Spinster?

by Thompson, Nikki Mathis

  She doubted the beautiful part, considering her hair hadn't been washed all weekend and she was wearing stretch pants and an oversized tank top that said "Will run for Wine." Which was total BS, she wouldn't run for anything.

  "I look like crap, but thank you for saying so...I actually missed you guys, too."

  "Don't sound so surprised, young lady...now run in there and kiss your father. He's been worried about you."

  Tess did as she was told, crossing over the Persian rug that led into her father's study. As usual, he was in his worn leather chair, reading the paper, crystal glass filled with scotch on the small side table beside him.

  "Is that my Tessy? It can't be because she's abandoned her father to do bigger and better things."

  She leaned down and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, placing a kiss on his cheek. She felt more bone than meat beneath his oxford. "Now, Daddy, I would never abandon you, you have all the expensive booze."

  He laughed. "Help yourself."

  She walked over to the mirrored bar cart, added three cubes of ice to a short tumbler, and poured the amber liquid from the lead glass decanter. She walked to his library, which took up a whole wall, and gave a casual glance to his collection. She'd seen them a million times, but there was something about their worn binding and gold lettering that comforted her.

  "So, where have you been? Too busy romancing young Caraway, hm?"

  She sighed, her eyes landing on the ancient copy of the Count of Monte Cristo. "We're aren't seeing each other anymore."

  Her father set down his paper and removed his wire reading glasses. "I see."

  She turned towards him. "It's okay. I'm fine, really."

  His only response was "Mmhhmm."

  She stood silent. Was he disappointed she hadn't been able to make it work? That she'd let a primo catch like Wes slip through her fingers? "I'm sorry, daddy. I know you like him." Her voice was soft, almost childlike.

  He stood and came to stand in front of her, "You have nothing to apologize for, and I don't like anyone who hurts my little girl."

  "I think we kind of hurt each other."

  He kissed on the top of her head. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you're here."

  "I'm glad I'm here, too." They hugged for a few minutes, then pulled apart.

  "I don't know about you, but I can't spend another second smelling that roast. I'm starved."

  She chuckled and squeezed his side as they walked into the kitchen. Tess noticed the table was set. "We're not eating in the dining room?" They always ate in the dining room.

  Her mom brushed past her with a serving dish in her hands, placing it in the center of the table. "I thought we'd eat in here tonight, less formal." That was it, her mom had officially been abducted by aliens. "Tess, don't give me that look. I'm trying to be less...how did you word it, William?"

  "Snooty and frigid."

  "Yes, snooty and frigid. I guess you get to a certain age and think to yourself, life is too short. Now sit."

  They did as she commanded, said grace, and dug in.

  After dessert, which was a flaky apple tart with homemade vanilla bean icecream, they sat and talked. The dinner was amazing. Really, if she could marry Greta, she would.

  "That was delicious. Where's Greta, anyway?"

  "She actually had the weekend off," her mother answered.

  "Did she fly in the dinner or something?"

  "I cooked it."

  "What? Mom, you did this? I didn't know you could cook."

  "Of course I cook, young lady! Who do you think fed you guys before we had the big house and the cook, hm?"

  "Wow, I just...I'm impressed."

  Her mom glowed from the compliment. Tess was surprised her opinion made a difference.

  "Well, you ladies sit and have a chat. I have some things to take care of." He said that every time, and things to take care of was a snooze in his chair. They watched him go with love in their eyes.

  "Do you want some coffee?"

  "No, thank you, Mom. I'm full as a tick." Her mother tsked, giving her a look of disapproval. Tess was glad to see some of the old Tiffani was still in there. "Pardon, me. I couldn't possibly," Tess amended. Her mom raised an eyebrow, but Tess could tell she was amused.

  "So, you want to tell me what happened with Wesley? I know you've been hurting...a mother knows."

  "I'm okay...it just didn't work out."

  "Oh, I'm sure. I heard all about his mentally unstable wife waltzing back into town, like she owned the place."

  Great. The rumor mill had been spinning. "That's not exactly what happened."

  "Well, enlighten me then." Her mother leaned back into her chair, tucking the longer pieces from her golden bob behind her ears.

