy, but Len carried one in each hand easily over to the house while Ellie carried her rucksack and hand-luggage bag.

  The house was very old, with white windows that held little rectangular panes of glass. Yellow lichen was growing on some of the stone. Inside, there were no flowers or plants, no pictures on the walls; the only photos or ornaments were of horses. The kitchen was large with a quarry-tiled floor, a pine table and a bay window. It was clean but bare, apart from the clutter of horse and motorbike magazines on the window seat, and a television. There was a lounge leading off it, containing a threadbare sofa with no cushions, a couple of armchairs and another, even bigger, television. The hallway was empty apart from a mirror and a wooden staircase with a ragged carpet runner. It had the feeling of a house lived in just by men. But then that’s what it is, Ellie reminded herself. She knew that Len had got divorced eight years ago. There was only him and Joe here now.

  There were three bedrooms on the first floor. But Len didn’t stop. He continued up another flight of stairs.

  ‘You’ll be up here,’ he told her.

  Ellie shivered as they reached the second floor. There was a feeling of damp in the air. Len showed her into a cold room that had a single bed with a white cover, an old dark wardrobe and a dark chest of drawers with a round mirror on top of it, and an empty black fireplace. It was like something from a history book.

  ‘This is my room?’ Ellie said uncertainly.

  Len nodded. ‘Bathroom’s down the corridor. I’ll leave you to unpack. Come down when you’re done.’

  He walked back down the stairs. For a moment, Ellie just stood there, her eyes taking in the strange room, and then desolation broke through her defences. She had lost everything and now she had to live here, like this. She started to cry, covering her face with her hands, her body shaking, but trying not to make a sound. The last thing she wanted was for her Uncle Len to hear and come back. From the little she had seen of him, she was sure she would get no sympathy at all.

  At last the storm of tears dried up. Taking several deep breaths, and aching with loneliness, Ellie went to the bathroom. It had a cold lino floor, a plain white bath, a sink and toilet, a plastic bath mat and a shower attached to the bath. It was completely bare, with just a single old grey towel to soften it.

  At least I don’t have to share it with anyone else, she thought, splashing freezing water from the cold tap over her face and trying to be positive. Maybe I can make it look good. I could buy things. Do it up. She had money. Before she’d left New Zealand, her grandma had made sure she had some in case she needed to buy anything.

  ‘Your uncle might not understand about the clothes and things girls need to buy,’ she’d said to her. ‘There’s the money you inherited from your parents. It’s in trust for you until you get older, but if you need things just write. As long as it’s a reasonable request, no one’s going to keep the money from you. See how you go, but take this to start. It’s a lot of money so be careful with it.’ And she’d pressed the money into Ellie’s hands. It had looked like toy money to Ellie, nothing like the New Zealand banknotes she was used to. She’d counted it later and found her gran had given her three hundred pounds. Maybe she could use some of it to buy a few things to make her bedroom and bathroom look better.

  Yeah, I’ll do it, she thought, feeling a flicker of her old energy. I’m not going to live like this.

  Feeling slightly calmer, she went to the window of her bedroom. Below her were the stables. As she watched, Luke came out of the barn, a sack in his hands.

  What was in it? It looked heavy at the bottom, as if it had weights in or something, but the middle of it seemed to be moving.

  Ellie opened the window and heard the yard manager, Stuart, calling to Luke. ‘You got those kittens then?’

  Luke looked at the sack. ‘Yeah, they’re here. I’ll use the pond in the upper field. It’s good and deep.’

  Ellie’s heart lurched. No! She remembered her uncle’s words: See to them, Luke. The next minute she was flying down the stairs.

  Chapter Two

  Ellie tore out of the house. Joe had brought Picasso in from the school and was untacking him.

  ‘What’s he doing?’ Ellie gasped, pointing at Luke as he disappeared round the barn. ‘Is he really going to drown those kittens?’ For a moment, she hoped, prayed, that she’d got it wrong.

  But as soon as she saw the look of unhappiness cross Joe’s face she knew she hadn’t. He nodded.

