Secrets of the Heart

by Vickie McDonough

  Hannah squirmed as she realized her father was staring back at her, his expression unreadable. He knows something he’s not telling me. Could he possibly have found out about Adam? Hannah’s face tightened under his intense scrutiny, and she felt sure the color must have drained from her face.

  “What in the world is wrong with you, sis?”

  “What do you mean?” Hannah turned toward Michael.

  “You look like you’re about to take on the world. What’s goin’ on in that pretty little head of yours?” Michael teased.

  “Nothing, I. . .uh. . .was thinking about some things, that’s all.”

  “Well, you’re about to have a few more things to think on, isn’t that right, Caroline?” Her father smiled and looked over to her mother.

  “Of course you are, dear.” Her mother’s countenance beamed as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She waved the beige paper in Hannah’s direction.

  She scooted back in her chair and sat up straighter. “What is it?” she asked, feeling more than a little trepidation. The tablecloth, wadded into a hard ball in her fist, matched the tight lump suddenly forming in her throat.

  “Why, it’s a letter from my best friend, Heather Reed. She says they planned to leave England on April fifth to come back home. That was three weeks ago. They should be arriving any day now, and we’ll be having a wedding.” Her mother smiled as if all her dreams were coming true—and weren’t they? Her dreams, not Hannah’s.

  Stomach churning at the news, Hannah fought for an acceptable response. She thought she and Adam would have plenty of time for him to remember who he was before her parents and the Reeds returned, but now it seemed that Jamie could show up at her doorstep any day and expect her to marry him. “Um. . .and what news has there been of Cooper? Did they find him?”

  Her mother’s smile dimmed. “Sadly, no. There has been no sign of him since the day he went cavorting with his two friends. None of them have been heard from since.”

  “But they don’t want to postpone the wedding any longer,” her papa said. “With Cooper’s disappearance, it’s all the more important that Jamie marry and father an heir.”

  Hannah stared at her plate, no longer hungry. Her papa made her sound like some kind of broodmare.

  She couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for Jamie. He was being herded to the altar every bit as much as she. Was he also having second thoughts?

  An hour later, Hannah climbed out of the buggy and hurried to the secret room. She stepped through the doorway and called down the stairs, “Adam, where are you?”

  “He ain’t down there,” Maisy called from the dining room. “He be out at the barn.”

  Hannah nodded her thanks and hurried back outside, passing Chesny. The woman just shook her head and went on inside. The creaking barn door grabbed Hannah’s attention, and she stopped in her tracks. Adam stepped out of the building, and his haggard expression startled her. Something had happened. She raced to his side and put her hand on his arm. “Adam, are you sick?”

  “Something like that,” he sighed heavily, his voice filled with anguish. The pained expression on his face took her breath away. Dark shadows rested beneath his eyes. The teasing spark of love and playfulness normally centered in his blue gaze had faded to something that chilled Hannah all the way to her toes.

  She threw her arms around his waist and held him tightly, feeling the thudding of his heart against her cheek. He barely put his limp arms around her, and he did not hug her back. As she pulled away and looked up at him, the anguished look in his face tore at her heart like a dull knife.

  “What is it, Adam? Didn’t you sleep? You look like you’ve been up all night.”

  “No. I didn’t sleep at all.” He ran his hand through his already disheveled hair.

  “Why? Are you sick, then?”

  Adam placed his hands on her upper arms and tightened his grip. “No. . .uh, yeah, I guess I am. Sick at heart. Hannah, look at me.”

  She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what could have caused the tortured pain in her beloved’s eyes. He took a deep breath and his words rushed out. “I’ve finally remembered my name—and everything else.”

  Hannah reached out, placing her hand on Adam’s cheek. “Glory be, that’s wonderful news!” She exhaled a tiny giggle. “I guess I shouldn’t call you Adam anymore. So, go on with you. . .what’s your real name?”

  “It’s—Reed.”

  “Reed?” The words left her mouth, whispered on waves of disbelief. She templed her fingers over her mouth.

