Miss Independent

by Kiki Leach

  “I’ll be your nerd,” he replied. “Dance with me.”

  This is what broke the ice that had formed between them. He offered her his hand. She wavered before taking it and walking with him to the den. They laughed with one another as he lifted her from the floor and spun her around in his arms. Alexis had finished dancing with Alexander and was mingling with guests when she saw her daughter laughing. It was the first time she had seen a genuine smile on her face in weeks. Gina noticed them too. She stood in the corner, seething with jealousy, even if she knew deep down that she hadn’t a chance in hell with Maurice. Aside from being too old for her, she knew, just like everyone else, of his feelings for her sister.

  Once the song ended, Alexis made her way to Vanessa’s side and tapped her on the shoulder.

  “Take me into the kitchen,” she said, slipping her arm inside Vanessa’s. “We need to talk about this cake.”

  Maurice waved an awkward goodbye to them, then turned around straight into a smiling Gina. He nodded, feeling uncomfortable, and instantly searched the room for Alexander.

  When they entered the kitchen, Vanessa was still laughing from her time with Maurice and moved over to the cake. Alexis smirked a little and took a seat at her table on the other side.

  “The candles are in the cabinet,” she said, resting her chin on her hand.

  “I thought the waiters or the caterer was supposed to do this?”

  “It gives us a chance to talk.”

  Vanessa moaned. “Oh, great. What now?” She went over to the cabinet by the stove and reached for a box of small candles. She opened it and tossed it on the counter near the cake. “I can feel you looking at me, Mother.”

  “I’m not staring.”

  “Yes you are.” She whipped around. “You’re practically burning a hole in the back of my neck with your eyes.”

  “Much like you were burning a hole in the dance floor with Maurice in those Mary Jane pumps?”

  “What?”

  “I saw you two dancing over there. That’s the first time I’ve seen you look happy since finding out about Nathan and Sheila.”

  She shrugged. “Maurice makes me laugh.”

  “I hear he can do other things as well.”

  She raised a hand and expanded her eyes. “You didn’t just say that. I’m gonna stand here and pretend that you did not just say that to me.”

  “Maybe you should think about giving Maurice a chance.”

  “A chance for what?” she asked. Alexis lifted a brow and leaned her head. Vanessa scoffed and turned back to the cake. “Mother, please.”

  “I’ve never seen anything wrong with him. As far as I could always tell for myself, he’s a perfect specimen of a man.”

  “Yeah, he’s too perfect.”

  “You don’t think you’re good enough for him?”

  “It’s not that.” She began placing candles around the edges of the cake. “Physically, the man is what fantasies were made for. No doubt he’s fione and that his body was practically made from stone. Girls were envious of my friendship with him in high school, and that gave me a bit of an edge. And I know that he’s got a thing for me, but I also know that he’s got a wandering eye, and it often wanders toward the wrong areas on any random woman’s body.”

  “You might be able to change all of that,” she said.

  “You weren’t able to change it with daddy.”

  “No, but your father was different. I see the way Maurice looks at you, I’ve always seen it. Your father never looked at me that way because I wasn’t what he truly wanted. But Alexander does.”

  She sighed. “Mother--”

  “Vanessa, that boy has been in love with you since he learned what girls were really made of. And if you know this too, why not finally pursue it?”

  “Because aside from what I’ve already said which you seem to keep ignoring, I don’t want to screw up a perfectly healthy friendship. You get involved with friends, and things start getting messy. It’s exactly what happened with Nathan. We were best friends as kids, then were together the entirety of high school. And before we were handed diplomas, I learned he was screwing Sheila behind my back for six months. Besides, Maurice and I have already tried it and it didn’t work.”

  “Try, again,” she emphasized.

  “We have. I don’t want to go down that same path again.”

  “Oh, Vanessa! It’s not as if that man is going to start going down on your best friend under your own roof!”

  She stopped what she was doing and gagged. “REALLY?! What is wrong with you today? You turn thirty-five again and suddenly you think you’re Dr. Ruth?”

  “Oh honey, this has nothing to do with that. I haven’t just been around the block, I’ve owned a few. Now admit it, that’s what you’re afraid of. That he might decide that being with Nicole is better than being with you, because she is your best friend just like Sheila was.”

  “I’m not afraid of those two EVER doing anything aside from bickering each other to death. Nathan and Sheila were different. I should’ve seen the signs with those two from the very beginning.”

  “If Nicole and Maurice are nothing like them, what is the problem? For all you know, this man may be your knight in shining armor. The love of your life you never knew you had. Nathan could have just been a very bad and unfortunate bump in a long road that you had to take in order to get to Maurice today.”

  “Why are you so anxious for me to be with someone? This doesn’t sound anything like you.”

  “Because I want you to be happy, baby, and you’re far from it. I never became conscious of it until now because I didn’t pay enough attention, but I have seen days when you just seem downright miserable, and I hate that for you.”

  “I’m fine, Mother.”

