Lizzy dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands. She needed to remain calm and not reply in kind, but it wouldn’t be easy. How dare he talk to her like that! She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
She lifted her chin and held his gaze.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Father. It’d be nice if you respected my decisions for once, and allowed me to be myself instead of forcing me to be someone you want me to be.” She paused and slowed her breathing before continuing. “I’m not a child anymore. I know I’ve made mistakes, but isn’t that how you grow and learn?”
Lizzy tilted her head and her voice softened. “I don’t believe I’ve thrown my life away. Just because I don’t want to live how you want me to, doesn’t mean I’m any less a person. I’m learning more each day about who I am. About who God wants me to be. I wish you’d be happy about that.”
There. She’d said it. She held his gaze and waited for his response. Lizzy remained perfectly still waiting for his response. She hardly dared breathe or move a muscle. Her mother also sat still and upright. Such a different person when Father was around.
“Well, it certainly sounds like someone’s got in your ear, Elizabeth, and filled your head with all this nonsense. Why you’d choose to throw away all this is beyond me.”
“Father, if that’s how you choose to live, I respect that. But I don’t want it for myself. Maybe one day in the future I might, but for now, I want the freedom to be myself, to experience life without having everything done for me. But, can we let all that go for now, and just try to be friendly to each other? Especially if I’m going to be here for a while.”
Roger sat back in his chair and pressed his hands together. It must be upsetting for him to hear those words from his daughter, but she had to say them... no longer would she allow herself to be pushed around by him.
When he lifted his eyes, they looked a little less cold.
“I don’t agree with what you’ve said, Elizabeth. I do believe you’ve made a mistake, but I guess it won’t hurt to be civil.” He sat forward and picked up his coffee. “How long do you expect to be here?”
“I’m not sure, but I hope to be home before the baby comes.” Lizzy considered her father carefully. “Are you looking forward to be grandfather?”
Roger shifted in his seat uncomfortably and crossed his legs.
“I haven’t really thought about it.” He looked up and caught her gaze. “Are you keeping well?”
At last … a reasonable question! “Yes, I am, Father. Thank you. Much better of late. I just get tired a lot.” Lizzy turned her head as her mother stood.
Gwyneth picked up the tray and started collecting the mugs.
“I’ll make a start on dinner, but you two can stay here if you like.”
“I’ll come and help, Mother. I’m sure Father has things to do.” Really, she just needed some space. Speaking to Father was exhausting.
Lizzy followed Gwyneth to the kitchen and relaxed.
“It was brave of you to speak to your father like that, Elizabeth, but I’m glad you did.” Gwyneth paused while washing the cups and glanced at Lizzy.
“I had to do it, Mother. I hope I didn’t go too far.” Lizzy pulled out a stool and took a seat.
“No, I don’t believe you did. Maybe it’ll cause him to think about his attitudes.”
“Hopefully it will, but I’m not convinced. Now, what can I do to help?”
“Oh, it’s okay, dear. Dinner’s mainly ready. But tell me, have you made any plans?”
“I was thinking of visiting Sal for a few days, but I need to find out if she’s back. I need to keep busy, or else I’ll go crazy.” Lizzy crossed her legs and gazed out the window into the distance where the fading daylight was softening the landscape. She turned back to her mother and fingered the cross hanging around her neck. “It’s hard to keep my mind off Daniel. I wish I knew what he’s doing.”
“Be patient, dear. And stay strong.”
Lizzy sighed deeply and gritted her teeth. Her mother was right. Patience. How she hated that word.
Chapter Nine
Daniel sat in the car not knowing where to go. He felt like just taking off and driving, with no particular destination in mind. No one would miss him. He could go back to Belfast and look up his mates. No, too many skeletons there. He could try to find Lizzy. She’d probably gone to her parent’s place or to Sal’s, but fronting up at either place didn’t appeal, and what was the likelihood of her coming back anyway? He could go to Riley and Nessa’s. But they’d only preach at him. He didn’t want any of that.
He could try to find another job. But he’d looked for two whole weeks and found nothing. What would be any different now? No, no use doing that. He could go to the Salvos like Lizzy suggested, but he wouldn’t be able to have a drink if he did that. No, that one’s out, too. I’ll just go to the pub.
The bar maid glanced up as Daniel entered. He plonked down on a stool in front of her.
“What can I get you?”
“Two pints and keep them coming.”
She threw him a sidewise look as she pulled the two beers. She should have got that guy’s details. It was going to be a long night.
Daniel staggered out of the pub. The cold breeze off the river slapped him in the face but did little to lift the fog in his head. He found the car and poked his key at the door. The blasted hole kept moving. Once the door opened he fell in. The roar of the motor startled him, he didn’t remember starting it...
How close was that car behind? Daniel got out and looked, and stumbled as he tried to get back in. Pulling himself up, he climbed back in, and put the car into reverse. There was plenty of room. The car took off backwards. He slammed his foot on the brake, but it was too late. The sudden stop jolted him into action, and thrusting the gear stick into first, he took off down the road.
Daniel’s heart raced. The lights confused him and it was difficult to make out the lines on the road. He needed to stop. He pulled over and pushed open the door just in time. Once the contents of his stomach had been poured out onto the road, he leaned back in his seat and passed out.
