Spinster?

by Thompson, Nikki Mathis

  "May I interest any of you lovely ladies in a hamburger? I see Grandpa sweating buckets slaving away in front of the grill over there, and it smells really good."

  "Me!" Kate yelled.

  "Me, too!" Ella seconded.

  Tess couldn't help but laugh, as she joined in, "Me, three."

  Wes's smile took her breath away. Happiness oozed from every pore as they walked around the pool towards the house.

  "Only ketchup on mine, Daddy," Kate instructed.

  "I know, baby."

  "And no unyuns."

  "No onions."

  "Do you wike ketchup, Tess?" Kate asked wide eyed.

  "I love ketchup!"

  "You do?"

  "Of course. Especially on french fries."

  "Oooh, I love french fries!" Ella groaned.

  'Cause what girl didn't like carbs?

  They ate their burgers at one of five small card tables in the yard. It was covered in a beige linen table cloth, with burlap place mats. A short vase of lavender sat in the center. When evening fell the small lanterns were lit, and the pool lights were turned on. Tess had been...dreading wasn't the right word...but not looking forward to, this afternoon was more accurate. Not because she didn't want to meet them, but because she was nervous. Turns out she had nothing to worry about. The girls were precious, and seemed unfazed by her introduction into their lives. She'd been building this up to be an obstacle, when it turned out to be not even a speed bump. Was she relived by that fact, or unnerved? Having a therapist on speed dial would probably be a great idea.

  Sex can be meaningless, no deep emotion, just two beings rubbing against each other—satisfying the baser need of lust. Then sometimes the connection is so deep, knowing where one ends and the other began, was anyone's guess. Tess had certainly experienced the first, but it wasn't until Wes that she'd experienced the latter, in it's truest sense. She'd thought she knew what real connection felt like, but she now knew it was as if she'd been dipping her toes in a shallow stream...now, complete submersion. She'd coaxed him onto his back, now their hands clasped, resting on the base of her spine. She fought the urge to let her head fall back, to close her eyes as sensations became too much, but she forced her head to stay upright upon her shoulders and looked into his eyes. Even as her mouth gaped with release she still held him in her sights. It wasn't until he shuddered beneath her that she fell onto his chest. Breathless. Sated. Content.

  "That was amazing," he gasped. She could only smile into his skin, her ability to speak not yet returned. She rolled from her straddled position to the crook of his shoulder. Her normal MO was to run to the bathroom right after, for once she was in no such rush. They held each other in silence for some time, long enough for Tess's eyes to droop with sleep. "I keep waiting for it to get less amazing, but each time is as good as the next." She smiled at his admission, agreeing whole heartedly.

  I'm scared." His voice was a whisper in the dark.

  Tess lifted onto her elbow, sloughing off exhaustion like skin. She put her hand on his cheek, the scruff soft beneath her fingers. "Why?"

  "I'm afraid you're going to wake up and realize that it's not worth it. The kids, the unstable ex-wife. My propensity towards workaholism. Need I go on?"

  She smiled, his insecurity refreshing. And leave it to him to use a big word like propensity, despite their naked state below soft cotton sheets. Only moments ago, curses seemed to be the only words in his lexicon.

  "I'm not going anywhere...and for the record, I adore your girls." That was the truth and the more time she spent with them, the more the adoration deepened. It had been a month since she'd met the girls and the bonding was taking time, well, with Ella at least. She was more apprehensive, but Tess didn't take it personally. Being abandoned leaves a mark on us all.

  "And the other?" he asked, running his fingers along the ridge of her hip.

  "Well, I tend to lose myself in work, too, so I understand that part. As far as your ex-wife is concerned..." She sighed and rolled onto her back. He followed her, hovering, caging her shoulders within his arms. As her eyes adjusted, the crease on the side of his eyes became visible. She wanted to tell him it wasn't an issue. She wanted to tell him nothing could make her run, but the thought of his ex made her edgy. Tess had no claim to him, to his girls, but Mila...she had history and blood. Tess never said her name aloud, as if it would have power over her if she uttered it. She was hundreds of miles away, so did it matter?

