Out of the Ashes

by Tracie Peterson

  “Anyway, after I would fall down, my dad would say, ‘I guess the floor needed a hug.’ I can’t tell you how many times I hugged the floor . . . or the stairs . . . or a rock, a log, or the grass.”

  Yep. Cassidy had been the first real friend he’d ever had. For a brief time that first summer, he’d fancied himself in love with her, but she was older and fell in love with Allan. And Thomas was happy for them—he loved Allan and John and was so thankful for their mentoring in his life.

  Now, he realized his relationship with Cassidy was special. She was like his big sister. And he’d never had a sibling. He’d been an orphan and all alone until Mr. Bradley hired him.

  The Curry was his family now and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He’d become a man here, grown out of his clumsiness, and learned a new trade.

  He made his way into the kitchen and sneaked up behind Cook. “Good morning, Mrs. Johnson.”

  She jumped and put a hand over her heart. “Thomas! You . . . you . . . !”

  He leaned down and hugged the woman. She looked like she needed it today. “I was just remembering how much love you’ve poured into me all these years. Thank you.”

  Her anger quickly deflated in her eyes and her cheeks turned pink. Every once in a while, he got a glimpse of her softer side. “You do beat all.” She hugged him back and stiffened again into her drill-sergeant mode. “Quick, would you like to take a few of those sweet rolls before they’re all gone?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.” He wrapped them up in a tea towel. “Mr. Ivanoff and Mr. Brennan sent me over here to talk to you about the food for this excursion. We’ve got fifteen people to feed for a week, and since it’s so hot and dry, he doesn’t want to do too much cooking over a fire—maybe one meal a day at the most. He asked for simple things we could bring with us, like extra bread for sandwiches, crackers, cheese, jerky, you know the drill.”

  “I certainly do.” She shook her head. “It’ll be extra work, but I’ll make some of those bars you like so much. The ones with the nuts and honey. That will be easy to pack and hold hunger at bay. I’ll get the girls working on it all right away.”

  Thomas glanced around the kitchen. “Where’s your helper?”

  “You mean that abominable Scotsman?”

  Thomas couldn’t help grinning. “I heard you two arguing early this morning. It sounded pretty bad. You haven’t sent him packing, have you?” He leaned closer. “Or done him in?”

  Mrs. Johnson harrumphed. “Would that I could. It still may come to that. The man is the most irritating human being in the world. Thinks he knows it all and has the audacity to suggest my ways are old and outdated.”

  “Well, yelling doesn’t seem to be helping your situation . . . maybe you should try sweet-talking him.” Thomas watched in amusement as his comment flustered Mrs. Johnson into momentary silence. It wouldn’t last.

  “Of all the . . . ridiculous . . . outrageous . . .” She sputtered out several other words that Thomas wasn’t even sure of the meaning of before shaking her finger at him. “You’d better never make such a suggestion again. You aren’t too big for me to turn over my knee.”

  Thomas forced down his laughter at the thought of the much smaller woman trying to accomplish such a deed.

  “Sorry, Mrs. Johnson.” But, of course, he wasn’t.

  She regained her composure. “Are you all still planning on leaving in the morning?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, then, we’ll get right to it. Now scoot out of here before I put you to work.”

  He leaned in and whispered, “Thanks for the sweet rolls. You’re the best.”

  “Get on with ya.” Her voice was gruff, but Thomas saw the slight shimmy of her mouth. That woman worked so hard not to laugh or smile—he loved seeing her tough veneer crack.

  Thomas practically ran up the stairs and over to the building where a lot of the staff lived. Cassidy and Allan’s new cottage awaited, but the doctor said she couldn’t move into it until she had the baby. When he came to their room, the door was open and Cassidy was all propped up in her bed. Mrs. Demarchis sat in a chair, visiting with her.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Demarchis . . . Cassidy.”

  Cassidy lifted her arms in greeting. “Thomas! How nice to see you. I feel like it’s been ages.”

  “I’m sorry, I know I promised to visit more often, but the hotel has been very busy. How are you doing?”

