The Winning Side

by C. M. Doporto

  Not only that, I had to see if I could pull him out of the pits. It wasn’t over for his football career. When I called Shawn to tell him I was telling Raven, he was glad. He also told me about the supplemental draft that was nearing. Even though Raven had missed the filing date for the regular draft, he still had a shot at getting picked up. The least I could do was encourage him to consider it.

  “You’re up early.” Luke stood in the kitchen, wearing only his boxer briefs as he made a bowl of cereal. His hair was sticking up in all directions, appearing as if Delaney had her hands splayed through it the entire night.

  “Will you carry this to the car for me?” I set my duffle bag on the floor.

  He did a double take, still pouring his milk. “Shit.” He quickly lifted the carton, spilling some in the process. Eyeing my bag, he said, “You’re going to go tell him, aren’t you?”

  I nodded. “Yes. It’s only right.”

  Walking over to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. “Do you want me to take you? I will.”

  “Are we going somewhere?” Delaney shuffled out of her bedroom, her hair a matted mess and black smeared around her eyes. I didn’t say anything, taking in my options. It took a few seconds for it to register with her. “You decided to tell him.” A huge smile morphed. “It’s about damn time.”

  “He needs to know.” I held onto the straps of my purse and fished out my keys. “And I need to go alone.”

  “Do you know where he is?” Luke leaned against the counter, crossing his arms.

  “Yes. I talked to Trish and confirmed that he’s still staying with his grandmother in New Orleans.”

  Luke’s eyes widened. “You’re driving to New Orleans…by yourself?”

  “Yes.” I shifted my weight. “I can make the drive.”

  “It’s like eight hours, or ten, if you consider how many times you’re going to stop to pee. Why not just call and tell him?” Leave it to Luke to remind me of the inconveniences I endured on a daily basis.

  “His phone doesn’t work and I didn’t ask for her mother’s number.” Even if reaching him over the phone was an option, I didn’t want to do that. I had to tell him in person. He had to see me, so that he would know that I was telling the truth.

  “It’s a little over an hour if you fly.” Delaney’s fingers worked furious, typing information into to her phone. “And you can catch a flight in two hours from DFW Airport.”

  “And what do I do once I get there? Take a taxi or rent a car?”

  “Yes. It’s safer,” Luke tried to reason with me, “not to mention, quicker. If you leave right now,” Luke counted on his fingers, “you won’t get there until seven or eight o’clock tonight. And that’s if you don’t stop to take a nap.” He winked.

  He had a point. It was a long drive and going alone was sort of dangerous. I turned to Delaney. “How much is that flight?”

  An hour later, Luke and Delaney dropped me off in front of American Airlines gate 23D. The security line was short and since I only had two bags, it made it easy for me to get through. I grabbed a sandwich and chips at the Chili’s To Go stand along with a bottle of water and sat down in the waiting area. I ate my sandwich as I waited for my flight to board. After I finished, I took out my phone and dialed my mom’s number. I needed to tell my parents where I was going. Worrying about me was the last thing I wanted.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Lexi.” Her voice sounded a little winded. I hoped I hadn’t interrupted anything. “Just a second.” I heard some female voices in the background and noises that confirmed that she was probably outside. “Sorry, sweetie. I was playing tennis with my friends. We were just wrapping up because it’s getting hot. Is everything okay?”

  June was already promising to be a scorcher. I was glad that my last months of pregnancy would be in the winter.

  “Yes, I just wanted to let you and Dad know that I’m about to catch a plane to New Orleans.” I had told my parents that Raven had moved there to stay with his grandmother. Reflecting on the situation, it made sense why he left, but I still needed to hear it from him.

  Silence filled the other side of the line. “I respect your decision and hope it goes well. I’m not going to tell what to do, but if you need anything, just give us a call.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I…I just want to tell him. I’ll start from there and see how it goes.” I quickly swiped an escaping tear. I had to be strong. I couldn’t let Raven see me cry.