  "Things were going really well, Mom. Like really well. We were getting serious...I was happy." Tears pricked her eyes. "Really happy...you know how hard that is for me sometimes."

  Tiffani Warner gave her daughter a gentle nod, then placed a soft, cool hand on top on hers. "I know, baby. But you have to let yourself experience it, even if it means pain."

  "You don't understand, Mom. You don't know what it's like to be single in this day and age. It's freaking rough out there. You have to sift through layers and layers of turds, just to find one that's quasi-normal."

  Her mom huffed in amusement. "I can imagine...I had a life before your father, I'll have you know."

  This was news to her. "Mom, going to a cotillion or two with boys from the country club doesn't really count," she teased.

  "Very funny, smarty pants. For your information, I was in love before your father."

  Tess's eyes went wide with that confession. "What? Who? Does Dad know?"

  Her mother cleared her throat. "I've built a life with your father, he's my world. But, there are some things you hold so dear, to share it with anyone else would diminish it's sanctity...although what we did would fall more under the category of scandalous."

  "Mom!"

  "Oh, hush. Surprised to know I have a wild side?"

  "Impressed and relieved is more like it." They both laughed. "Was he from the wrong side of the tracks? Forced to meet in secret, where he'd whisk you away on the back of his motorcycle?...Forbidden love is the best."

  Her mom laughed. "Tess, you've always had such a vivid imagination. Even when you were little, you'd sit for hours surrounded by your dolls and stuffed animals. They all had names and backstories. Baxter Bear was quite the scoundrel."

  Tess smiled, she hadn't known her mother watched her play. Funny how selective memory can be, especially when you've painted a person to be a certain way.

  "No, he wasn't from the wrong side of the tracks. Milton was the son of one of your grandfather's friends."

  "Milton? Yech."

  "Yes, Milton. Trust me, he might have had a nerdy name, but he was anything but. He was so gorgeous. And his butt, oh my lord!"

  "Mom!"

  "What? I notice those things...Anyway, we grew up together. We were best friends, in fact. Then, one Fourth of July, things shifted. I was fifteen at the time, we'd been watching fireworks by the pond behind our neighborhood. God, it was so hot that summer. No breeze and so humid your clothes stuck to your body. I was a gangly thing. Legs too long, arms too skinny, but the way he looked at me," she sighed, "it was like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He kissed me that night. It was my first. It was awkward...and perfect. I remember it like it was yesterday."

  "What happened? It sounds like you two were meant for each other, and in love."

  "We were. I always will in a way. Our love was intense. It made my parents very nervous. They thought I was too young to be so obsessed with a boy. But when someone loves you that hard, it's difficult not to submit mind, body, and soul."

  Tess was now leaning on her arm, entranced by her mother's tale. "I feel a sad ending coming on."

  Her mother looked down at her hands. "We dated all through high school. When we were about to graduate, he was ac
cepted to Pepperdine, with a scholarship. My grades weren't very good, so there wasn't any way I was going to get into that school, nor could my parent afford the out of state tuition. He offered to stay, but I couldn't let him give up his dreams for me. So, I hatched a plan. I would have to make him leave. But I was a selfish thing. I needed something to keep with me, so I let him have one night, all of me. That was probably a mistake because once we'd made love, he was even more determined to stay...to marry me."

  "What did you do?"

  "I broke his heart. I told him I didn't want to marry him and that I wanted the freedom to date other guys."

  "He believed you?"

  "No, not at first, but I made him believe me." Her mother grew quiet, not filling in anymore details. Tess noticed her mother's eyes were wet with tears. "So, you see, I'm living proof that you can experience utter heartbreak and come out the other side. And believe me, I was devastated. I guess he was, too."

  "Wow. Did you ever see him again?"

  Her mom seemed to recover and sniffed. "Many years later, after I'd married your father. It was strange to see him, painful even. He seemed very happy, had met a nice California girl. He lives out there to this day."

  Tess took a sip of water, unsure if she should ask the next question, but did anyway. "Are you happy, Mom?"