  “As well as can be expected when you’re the size of a Zeppelin. If I were allowed out of this room, I’m sure I’d cast a shadow over Denali.”

  Thomas grinned. “You say the silliest things. Say, did you know they’re finally allowing Germany to start making Zeppelins again? They plan to have transatlantic flights before the year is out. Can you imagine it? Maybe they’ll even use them to fly people up here. Wouldn’t that be something?”

  “It would be.” She shifted in the bed. Apparently not an easy feat.

  “Can I help?” Thomas asked, stepping closer.

  “No. Nothing will until I finally have this baby.” Cassidy rubbed her stomach. “So what are you doing today?”

  “Finishing our preparations for tomorrow.” He looked to Katherine. “We’re taking a group out into the park to camp.”

  Mrs. Demarchis nodded. “I know. Collette tried her best to convince me to go along.”

  “Yes. I think she’s in for a surprise. I can’t imagine she’ll like it.” He wrinkled his nose.

  “You might be surprised.” Mrs. Demarchis tilted her head. “Collette has been quite bored, and this might very well be the diversion she’s needed. Well, then, if you’ll excuse me, I should go check on my grandmother. She hasn’t been feeling very well of late.”

  “Of course, but do come back soon.” Cassidy smiled. “Please leave the door open as you leave.”

  Once Mrs. Demarchis was gone, Thomas relaxed. “You don’t think I gave her the idea that I talk about guests behind their backs? Do you?”

  “I think she understands your concerns, Thomas. I wouldn’t worry about it. Now, why don’t you have a seat and tell me what’s going on in the kitchen. Mrs. Johnson has stormed in and out of my room on multiple occasions to declare Mr. Ferguson to be the bane of her existence. I’d like to hear from someone else how things are going between them.”

  “Well, this might help put it into perspective. This morning when I went to let her know about the food supplies we’d need for the trip—Daniel was nowhere to be seen. I asked Mrs. Johnson if she’d done him in.”

  Cassidy giggled and covered her mouth.

  “She hadn’t, but she made it clear that it still may come to that.”

  “Oh, dear.” Cassidy reached for a hankie. “Poor Mrs. Johnson.”

  “Ha. I’d say it’s poor Daniel. You and I have both been on the receiving end of Mrs. Johnson’s wrath.”

  She nodded and laughed. “Indeed we have. Just remind her next time that he’s only here for a short while—just a few more weeks.”

  Thomas shook his head. “At this rate, we may not have a few weeks, but by then I’ll be back in Fairbanks.”

  “I’m so glad things are going well with school. Even happier that you seem to love it so.”

  “I do. I never knew learning could be so much fun.”

  “I am surprised, however, that you haven’t met any special young lady.”

  Thomas looked toward the floor. “I’ve met some very nice young ladies, but I’m not going to let myself get interested.”

  “Why not?”

  He shrugged and looked back up. “You know it’s hard to live out here. It’s not for just anybody, and I don’t intend to live anywhere else. I figure it’d be best to just get my schooling done and then come back here. I was talking about this to your dad before I left last year. He said it was smart to wait and let God bring the right one to me.”

  “Sounds like Dad. He’s full of wisdom, and it’s to your benefit to listen. I’m sure that when the time is right, Thomas,
God will bring you the perfect mate. She’ll be beautiful and kindhearted and love Alaska.”

  He nodded and got to his feet. “And God.”

  Cassidy smiled. “And for certain, she’ll love God.”

  Footsteps pounded down the hall. Then a maid dashed around the corner. “Thomas, Mrs. Johnson asked you to come quick.” Her breath let out in a whoosh.

  “Don’t tell me . . . she’s fighting with Mr. Ferguson again.”

  “Um . . . yes, but this time is different.”

  25

  AUGUST 18

  Katherine stood on tiptoe and kissed Jean-Michel on the cheek. “Have a wonderful time.”

  Surprise lit his face. “Thank you. I will. I’d like to make a request.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Would you pray for . . . us . . . you and me this week? Maybe write some notes down about your hopes and dreams for the future? The Lord has blessed us with this fresh start, and I want to do it right. And together.”