  “Yes, Hannah, and my mother is Heather Reed.”

  “I don’t understand.” She studied him, and the longer she did, the more she knew the truth. He had all the characteristics of the Reed men, save one. He had the black hair, the amazing blue eyes, but the dimples were missing. “You’re not Jamie. And Cooper is dead. So, who are you?”

  “Cooper isn’t dead.” His voice, though quiet, held an ominous tone.

  Hannah’s heart leaped to learn that her old friend might still be alive. “If he isn’t dead, then where is he? His family has looked everywhere for him.”

  “Everywhere but at home.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and took a deep, shuddering breath. When he reopened them, Hannah felt icy shivers of apprehension racing down her spine.

  “I’m not Jamie—I’m Cooper.”

  ❧

  “What?” Hannah felt her world spinning. She stared at him, trying to make sense of his words. Trying to determine if this handsome man standing before her could be the same person as the lanky youth who had left years ago with dreams of sailing the world. Her mind refused to believe. If he was Cooper, that meant she was engaged to his brother. “No, you’re just not remembering correctly. How could you be Cooper? He’s supposed to be in England.”

  He stood looking at the ground, shaking his head. A glazed look of despair had settled over his features. He glanced into her eyes, then looked away with a distant stare. His fingers toyed with a loose button on his shirt. “Hannah, I’m sorry. I know you’re disappointed that I’m Cooper,” he said in a harsh, choked voice. “Last night Israel found the horse I rode from Charleston. After I went to bed, I started piecing things together, and then all of a sudden, I remembered.”

  Hannah’s head ached, and she struggled to sort things out in her murky mind. “B–but how did you get to America? Your parents are just now on their way back from searching for you over there.”

  His nostrils flared, and his eyes turned hard like ice. “Those men who attacked me were the same ones who kidnapped my two friends and me and forced us to work on a British ship. When it made port in Charleston, I managed to escape and brought proof that an upstanding Charleston businessman is actually a British spy. That’s why those men sought to kill me. They must have thought my injuries from the fall off the horse mortal; otherwise, I’ve no doubt they would have put a lead ball through my heart.”

  Hannah pinched the bridge of her nose and pressed her eyes shut in an effort to stop the burning sensation. “So it’s true then?” She opened her eyes and stared up into his sky-blue eyes, and suddenly a memory of the two little boys she used to play with flashed through her mind. Both had black hair, but one had a smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose and. . .the bluest eyes she had ever seen. . . . They were Cooper’s eyes. The older boy who filled her memory was Jamie. The two boys looked very similar, but as her memory sharpened, she suddenly knew the truth—he was Cooper. She recognized the tiny scar on his cheekbone from the time he swung off a rope affixed to the barn rafter and fell, scraping his face.

  As the reality of the situation finally sank in, Hannah’s whole body started trembling, and tears gushed forth in a torrent down her cheeks. She swayed and reached for Cooper as her knees buckled. “No, it can’t be true,” she whispered. “I can’t be in love with my fiancé’s brother.”

  Cooper caught her and lifted her up into his strong arms. Hannah suspec
ted his soft grunt was both physical and emotional pain. She buried her face in his shoulder as he carried her over to a pile of hay and sat down. Holding her on his lap, he pulled her securely against his chest. Hannah tightened her grip on Cooper’s shirt. How desperately she needed to cling to him. Her anguish peaked to shatter her last shred of self-control. A raw, primitive grief overwhelmed her.

  How could God do this to her?

  To them?

  Fifteen

  Minutes passed as they held each other in silent sorrow. Cooper hated to move, knowing this might well be the last time he held Hannah. He finally cleared his throat and whispered against Hannah’s hair, now damp with his own tears, “Angel, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I still love you more than life itself.”

  After a few moments, Hannah gave him a tight squeeze and lifted her head. His gut wrenched at her puffy, splotched face. Her reddened, watery blue eyes gazed deeply into his. “I knew the first time I saw your beautiful blue eyes that there was something familiar about them. I don’t know why I didn’t recognize them sooner, Ada—uh, Cooper.”