  ‘Well, stop him!’ Ellie cried, her anger overcoming her other feelings. All she thought about were the little black kittens in the sack on Luke’s back.

  Joe shook his head. ‘I can’t stop him. It’s Dad’s orders.’

  ‘So?’ Ellie stared at him in disbelief. ‘You can’t let it happen! You can’t let him just kill them.’

  Joe didn’t move.

  Giving up on him, Ellie raced after Luke. As she ran round the stable block, she saw him striding across a field. He reached the pond and pulled the sack from his back.

  ‘No!’ Ellie screamed as he chucked it into the water.

  Luke looked over his shoulder in surprise. She ran towards him. ‘Get them out!’ she cried furiously. ‘You can’t do that!’

  Luke just shrugged.

  Seeing it was no use trying to persuade him, she flung off her fleece and, heedless of the cold water, began wading into the pond.

  ‘Are you crazy? What are you doing?’ Luke yelled, his air of cool momentarily leaving him.

  ‘I’m going to rescue them!’ Ellie shot back, her eyes scanning the water as she tried to see where they’d gone. Panic welled up inside her. They’d be drowning! ‘Help me!’

  ‘There’s no point. They’ll be dead by the time you get them.’ Luke turned round and started to walk away.

  Ellie yelled a swear word at him and waded out further. The icy water was up to her thighs now. She reached down desperately. Where were the kittens? Her foot struck something soft. She bent down. It was the sack! Gasping, she used all her strength to yank it out of the water and drag it back to the bank. Her clothes were soaked through, but she didn’t care. She’d got the kittens! If they’re still alive, she thought, her stomach turning over.

  Pushing through the water as quickly as she could, she reached the bank. She struggled to find her footing, but then someone grasped her wrist. She jumped, her eyes flying upwards. Had Luke come back? She met Joe’s dark-green gaze instead.

  ‘Here.’ He half pulled her out of the water, taking the sack from her. She glared at him. She hadn’t forgotten how he’d refused to help back on the yard. Taking the sack, he placed it gently down.

  ‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ he said anxiously. ‘Dad’ll be mad.’

  ‘I don’t care!’ Ellie declared, through teeth that were starting to chatter. She threw herself down on to her knees and started to pull frantically at the string that was tying the neck of the sack.

  ‘Wait.’ Joe took a penknife out of his pocket and cut swiftly through it. In an instant, the sack fell open. Feeling sick, not knowing what she would see, Ellie peered inside. Two of the kittens were lying lifeless on the bricks that weighted the bottom of the sack. She saw instantly that she couldn’t help them now, but the third was moving weakly, coughing up pond water. She pulled it out and held it to her chest. She had often seen her dad with baby lambs when they had been born half dead, barely breathing.

  ‘Give me my fleece!’ she snapped, too upset to be polite.

  Joe handed it across without a word. Ellie wrapped the kitten in it and, shielding it with her body from the cold wind, began to rub at its skin with the inside of the fleece. It coughed and spluttered. Working in small circles, she rubbed it all over, drying it, warming it. As she did so, Joe hurried away.

  ‘Fine. You go too. You’re just as bad as them
!’ she muttered.

  Bending her head, she continued working on the kitten. She was shivering herself, but she ignored the cold that felt like it was sinking through to her bones. ‘I hate them,’ she whispered to it, a sob catching in her throat. ‘I hate them all! How could they do that to you?’

  She rubbed until the kitten’s body felt warm and then she wrapped her hands round it and, shutting her eyes, held it tight. She had always tried to help ill and weak animals. You’ll get better, she willed it.

  Ellie tried to clear the anger from her mind, and concentrated on letting love flow from her to the kitten, imagining it warming the kitten, helping it …

  Suddenly she felt something being put round her shoulders. She looked up and saw Joe behind her. One hand was draping the thick golden stable rug round her; in his other arm he was holding the black mother cat. She mewed loudly and struggled when she saw her baby.

  ‘Is it still alive?’ he asked.

  As he spoke, the kitten’s rough tongue rasped over Ellie’s fingers.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied briefly.

