Spinster?

by Thompson, Nikki Mathis

  "I'm sorry, but this is extremely awkward. Why would he be sad about me? Aren't you guys, like one little happy family now?"

  Mila scrunched her face. "Tess, what are you talking about?"

  Did she have to spell it out! "You and Wes. Together. Me and Wes. Not together. Are you getting off on making me feel like shit? Because it really feels like it."

  Mila's face softened with understanding. "Oh! No. No. You don't think we're together, do you?"

  Jeeze, this chick was dim. "Uh, yes...aren't you?"

  "Okay, now I see why you're acting so strange...Tess, listen to me, Wesley and I are not back together. I'm just here for my kids, and that's the God's honest truth."

  Her mind was spinning. "But I saw, that night in the kitchen...the way you looked at him. You're in love him. Don't try to deny it."

  Mila looked down at the ground for a second, then looked her right in the eye. "I do love him, I always will. There was a part of me that hoped we could pick up were we left off. I think it was nostalgia mostly, my desire to get my family back. But I know that ship has sailed. I ruined any chance I had with Wesley when I walked out on them. That broke us, and I'm going to have to live with that...I'm lucky he's even let me back in their lives. It's more than I deserve, and for that I'll be forever in his debt. And more...no, most importantly, he is no longer in love with me."

  "He's not?" She sounded like a deranged parrot, but couldn't help herself.

  "Are you blind? Damn, woman...he is in love...with you. Like a man loves a woman, not like a boy loves a girl, as was in our case." Mila's face went red, her frustration with Tess and the situation bubbling to the surface. It was strange, but she was glad to see the medication hadn't extinguished the fire inside of her completely. As to the content of Mila's rant, stunned was a good way to describe how she was feeling in that moment. All this time, she thought he was with Mila. She wanted to ask about the cozy game night, but then she'd have to admit she was outside in the bushes.

  "But he hasn't called me, or come to see me...it's been months. I don't understand."

  "Have you called him?"

  "Well, no."

  "Did you leave him, or was it the other way around?"

  "That's complicated." Mila gave her a look. "Okay, it was me, but he didn't really argue with me."

  "Men are clueless, animals aren't they? And women, we just want to know we're worth the fight." The fact that Mila knew where she was coming from was validating, yet bizarre. "I know Wesley. He doesn't want to burden anyone. I bet he thought he was doing you a favor, respecting your wishes. He probably thought he wasn't worth the fight...that has a lot to do with me coming back, and again, I'm sorry if it complicated things for you."

  Standing there, talking to Mila, it all started to seem trivial. When it came down to it, her biggest issue was the fact she thought Mila wanted her ex-husband back. It was the part that scared Tess the most, and it eventually scared her off.

  "So, you don't want Wes back?"

  Mila smiled and put her hand back on Tess's arm. This time she didn't shrug it off. "No, Tess. I promise. In fact"—she leaned in—"I met someone."

  Tess stood straighter. "Oh, really?"

  Now they were chatting like girlfriends? As long as Mila didn't want her man, she was cool.

  "Yes. He owns a health food store near my yoga studio. He's so handsome."

  It couldn't be, but she had to ask. "His name wouldn't happen to be Donovan, would it?"

  "You know him?" Mind blown. Those creepy robotic kids at Disney World were right.

  "Yes, he's a friend...and you picked a good one."

  "Well, we haven't gone on a date yet, but I go in there all of the time and I think he likes me." Tess couldn't keep the grin from her face. She had this overwhelming sense of rightness in the universe. Mila deserved happiness. Donovan deserved it as well. There was just one more thing that needed to be done.

  "Mila, thank you. I've been such an idiot."

  "You're not an idiot. Love...the falling is easy. It's the rest that's hard as hell. And between us, I have it on good authority that the girls are at their grandparents' tonight. Do what you will with that tidbit."

  "Is that so?"

  "Go get your man, Tess."

  She couldn't help herself, Tess pulled Mila into a bone crushing hug. "I will. Thank you."