  He offered a weak smile as she stroked his cheek with her soft hand. He loved the sound of his true name on her perfectly shaped lips. Cooper’s gaze caressed her face, memorizing every inch of it, knowing the days ahead would be the hardest of his life.

  “Do you know what today’s date is?”

  “What?” She wrinkled her brow. “Oh, uh. . .yes, it’s April thirtieth. Why?”

  “April thirtieth?” Cooper set Hannah back. He only had two days before the Syrius, a British frigate posing as a French warship, would set sail again and take his two friends and the other captive Americans with it.

  Early this morning he’d gone to the field where he’d hidden the pouch with the stolen documents. He forked his fingers through his hair. Whom could he turn to for help? He’d been gone for so many years that he no longer knew what men his father trusted. Who was powerful enough to stop that ship from sailing? He turned back to face Hannah. “When is your father due back?”

  She dabbed her puffy red nose with an embroidered handkerchief. “I came to tell you, but I didn’t get the chance. My parents returned last night.”

  “I’ve got to talk to your father right away. I need to get to Charleston by tomorrow. There’s a British ship that’s anchored in the harbor.”

  Hannah gasped. “How is that possible?”

  “Because it’s disguised as a French vessel, and a number of Americans who have been abducted and forced to serve as sailors are onboard it. I was one of them. I’ve lost so much time because of my injuries that I’ve got to leave today. I must talk to your father, and I need to borrow a horse.”

  “Oh, Coop.” Hannah lightly touched his arm. “I knew in my heart that you weren’t dead. We can take my buggy.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want you to go. Those men are still after me. They want the document I have proving what I’m saying is true.”

  Hannah clamped her hands to her waist. “You can’t keep me from going home.” Her tone held defiance as well as a subtle challenge.

  He smiled at her spunk. Here was the woman he loved but could never have. He’d finally remembered why he knew what her sampler would say when completed: Next to God, Family Is Most Important. That motto had been drilled into him for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t stand between his brother and the woman Jamie planned to marry. Cooper would sacrifice his dream so that Jamie could realize his.

  He loved his brother as much as he loved Hannah. His father’s own brother had hated him and nearly killed him. Lucas Reed had drilled into his sons that family comes first. Brother was loyal to brother—even if it meant sacrificing what he wanted most in this world.

  He and Hannah would never have the chance to laugh together and to love each other completely. Tears burned his eyes, and he felt her loss already.

  Hannah’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears. “Oh Coop, what are we going to do?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know, angel. I’ve prayed all night, ever since my memory came back. It was such a bittersweet event—to finally know who I am and yet to realize that the woman I’m in love with is promised in marriage to my own brother. The pain of it just about killed me.”

  Cooper ran his hand through his hair and paced back and forth in front of her.

  “Let’s go tell my parents what happened. Surely they’ll understand.”

  He stopped pacing and turned toward Hannah. Her naiveté was both frustrating and enchanting. “Understand what? That you sheltered and tended a wounded stranger without any thought of your own safety? If I’d been a lesser man, I could have done horrible things to you. Are you going to tell them that you shaved me and doctored my injuries? I know it was all completely innocent, but do you honestly believe your parents will see it that way?”

  Hannah’s eyebrows shot upward. “You were injured and couldn’t have hurt me if you wanted to.”

  Cooper couldn’t hold back the bitter laugh. “Do you truly believe that? Don’t you remember the day you found me in the barn when I grabbed your wrist and you couldn’t pull away? And what about in the secret room when I thought you were one of my attackers, and I jerked you down into my lap? I could have overpowered you at any minute, Hannah. For a moment, when we were kissing that day, the thought actually ran through my mind. It scared me so much that I dropped you on the floor.” Cooper rubbed the back of his neck. “Thank God nothing happened.”

  Hannah stalked toward him. “Why are you talking like this? I saved your life. There’s nothing shameful about it. You would have died if I hadn’t found you in the barn.”

