Finding Us

by Allie Juliette Mousseau

  “What do you want?”

  “To stay with you at your apartment for two weeks.” I shrugged.

  “It sounds like this is a win-win situation to me.” He smiled cockily.

  My brain entirely stalled at the idea of staying with Nate as boyfriend and girlfriend. When I was able to grasp a semblance of order again I asked, “How far did you get into Morris’ novel?”

  He laughed. “Table of Contents,” he said, laying his head back on the jacket.

  I sighed in relief. “You’re crazy. You’re not even going to like that book. You should just give it to me.”

  “No way! I want to know what makes Julia North high, besides me of course.” He grinned proudly, but his eyes were closed.

  “You look like you need to pass out.”

  “Maybe, but I had so many things I wanted to do with you tonight.”

  “Good, we can do them tomorrow night. I imagine you’ve come down from that rider’s adrenaline rush.”

  “I feel pretty much like a rag doll. His name isn’t Smackdown for nothing.”

  “You know, that was only three secrets,” I teased.

  “Why do you think I wanted to get you alone for three days?”

  “Come on, Casanova, let’s get into the tent and under the blankets.” I pulled at Nate’s arm.

  “Alright, baby.”

  It was the second morning in a row we’d woken in a tangle. After cleaning the site, we hit the road again. The sun was blazing in the sky, there wasn’t a cloud in the expanse of blue, and Nate played my Colbie Caillat playlist the entire way, under the condition that I’d sing and “truck dance” for him.

  “HA!” I laughed. “All I need is a pole!”

  With all seriousness he said, “That could be arranged.”

  In no time the gold and green prairies spilled into one of the most majestic displays of the Rocky Mountain ranges to be seen, Jasper National Park.

  We drove the road to the Alpine Village Cabin Resort, where Nate had booked a cabin for the night, and carried in our bags.

  “This is gorgeous, Nate!” The honey colored log cabin boasted vaulted ceilings, a wide deck that overlooked a field of green grass and wildflowers that reached to the river, and a stone chimney. There was a king sized bed and a cozy living room with a stone fireplace and rustic, carved wood furniture. Everything was in earth tones.

  “Jules, hurry up.” Nate was standing in front of a huge picture window, holding his hand out to me.

  I jogged over, took his hand and looked in the direction he was pointing.

  “Oh my God!” A black bear sow and her two cubs were lumbering together up the bank from the river. I smiled up at Nate who had obviously been enjoying my expression more than the bears.

  He reached up and touched my chin. “I’m going to hop in the shower. When I’m finished up, do you want to go exploring?”

  “I’d like that.” I nodded.

  He took his bag into the bathroom and I listened to the water start up.

  That’s when I self combusted! I was here with Nate, and he loved me, and we were spending a couple days in a cabin together in the most beautiful setting on earth! It was like a honeymoon! Like a child, I jumped up and down all over the room until I had to catch my breath and fell back on the huge, soft bed!

  Oh shit! I needed to call my mom! I’d probably have to find a landline.

  A moment later Nate came out of the bathroom, and I almost died. I was lying on the bed, and he was in nothing but a towel. He had hardly dried off, and the water droplets fell over the lines of his muscles.

  Seeing me sprawled out over the bed he winked. “Are you waiting for me?”

  Little-miss-fantasy-generator could only stare. He seemed to take that as a compliment because his grin got huge.

  “I forgot my razor.”

  I nodded like an idiot and wondered how I was going to handle it when it really came time to cross that sexual threshold. Were other virgins as seemingly stupid scared as I’d just become? And hadn’t I wanted that with Nate for forever?!

  He disappeared into the bathroom again, and I put my iPod on the dock and scrolled to my Uncle Kracker playlist, letting it soothe my all-of-a-sudden-on-fire brain. I swayed to “Smile” on repeat for about ten minutes before I heard Nate’s smooth voice, “Baby, you want a grab a shower? Water’s nice.”