  Tess made a bee line for the front door, her only stop a wave goodbye to Marin. "I gotta go. Call you later!"

  Once she got out into the dark night, her steps turned into a jog, which was difficult on most days, even more so in three inch heels. Sheer determination steadied her feet, and wine numbed the twinge in her arches.

  Ready, or not, and come what may, she was going for it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  The adrenaline pumped through her body as she drove over to his house. She ran through the things she might say to him. All of which were followed by her tackling him to the floor and him tearing the silk from her body. She just hoped the information Mila gave her was current. What if he was seeing someone and Mila wasn't aware of it? What if she'd waited too long and he now hated her? What if he'd sworn off women all together, making a vow of celibacy? She wouldn't blame him. His experience had been tumultuous, to say the least. She was not excluding herself from that list.

  Tess slowed, pulling up to his house. The front porch light was on, but not any others, from what she could tell. Looking down at her clock, she had second thoughts. It was after ten. Would he still be awake? She rubbed her thumb over the silver typewriter keychain he'd given her, it held a key to his house. She could let herself in, get undressed and slip under the covers. Watch him sleep until he sensed someone watching him.

  REE-REE-REE-REE-REE-REE-REE.

  That wouldn't be creepy at all.

  She decided sitting in her car stalling wasn't helping the getting late issue, so with a deep breath, she slipped off her heels and slid out of the car. Each quiet step made her nerves ratchet up a notch. Her pulse drummed in her ears. She walked across the lawn. The grass was cool and damp under her feet, grounding her in a weird way. Whatever happened, this was the first step to getting on with her life—either with, or without Wes.

  She decided against using the key. He most likely forgot she even had it, so using it would be a violation of his privacy. The door chime sounded with a deep bong, but there was no movement from inside. Where could he be at this time of night? Then she kicked herself. It was Saturday and he was kid free...why wouldn't he be out? Hopefully with friends. Friends with penises.

  "Damn it." She'd been riding on nerves and excitement, which had fueled her decision, and now that the moment and the adrenaline had faded, she felt her confidence wane. She had it all worked out on the drive over. He'd throw open the door and cry tears of joy. His life had been shit without her. Then they had made passionate, multi-orgasmic love until the dawn broke, as he whispered, "Marry me, Tess."

  She really did have a vivid imagination.

  Tess stood on his porch, deliberating her next move. Should she wait in her car in case he came home? Maybe she could leave him a note. Or she could go home and regroup tomorrow? No, not tomorrow. She needed this done. Sleeping on it would only give her the opportunity to come up with all of the reasons she should let it drop. So, she marched back to her car, got in, and grabbed her phone.

  After tapping the message icon, she typed. Several deleted draft later she decided to the point was the best way to go.

  I'm at your house. We need to talk.

  Her finger hovered over the send. A sudden knock on her car window made her screech, her phone dropping onto the floor board. She clutched her chest and cursed. "Wes, you scared me to death."

  He pulled her door open with a contrite grin. "Sorry about that...What are you doing here?" It was gentle, not an accusation.

  "Where did you come from? I didn't see you pull up." She had caught her breath, but she was still sitting in her driver's seat, not ready to answer his question.


  "A friend just dropped me off. You didn't notice?"

  "No. I was looking down at my phone." She was finding it hard to make eye contact. He was so familiar, so close. It had been so long...yet it felt like yesterday.

  "Are you coming or going?" Wes gave her a devious grin, his blue eyes on the glassy side. She refused to say coming, so instead she said, "I needed to talk to you. You have a minute?"

  If he was the least bit curious about her being there, he didn't show it. He smiled and offered his hand. She took it, biting back a sigh at the feel of his warm, soft skin. "For you, I have many minutes...hours preferably." Was he flirting with her? Or was she creating innuendoes where there were none? She was pretty hard up. No. He was giving her a look and the smug grin that went with it. She wasn't sure how it made her feel, besides horny.