  “How long will you be there?” she pressed, as if ready to tell me not to go. But nothing was going to stop me. I had to do this. Besides, this wasn’t about her. It was about me, Raven, and our babies.

  “I don’t know. Maybe a few hours, maybe a day. I really don’t know.”

  A heavy sigh filtered through and the disappointment was evident. “Just promise me you’ll call or send us a text to let us know you’re okay.”

  “I promise.”

  “Look, Lexi, I may —”

  “Flight 302 to New Orleans is now boarding. Advantage and Platinum members, you may start boarding,” the flight attendant announced.

  “Mom, I have to go. They’re boarding.”

  “I love you, Lexi.” Mom’s voice squeaked.

  “I love you, too. Talk to you soon.” I hung up, grabbed my bags, and got in line.

  Within fifteen minutes, I was onboard and buckled up, ready to test my fate once again. I pulled out my laptop and decided to finish editing the last few chapters of Christensen’s book. I never realized how much I enjoyed editing fiction stories. It was definitely more interesting than essay and non-fiction papers.

  The flight was short. Before I knew it, the flight attendant had ordered for all electronics to be stored away. As the plane cleared the clouds and approached the outskirts of New Orleans, my heart raced. I was scared. What the heck was I going to tell Raven? How would I break it to him?

  Hi. Shawn told me to tell you that you should try out for the supplemental draft. Oh, and by the way, thought you should know you’re going to be a daddy. Not of one child, but two. So, take care. Bye.

  No. That wouldn’t work. I had to break it to him gently. I also had to encourage him to give his football career one more chance. The last thing I wanted was for him to freak over my pregnancy, or be mad because I was telling him what to do with his life. I had faith in his football abilities and I had to help him see that, but on the flipside, my heart couldn’t forget what he had said.

  Me, pregnant, would be a bad thing.

  The nick he carved in my heart by his debilitating words was enough pain to last a lifetime, especially since it had come true. I had no idea how he would react.

  All these thoughts had kept me from him — kept me from telling him that I was pregnant. A voice inside told me that it was just as easy to keep it that way. That he wouldn’t want to be a part of the babies’ lives. That he wouldn’t care about the supplement draft or even try. That he wouldn’t fight for me. It hurt. I had been here one too many times. I was tired of it. Yet, I was going back to it.

  The plane landed on the runway of Louis Armstrong International Airport and I thought about staying onboard and flying back to Fort Worth, but I couldn’t do that. Despite the nick he caused and the pain I had endured, I still loved him. Not only did I need him, but he needed me — our children needed him.

  A man helped me grab my duffle bag from the overhead storage unit and I headed down the narrow aisle, leaving all negative thoughts behind me. I walked through the jet bridge and the mugginess of the Louisiana swampland hit me. It was worse than Texas. I was glad I had decided to wear shorts and a loose tank top. I walked through the airport, keeping my thoughts focused on the task at hand.

  I could do this.

  I wanted to do this.

  There was no turning back.

  Exiting the airport, I headed toward the taxi line. I didn’t feel like going through the painstaking process of renting a ca
r and trying to find my way around the city. Besides, according to Google Maps, Raven’s grandmother’s house was only fifteen minutes away. I just hoped he was there.

  I got in the taxi and shut the door. “Where to, Miss?”

  Glancing at my phone, I read the address Trish had given me.

  “You’ve got it.” He nodded at me through the rearview mirror and headed down the street. “You don’t sound like you’re from around here.” He smiled, his chubby cheeks spreading across his face.

  “I’m not. I’m from Texas,” I said, trying to be cordial. All I wanted to do was get my conversation straight in my head. The words kept jumbling and this guy wasn’t making it any easier.

  “I should’ve known. Pretty girls like you are always from Texas.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Sure.” He pulled on his Fedora and I turned my attention to the street, hoping he wouldn’t ask me any more questions or make any comments.