  ‘Then the best place for it is with its mum,’ he said. ‘Look, let’s take it to the hay barn over there.’ He motioned to a stone building at the back of the stables. ‘That’s where the extra hay and straw is kept. We can put them in there on top of the bales. No one will go up there for at least the next month now. By the time they do, the kitten will be able to fend for itself and people will probably just think it’s one of the other cats on the yard.’

  Ellie gave him a wary look. She had been so busy hating him along with Len and Luke; it was hard now to trust him.

  His eyes met hers. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t help before. Come on,’ he said, reaching out his hand.

  Ellie hesitated and then let him help her up.

  Half an hour later, they sat together under the low roof of the loft of the hay barn, watching the cats. Ellie had the rug wrapped round her, warmer now despite her wet clothes. The mother cat, who Joe had said was called Poppy, and the black kitten who Ellie had now named Sweep, were lying together in a nest of warm hay. The kitten had fed and both cats were asleep.

  ‘I wish I could have saved them all,’ said Ellie softly.

  ‘You’d better hope that Dad doesn’t find out you saved this one,’ said Joe, running a hand through his hair. ‘It’ll be best to tell him they all drowned, or he’ll get hold of Sweep and drown him himself.’

  ‘But why?’ Ellie looked at him in bewilderment. ‘Why be so cruel?’

  ‘It was an inbred litter. The kittens were weak, not healthy. You can see Sweep’s head.’

  Ellie looked at the little kitten. His head was set at a slightly wonky angle. ‘It’s no reason to kill him.’

  ‘It is to Dad. Animals are a business to him and he won’t put up with weaklings. Any animal that isn’t strong and healthy and can’t pay its way has to go. You’ll get used to it.’

  ‘I won’t!’ Ellie declared. She gave him a look full of accusation. ‘You could have stopped Luke killing them. You could have moved them before, hidden them somehow. You could have saved them after he threw them in the pond, and brought them all here.’

  ‘And what would Dad have done to me then?’ said Joe.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Ellie frowned.

  Joe didn’t reply.

  Understanding slowly dawned. ‘Do you mean he’d have hit you?’

  Joe shrugged. ‘He won’t stand for being disobeyed. But don’t worry, he wouldn’t lay a finger on a girl, though he’ll shout all right if he finds out.’

  Ellie felt her feelings shift. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like to grow up with a father like that. Her crossness faded as she realized what Joe had to live with.

  ‘He already thinks I’m a rubbish son,’ Joe went on. ‘If I couldn’t ride like I do, he’d probably want to drown me too.’ He sounded like he was only half joking. ‘I’m a total disappointment to him – skinny, no good at sport; I was small for ages too, nothing like him. Riding’s the only thing I can do well.’

  ‘He … he can’t really think you’re useless,’ said Ellie, not knowing quite what else to say.

  ‘Oh, he does. He’s told me lots of times that he wishes I was more like Luke.’

  Ellie frowned. ‘Who is Luke? Is he a groom?’

  ‘No, he’s my cousin from down south,’ Joe explained. ‘On the other side of my family, not your side. He’s my mum’s nephew. He’s never got on with his own parents that well. His dad’s rich and they travel around a lot. They sent him to boarding school when he was eight and he used to come here in the holidays and help out. He rang Dad about eighteen months ago and asked for a job. His parents weren’t too keen on him leaving school, but, well, when Luke’s set his mind to something nothing stops him … In the end they gave in, and he came to live and work here.’

  ‘So he lives in the house?’ Ellie’s heart sank into her toes at the thought of seeing Luke every day for breakfast, lunch and supper.

  ‘Yep.’ Joe got to his feet. ‘Come on. We’d better go now. It’s almost feedtime, and if I’m not there to help with the stables Dad’ll wonder where I am.’

  Ellie went to her room and got changed. She watched from her window as Stuart, Luke, Joe and two girl grooms settled the horses for the night. The stables were tidied up, haynets put into each one, rugs were adjusted, water buckets filled up with clean water and, at five o’clock sharp, the feeds emptied into the mangers. Half an hour later, Stuart and the girls left and Len and the boys came inside. After a little while, Ellie heard the sound of laughing from the kitchen and smelt frying bacon, and she ventured downstairs.