  “Yeah, I think I will.” I felt relieved again. He came out in his blue denim jeans and hunter green button up with a black tee underneath. “You look great.”

  “Thanks, you do too.”

  “I haven’t even showered or changed yet.”

  “I know.”

  I shook my head, laughing, got my bag and headed into the bathroom to wash and shave, thinking about how that first time was actually going to be. Was it going to be beautiful? Was I going to be a total clumsy idiot? Was it going to be hot? Whatever happened, Nate would definitely be hot. And for God’s sake, was it really going to hurt all that much?

  After I dressed in my faded blue jeans and spaghetti strap pink tank top with an ivy green cotton shirt layered over it, I sprayed on a bit of Victoria Secret’s Very Sexy Fragrance Mist and came out barefoot … to a sneak attack.

  I screamed in surprise as Nate picked me up by my waist, lugged me to the bed and tackled me onto it, pinning me beneath him. He held the Natalia Morris novel in his hand.

  “You read this, little girl?” He brandished the open pages at me in accusation.

  “Um, yeah.” I turned red faced.

  “Holy hell, this is like Fifty Shades! Does your mama know you read this?”

  “I told you it was sexy.”

  “Sexy romance, yeah, but this is like playing with fire!”

  If he only knew! “Do you like it?”

  “Damn straight I like it.” He came closer and growled in my ear “I’d like to do it all to you.”

  That shot a bolt of sexy wet energy right to my most intimate place. I closed my eyes. “We should try that then,” I whispered.

  “Really?” He gave me a cocky smile, got up and pulled me to my feet, watching me cautiously. “Let’s go to the lodge, get something to eat then take one of the trails. I’ll walk behind you so I get a great view.”

  I slapped his arm, a smile on my face.

  We went over to the main lodge and ordered a grilled chicken Caesar salad for two with bread sticks and a couple of Molsons.

  “Alright, give me a secret, North.”

  I groaned. “How many secrets do you think I have?”

  “I don’t know, but I want all of them,” he clarified.

  “Okay, um. I want a tattoo, but I’m terrified to go through with it,” I said with my face scrunched up. It sounded so stupid.

  “I like that secret. What would you get a tat of and where would it be?” He smiled and stuffed a huge forkful of salad into his mouth.

  “I’d have an elegant feather quill pen on the back of my right shoulder with a flourish of ink coming from the tip. From the top of the feather, I’d have ten tiny birds taking flight.”

  “That would be beautiful,” he said sincerely. “What do the ten birds represent?”

  I rolled my eyes. “This one secret is turning into multi parts again.”

  “You know you want to tell me.” He shrugged and went back to his salad.

  “They’re for each of the people in my family. I designed it when I was like sixteen.” I shook my head, feeling like that might have sounded childish.

  “Ten?” Nate’s eyebrow lifted. “Isn’t that two too many?”

  “My immediate family, along with Livie … and you.”

  He studied me like maybe he didn’t really believe what I was saying. “Yeah, you’re making that last part up,” he teased.

  “No actually, I’m not. You’ve always been included in that group. I’ll prove it when we get back. It’s in one of my sketch pads at home.”

  He stared at me with amazement in his eyes.

  “Alright, jeesh, that
was hard to tell you.” I rolled my eyes trying to make the moment lighter.

  “Would you get it if I held your hand?” He cracked a smile.

  “It’s your turn, now fess up!”

  “I’m a millionaire.” He nodded his head as if he was proud of himself.

  “You are?” I knew he made a lot of money as a shareholder and with his rodeo career, but I never stopped to consider how much. “Then why on earth do you live in that run down apartment on Fifth?”

  He shrugged. “My dad told me my whole life I’d never be anything but a piece of shit white trash.” Nate’s eyes darkened.

  I looked down at my plate, and instantly my heart ached for him.

  “It was one of those things he said that conditioned me, made me feel and act like I was less than I was.” He stared at his plate too. “Just another reason I thought you were better off without me.”

