All I Ever Wanted

by Marilyn Brant, Caisey Quinn, Rhonda Helms

  “Got any plastic wrap?”

  Well, now my mind was really working. My dirty thoughts suddenly got way more interesting. His fingertips grazed the underside of my bare foot, and I nearly twitched right off the damn counter. “Um, I think so. Top shelf in the pantry.”

  He retrieved the slender box and opened it. I watched him work to secure the bag of ice to my ankle with the cling wrap. “There.” His self-congratulatory grin widened. His eyes flickered to mine as he stood up straight.

  My tongue seemed to have swollen in my mouth. I swallowed hard in an attempt to make room for it. “Thanks.”

  He stood so close it only made sense to increase the distance between my knees to accommodate him. “You’re welcome.”

  The air in the small space between our faces thickened. Working harder to breathe, I considered leaning back slightly to give both of us some room. Distance. But I couldn’t. His intense gaze held me captive, a prisoner in my own home. It was terrifying, looking at him this way and feeling things for him that I never expected to.

  “Ju—” His eyes narrowed and dropped to my mouth, a warning not to call him by the newly forbidden nickname. My words stopped short in my throat. “—stin,” I finished, but just barely.

  “Yeah, Ev?”

  “Um, I don’t think Justin works for me. I’m going to give Cohen a try. But if that doesn’t work either, what should I call you?”

  He shot me a wicked grin and waggled his eyebrows. “God of the Ice Pack? Dr. Cohen? King Cohen?”

  “You’re a jackass.” I rolled my eyes, thankful that my breathing had finally returned to normal.

  “Yes, but I’m your jackass.” He placed his hands on the counter on either side of my thighs.

  So much for breathing normally.

  “We should probably get back,” I said softly, knowing that if I leaned forward so much as an inch my lips would graze his. My chest must’ve been desperate for attention because it rose between us, thrilling at the contact when it brushed his.

  “We probably should,” he agreed without moving.

  I knew it was wrong, dangerous even. Justin Cohen had been my everything since…well since the first time he’d scooted his backpack over on the bench so I could sit next him at lunch. Sixth grade. He’d been my best friend, my band mate, my shoulder to cry on, my sweet, always-willing-to-listen best buddy ever since. Nearly ten freaking years.

  But there was nothing sweet about the way he was looking at me now. His playing doctor on my ankle had been sweet. This was…something else.

  Hunger hooded his eyes as we each waited for the other to make a move. The full weight of the fact that I wouldn’t stop him if he kissed me, the undeniable truth that I wanted him to, pressed down on me, but I held my own. His hands slid up my thighs, not an accidental graze but an intentional friction between our flesh. It was delicious torture, a kind I’d never known before. Painful and slow and sweet and…necessary.

  This will change everything.

  My cell phone rang out, and the intoxicating intensity snapped between us, sending us both roughly back to reality.

  What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t just make out with my best friend. I shook my head in an attempt to shake myself out of the lust-filled trance I’d been in.

  It could ruin us, the band, everything. Some risks were just too big. I’d taken a risk with Kennedy Hale and look how shitty that had turned out.

  “It’s probably—”

  “I should get—”

  We began speaking at the same time. I grinned up at him, feeling like an idiot for reasons I couldn’t even explain to myself.

  “It’s Dax,” he announced, picking my phone up off the kitchen table.

  “Tell him we’re on our way.” I eased myself off of the counter unceremoniously. My ankle didn’t hurt as bad as it had, but I wasn’t sure if that was because of the ice or because my brain was too distracted by the strange turn of events this day had taken to register it.

  I gathered my things as Justin told Dax we’d see him in a few.

  “Maya texted you,” he informed me, handing my phone over. “Said she’s leaving a plate of goodies for us in the barn near the stage. Thank God, because I’m starving.”

  “Me too.” Except I was suddenly hungry for more than whatever Maya had been nice enough to leave us.

