Finding Us

by Allie Juliette Mousseau

  “Then there was my mom, I remember being seven years old, and her just sitting on the floor in the corner of the kitchen. Livie was a baby, crying in her crib, I was hungry, and she wouldn’t or couldn’t even tend to us. That was pretty much how everyday looked. I learned to feed and care for myself and Livie and oftentimes her too.

  I know now she was extremely depressed. I know Dillon was terrible to her, I remember her beatings like I remember my own, but there’s no excuse for leaving behind your babies, ever. I hated her for leaving us with that monster. She was our mom, and she should have protected us. She should have taken us with her.”

  This broke my heart and I felt silent tears roll down my face. He was so young to have had such misery thrust on him. It made me realize that he’d never had a childhood. Not a real one. He’d also never had a home. Homes were supposed to be warm places where you were loved and safe. He had become the man that he was today through his own strength and despite the wreck of a job his parents had done.

  He shook it out and continued. “Then there was your mom, Suzanne, feeding me dinner whenever I was over and cutting off the crusts of my bread when she made me lunch. In fact, after she figured out Livie and I didn’t have much in the way of food when Dillon was gone, she made sure she’d come and check up on us and stock the fridge. When he was around, he tried to make it look like we were a happy family. He never fooled them or anyone.

  “Last year when Dillon went to prison, Colt gave me a few self help books for adult men who’d been abused as children. I said thanks, threw them on the shelf and never looked at them. That was, until the nightmares got worse and I knew I had too much unresolved crap. There was a lot of deep shit to get my mind around. I did some of the journal work, but honestly not as much as I should have according to the books. But sometimes remembering is harder than avoiding.” He shrugged. “I know those books helped, but to what degree, I don’t know yet. But look at us, here, together; I’d say that’s progress.”

  “I’d say so.” I stroked his cheek with my thumb. “You never have to be alone or go through it by yourself ever again.”

  “I’ve never told anyone all that before.” Nate took a deep breath.

  “Thank you for trusting me.”

  “Come closer.” He folded me in his arms and shifted so I was fully laid out over the top of him. It wasn’t sexual. It was like I was a human pillow he needed to squeeze to comfort himself. I rested my head against his shoulder and took the job very seriously.

  We woke up early the next morning and took the three hour hike on both the Johnston Canyon Upper and Lower Falls trails. Neither of us had been through them before, and experiencing them together was incredible. The impossible beauty of the falls and the canyon that the water had carved made it seem as if anything was possible. With Nate’s hand in mine, I felt like we could conquer the world. We had a fellow hiker take a couple pictures of us in front of the falls with each of our phones. I sent mine to Livie and my mom, and then set it as my background. It was our first photo as a couple. I laughed at my own sentimentality, and Nate asked if his hair was a mess. It was a perfect morning.

  During the afternoon we strolled through the picturesque town of Banff and grabbed lunch at a quaint bistro.

  On our way back to camp we happened upon a place called Perfect Image Studio. Nate yanked me to a stop.

  “Want to keep up your streak?”

  “My streak?”

  “Yeah, your invincible, go-after-what-you-want streak?”

  I took a closer look at the studio’s sign. “OH MY GOD! NO WAY!!!” I cried and tried jerking him away from the storefront.

  He wasn’t budging. “Come on, you’re not a pansy … are you?”

  “No!” I protested, looking at the sign again.

  “My treat.” He smiled like a rock star.

  I scowled.

  Inside the tattoo and piercing studio was an atmosphere of understated elegance and sophistication. Not what I had really expected.

  “Hey there,” said a stocky man in a black t-shirt with long blond dreadlocks pulled into a low ponytail. “How can I help you folks today?”

  “Do you have any room on your schedule for a walk in?” Nate asked, seeming at ease while I’d started shaking.

  “Sure do. For one of you, or both?”

  I started to open my mouth that this was a huge mistake, but Nate said, “Both. And is there a second artist so we could have them done at the same time?”

  Somehow the idea of having tattoos done together wasn’t as intimidating as having it done all by myself.

  “We do. I’m Matt and the other artist is Laney. I’ll just grab her in a second. Do you guys have an idea of what you’re looking to do?”

  Nate folded his bulky arms across his chest and smiled at me so that I’d take the stage.

  I drew in a shuddering breath.

  “Ah, virgin skin.” Matt smiled now too.

  Did everybody have to use that freaking word??? All of a sudden I wasn’t so scared anymore.

  “I’m looking to have a colorful feather quill with an ink flourish on my right shoulder blade, with ten small birds hovering up around it. And I want the feather to be curved a little. Oh, and I want soft colors: different shades of pink, violet, maybe some blues and yellows too.” I looked up at Nate with a defiant set to my eyes.

  He leaned in and whispered, “That’s my girl,” then kissed my head before he addressed the artist. “I’ll draw a sketch of mine for you.”

  Before I knew it Nate and I were in chairs, side by side and positioned for the artists to do their work. Laney was very pretty, probably in her thirties, and had short black hair and a nose ring.

  “You ready, Jules?” she asked, and her kind but strong demeanor helped me feel a little more at ease.