  They walked up the driveway, side by side. The only contact was the brief brush of their pinkies, but it was enough to make her skin prickle. She hung back as he unlocked his front door, taking the chance to calm herself.

  "Sorry to just show up like this. I should have called," Tess said as they walked into his front hallway.

  He stopped in front of her, grasping her shoulders. "Don't apologize. You can come by any time you want...I've missed seeing you." Was that the same as he missed her?

  He dropped his hands and led the way into the dark living room. He flipped on two lamps on his way to throw his keys on the counter. "Can I get you anything to drink? I was going to have a beer."

  "May I have a glass of water, please?" It wasn't like her to turn down a drink from a hot guy, but she needed her wits about her.

  "Is everything okay?" he asked, handing her a small glass of cold water, no ice, just how she liked it.

  He remembered.

  "Is everything okay?" she said more to herself than to him. "No, Wes, everything is not okay. In fact, everything is as far from okay as it's been in a long freaking time." Not how she imagined opening, but when you were about to lay it all on the line, finesse wasn't needed.

  A look of concern crossed his face. He moved closer so that his knees were touching her thigh. He set his drink on a round coaster. "Tess, talk to me."

  "I guess I need to know one thing first...why, after you left that day, did you never call me? I mean, I know I was the one to tell you to go explore whatever with Mila, but I didn't expect you to write me off." She felt tears coming, but blinked them away.

  He blew a breath out, pushing his hair off of his forehead. "Tess, I thought it was what you wanted. If I can be honest, I thought you were using all of that Mila stuff as an excuse to bow out...I don't blame you, I guess."

  "It wasn't an excuse." But was it? She'd asked herself the same question over and over, but the bottom line was if Mila hadn't shown up, she wouldn't have let him get away. So, convenient or not, Mila was the reason.

  "I know I've shown signs of being a possible flight risk, but I wasn't using it as an excuse. I thought it was the right thing to do...at the time."

  "Right thing to do? Sending me into the arms of my ex seemed like the right thing to do?" She ignored the into the arms part and prayed it was hypothetical.

  Tess turned towards him, resting her thigh on the cushion of his sectional. "Look, you guys have history, and babies together, and first love...I thought I'd always wonder if I didn't give you the chance to explore that again.

  "Don't you think I should have had a say in that?"

  "Well, I thought you needed a push. I knew your sense of loyalty would have kept you with me."

  "There was more than loyalty keeping me with you, Tess."

  "Then why didn't you say anything, why didn't you put up a fight?"

  "Is that why you did it, so I'd put up a fight? That sounds manipulative, Tess."

  "I wasn't manipulating you, but it was a test in a way, to see if you'd go back to her if I was out of the way. That's why I felt I had to do it—to give you guys a chance, even if it meant breaking my heart in the process."

  "Did it? Break your heart I mean?" His hand was now flush against hers.

  "Yes," she whispered, trying not to cry. "Was yours?"

  "If moping around like a sad sack for months on end, not sleeping well, and seeing your face every time I closed my eyes is your definition of a broken heart, then, yes."

  Tess laughed, wiping her eyes. She turned towards him and grabbed his hands in hers. He seemed as relieved to be touching her as she felt touching him. "You once asked me if being important to you was enough. And I've thought long and hard about it. It's not about being the top of any list, it's about feeling special and loved, and you made me feel those things, so much. You make me feel things I never have before, and I just hope you'll give me a second chance."

  "Shh, Tess, stop. You did nothing wrong. It was a lot to deal with and I shouldn't have walked out that door. Mila and me, there's no going back for us." He squeezed her hands. "You asked why I didn't fight. I'm going to be honest, after our talk, I'll admit, I was curious. Mila and I sat down and discussed it, about giving it another go, about how much easier it would be to just be a family again. We entertained the idea for a second, but we both knew it wasn't going to happen. The easy way is often not the best way."

  She smiled, but then it dropped. "Wait...define entertained the idea."

  He sighed. "You promise you won't upset?"

  That sounded ominous, but she said, "I'll try my best."