  I focused my attention on the screen of my phone. There were three older messages from Maya. From yesterday.

  Hurry up and get your butt here! You’re missing all the fun!

  After that, there was a blurred shot of what looked like Bree and some guy sledding. Then a selfie of Maya. Girlfriend had obviously discovered the fine art of makeup. And how to rock a tighter sweater. I whistled low and showed the phone to Jubb.

  “Check out Monterey,” I said.

  “Damn. She’s lookin’ good in the neighborhood.”

  “Right?” I did my best to smile. That weird twisty feeling knotted up my stomach again. I forced myself not to glare at him. What the hell is my deal?

  We locked my front door and headed to the van. Once he’d opened my door and helped me inside, I watched him walk around to the driver’s seat while texting on his phone. He was too damn good-looking. Stupid roofing job, making him all hot and shit and confusing me.

  He climbed in and slammed his door. “You ready?” he asked, turning to me as he jammed the keys in the ignition.

  I didn’t know if he meant ready to perform in the one place I said I never would or ready to deal with my strange new feelings for him. Either way, the answer was no. Hell no.

  But instead I said, “Yeah. I think so.”

  Justin

  Over the years, I’d seen so many versions of Everly Abbott that I was sure I’d seen them all. But I’d never seen her nervous. Nervous Everly fidgeted.

  “You all right?”

  Her eyes darted over to me. “I’m fine. Why?”

  “You’re fidgeting. I’ve never seen you fidget.”

  She dropped her hand from her mouth and let it land in her lap. My gaze stalked her small hand like prey. Damn that dress to hell.

  She’d strutted out of that bedroom, and it had taken everything in me not to drop to my knees.

  I forced myself to concentrate on driving. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sami Abbott leaving her family’s bakery on Main Street. She waved and we waved back.

  “Guess she’s still working there,” I said flatly. Never in my life had talking to Ev felt awkward. Until now.

  “Yeah,” Everly answered, speaking slowly as if she were concerned for my mental well-being. “Guess she is.”

  “It’s just been a while since I’ve been in there is all. Last time I stopped in she seemed less than thrilled about the family business.”

  “Hm.” Everly was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke again. “I guess I don’t really think about what goes on here when we’re on the road. But I bet there’s drama afoot in Abbott Springs as usual.”

  “Just because you don’t notice something doesn’t mean it’s not happening, Ev. Guess we can’t all register on your radar.” Shit. I’d snapped at her without meaning to.

  “You okay?” Her eyebrows were raised. There were questions in her eyes and a small smile tugging at her lips. Her fingers still twisted around each other. As much as my ego surged from the heady notion of making her nervous, I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Well, I kind of did, but not so uncomfortable that we couldn’t talk about this like adults.

  “Yeah. Just tired.” Realizing I needed to change the subject, I grinned as I saw crazy old Bernie staggering towards the festival. “Hey, did I tell you what Oliver told me about Bernie?”

  Everly shook her head and raised an eyebrow.

  “She stripped in front of the courthouse. Got a ticket for indecent exposure.”

  “Dear God.” Everly laughed and my heartbeat sped up at the sound. I focused on making sure the van didn’t do the same through the center of town.

&nb
sp; She was busy texting on her phone for the next few minutes, so I concentrated on finding a street that wasn’t closed for the festival. Ev’s mom had been right. Finding a parking spot was going to be hell.

  After four trips around the block, I squeezed the van into a spot near Juke’s Box. My old man was probably in there getting blitzed, but I really didn’t have the mental energy to think about him at the moment.

  Ev and I needed to talk, to figure things out before I went in-fucking-sane. I just needed to take it slower. Maybe have a conversation with her about how I felt instead of ramming her up against a door or taking her on the countertop at her mom’s house. Though that second option was the one my dick was voting for.