  Her uncle was cooking. Luke was sitting at the table, talking to him and drinking a bottle of beer. The dog was on Luke’s knee, lying on her back and having her tummy tickled. Joe was sitting on his own in another chair, reading a copy of Horse and Hound.

  ‘Here she is then. Florence bleedin’ Nightingale,’ Len said as Ellie walked in.

  Luke laughed, which made the terrier jump up and lick his chin. ‘Get down, Pip!’ he said.

  Joe glanced up at Ellie and motioned with his eyes for her to sit in the chair beside him. She joined him gratefully.

  ‘Luke told me you tried to stop him from drowning those kittens,’ Len said.

  ‘It was cruel,’ Ellie said, meeting her uncle’s cold eyes. ‘It wasn’t fair.’

  ‘Life’s not fair.’ Len was curt. ‘They all drowned anyway, Joe said.’

  Ellie nodded, thankful for Joe’s lie. There was no way she was going to tell her uncle about Sweep after what Joe had told her earlier.

  ‘Good.’ Len pointed the spatula at her. ‘I’ll not have you interfering with my orders again. I won’t hold with it. This is my yard and my house and I make the decisions. While you’re under my roof, you’ll do as I say. Tomorrow you’ll start riding the ponies.’

  Listening to the arrogance in his voice, something seemed to click inside Ellie. She lifted her chin. ‘No, I won’t.’

  ‘What?’ Len looked as though he felt he hadn’t heard right.

  Ellie realized both Joe and Luke were staring at her. She knew she was going to get into massive trouble, but so what? With grief swirling around inside her, she just didn’t care. There was nothing her uncle could do to her that would make her feel worse than she did already, and much as she loved riding she hated being bossed around even more. ‘I’ll help out on the yard like everyone else, but I’m not going to ride the ponies for you.’

  Len’s body stiffened dangerously. ‘You’ll do as I say, missy.’ His voice was low and angry.

  Ellie looked stubbornly at him. ‘I won’t. You can’t make me.’

  She jumped as Len thundered. ‘Get to your room!’ He stepped towards her.

  Ellie ran to the doorway and up the stairs. By the time she had raced up the second flight, she was beginning to run out of breath and her heart was beating fast. She shut her door and leant against it, listening in case anyone was going to
follow her. But no one did. Going to the window, she sat down on the stone window ledge. The panes of glass were freezing cold. The sky was pitch black apart from the twinkling of stars. It looked a very lonely, wide, dark night. On the other side of the world, back home, it would be mid-morning in summer time. A lump formed in her throat.

  Feel nothing, she reminded herself, holding on to the lessons she had learnt over the last six months. Just feel nothing.

  Pulling her numbness like a shield around her, she got under the covers with all her clothes still on and lay there shivering until she fell asleep.

  Chapter Three

  When Ellie woke up, it was the middle of the night. Since her parents had died, waking up was always the worst moment for her. As she moved from sleep to wakefulness, there were always a few seconds when she felt as though everything that had happened was just a dream – a nightmare – but then reality would come rushing back and she would realize that it wasn’t. Waking now in the darkness, she felt the familiar tidal wave of misery engulf her. It had all really happened. Her parents were dead. She was here in her new life with her uncle at High Peak Stables.

  Well, he can say what he likes, but I’m not going to ride for him, she thought mutinously. I’m not going to be bossed about.

  The determination gave her something to concentrate on, taking the edge off her misery. She was hot in all her clothes now and her long hair was sticking to her face. Getting out of bed, she turned on her bedside light. The house was very quiet. Checking her watch, she saw that it was past midnight. Ellie’s stomach rumbled as she pulled some pyjamas from the drawer. She hadn’t eaten since she was on the plane. With a sigh, she pulled a brush through her hair and then opened the door to go to the bathroom. She stopped. Someone had left a packet of crisps and a Kit Kat outside her door.