  “No, you’re not. Now listen to me, being an independent woman free from the care of a man was a blessing for me. I needed that time on my own to reflect on my life and how I wanted to live it and raise you girls after your daddy left. He was the breadwinner with the family name and money who only married me because he needed someone pretty on his arm. And he didn’t want to be seen as just another statistic once your sister was born. But once I left my daddy’s house, I moved straight into his and had no sense of self or life on my own without either one of them guiding me this way or that. I didn’t know how to take care of myself, let alone the two of you. Starting that magazine in his absence with your grandmother’s help saved my life, but it’s not saving yours. You need to be fulfilled in more ways than this. And if a man and a baby is what does it--”

  “I don’t want those things to define me as a person or a woman. Yes, I want to get married and have children, but I don’t want it to be all of who I am. I never did, despite the way it might seem. It’s part of the reason why I work so damn hard at my job and to prove to you and everyone else in this business that I deserve this position.”

  “I know that,” she said. “I know it, and you do deserve it. But you also have to do what feels right inside your heart. And if those are the things that make you happy, then who am I or anyone else to stand in the way of that? Your sister found it and she was the last person I ever expected to get married, have children, and move across the coast to a beach. But she did it, baby, and so can you if that’s what you really want.”

  She tilted her head and smiled. “Felicia and Rodney live on pinto beans and rice.”

  “Girl, stop it! They do not.”

  They laughed.

  It was strange because Vanessa and her mother had never spoken like this before. It threw her for a loop. On one hand, she was grateful to have her mother finally on her side for something and giving her useful advice. On the other, she was a bit suspicious at the sudden ‘pimping’ of Maurice.

  And just then, he peeked his head inside.

  “People are starting to get restless and asking about the cake,” he said. “Alexander is trying to tell jokes over the music.”

  “Oh my Lord,” said Alexis, stand
ing from her chair. She adjusted her dress and moved around the table. “Let me get out there before he makes a fool out of the both of us.” She went to the door, then turned to look back at Maurice. “You look quite handsome today, young man.”

  “It was a special occasion,” he said. “Future mother-in-law, and all.”

  She looked around him at her daughter. “You see that, Vanessa, a man who willingly treats your mother with respect is not one to be ignored.”

  She headed to the living room to calm the crowd.

  Vanessa shook her head and snickered. “You know when you say things like that to her, she gets a certain way about us.”

  He began helping her place the candles on the cake. “She knows I was kidding.”

  “Do you know that you were kidding?”

  Maurice stared at her as she continued moving the candles around Alexis’ name. “I wasn’t gonna bring this up, V.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “I have to. Things have been awkward with us lately, and I don’t like it.”

  “I don’t either,” she said, “but let’s just drop it, okay? Let’s just… not do this right now.”

  “I can’t do that. Because after the time we just had out there, I need to know why we never tried harder to make things work between us.”

  “This is not the time to go there, Mo. Please just drop it--”

  “I’m only curious because I thought we were fine.”

  “We are fine, as friends.” She stopped and looked up at him as he continued staring down at her. “If we ever got together, I mean really got together, it would be one ugly as hell breakup and I’m not prepared for that.”

  “You never know unless you try, V. What’s the harm in trying something new?”

  “It wouldn’t be trying something new with you, it’d be going back to the same thing. Your friendship is more important to me than anything else, and I don’t ever want to lose that. You saw how we danced out there, it was like--”

  “Two people who were meant to dance together for the rest of their lives.” He continued staring at her as she cautiously tore her gaze from his. “True friends who get together wouldn’t lose it over a bad breakup.”

  “You wouldn’t know that because you haven’t dated many of your friends.” She refocused on the cake, placing the last candle and lighting them as quickly as she could. “I just don’t think we should talk about this anymore.”

  “Now, or ever?”

  “Ever. You get angry and I get defensive each time it remotely comes up, by anyone. If by some miracle we decide to go there again, we can talk about it then. But in the meantime, I think we should just drop the issue altogether.” After lighting the last candle, she placed the lighter on the counter and lifted the cake. “We should go back before someone else comes in here asking about this thing.”

  He gradually nodded, still staring at her as a bit of anger mixed with sadness filled his heart. “Sure.” He went over to the door, opening it for her, and she plastered a fake smile on her face. He did the same as everyone began to sing to Alexis.

  They didn’t speak to one another the remainder of the party, which lasted another two hours. They didn’t speak on the way home either. Even as they walked into the house, it was deathly silent. Vanessa went over to the closet, while Maurice sauntered to the kitchen, hands deep inside his pockets. Nikki came downstairs wearing her barista uniform and tying her apron around her back.

  “I thought you would’ve been long gone by now?” asked Vanessa.

  “I took a nap after reading that book and overslept.” Nikki shook the long curls from her hair and flipped it back behind her. “How was the party?”

  “A blast. Here’s a piece of cake.”

  “What did you have to do to get it?” she asked, taking the plate from her and heading for the kitchen. “Sneak it out without her looking?”

  “No, actually. She said she wanted you to have some and she kind of missed having you there. Besides, the cake isn’t what she wanted anyway, so she was practically giving it away.”

  “That makes much more sense.”