  I started to protest, or comfort him, but he continued. “But by the time I was twenty-two I had my first million. I wouldn’t be anything without your dad—Colt was like a father to me. He trained me in a trade, showed me the business and trusted me enough to make me a shareholder.”

  “That’s a very elite position,” I reminded him. “That’s because we all saw what you really were.”

  “It’s been a hard process, letting go of what my dad drilled into my head—there’s a lot of shit rattling around up there because of him. But in the past year, being physically freed from him has helped me get my head on a little more straight. I mean, hey, at least I recognize that he’s screwed me up.” He drained his bottle.

  “So you said your first million, how wealthy and prominent are you?” I flirted, leaning into the table. It was obviously important to him.

  He smirked. “I don’t know if I can tell you. You might be a gold digger.”

  “Oh I am.” I nodded seriously.

  He laughed out loud, and the smile reached his eyes. “I have a little over four million dollars.”

  “Holy shit! Are you serious?”

  “Yes.” He smiled proudly. “Now that’s not even close to the fortune your family has amassed, but it’s a good start.”

  “I’d say so! That’s incredible, Nate!”

  “I’m lucky. Not everyone gets a leg up like I did,” he mused. “Of course, holding onto bulls I did all by my lonesome.”

  I laughed. “Yes you did!”

  “Bull riding has earned me 1.5 mil so far.”

  “Seriously?” I asked wide eyed.

  “Completely.” He contemplated. “Maybe it made me work harder too—you know, wanting to prove him wrong.”

  I just listened. This was the first time he’d ever really mentioned his dad to me.

  “Sometimes it’s still a battle inside me. You’d think I’d be all grown up and over it.” He shook his head slightly. “But I’m not always. Son of a bitch still gives me nightmares.” He flipped my hand over and traced over the lines in my palm with his fingers. “You know, for the past two years when I’ve mounted each wild ride, what kept me focused was the idea that if I could hold on for that eight seconds, I could be worthy of you.”

  “Nate. You’re an amazing man. You’ve always been worthy—with or without money.” My voice got quiet like it was still so new to say. I didn’t want to mess it up. “I would love you no matter what.”

  He held my eyes. “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  I nodded. He smiled softly, thoughtfully, before he continued, “You know money was only one component of it, but to believe I could find myself and know who I really was, apart from that bastard and what he told me I was, that’s been one hell of a mountain to climb. Getting a grip on the anger that tore me up inside and learning how to get rid of it safely? That’s been another fight.” He swallowed hard. “I never want to be like him.”

  I stayed quiet and allowed Nate to go where he needed to with his thoughts.

  “Okay, I didn’t mean for that conversation to go there. If you’re almost done, we could get the check and go find a trail to get lost on for a while.”

  “You can let any conversation go anywhere you need it to. Talk to me anytime about anything. I’ll always be right here, holding onto your hand.” I noticed strangely that my heart felt heavy from his burden, but lightened at the fact that he trusted me with it. I remembered how he told me he wanted to be the one, my one, my forever. Now he was laying pieces of his soul out into the light for me to examine … He was so brave to be doing it and I loved him even more.

  Chapter 12

  “It Goes Like This”

  Thomas Rhett

  We walked the Lake Annette Loop. The lake was a crystal clear turquoise blue with an alpine wonderland surrounding it. Purple wildflowers, yellow glacier lilies and red Indian paintbrushes dotted the landscape. And even though it was the middle of July, small rivulets of snow clung to the massive stone mountains that rose like ancient temples into the heavens.

  “I could have a little house right over there”—I pointed over to a small opening in the meadow—“and be happy forever.”

  “I could give you that.”

  “You could?”

  “I’d give anything to make you happy.”

  I turned to look up into his eyes, which reflected the color of the lake and sky, and took a deep breath, full of him.

  He admitted, “I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and find I’m just coming out of a coma from getting kicked in the head by Smackdown and that this was all a dream.”