  As the taxi drove through an old neighborhood, I imagined what it had been like for Raven when Hurricane Katrina hit. I tried to imagine what he endured at twelve years of age as he watched his house get washed away. Framed houses, stacked neatly on top of each other, lined the streets and I couldn’t help but wonder just how many people had lost their homes. Not to mention, loved ones.

  Holding my phone, I watched the icon move along the streets, inching closer to Raven. With each block we passed, I felt water rushing over me, just like a hurricane, sweeping away the demons that told me I didn’t need to give him another chance. That I had no business being there. That he wouldn’t want to see me. That he wouldn’t care whether I was pregnant.

  In reality, I wasn’t ready to take him back. But as the car turned from left to right, that familiar tug in the center of my chest awoke inside of me. The flame that burned inside of me still existed. It hadn’t gone out. It had been turned on low, ready to ignite at a moment’s notice.

  The fire we had created was like no other. A wildfire that burned hot and crazy, ready to tear down everything in its path. And just like that, I was willing to do whatever it took. If only I could turn back the hands of time and make everything right. If I could have him hold me like he used to. Kiss me and make love to me without ever ceasing.

  Damn, there was no getting away from The Raven’s trap.

  “4517 45th Street,” the driver announced as he pulled up to a neatly manicured lawn. Standing with his back facing the street was Raven. He was trimming the hedges in front of the house. The muscle shirt he wore was drenched in sweat and his head was neatly shaved — his beautiful brown hair gone.

  The driver told me the balance and I handed him my credit card, my hand shaking as reality hit.

  I was there.

  “Could you wait here? What will it cost?” I gathered my purse, but decided to leave my bag in the taxi.

  The driver looked at his watch. “You’re in luck. I need to take my lunch and I brought my food.” He held up a metal box with characters on the front, like the ones Luke used to have in elementary school.

  “Awesome.” Maybe being from Texas was working in my favor. “Hopefully it won’t be too long.”

  “I can wait thirty minutes. After that, I have to charge.” He handed me back my card.

  “Okay. Can you honk, so I’ll know?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

  I opened the door and got out of the vehicle. As soon as I shut it, Raven turned around. He did a double take and his body stiffened. I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say.

  The draft. I need to mention the supplemental draft. Get him on board with saving his career before telling him I’m pregnant.

  I took a step forward but stopped when the wind pressed against my clothes, causing my protruding belly to stick out. I wasn’t sure if I could hide twelve weeks of pregnancy from him. Surely, he’d notice.

  He dropped the hedge trimmers in his hand and darted toward me, but his stride wasn’t one that indicated he was dying to see me. It was quite the opposite. “What are you doing here?” He leveled me with a harsh stare and I reached for the taxi door handle, but stopped.

  I’m a strong woman. I can do this.

  I let go and turned around to face him. “I need to tell you something.”

  He eyed me suspiciously and I quickly shifted my purse over my stomach. “Why didn’t you just call?”

  “I would have, but your phone isn’t working.”

  “That’s because I turned it off.” He scowled and I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to the man that would smile from ear to ear when he saw me. That could light up any street with the glow beaming from him whenever I got close. Why was he acting so bitter toward me? Did he know? Had Shawn told him I was coming to see him? Or had Shawn told him I was pregnant? I had to know.

  With one hand on my hip, I held his gaze. “Why did you leave me?”

  His jaw tightened as he bit out the words, “That’s what you came here for?”

  I ignored his comment and stuck to my plan. “Were you that chicken shit that you couldn’t tell me in person?”

  “Lexi, just go back home.” He waved me off like I wasn’t even worth his time and turned around. It was like a slap in the face and for a moment, I felt like one of his hoes that he so easily tossed to the side after he got what he wanted.

  I followed him to where he was working in the yard, watching him scalp a shrub to the near root. “Why do you keep thinking you’re not good enough for me? I don’t get it.”