The next morning, he headed for the pub, as he did the morning after that, and the one after that, and the one after that, until he ran out of money.
Several times Riley turned up, trying to get him to go home with him, but he just pushed him away. “Leave me alone, mate. I’m no good to anyone. Let me be.”
He got into some fights, once with Johnno, once or twice with some old drunks who hassled him for money. He drank more to stop the pain that racked his body and his heart. He slept in the car, in fact, he didn’t even bother driving it anywhere. He just slept where it was, parked on the side of the road. Images of Lizzy floated through his sub conscious from time to time, but whenever conscious thought entered his head, he drank more to escape from the pain it brought.
The phone rang on Thursday night as Nessa was cooking dinner. She half expected it to be Lizzy, and she was right. Her heart sank. She had no good news to tell her. Riley had found Daniel the night before at the pub, blind drunk. He couldn’t talk straight, and refused to come home with him, so Riley had to leave him there. The bar maid had told Riley Daniel had been there the previous day as well. How could she tell Lizzy all of this? But would it do any good to protect her from the truth? Maybe not. It was probably best she knew.
“Lizzy! How are you, poppet?”
“I’m okay. Missing you all. How’s Daniel?”
She wasn’t mucking around. She must be really missing him. Nessa sighed deeply and sent up a quick prayer.
“He’s not in a good way, Lizzy. He’s been drinking, and we don’t know where he’s staying. Riley saw him last night, but he didn’t want to come back with him.”
“Oh... I’d hoped he might have got some help by now.” Nessa’s heart went out to Lizzy on the other end of the phone. The poor girl must be doing it tough.
“It’ll probably take a while for him to come to his senses, Liz,
but we’re sure he will. We just don’t know how long it’ll take. He’s in shock, and drinking’s his way of dealing with it. He’ll come round, but even then, it’s going to take a while for him to get clean, assuming he decides to get help.”
“But you really think he will?”
“He loves you, Lizzy. But there’s a battle going on inside him. I can’t promise you anything, but we think he loves you enough to do something about it when he finally hits rock bottom.”
“What do you mean? Rock bottom?
Nessa closed her eyes and chastised herself. Why did she say that? She took a deep breath.
“Usually that’s how it goes with alcoholics, Liz. Daniel’s on a bender, and sometimes they last for days, if not weeks. Often something happens that makes them stop all of a sudden. We just have to pray that whatever happens will make him realise he needs help. Especially if he wants you to come back.”
“Oh… I hope he’ll be okay, Ness.” Lizzy’s voice sounded very fragile and she seemed close to tears. “How do you know all of this?”
Nessa stopped stirring the dinner and took a deep breath.
“Because Riley’s an alcoholic too.”
“But he doesn’t drink.”
“No, not any more. He’s been sober for five years now, but we went through this as well, Liz. That’s how I know.”
“Oh Nessa. That gives me such hope. If Riley could do it, that means Daniel can too.”
“Yes, but everyone’s different, Liz. It has to be Daniel’s choice. No-one can do it for him. And there’s no guarantee.”
“But we can keep praying for him. God can do it. God can do anything.”
“Yes, but you know He won’t force anyone. It still has to be Daniel’s choice.”
“Nessa, I just want to be with him. It’s killing me being away. And it’s been less than a week.”
“I know, sweetie. But you’ve got to hang in there. If you come back too soon, you’ll only go through it all again another time. Believe me, I know. I left three times. If you stay strong and let it take its course, there’s more chance he’ll decide to get help and you’ll be back before you know it.”
“But it’s so hard, Ness. I think about him all the time.”
“Have you got people around to support you?”
“Yes, kind of. But it’s not the same. It’s been good talking to you about it, Ness. I wish you could be here with me, but at least I know you understand. That helps.”
“We’re praying for you both every day, Liz. And Riley’s looking out for Daniel. He gave the bar maid his details last night, and she said she’d call if anything happens to him. He’ll be okay, Liz. Call as often as you want. I don’t mind.”
“Thank you Nessa. I’ll call again soon.”
After Nessa hung up the phone, Lizzy sat down and prayed.
‘Oh God, I don’t know I’m strong enough for this. Please help me.’
Chapter Ten
Lizzy struggled for days following her phone call with Nessa. The conversation itself played over and over in her mind. No one had ever said that Daniel was an alcoholic before. Yes, it may have been alluded to, but it had never been stated out loud. That cold hard fact was like a blast of arctic air in Lizzy's face, alerting to her to the enormity of hers and Daniel's predicament. Learning that Riley was also an alcoholic shocked her, but provided comfort since he and Nessa had been through similar trials themselves.
Every day Lizzy tried to call Sal. She desperately needed to talk with her friend, and finally this morning Sal answered. She spent a good half hour on the phone, pouring her heart out to her, and was now looking forward to catching up in person later that day.
Lizzy looked up when Gwyneth joined her in sunroom, and smiled warmly at her mother.
"I heard you on the phone earlier, Elizabeth. I assume you were speaking with Sal?"