  Cooper suddenly felt exhausted. What he had to tell her would drive a permanent wedge between them, but there was nothing else to be done. “Maybe it would have been for the best. I’ll die bit by bit, every day, if you marry my brother.”

  “Stop it, Cooper,” Hannah yelled. “I don’t want to marry Jamie. You’re the one I love.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re scaring me.”

  Cooper knew the things he said had hurt Hannah, but it was the only way to make her understand the reality of the situation. “You know I said I’d marry you when I found out my true identity, but all that’s changed now. I—I won’t go against my own brother and steal his betrothed.”

  Her mouth dropped open, and she lifted her hand over her throat. Her eyes darkened with pain. “You don’t mean that.”

  Cooper’s throat ached from the thought of losing her. “Yes, I do. You’re promised to Jamie. We can’t go against the wishes of both our families. You have to marry my brother.” He all but choked on the dreadful words. A sensation of complete loneliness and defeat engulfed him. This was his darkest hour, worse even than the day he was captured and thrown into that dark hole in the belly of that despised ship.

  “I thought you loved me.” Hannah’s features contorted with shock and anger. Tears ran down her pale cheeks in rivers. “You’re a liar! You probably said all those things just so I would take care of you and let you kiss me. How many other girls have you done that to? Oh—I hope I never see you again!” Hannah turned and ran around the side of the barn and out of sight.

  Cooper stood unmoving, stunned to see his sweet angel ranting in a fit of hysteria. Had he made the wrong choice? It had taken all night to come to his decision. Wasn’t his brother’s happiness, as well as that of his mother and Hannah’s parents, more important than his own?

  “Wait, Hannah! You know I love you,” Cooper yelled, suddenly sorry for pushing her away. She couldn’t hear him. Hannah was already in the buggy, racing toward the horizon.

  ❧

  Boss watched the Madison girl drive away from the Reed house at a fast pace, and one corner of his mouth turned up. He spat out a chaw of tobacco and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before turning to his men. “See, I told you the kid would come here. Looks like that girl lied to us.”

  “Yeah, Boss, and it kinda looks like he ain’t
man enough t’ handle her. I think she needs a real man.”

  Boss raised his hand as if he were going to smack Jeeter. “Shut up, Jeeter, and get on your horse. Sam, I’ll keep an eye on the kid, and you two go catch up with the girl. Just maybe, we can use her as a bargaining chip.”

  ❧

  Could there be any hope for the two of them now? As if he could see clear to heaven, Cooper stared up at the brilliant morning sky before he left for Madison Gardens. Why did this have to happen, God? No matter what I do, I’ll hurt someone I love.

  Cooper pressed his forehead, hoping to rub away the dull, aching pain embedded there. Though he wanted nothing more than to make things right with Hannah, he wouldn’t. It was best that she understand that he couldn’t go against his brother, no matter what. His father’s twin brother had nearly destroyed the family because of his bitterness. Lucas Reed had raised his sons to love and respect one another and to always put the other before himself. He couldn’t—he wouldn’t take away from Jamie the woman he was to marry.

  He saddled an old mare that Israel had called Honey and mounted. Before riding off, he took a long look at his family home. How could he have not recognized this place? How could he have forgotten that he was Cooper Reed, son of Lucas and Heather Reed, one of Charleston’s most prominent couples?

  When he left as a youth years ago to sail on his father’s ship, he always knew he’d return one day, but now he didn’t have that assurance. The best thing for everyone would be for him to disappear again. Perhaps he’d return to England and finish his education. Or perhaps he’d travel west and see some of the frontier. But first, he had to save his friends.

  A short while later, he topped the tallest hill between the Reed and Madison plantations. Memories flooded back as Cooper rode up to the Madison’s large house. He glanced at the big barn, shining bright with a fresh coat of white paint. He remembered playing there with Hannah, swinging on a rope, then jumping into a big pile of freshly cut hay. Hannah had sneezed and talked about the tiny specks of dust dancing on the rays of sunlight that sneaked in through cracks in the side of the barn. Fairies, she’d called them. Cooper smiled at the sweet memory.