  “Because I’m not, Lexi.” He huffed a few times and then stopped cutting. “Can’t you see that? Why do you want to be with a loser like me?” He flung around and faced me, jabbing a finger in the center of his chest so hard, I thought he’d poked a hole. “I can barely support myself, much less you. And I sure as hell don’t expect for you to support my ass.”

  Oh no. I couldn’t possible tell him I was pregnant now.

  I threw my hands up in the air, defeat quickly setting in. “Do you really think I’m that shallow? Do you think I’m that money hungry or something? Because if I gave you that impression, I’m sorry. I don’t care what profession you choose, Raven, as long as it’s legit. There are plenty of other occupations aside from football.”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know, how about landscaping? Looks like you’ve been doing a great job on your grandmother’s house.” I did a quick glance of the perfectly manicured lawn. “Why not start a business?”

  His face twisted in disgust. “I don’t want to do this shit for a living.” He tossed the trimmers to the ground and I sighed in relief. The last thing I needed was to accidently get stabbed by a pair of razors sharp knives. Not that he would, but the demon inside of him was making a grand appearance and it scared me a bit. “I’m only doing this to help my grandmother, not because I enjoy it.”

  “Fine. I’m just giving you an example. But if you love football that much, you should consider the supplemental draft.”

  There, I said it.

  “Wh-what?” His voice was on the verge of a condescending laugh. “No one is going to pick me up. No team wants a player with off-field issues, especially not mine.” He laughed hard and rolled his eyes.

  “You don’t know that, Raven.”

  “Trust me, Lexi. It’s over for me. My football days are long gone. The dream is gone. Just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “I’m nothing but a washed out, ex-druggy, ex-drunk, who will never amount to nothing.” He sighed heavily, picked up his shirt, and wiped the sweat from his face. His stomach tensed and I caught a glimpse of a heavy set of abs that had definitely vamped from a six pack to an eight pack. The indentations on either side of his waist formed a deeper V and he looked leaner than ever. He had seriously been working out.

  My approach wasn’t working so I had to try something different. Not to mention, he was really pissing me off. “Alright. Fine. I can’t force you do anything. You have to want to make something out of your life. The only thin
g I can do is encourage you. In fact, that’s all I’ve ever done. I had hoped I was going to be a part of your life, but I see that being away from me hasn’t changed anything.”

  “Lexi, I’m not good for you. Just go back to—”

  “Don’t.” Anger boiled my blood. “Don’t even say his name.” I jammed my finger into his chest, my eyes on the verge of tears. “My life has been turned upside down because of you. I gave you everything, Raven. All of me.” Tears gushed from my eyes and there was no stopping them. “I gave myself to you freely and you just turned your back on me. Like everything we had meant nothing to you. We were engaged to be married! Did that not mean anything to you?” I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and then pushed him away. My heart pounded, ready to explode into a thousand pieces. Pieces I had been holding onto by a thread.

  His eyes narrowed and glazed over, as if ready to release all the hurt that had been tormenting him. “I’m sorry, Lexi. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Well you did more than that, Raven.” I started to turn around and then stopped. I had come there for another reason. A more important reason than telling him about the supplemental draft — his babies. “Before I go, there’s something else you need to know.”

  “Save it, Lexi. Nothing will change how I am.”

  My body heaved forward and I swayed back. The sandwich threatened to make a reappearance, but I willed it stay. I refused to break down in front of him. I was telling him no matter what it did to me.

  “You’re impossible.” I took a few deep breaths. “I just traveled five hundred and thirty five miles hoping that maybe you still wanted to be with me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I haven’t given up on us. And most of all, I haven’t given up on this.” I reached into my purse and pulled out the first sonogram that said Hi Mom, Hi Dad and shoved it into his hand.

  “What’s this?” He stared at it for a moment, his eyes narrowing as he studied the images. The paper wavered in the wind and he grabbed the edge with his free hand. His face shifted from surprise to realization. “Yo-you’re having a baby?”

  “Two, actually.”

  “Wh-what?” His face paled and he swayed to the side. I reached out to keep him steady.