  No, I am NOT ready! How did I get roped into this again?

  “Here, baby.” Nate took my hand. “Squeeze all you need to.”

  “Thanks.” I intended on squeezing for all I was worth, because it was him, after all, who had roped me into this!

  A second later the needle pierced my skin. “Holy hot fuck!!!”

  The three of them laughed and made me laugh too.

  “Damn, that hurts!” I couldn’t stay quiet. “Nate, you have these things all over you!”

  “Just relax, in a little bit the pain should start to pass and then numb up.”

  “Numb up, my ass!” I muttered.

  Laney smiled. “I’ve had almost every inch of my skin done. You do get used to the feel of the needle.”

  I swore a few more times and forced myself not to cry! But like they said, about twenty minutes into it, the pain ebbed and I was able to stop strangling Nate’s hand.

  Nate already had a colorful arm sleeve over his entire left arm, spilling onto the left side of his chest. There were a lot of objects and symbols throughout the tattoo, including stars, a winding river, flames, a bucking bull, a small herd of wild horses running through a field of tall green and gold prairie grass, a yin and yang made from half the sun and half the moon, a skull, a dream catcher with three feathers, a buffalo head, a lucky four leaf clover and more. Whatever he was having done now was on his right forearm, where he had no other tats. Which of course made it all the more interesting.

  After another hour or so of torture, we were finished.

  “Jules, are you ready to see it?” Laney asked, smiling. “It looks frigging incredible!”

  Nate said, “Jules, you kick ass, I knew you could do it.”

  Laney set up two mirrors so I could see her work. My mouth dropped open. It was so beautiful it took my breath away. The shades of color were spectacular and blended perfectly. The quill looked as if it were floating and writing by magic, leaving a ribbon of pink ink, while ten perfect birds flew above, each shaded with a soft gray and a complimenting color. In a moment of sheer agony and incredible pride, I had forever etched into my skin those I loved most in this world, along with a piece of my own personality,
showing how we were all a part of each other.

  “It’s perfect.” I pressed my lips together to control my welling emotions.

  “Are you ready to let me look?” Nate asked.

  I nodded, not trusting my voice. I wondered if everyone who got tattoos had this feeling, then I thought, duh! That’s why they get addicted to ink and keep going back for more.

  “It’s stunning, Jules, just like you. It was a great design.” Nate studied my shoulder. “Really fabulous job, Laney.”

  “Well, I live to tat.” She smiled as she cleaned up the work station.

  “Which one am I?” Nate kissed the opposite, not-in-pain shoulder.

  “The jade green one, closest to my bird.”

  “Jade?”

  “For your eyes.”

  He came around in front of me and swept my hair from my face before his lips landed on mine, soft and emotional. He just held them there, pressed against mine, his eyes squeezed shut.

  After a longer moment he said against my lips, “I love you.”

  He pulled back and I noticed from the corner of my eye that Matt and Laney were watching us with huge smiles.

  “My turn.” Nate peeled back the surgical pad.

  “Nate …” I stared at the artwork. Fourteen small, black and silver shaded three dimensional stars brought the night sky onto Nate’s right forearm and created the Great and Small Bears. The North Star was just a little larger than the rest, and looked more silver. Over the top of the star in calligraphy was a capitol N with a tiny J in the upper corner of the letter. Underneath the star pattern were the words, “He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”

  “Yeah.” He looked into my eyes.

  I was his North Star.

  I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him passionately. Laney and Matt applauded and, a moment later, Nate and I laughed.

  Nate paid for the tattoos, took our care kits and, after stopping for some food, we cozied back up in the tent.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Like I have the worse sunburn ever,” I replied.

  “Was it worth it?”

  “Every minute,” I verified.

  “Can I see it again?”

  “Yeah, if you help me with my shirt.”

  “Oh yeah, I can totally do that,” he said suggestively.

  Nice and easy, Nate helped me pull my shirt over my head. I was very aware that I didn’t have on a bra. I hadn’t been able to put it back on after the tattoo. “Let me clean it and put a coat of ointment on it.”

  “Okay.”

  With a tender touch, Nate tended to my aftercare. “It really is a stunning tat, Jules. It matches you perfectly.” He replaced the bandage and began kissing across the back of my shoulder.

  I leaned my head back onto his chest. “I love what you did—I mean the tattoo—and somehow love you even more for doing it. It reminds me of something my mom says, that you grow in love. She says she loves Dad more than she did when they were first together.” I thought for a moment. “I can’t fathom loving you more than I already do.”

  Nate murmured an “Mmm” against the left side of my neck and I felt his hand tickle up the front of my left arm. He tilted my chin up with his hand and took to sucking my flesh into his mouth in a trail to my shoulder. While he distracted my mind with his mouth, his hand roamed, stroking across my chest until he held my breast in his hand.

  My breath quickened. I loved the feel of his hands and mouth on me, it made me intoxicated and heady … it made my insides quiver and my sex dampen.

  He pressed my nipple into the flat of his palm with a delicious pressure, until it hardened at the sensation.