  His eyes, they were pleading with her, so she found herself saying, "You are worth it. And I'll say it one more time...I'm not going anywhere."

  This brought a relieved smile to his face, his mouth seeking hers. His kiss was gentle, until it wasn't...as if ferocity would make her words true. She felt the weight of him increase, his knee pushing her legs apart. It was strange. He kissed her with force, but when he entered her it was with gentle ease, as was the motion that followed. Their mouths broke apart. He looked down on her with an intense scrutiny that had her heart fluttering and racing in her chest. As their bodies slid and met with that sweet push and pull, she knew this was one of those moments, the defining kind as they were called. She'd been falling for him for months, the real him, not some idea of him she'd conjured up based on the dreamy lust of a teenage girl. It wasn't until that moment she knew...he loved her. Even though she held the gold medal in being single, she knew that look. Did she love him? She'd have to think about it when she wasn't on the crest of an orgasm—which poured over her just a few second before he moaned her name. And with an exhaled breath, Tess let it all go, the walls, the insecurity, the doubt.

  The truth was, she didn't need to think about it, analyze it, weigh her options, or wait for the afterglow to wear off.

  Once Tess admitted to herself that she as in love with Wes, she knew it was time to throw herself wholeheartedly into the relationship. Not like a clinger, but like a woman who knew what she wanted, and what she wanted was to be all in. Wesley was right there with her. She found herself spending more time at his house, with him and his girls. Even Rigley, the Caraways' hyperactive Dalmatian, had seemed to adopt her into the family—following her around and circling his body into a ball at her feet whenever she committed to a chair in the living room. Wesley would call him a traitor with a warm smile on his face. But she refused to sleep over while the girls were home. Her idea, not his. Young girls were impressionable, and Tess felt co-ed sleepovers was probably not the best message to send.

  Who knew she, too, could be old fashioned? It shocked the hell out of her.

  They spent a fair amount of time with the girls around, but also managed to have time alone. Weekly lunches continued, as well as date nights. His parents were always willing to come over so they could go to dinner, or take them for the weekend when they went to spend a romantic weekend walking the colorful streets of New Orleans. Their days were spent in their suite overlooking the Quarter—their sweaty bodies had a little to do with the humidity and a lot to do with their naked marathon.

  She'd introduced Wes and the girls to her sister and parents to rave reviews. Not that she was surprised. Wes being handsome and charming. Kate and Ella, precocious and precious in equal measure. Tess was pretty sure her mom ordered monogrammed Christmas stockings for them as soon as they left. Her nephews were still on the fence, reluctant to share the spotlight.

  Tess had to pinch herself. This man...was everything she'd ever wanted, no, dreamed. His gentle hand on the small of her back. The soft kisses under her ear. The smiles and tender eyes he gave her from across the dinner table. Even when his focus was on his girls, he'd give Tess a wink or grasp her hand, just to let her know she was there, too.

  And who knew that dream would include two little girls? Not her, not in a million years, yet Ella and Kate had become a significant part of her life. She was more like a cool aunt than a mother figure...how it should be. And even though their mother was non existent in their lives, it wasn't Tess's place to even try. Wesley had been both mother an
d father for over five years, he had it under control.

  If one day he asked her to be part of this family forever, then she might re-evaluate things. The fact that she could even think about the happily ever after was unnerving, but not frightening.

  She had no control of the future, but for once, she gave it up willingly. Look at her, adulting like a boss.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  The rain hit the window like watery daggers. It was fitting with Tess's current pajama pant and worn college t-shirt ensemble. Her hair was in a nest on the crown of her head, her brow crunched in concentration.

  "T, it's your turn!" Ella urged.

  "I know, I know, keep your nightgown on," Tess replied.

  "Why would she take her nightgown off?"

  "Kate, it just a saying. It means to be patient," Ella answered. Tess smiled at the two little girls huddled around the board game in the center of the floor. They were having a rainy day in. Wes got called out of town for a deposition the day before, he was in a crunch, so she'd offered to come over at the crack of dawn to hang with the girls. It had been ages since she'd taken a day off from work.