  Nikki grabbed a fork from the drawer near the sink. Vanessa stood in the doorway, staring at a pissed off Maurice. He leaned back on the counter and stared back at her. The anger surrounding his silence spoke volumes.

  Nikki glanced at the both of them and frowned. “What’s going on?”

  Maurice looked over at her and then back to Vanessa. “Nothing,” he muttered. “Least not from her end.”

  “That’s no fair, Mo.”

  He shrugged. “Life isn’t fair. I’m learning that more and more.” He shuffled across the room and brushed past Vanessa. She stood straight and folded her arms. She didn’t look back at him, but he made sure to look at her one last time before disappearing up the stairs.

  “He can be such a child sometimes.”

  “What was that all about?” asked Nikki.

  She lifted her shoulders and rattled her head. “Nothing. He’ll get over it. What time do you plan on coming home from work?”

  “I don’t know yet. When I called in asking if I could work, he told me that one of the girls scheduled for today called in sick, Max is on vacation, and he has no one else.”

  “He has no one else, or you were just the only person who was willing to burden it all?”

  “Vanessa.”

  She raised a hand and stood back. “Fine.”

  “What are you doing for the rest of the day?”

  “Work, then dinner and a movie. Which means deadlines, Netflix and take out Chinese for V, party of one.”

  “You’ve got Maurice here.”

  “He’s not going to stay here with me the rest of the day. Besides, I don’t think he wants anything to do with me right now.”

  “What happened to you guys at the party? He seemed excited to go and now you both come back barely speaking and he’s so pissed, I could feel the fumes of his anger radiating off of his body and onto mine. Not that I’m not happy when he’s pissed, but I don’t like to see you so upset.”

  “It’s fine,” she said, unconvincingly. “We’re fine. He just needs to be alone right now, and so do I. I’m going to change clothes and relax a little. Don’t work too hard.”

  “You either.”

  Nikki ate a little more of her cake before slipping her hair into a high ponytail and heading out the door.

  Later that evening, Vanessa sat on her couch in the living room and began working on a few body image articles for the next issue. She had left messages for Samantha of what needed to be taken care of first thing Monday morning, but hesitated to call her mother on her birthday to remind her of anything, realizing that after the guests had gone and Gina had taken off with some friends, that she and Alexander were probably too ‘busy’ to even hear the phone, let alone want to answer it.

  When she saw Maurice slipping past, dressed in another outfit, she got curious and made her way to the foyer. She adjusted her reading glasses and noticed he was wearing black slacks instead of the brown ones earlier, with a matching jacket and no tie. His collar was loose and the first few buttons on his shirt were undone.

  He looked aside once he saw her standing there, now barefoot but still in the same clothes from earlier.

  “I’ll be back later,” he said, heading for the door.

  “Wait, wait. Where are you going out dressed like that?”

  “I’ve got a date with Destiny.”

  “Is this a girl, or is it in fact a destiny to go out with her? I don’t understand.”

  “She may be my destiny, I’m not sure of that yet. But for now, it’s just her name.”

  “Um, okay.” She folded her arms, confused. “Where are you two headed?”

  “That Thai restaurant on Madison.”

  She laughed, though there was a hint of anger behind it. “You’re joking. Why the hell would you take her there?”

  “You said you liked it, and I did too. It’s a great place to take a d
ate, which isn’t what we had. The place wasn’t ‘ours’. ” He scrunched his brows. “Why are you making a big deal out of this?”

  “You are such an asshole. Did you call her as soon as we got home?”

  “As a matter of fact, she called me. I left my phone here before the party and when we got back, I saw a few text messages and a voicemail from her and responded. She asked to go out tonight and I thought it was a great idea.”

  “Of course you did.” She rattled her head, glaring at him. “You are some piece of work.”

  “Oh, come off it, Vanessa,” he snapped. “I put myself out there and you turned me down like you always do. What am I supposed to do, become a monk?”

  “It’d be a start,” she shot back.

  He looked down at his shirt, adjusting his collar and buttons. He shook his head and grit his teeth, but started smiling because he couldn’t believe her reaction. He didn’t know if he was glad to see her so angry, or if he was pissed off that she only seemed to show emotion toward him when he was choosing to go out with or sleep with someone else.

  “I’m not going to wait around for you anymore,” he replied. “You said I should start getting serious about someone else, and I’m doing it with someone who’s not going to string me along for years.”

  “That is such bullshit, I never did that."

  “You never got rid of me either. You kept me around here like a stray dog because you knew I’d always come back anytime you wagged a bone in my face.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you? I never forced you to stay here or be my friend. I never forced you to have feelings for me either.”

  “Do you think any of that was a choice for me?” he asked, his anger rising.

  Vanessa felt like slugging him. He wasn’t only being petty, he was being jackass. But she refrained and nodded, attempting to rationalize in her mind the many ways that his bruised ego was clearly more important than her own crumbling feelings at the moment.

  “Whatever, it’s fine,” she continued. “You’re right, it wasn’t a date for us and that place wasn’t ‘ours’. It was just a way for you to try and get into my pants like always, which I’m sure you’ll be lucky enough to conquer tonight. So good luck.”