  “I can’t keep my hands off you,” he said eagerly.

  “Then put them on me,” I flirted.

  He was wearing only a pair of loose sweatpants and he grinded his hardening arousal against the small of my back.

  The feel of it thrilled my senses. I wanted to know what it would feel like inside of me.

  A second later, Nate had my nipple caught between his fingers. Gently he twisted and pulled at it until heat pooled below my belly, awakening every nerve.

  Instinctively, I spread my legs. The desperate ache begged to be relieved, and I knew Nate had the tools to do it.

  “Oh, you’re body is so receptive,” he purred.

  “Nate, you make me drenched.” I pushed my ass back and rubbed up against him. “I want to know every part of you.”

  “I’m going to give you every part of me,” he groaned, running his tongue over the curve of my ear. “Now I need to use both my hands, kitten. Just remember the forearm. Lean back against me and put your hands on my legs.”

  I did what he told me and felt even more sexy. Leaning back with my hands on his legs pushed my breasts out, and he used the position to his full advantage. Now he had both pink tips, one in each hand, and was working them with his fingertips and driving me into a frenzy.

  “How wet are you?”

  “My panties are soaked,” I moaned.

  “Hmm …” He licked and nipped at my earlobe. “Let’s see.”

  He slipped one hand under the waistband of my pink sweatpants and glided his fingers over my panties. “Oh fuck, you are soaked.”

  His touch sent tingles shooting through me like fireworks, but it wasn’t enough. Wasn’t near enough! “Nate, I need more.”

  “I can’t wait to give you more. Bend your knees up, baby.”

  The second I did, he swiped his finger under my panties and ran it through the length of my sex. I pulled in a sharp intake of breath.

  He settled on my clit and flicked it with the pad of his index finger, as he kept up his assault on my nipple. I was quickly getting to the edge.

  My breath was spastic. I moaned louder the closer I got.

  “That’s right. I love listening to your sweet noises as you get closer. Come on, fall apart in my hand.”

  The sound of his voice was a head spinning aphrodisiac. He carried me over that perfect precipice. It was wonderful. I wanted more, the more I knew was there!

  “Nate. I want all of you. Give yourself to me.” I begged. I didn’t care about any romantic notions or old fashioned commitments. At this moment I craved him so desperately. I needed to satisfy the burning between my legs.

  He snatched me up in his arms and pulled me onto his lap, the heat of his erection rubbed against my side, and in no time his mouth covered my nipple, while his fingers stroked the inside of my soft, clenching walls. Immediately I was coming again, thrusting my hips up to drive him deeper. He stayed in control of the depth, despite my movements as I drifted over the dizzying heights.

  “Oh my God, Nate, how do you do this to me?” I cried between panting breaths.

  “Jules, you’re fucking amazing when you come,” he growled and climbed out from underneath me. “Roll over onto your left side.”

  I did what I was told and was rewarded with Nate anchoring my thigh in his hand as he spread my legs wide and dove his mouth over my hot, hypersensitive sex.

  In a heartbeat I was climbing again. My stomach dropped as every muscle tensed in anticipation. I moaned, breathless, as I watched Nate push his pants down around his knees then grip his shaft in his fist. He pumped himself fast.

  Knowing he was close, I reached down and cupped his balls in my hand, playing with them to see which sensation would bring him to his end. I tickled and squeezed and his mouth went ballistic over my clit. He licked and sucked the sensitive flesh in a fever.

  He groaned into my swelling clit, “You’re going to make me come, baby.”

  “Do it then, do it for me, Nate,” I demanded.

  He just about shouted against my soaked skin and when I realized he was about to go over, I went with him.

  When we were finished, I fell onto my stomach. Nate rolled onto his back and rested his hand on my ass. The heat from our tattoos dictated the positions we were going to sleep in.

 
“Holy fuck, Jules. You’re so hot.”

  “You make me hot with what you do.” I thought for a minute. “I can’t wait to break your resolve.”

  “Yeah, trust me, its cracking fast,” he said, laughing.

  Chapter 15

  “Stealing Cinderella”

  Chuck Wicks

  The next morning we broke down camp and headed for home. A little over an hour later, we were passing through Calgary, one of my favorite cities, nestled against the Rocky Mountains.

  Nate took a detour off the highway and drove into the city’s heart.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, confused.

  “I can’t tell you that,” Nate said, sounding dead serious.

  “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I just have to make a stop.”

  Again with the cryptic.

  “The Chinook Centre?” This was one of the most luxurious upscale malls in the country.

  Nate parked the truck and came around quickly to open my door. He wore the sexiest, most mischievous grin as he helped me from the truck. He leaned in and grabbed a blue bandana from the glove box.

  “Turn around and close your eyes.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because you love surprises.” He cocked his eyebrow.

  He was right. I loved surprises. I spun around excitedly. “Okay, do it!”

  Nate tied the cloth around my eyes, locked up the truck and maneuvered me through the parking lot.

  “This is a real exercise in trust,” I deadpanned.

  He kissed my cheek.

  “How about a hint?” I tried.

  “Not a chance. I suck at hints.”