  Tess picked up her red game piece and put it in the slot. It slipped down snug over the yellow piece Ella had played a few minutes before. They were in the middle of a serious Connect Four tournament. Kate was trying to follow the game, but she was five and easily distracted. She made it halfway through the first game, her focus long returned to the horses she was playing with, complete with trailer and paddock.

  "Darn, I was hoping you wouldn't notice." Ella huffed, her dark hair confined to a rubber band. Kate's own mop was in an erratic bushel, sticking out light socket style. She was so adorable—they both were, with their big bright eyes and dark curls. Ella had a splattering of freckles across her dainty nose, where Kate's was bare. Ella's eyes were hazel, and Kate's blue.

  "I always notice, E."

  "Oh, yeah? Is that why I beat you last game?"

  Tess laughed. She loved Ella's competitive spirit. "Hey, I won the game before. Hence our best two out of three tournament. Which I'm about to win."

  "We'll see." Ella took her yellow chip and held it up to her chin. "Hmmm. Where to play, where to play?"

  "Who's taking their sweet time now?" Tess teased.

  "Keep your jammas on, T!" Kate added. Tess and Ella burst into a fit of laughter. Tess leaned over and grabbed Kate into her arms. "I will, Button, I will." Tess started calling her after she kept pointing out how cute her little button nose was.

  Ella sat up straight and smiled, it wasn't a good smile. Tess's eyes went to where Ella was about to release her chip.

  "No!"

  "Oh, yes...victory is mine!" With that Ella's piece fell into place. She'd set up a two way win, so no matter where Tess played, Ella would be the victor. Kate and Ella cheered. Kate more so, because she saw her sister excited.

  Tess threw herself on the ground and hit the rug, "No! NO! I was so close! I demand a rematch!" Her moves and cries were exaggerated, making the girls laugh and dog pile onto her back until they were all in a ball of giggles. Tess could smell the syrup on Kate's skin, remnants of the huge batch of French toast she'd made them that morning. Greta's recipe. It brought back so many memories of sitting with her sister before Saturday morning cartoons. Tess had done a good job replicating the recipe and managed to put away three pieces. The girls seemed to love it as well.

  "Okay, do you guys want to get dressed?" Tess asked, finally pulling herself upright, but still flanked by two warm bodies.

  "It's so yucky outside. Can't we just stay in our pajamas all day?" Ella asked.

  "Will your dad care if I don't get you guys dressed?"

  "We have jamma day all the time, T," Kate added. It made Tess smile, imagining Wes and the girls piled on the couch in their flannels. The strange, yet exhilarating, a-ha moment was that Tess could see herself as part of that pile. She could picture herself flipping pancakes on a Saturday morning, the smell of bacon thick in the air. She could see it, and she wanted it, viscerally.

  "Come on. Let's go see what we can throw together for lunch." Tess rose to her feet offering a hand to each girl.

  The throw together ended up being chicken nuggets and strawberries for the girls and a half of a turkey sandwich for her. Kate and Ella were debating on what they'd name their hamster if they ever got one, when the doorbell rang.

  "Nibbles."

  "No! Hammy."

  "Hammy? That's stupid," Ella said.

  "Tess, Ella said stupid!"

  Tess had stood up, needing to answer the door, which had rung a second time. "Ella, say silly, not stupid, please. I'm going to get the door. I'll be right back...Kate, eat you strawberries." The girls quietly bickered as she left the kitchen. She hoped it wasn't Wesley's mom, who he mentioned might stop by after her garden club meeting. Tess looked like a hot mess, but at least she was wearing a bra.

  The beveled glass of the expansive iron door didn't give her the face of the person at the door, but the frame was definitely feminine. Tess swore under her breath, smoothing the wisps of hair back onto her head and pushed her glasses back into place. Yes, to top it off, she'd forgone her contacts in the name of comfort.

  The woman at the door was not Mrs. Caraway. She was thin and looked nervous. Her dark hair was wild, but in a way that made her look beautiful more than disheveled.

  "Hi, can I help you?"

  The visitor twisted her hands and opened her mouth to speak, when Tess felt a little body behind her.