  She felt her face flush. “I’d love to. Thank you for asking.”

  He tipped his hat to her. “I’ll see you in a week.”

  Standing on tiptoe once more, she reached up to kiss him again, but he was ready this time and caught it with his lips.

  The brief contact sent tingles down her spine. Which was a good sign. She hoped her affectionate gesture hadn’t been too forward, but the past few days she’d really worked at touching and hugging. It had been Grandmother’s suggestion, and the older woman had been right. She’d only remembered what it was like to be touched by one person. He hadn’t been nice or gentle, but that was all in the past. She needed to trust people around her to love her and be affectionate accordingly. Not everyone had intentions like Randall.

  What she’d hoped would come easily to her, since she’d been an affectionate child, was more like having to learn how to walk all over again. She’d jerked a few times when someone touched her, was stiff when she hugged, and even tripped over her own feet at one point. This was harder than she’d thought. But Grandmother encouraged her to keep going. The only thing that kept her working on it was the fact that she loved Jean-Michel.

  As long as she was wise in choosing the people she surrounded herself with, she knew she had trust and love. It had taken three years for her to become the old beaten-down Katherine; it might take another three to come out of it. But she was determined to try.

  As the group crossed the river by boat with all their gear, Katherine waved. There were horses and more hands to help on the other side and they would start their great adventure.

  Last night, she’d prayed with Jean-Michel. It was the first time they had prayed together, and it had set her heart on fire. To think that they could possibly soon start a life together, and they were beginning their new relationships with God as the center. Grandmother said there was no better place to start.

  This morning, Katherine had prayed that Jean-Michel would continue to have healing in his heart. The scars would always remain, but she could already see a difference in his eyes since he’d given his life to the Lord. Prayerfully, the nightmares would be minimal on this trip.

  And, hopefully, Collette would stay out of trouble.

  Katherine wasn’t sure what had gotten into the girl, but she’d been quite testy of late. They’d seen such great progress after she’d rescued little Davey, and now it seemed she was floundering again.

  But the world was changing and the poor girl didn’t know where she fit. Katherine understood that. After all, Collette had been pampered and spoiled and kept from the harshness of the world around her. Without her father in her life, the future would be very different for beautiful Collette. Jean-Michel would do his best for her, but he couldn’t keep her from reality. And he’d shared with Katherine that he hoped Collette would marry soon and begin a life of her own. Katherine had asked for only one thing—that he not arrange a marriage for his sister. “Let her marry for love,” Katherine begged. Jean-Michel had agreed.

  The boat reached the other side of the river and Katherine turned back to the hotel. A visit with Cassidy was in order. The poor dear looked miserable in these last days, but the doctor thought she still had a month or so.

  At least while Allan was gone, Katherine could keep the young mother-to-be company.

  Passing through the dining room, she hoped to bring a tray from Mrs. Johnson up to her friend.

  A conversation brought her up short.

  “Amelia, I don’t know what to say to you anymore. It’s your own fault you’re sick. God is punishing you for your sin and you know it. Sickness and hardship are always punishment.” The tones that were hushed echoed across the almost empty room. The lady threw her napkin down on the table and stood. “I’ve had enough. I’m going home. Stay if you like, but I won’t take care of you anymore.”

  Katherine dared a look to the table in the corner of the room as she kept walking. Two ladies, almost identical in looks, wore two opposite expressions. The one sitting looked defeated and pale, while the other stood red-faced, chin lifted and defiant.

  Diverting her eyes, she couldn’t get through the dining room fast enough. Soft sobs reached her as she pushed on the door to the main kitchen.

  “Why, Mrs. Demarchis! Whatever are you doing in the kitchen?” Mrs. Johnson looked stunned.

  Katherine put a hand to her stomach and took a deep breath. “I would like to bring a tray to Mrs. Brennan, since I’m headed up to visit with her. I thought I could spare you the trouble.”

  “How very kind of you.” The woman’s brows lowered. “Is something bothering you?”