  Here went nothing. I swallowed and reached down to pull the keys from the ignition. “Hey, we should probably talk. About earlier. ”I got it, I did. These feelings were old for me but new for her. And she was nervous as hell about this show. Just as I opened my mouth to put my heart out there, the unmistakable opening to her favorite song came on the radio.

  Everly startled me by grabbing my hand. “Leave it on. I want to hear this song before I go humiliate myself in front of the entire town.” Her face lit up and her beautiful lips curved into a grin as she sang along with Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell.

  She loved this damn song. And nine times out of ten, she made me sing along with her.

  “Listen, Ev. I know this is your jam and all,” I began, rolling my eyes at her. “But we should probably—”

  She interrupted me by belting out at the popular lyrics at the top of her lungs, shaking her entire body and grabbing my hand so we could do the old-people slow concert wave.

  “Sing it with me, Jubb!”

  Maybe it was because she was all lit up and grinning like a damn jack-o-lantern even though we were in the one place she hated more than anything, or maybe it was because she was beautiful and amazing and Everly, or maybe just because I freaking loved her and always had—I sang along.

  We were laughing as if nothing unusual had happened by the time we got back to the barn for soundcheck. But there was something different between us. An electricity I’d always felt but she seemed to be noticing for the first time.

  Each time I had to walk by her, I made sure to brush her arm, graze the small of her back lightly—just small reminders of what had happened before. I wasn’t going to be shoved back into the friend zone. Not today. Not anytime soon.

  “‘Bout damn time, man,” Dax greeted me.

  I smirked because it was worth being late. Glancing to the side of the stage, I saw the messy mop of hair that belonged to Alex Hamilton. He was a buddy I’d met on the music scene. Kind of a drifter, but a good guy I’d always been able to count on in a jam.

  I’d asked him to help us out here since this was a last-minute gig and I knew Ev would need me more than usual because she had her issues with Abbott Springs. Lo and behold, the dude had actually showed. He looked so out of place that it was almost comical. Though Sami Abbott seemed awful cozy next to him at the soundboard.

  I scratched my chin and tried to figure out a way they might know each other. Huh. Small world, I guessed.

  By the time I’d gotten Everly up to the stage and she was managing well enough on her ankle, it was time to start warming up. I nodded a thank-you at Alex and played a few chords. Once we were good to go and the sound was where it needed to be, Everly nodded over at someone I couldn’t see. Probably Aubree Baxter. She was Ev’s best friend and hardly ever missed a show.

  And because I’d obviously pissed in the universe’s Wheaties at some point, when the mayor came up on stage to intro us, he brought his piss-ant son along with him.

  I gripped the neck of my Fender and watched Everly as Kennedy Hale strutted up next to her. From behind, I could see that her shoulders had gone rigid at his closeness.

  Black spots appeared in my vision until I blinked them away. She was right. She was a big girl. She could handle this. I needed to let her be, let her deal with this situation however she wanted to.

  When I caught the glimpse of her profile, of her giving him that wide-open smile of hers he didn’t deserve, my heart plummeted to my stomach.

  I inhaled so loudly I heard it.

  Whatever he was whispering to her as his dad yanked the microphone up to his level was obviously amusing to her in some way.

  Unable to stand the sight of them that close together, I tried to focus on the mayor.

  “Our very own Everly Abbott is back!” He paused while the crowd cheered. “Along with Jubb Cohen.” Again the crowd went wild. But I saw red. And more red. I was never going to live down being Jubby Cohen. Not with Everly, not with anyone in the whole damn town. “And their drummer, Dax Williams. Together, they are Infernal Contradiction!”

  The audience clapped and there were some whoops and hollers. Several people also shouted out the band’s actual name: “Internal Insurrection!”

  Everly grinned even wider at Hale before he stepped off stage behind his dad. The way she seemed so at ease with him, like everything was somehow cool now because he’d said five words to her on stage, made me want to bash my guitar over his head.

  Still gripping my guitar entirely too hard, I overplayed the first few chords of our opening number. Ev shot a bewildered look at me, but I just stared straight ahead.