"Yes, finally. She just got back from Bristol last night." Lizzy put her coffee mug down and relaxed in her seat. "She has to go back to school on Monday, but has nothing planned before then, so I'm planning on going down there today and will spend the weekend with her."
"I'm sure that will do you good, dear. Will you see Mathew while you're there?"
Lizzy picked up her cup of coffee and took a sip, and then wrapped her hands around the cup as if for support.
"Yes, I think I need to. I know it won't change anything, but maybe it'll help me move on once and for all." She glanced out the window and breathed deeply. "He never really gave me a proper reason for breaking it off, and maybe that's why I found it so hard to get over him. I think there's more to it than he told me, especially now it seems it was his mother in those photos."
"You still have feelings for Mathew, don't you?" Gwyneth leaned forward and squeezed Lizzy's hand.
Lizzy gulped and looked away. Tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them with the back of her hand.
"It's okay, Elizabeth. I think I've known all along. But the question is, what are you going to do about it?"
Lizzy turned her head and looked at her mother.
"He doesn't want me, Mother, so there's nothing I can do but let him go. But even if he did, it's too late now." Lizzy looked down at her wedding ring and fingered it. "I know it's over, and I want my marriage to work, but I think I need to see him one more time."
Gwyneth tilted her head and pursed her lips.
"As you long as you know what you're doing, dear."
As the bus approached the outskirts of Exeter, Lizzy was deep in thought. Did she really know what she was doing? Would seeing Mathew again really help put him behind her once and for all, or would it only stir up all the old feelings she thought she’d almost left behind? And what would Daniel think if he knew what she was doing?
Just the prospect of seeing Mathew again caused her pulse to race, not a good sign. Oh God, what should I do?
The bus was pulling into the bus station, so she gathered her belongings and looked out the window to catch a glimpse of Sal. And there she was. Sal could never hide in a crowd with that red hair. Lizzy waved out the window to her, and when the bus finally came to a stop, stood and made her way to the front.
“Sal!” She wrapped her arms around her friend and fought back the tears that came from nowhere. Why did she have to be so emotional all the time?
“I didn’t expect to see you again so soon! Here. Let me take your bag.” Sal reached out and took the bag from Lizzy, and guided her towards her car. “How are you holding up, Liz? Are you really alright?”
“I think so, Sal. I sometimes wonder how it all happened, but I’m hopeful it’ll work out. I’m really missing Daniel, even with everything that’s happened. I just hope he gets himself sorted quickly.”
“At least he’s got Nessa and Riley looking out for him. It must have been bad for you to have left. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you he’d lost his job. That’s pretty low.”
“Yes, I know. I was so angry when I found out. He could have just told me, but no, he hid it from me and then went on a bender.” Lizzy’s lips compressed into a thin flat line.
“Here’s the car.” Sal unlocked it and opened the door for Lizzy. They both climbed in.
“Do you really think he’s going to change, Liz?”
Their eyes met and Lizzy cringed.
That was the question that haunted her day and night. Would Daniel ever be any different? Could he stop drinking? Would he ever allow God to change him? And if not, would she be able to live with him the way he was?
Lizzy shrugged dejectedly. “I hope so, Sal. I pray for him all the time. But like Nessa said last night, there’s no guarantee.”
Sal reached out and squeezed her hand. “Chin up, Lizzy. He’d be mad to let you go.”
Lizzy smiled weakly and let Sal’s words encourage her. Sal always knew what to say.
“Sorry the house is a mess. I just dropped everything when I got the call about my mum, and Lauren’s hopeless with housework.”
“It’s not a problem,
Sal. It doesn’t look too bad, anyway.”
“Always the diplomat! So, what do you want to do? We’ve got all weekend to ourselves.” Sal turned the kettle on and busied herself making coffee.
Lizzy pulled out a seat and sat at the table. “Maybe some fun things to get my mind off Daniel for a while. Go to the cinema perhaps, but mainly just hang out. I don’t really want to see anyone. I couldn’t handle all the questions.”
“Yes, I guess not. We can hide out here, it’s okay, Liz. No one knows I’m back yet.” She carried the two coffees to the table and sat down.
“I do want to see Mathew while I’m here.” There, she’d said it.
Sal’s eyes widened, and her mouth fell open.
“Why, Lizzy? What good will that do?”
Lizzy sighed and picked up her mug.
“I just need closure, Sal. I don’t think he told me the truth about why he broke it off. I’m hoping that if I know, I’ll be able to put it behind me once and for all, and move on properly. It just nags at me. I know it’s over, especially now.” She looked down at her tummy and her lip twisted into a sardonic smile. “Maybe it’s stupid, but I just need to know. We’d been planning our future, Sal. We were so happy. You know that. It’s hard to understand why he changed his mind all of a sudden with no real reason. Is that stupid or not?”
Sal squeezed her hand. “No Lizzy, it’s not stupid. If it helps you to move forward, you should see him. I can ask him over if you like.”
Lizzy flashed her a smile. “That would be good. Thanks Sal. There’s one more thing. Take a look at this.” Lizzy pulled the photo she’d removed from her father’s photo album out of her bag. “Do you know who that is?”
The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance Page 17