  I laughed. “No coma.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yes.” I took his face in my hands, pulled myself up on my tiptoes to reach his perfect mouth and kissed him. When I opened my eyes I asked, “Did that feel like a coma induced dream?”

  He shook his head slowly, a beautiful smile on his face.

  He took my hand and we slowly finished the loop. Nate led us down another winding trail that wrapped around an untamed meadow where a huge herd of elk were grazing, and it felt like we were in another time, the only two people on earth, together in this wild place. We stopped to watch a little elk chase his brother and Nate wrapped his arms around me from behind.

  “I’m never going to want to go back to civilization, Morrisey.”

  “Yeah, I’m having the same feeling, beautiful.” With that he swept my hair from my shoulder and laid his face at the crook of my neck. I felt the warmth of his lips on my skin. “It feels like I’ve been waiting my entire life to get you truly alone.”

  I reached up behind me and held his head in my hands, twisted myself and took his mouth on mine.

  Nate got in front of me and worked his hands along my back to pull me flush against him. My breasts ached and my body involuntarily pressed into him harder to feel the pressure.

  Huskily he asked, “Do you want to go back to the cabin?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  It was a half mile back and we watched the sun dip down behind the mountains while it set the sky on fire before it said goodnight. Rich orange and pink hues reflected off the stone, casting an otherworldly glow.

  As much as my body was craving the action it had waited so long for, my responsible side staged a detour. “Nate, I have to call my mom. I’m going to run across to the lodge to use the landline”

  “Okay, I’ll come with you.”

  “I really want to talk to her for a few minutes … how about if you go back to the cabin and start a fire and wait for me?”

  “Oh, right. You’re going to talk about me.”

  “Yes, I am definitely going to talk about you.”

  “Make sure you tell her I’ve been nothing but a gentleman!” he called out as I made my way across the small town street, smiling at passersby as I went.

  I turned, giving him the thumbs up signal.

  “And remember, I haven’t touched you inappropriately either!” he shouted after I was already across the street.

  “Thanks, Nate!” I hollered back. People walking by giggled and stared. �
��Thanks,” I mumbled.

  I went through the heavy glass and wood doors of the main lodge, scoped out the front desk and approached the clerk.

  “Hi, I’m looking for a landline for a personal call.”

  “Of course. I’ll need identification and a credit card.”

  “Certainly.” I gave him both, and he led me to a private area that housed a desk, computer, fax and phone. “Thanks.”

  I dialed my mom’s cell phone.

  “Suzanne North.”

  “Mom!”

  “Oh my God! Julia, where are you?” she pounced.

  “Didn’t Caleb call you?”

  “Of course he did, but I’ve been waiting for you to call!” she burst out excitedly. “How’s Nate?”

  Her warm excitement spread through me. “He’s great,” I sing-songed.

  “Caleb said you finally told him. I’m so proud of you.”

  “It took both Livie and Piper to walk me through it, but I still almost chickened out. In the end both Nate and I came through. And you were right.”

  “Of course I was right! Anyone with half a brain who caught the two of you in the same room together could see it!” she bragged.

  We talked at least another twenty minutes as she demanded every solitary detail of how I had done it, what Nate’s reaction had been, what I’d said and what he’d said, before I hung up and got back to the cabin.

  I found Nate sitting at the dining table with a beer in one hand and the Natalia Morris novel in the other. A nervous flutter ran through my stomach.

  “How’s your mom?”

  “Great.” I tossed my bag down on the chair, trying to ignore the sense of unease that was attempting to settle over me.

  “Good,” Nate muttered but didn’t look up from the book.

  “Really like that book, huh?”

  He lifted his eyes to catch mine and held them.

  I bit my teeth into my lip. In my excitement to be with him, I hadn’t searched for that book and tossed it before he had a chance to really look through it. And honestly, I never thought he’d read any further. Oh. Shit. “What is it?”

  “Um, I …” He laughed. “This writer is a real fan of Colbie Caillat like you are.”