  “I’m not sure, but could you have the hotel manager check on the lady in the dining room, please? She’s crying.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Of course.” Mrs. Johnson sent one of the kitchen boys to fetch Mr. Bradley. “Let me get that tray together for you.”

  Katherine took her time walking to Cassidy’s room. The tray was heavy, but she could handle it. It was more the weight of the words she’d overheard that kept her steps slow.

  “It’s your own fault you’re sick. God is punishing you for your sin and you know it.”

  God didn’t work that way . . . did He?

  She knew that there were consequences for her sin, but it seemed awfully harsh for someone to say that.

  While she hadn’t gotten a really good look at the woman, she’d seen that the one called Amelia was indeed very thin and pale. The look of defeat in her eyes was one Katherine had seen in her own reflection many a time.

  A horrible thought crept in. What if she didn’t deserve love? What if her own sin had caused all the horrific events of the past to unfold? What if Randall was right and she couldn’t have children? A greater punishment, Katherine couldn’t even imagine. Could she have some other sin in her life that God would punish her for?

  The thoughts made her stagger and caused the old fear to come back.

  No. Fear wasn’t of the Lord. Grandmother kept telling her that, and she believed it. Katherine reminded herself of what happened in the cave. If she needed to put her foot down, she would. She couldn’t help but wonder, however, about the exchange between the two women. Did God punish people for their sin? Even sin they’d repented of? What if they did something and didn’t realize it was a sin?

  When she made it to Cassidy’s room, the decision was made. She’d just have to talk about it again.

  Knocking on the door, Katherine inhaled deeply through her nose.

  “Come in.”

  Katherine walked in and set the tray down. Before she lost her nerve she decided to just blurt it out. “Do you think God is punishing me for past sin and that’s why Randall . . . why he . . . abused me?”

  Her dark-haired friend raised her hand to her forehead. “Hold on just a minute. What makes you think that Randall beating you would be punishment for your sin?” Cassidy shook her head. “Katherine, God loves us—He loves you. Randall did what he did because he was evil. He was sin-filled.”

&nbs
p; The chair behind her thunked as she plopped into it and started crying. “But there were these two women—I think they were twins or very close in age sisters. They were in the dining room and one of them told the other that she wouldn’t take care of her anymore because she was sick due to her own sin.” All the words fell out in a jumbled, rambling mess.

  “What?” Cassidy leaned forward a bit. “Start again. What did the sister say?”

  “She said, ‘Amelia, I don’t know what to say to you anymore. It’s your own fault you’re sick. God is punishing you for your sin and you know it.’”

  “That’s terrible! How could someone say such a thing?”

  Katherine shook her head. “I don’t know, but it made me wonder if it were true. I’m new at this and I don’t know Scripture like you do. Oh, Cassidy, what if it’s true and I can’t have children and it’s all because of my sin?” The thought made tears spring to her eyes.

  Her friend reached out and pointed a finger in her face. “Now, Katherine Harrison Demarchis, you stop that thinking right now. It’s wrong. Yes, we are sinners. Yes, there are earthly consequences for our sin. But no, God isn’t up there on His throne waiting for you to sin so He can pour out his wrath and punishment on you. That is not how God works.” She motioned toward the desk. “Would you bring me my Bible? Allan put it over there this morning when he left.”

  Katherine wiped her cheeks. She went to the desk in the corner and found the familiar book. Cassidy had it by her every day, and they’d begun discussing different passages together.

  “I think it’s the perfect time for us to pick up the book of Job. There was a righteous man who was very blessed—with wealth and with family, and he praised God and gave Him all the glory. Satan went to God and told God that Job surely wouldn’t continue to praise Him if Satan were allowed to take away those things. So over a short period of time, Job lost everything. Even all his children. His wife even turned against him and said, ‘curse God and die.’”

  Katherine gasped. “That’s terrible.”

  “It was. Then even his health was taken as his whole body was covered in sores. But that’s just the very beginning of the book.” Cassidy flipped through page after page. “You see the rest of this? Job had three friends who thought of themselves as righteous, and they came. They sat with him in silence in his misery and mourning.”