  "We went on a date."

  Okay, that wasn't so bad. "Aaaaand?"

  "We went on a date, and we came back here." That sounded worse.

  She put her hand out, shaking her head. "Stop. I don't want to hear the rest."

  "No, you need to hear this. We came back, and I'll admit we kissed. At first, it was nice, comfortable, but then it just wasn't. It didn't go further." Mila had left out that bit of information. "What about you? Have you been seeing other men?" It came out stilted, like it pained him to say the words.

  She wasn't going to let him change the subject. "Wes, we're talking about you and Mila right now, not me."

  His squeeze tightened."Tess? Were you with other men while we were apart?" He sighed and loosened his grip. "You had every right to be, but I guess I need to know."

  The truth was she hadn't been able to even look at another man, let alone touch one. "No. I wanted to, believe me. Any distraction from the pain I was feeing would have been welcome...but, I couldn't. I've missed you so much, Wes."

  The look of relief on his face was instant. "I missed you, every second." Then he tensed again. "I thought about that a lot while you were gone. What you were doing and who with? The thought of another man putting his hands on you, makes me want to put my fucking fist through a wall." He looked straight into her eyes. "Listen, if you decide you want to be mine, that's it. No one else. Ever. Are we clear?" Tess nodded, tingling everywhere at his possessive declaration.

  She cleared her throat. "Crystal...but that goes for you, too. If you're my man, I'm the only one who can..." She leaned in to him and put her mouth against his ear, whispering all the dirty things she wanted to do to him. She didn't have to say it in hushed tones, but somehow these elicit demands were better delivered on warm breathy words. She leaned back and pulled her lower lip into her mouth, sex kitten in full force. And by the look on his face, shocked was not the emotion he was feeling.

  "So, you're mine?" he asked, voice hoarse.

  Tess nodded, unzipping the side of her top. "Yes, all yours...whatever will you do with me?" She fluttered her lashes with false innocence. He helped her relieve herself of her clothes and pulled her behind him on his way back to his bedroom.

  "Pretty much everything you just whispered in my ear, but I have a few things to add to the list."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Their reconciliation was negotiated, not as much with words, but with naked rolling in the sheets that night. Well, words were spoken, more like screamed, but non-pertinent to the future of their relationship. The next
morning they were all tired eyes and shy smiles, their reunion overshadowing the three hours of sleep they managed to steal.

  Wes sat, looking yummy, bare chested and hair damp. "I love you, baby. I'm glad you're home."

  That hit her in the middle of the chest surer than if he'd shot her with a gun. She was home, and it wasn't a place, but a feeling of being where she was meant to be. And for the first time, she was not only okay with that, she felt at peace.

  On the heels of their steamy reunion, it was decided, they were in it for the long haul. But there were more parties to consider than just the two of them, and when it came time to see the girls, Tess again found herself battling nerves. Wesley wasn't nervous, assuring her that Kate and Ella would be excited to have her back in their lives. Easy for him to say. She hadn't seen them in months, and kids were notorious for their short term memories and out of sight, out of mind ways, or so she assumed.

  Had they forgotten about her? Would they be angry? Would she have to start from scratch? She found these were all valid concerns. She'd worked hard and spent countless hours with them, slowly gaining their trust and affections. She fervently hoped that the time apart didn't derail all of it. But if it had, so be it. If she had to start at square one, then that's what she would do.

  She stood at the glass door to his backyard, unobserved, watching them play. Strong arms wrapped around her. His breath warm against her ear. "They're crazy about you, you know?"

  She leaned into him. "I'm just nervous. I don't want them to think I bailed on them."

  "They don't. I told them we had things to work out and it had nothing to do with them, that you loved them."

  "I do love them, Wes."

  "I know you do, or I wouldn't have said it to them...I would watch you sometimes, when you thought you were by yourself. The way you were with them, the way you cared for them, played with them, laughed with them...that can't be faked. At least not someone like you. I bet you haven't faked an emotion your whole life.