  "Mom?"

  One three letter word struck Tess like a bullet to the chest.

  "Is that you?" Ella asked, her voice guarded.

  The woman looked to Tess, then crouched down. "Yes...it's me Ella Marie. It's Momma."

  "Mom?" a second shy voice asked behind Tess's other leg, her little arms wrapped around Tess's knee. Tess had yet to move or respond.

  Tess let it sink in...this was Mila. This was their mother, and Wesley's ex-love of his life, standing two feet in front of them. It was like seeing a ghost. She couldn't even imagine what the girls must be feeling.

  "Katie? Is that you? You're so big!" Mila's voice caught in her throat. She reached out a hand, letting it drop just as quickly. Tess stamped down the urge to point out that a mom shouldn't have to ask if it was her daughter or not, suddenly feeling fiercely protective of these little ones huddling behind her.

  Tess finally found her voice. "What are you doing here?"

  Mila looked at her and cowered slightly at her tone, then straightened, throwing her shoulders back, "I'm here to see my daughters. Is Wesley here?" Wesley. Oh, god. What would he think of this? Would he be pissed? Pleasantly surprised? Tess really had no idea and wanted to slam the door in this woman's face.

  "Girls, go inside for just a minute. Let the grown ups talk, okay?" They pulled back reluctantly, and as Tess was shutting the door, she heard Kate ask, "Sissy, who was that?"

  Tess took a big breath and wiped beneath her eyes. "I'm well aware of who you are, but I'm sure that Wesley was not expecting you today."

  Mila lifted her shoulders. It was a small, unsure movement. "He wasn't. I wanted it to be a surprise. Look, I can see you care about the girls, but I'm their mother. Why don't you take the rest if the day off? I can watch them for the rest of the afternoon. I just want to see my family."

  "Day off? Oooh, I'm not the nanny, and Wes is out of town. My suggestion to you is to contact him and arrange for a visit...that is, if he wants you to see them." Tess wished to all that was holy, that she'd looked better. Especially now, when Mila was looking at her, really looking at her.

  "And who might you be?" Mila's tone was a touch frostier than it had been a moment before.

  "Wes and I are seeing each other." That sounded more substantial than girlfriend.

  "He lets random women he's sleeping with stay with my girls while he's away?"

  Tess stood stunned at the audacity of that statement. She crossed her arms over her ches
t and stood tall. "First, you don't get to pass judgement on anyone. We're in a serious relationship and I don't sleep over, not that I have to explain myself to you. I think you know him well enough to retract that accusation anyway." She kept her voice low, but adamant.

  "Look, I'm sorry. I had this idea in my head of how this was all going to go." Mila wiped tears from her face. Tess couldn't help but feel for her—when all she wanted to do was despise this woman who'd abandoned her family. "I've waited. Waited until I felt I was really strong enough to see them. I've spent a year getting serious about my treatment, staying on my medication, therapy...I knew if I called Wes he'd have been skeptical. I couldn't risk him refusing me the right to see my kids. Better to ask forgiveness..." Mila shrugged her delicate shoulders. In that moment, Tess saw the carefree young girl standing in the middle of the grass all those years ago.

  "I'm sorry for all you've been through, I really am, but I have to think of those sweet girls in there. Just please, call Wes. Give him the courtesy. You owe him that much." Tess tried to keep the judgment from her voice, but failed. She felt sorry for Mila, but it didn't change the fact that the re-emergence of this woman was going to be very upsetting to everyone. She couldn't even think about what it meant to her...yet. She couldn't help but add, "He's doing a great job, ya know...raising those girls. They're happy and well-adjusted. Loved beyond belief...please think about that when you consider your next steps."

  Tess turned and shut the door. She leaned her head against it once inside. She had the sinking feeling that things just went from exceptionally good, to astronomically complicated.

  She pulled herself together and found the girls in Wes's room. They were sitting on his bed looking at a photo album. It didn't take a big leap to know whose face graced the glossy paper under their small fingers.

  "Guys, you okay?" Tess stood at the doorway, not wanting to interrupt, as much as she wanted to make sure they were all right.