  The smile that lit her mother's face was bright and genuine. "Oh, sweetie. I've had such a wonderful life. I love your father with everything I have. He's taken such good care of me. I made the right choice. Your father was the man I was supposed to end up with, I'm sure of that."

  "Mom, thanks for sharing that with me. I'm not sure how it really applies to my situation, but it does feel good to know that you've felt this before. You know how it feels to not want to get out of bed in the morning because he won't be part of your day. You just always seemed to have it together. Never an emotion out of place. It was hard to live up to."

  "Tess, don't ever compare yourself to me. You have such a spirit in you, it was hard for me sometimes. It was like a mirror to the girl I once was. I felt like I had this part to play, and boy, did I play it well."

  "Mom, don't take this the wrong way, because I'm really glad you've decided to relax, but why now?"

  Her mom smiled. "It's been slowly happening, I can't explain it. But the one moment that stands out happened earlier this year. I was sitting at my vanity, slipping my earrings into place, and I looked at my reflection. Like really looked. I didn't like the woman staring back at me. She was cold...she was my mother, actually." She shook her head. "I said I'd never become like her and that's just what fucking happened."

  Tess had never heard her mother say anything worse than damn, so that in itself was shocking. The second, and no less shocking, was the fact that her mother knew she'd acted like a jerk and was sorry about it. Dare she hope she and her mom could have a real relationship? She realized she wanted that desperately.

  "Oh, and your father and I have been reading this little book from India. It has opened our eyes to a whole new world. I never knew how freeing good sex could be."

  "What? Are you talking about the Kama Sutra?"

  "You've heard of it?"

  "Mo-om! Yucky...oh my god, just got a visual...forever unclean! Wait a minute, is that why dad threw out his hip last month?" Tess's voice had gone shrieky.

  Her mom's reply was to grin and giggle.

  "Uggh...I think I liked the stiff version of you better."

  Her mom leaned in and whispered, "Speaking of stiff..."

  "Stop, stop, right there. I beseech thee to shutteth thy trap!" But she was laughing and her mom was laughing.

  Sex talk. Bringing women together since the dawn of time.

  "Where is my mom? And what have you done with her?"

  "This is Tiffani 6.0, you might want to get used to it."

  Could creative sex and turning sixty really cause such a drastic change? Who was she to question it?

  "Well, scarring sex talk aside, I like Tiffani 6.0."

  Her mother wiped her eyes. "I'm glad to hear it, Tess. You have no idea." In that moment, she saw her mom as a woman, a human being. Insecurities and doubts, like anyone else. It was strange to think her mom might have been craving Tess's approval all of these years, just as she'd craved hers. Man, she was glad she came to dinner.

  "So, as far as your current heartache, have faith. Everything will work out. I have a good feeling about it."

  "I don't know mom, it's complicated."

  Her mom held up her hand. "I'm not talking about Wes. If that imbecile can't see what a good thing he had, then he isn't the man I thought he was...I'm talking about you, honey. Everything will be as it should—Wes, or no Wes. In life, there are road blocks and there are dead ends. You just have to decide which one's at the end of your path."

  "Mom, that was probably the best thing I've heard in weeks. I do feel better." She pushed away from the table with a surprising reluctance. "Well, I better go. I need to get a good night's sleep if I'm going to be fabulous tomorrow." And for the first time in weeks, she felt as if it was a possibility.

  As far as Wes was concerned, was it a dead end? She should have been certain, and the fact that she wasn't didn't help the situation one bit. It made it worse.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  When Tess graduated from college she was coming into her own. New job—although assistant to the assistant editor wasn't what she'd hoped for after four years of higher learning—but it was at the Morning News. She had her first apartment to herself. She bought suits and high heels, like a grown up. That was right around the time she met Liam Sanders. They went to the same coffee shop, and every morning for months they would stand in line at the same time. He, always a few in front of her, since she seemed to always be running late. She hadn't quite gotten the waking up and having to look presentable thing down, after years of rolling out of bed and grabbing whatever was the cleanest and heading to class.

  One rainy morning she went to order her venti vanilla latte and they told her it had been taken care of.