  Instead of returning her puzzled glances, I watched Hale in the crowd. He was focusing on Everly like he was waiting for an answer to something. But what?

  As she pranced her ass up and down the stage, doing her thing, it looked like she shook her head at him a few times. Which led to him tilting his head the way a spoiled dog might when it didn’t get its way and was confused about it.

  She’s not interested, dick. Give it a rest already.

  Twice I lost my place and had to catch up. I could practically hear Dax threatening to shove a drumstick up my ass if I didn’t pull it together.

  We finished the ‘90s covers we always did, and it was time. Time to sing the song I’d written for her. We’d sung it together a few times before, but after what had happened earlier, I was hoping she’d get it this time. I wished like hell she’d figure it all out and turn to me and say that she felt the same way.

  What we could have was worth risking what we did have, I’d wanted to tell her so many times.

  I hoped she’d hear it in my lyrics.

  Her hypnotizing voice sang the few first lines, and I joined in on guitar. But when I started playing the intense opening chords that led to the bridge, the slow, steady beat of Dax’s kit chiming in behind me, I saw the one thing I couldn’t deal with.

  Hale’s eyes were glued to her and his expression was pleading. He jerked his head toward the direction of the lake.

  She was singing my words, the ones I’d written about her, about us, while having some intimate silent exchange with that asshole.

  It stung in a way I hadn’t felt in years.

  My dad used to smack me around when he was drunk. He used to get hammered and stumble home and trip over an invisible belonging of mine. Which led to my being woken up by more than a few backhands during my childhood—if you could call it that. Until I got big enough for him to back off. I didn’t sit around and dwell on it or let it turn me into a raging alcoholic or some shit. But I never forgot. The sting of a slap to the face wasn’t even something I could accurately describe.

  It was paralyzing pain and numbness and shock all at once, no matter how many times it happened. Like having your face instantly set on fire.

  When Everly dipped her chin in Hale’s direction, agreeing to whatever request he’d made, I felt the familiar brand of pain ripping through my chest. Like someone had just slapped me in the heart the way my old man used to slap me across the face.

  My throat closed at the sight of Hale grinning like a goddamned maniac before jogging off toward the lake. Where she was probably going to meet him. Because, of course, he was looking for a replay of last year.

  She whipp
ed her head over her shoulder and waited for me to sing my part of the song. Of our song.

  But I didn’t.

  I couldn’t sing along anymore.

  Everly

  “So I was a colossal dick earlier,” Kennedy Hale murmured under his breath to me while his dad was busy botching the introducing of the band.

  I raised my eyes to his, unsure of how to respond to that.

  “And I know I handled things badly last year.” His expression was surprisingly apologetic.

  I frowned. “O-kay. So what? You want me to say I forgive you?” I shot back at him. “Like you even care.”

  I caught Bree watching us intently from the edge of the crowd. I tried to smile to let her know I was okay. Actually, she was the one who didn’t look so hot. I wondered if maybe she was sick. Every year I reminded everyone not to eat Bernie’s chili. That woman probably sprinkled crack in it.

  Returning my gaze to Kennedy’s, I saw his thick, dark brows lower as he frowned at me. “I do care, Pink. I never meant for it to get like that. It was just—”

  The mayor interrupted him by introducing me, and I couldn’t hear him over the applause anyway.

  “—at the lake, after,” I heard him say.

  No. No way. Been there. Done that. Not going to be that stupid girl again who fell for his Golden Boy bullshit.

  I shook my head, but his eyes held a desperate plea, like somehow it really was important to him.

  “Five minutes, Everly. Come talk to me for five minutes down by the lake, and then I’ll leave you be. Promise.”

  And I couldn’t lie to myself. I wanted to talk to him. Wanted to know why he’d even bothered with me if it was just going to be a one-time deal he’d never wanted to repeat or acknowledge.