  "Oh, really?" she asked, her smooth forehead going crinkly. The barista nodded and pointed over to a very attractive young man standing by the door. She'd admired him from behind from months. He always wore slacks that hugged his ass and thighs delightfully. She smiled his way and mouthed thank you. He smiled back and mouthed you're welcome. When her drink was ready, she grabbed the cardboard sleeve and turned towards the spot he was standing, only to find it empty. She'd been disappointed, but she figured it was a sign that she'd caught his eye as he had hers. Two more mornings this happened...he'd buy her coffee and then disappear. Tess vowed on the third day she would thank him to his face, maybe even ask him out.

  It started the same way, he was three people in front of her, she got to the front of the line and her drink was paid for, but this time instead of waiting for her coffee, she strutted up to him.

  "I wondered how long it would take for you to come talk to me." His voice was a notch above deep and held a slight accent she could't place. His hair was the color of chocolate, as were his eyes.

  Tess drooled internally, then gave him a flirty smile. "Well, you kept escaping...Thank you, for this, and the others."

  "I wasn't sure how to talk to you, so I figured you can't go wrong with caffeine, right?"

  "Nope. That's one of the ways to my heart for sure."

  "Is that so? Good to know. Look, I'm running late, as usual, but I'd love to take you to dinner sometime."

  "Any time." She nibbled on her lower lip, then gave him the full affect of her best smile. He gave her an intense smolder in return, then pulled out a pen, writing his number on her cup. He looked at her name written in black sharpie. "Tess, nice to finally meet you. I'm Liam."

  "Nice to meet you, Liam." She slid the pen from his fingers and wrote her name and number on his cup, then walked out, knowing he was watching her walk away. She was glad she wore that black sheath dress.

  The accent ended up being Austral
ian. The first date, the first of many. And the brown eyes melted things she didn't even know were frozen. Their love affair was fierce and passionate. The kind where they'd barely make it through the front door without ripping each other's clothes off. Liam had given her her first real orgasm, first with his mouth, then later with his very large thunder from down under. She was hooked. On the great sex, on his sweet smile. Everything about him. And he seemed equally besotted with her. They whispered tender words on sweaty skin through kiss swollen lips. Liam in her kitchen making eggs wearing nothing but his boxers. Laughs, more sex. Food, then more sex. It was the epitome of youth, playing at maturity, but with minimal responsibilities.

  Looking back on her time with lovely Liam, she now knew it wasn't love, but strong affection intensified by fantastic chemistry and sex. It was destined to end, as his internship ended and he was forced to go back to Perth. They'd held each other and shed tears, but he didn't ask her to go with him and the thought had never occurred to her, no matter how cute she thought koalas were. They cared deeply for each other, but it wasn't love. She thought it might have been at the time and she'd had a few come close since then. She mourned and fled relationships in equal quantity. In all honesty, she didn't see what all of the fuss was about. Like people were blowing the whole falling in love thing way out of proportion.

  It was about four weeks into her relationship with Wes when she knew she was in real trouble, that her strong lust and like were morphing into the other L word territory. Her heart was doing things she'd never felt. The longing, the need, the near obsessive desire to be around him. She just realized it one night, sitting across from him in an Italian restaurant. He had red sauce on the side of his mouth, but he was unaware since he kept talking in the enthusiastic way he did. Tess was zeroed in on the drop of sauce. Normally, she would have been grossed out, or annoyed. Stop talking and wipe your mouth! But all she could think about was how cute he was with his little saucy face, and that she wanted to lick it off, public be damned. She settled for a slow lick of her finger, which caught his attention. Tess drug the finger by his mouth and then put it back in hers. "You had some sauce." She wasn't sure why she did it, it was not a conscious move, in fact her body was doing things without consulting her brain. She waited to feel embarrassed by her sexually brazen move. She had no problem being forward with someone she was using as a warm body, but this was different. He was different. She cared what he thought of her. It turned out she had no time to regret the "sauce incident" as they later called it, because he grabbed a passing waitress by the wrist, it wasn't even their waitress. "I'm going to need the check right away, please." It was a good move, if fogging up the windows of his car five minutes later was any indication.