Talia Jager

by Without Hesitation

Fury poured through my veins and I pulled the trigger. First at Caspar, then at the guard when he went for his gun. They both went down, someone shouted, an alarm rang out and I could only stand there and watch the blood pool around their bodies.

  Ever burst into the room with eyes wide and searching. When they landed on me, her face relaxed. She looked past me to Caspar and the guard.

  Loud yells came from down the hallway. Ever took my hand and in seconds we were back on the Nirvana.

  “Give me the gun,” Ever’s voice sounded far away. “Kaci…you’re safe.”

  My hands trembled but I couldn’t seem to let go of the gun.

  “Maybe it’s best if you guys leave now.”

  “We’re not leaving, Ever.”

  “You don’t have a choice. I’m ordering you to!” she yelled.

  Huxley opened his mouth.

  “Now!”

  Nobody moved. Ever let out an exasperated sigh and turned back to me. “Kaci? Can you hear me?”

  I could, but it felt like I was under water and she was calling to me from the surface. My chest started to constrict. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.

  “Kaci.” She put her hands on mine. “I’m going to take the gun, okay?”

  My grip tightened.

  “You’re safe. Breathe. Nobody here will hurt you. Please, Kace, come back to me.” She positioned herself right in front of me.

  I blinked a few times forcing myself to hear her words. I let her take the gun. She placed it in her waistband and then wrapped her arms around me.

  “Now, Briar!”

  There was a bright light and the Nirvana lurched just before kicking into FTL speed.

  Ever cupped my face and covered it with kisses. “Why did you do that? He would have died in the blast. You didn’t have to kill him.”

  Caspar was right. I had blood on my hands now.

  Not letting go of my hand, Ever closed the space between her and Huxley. She whispered to him and he nodded.

  “Come on,” Ever led me away from the bridge and back to her room. She turned on the shower. “Take a hot shower.”

  I didn’t move. Instead I stared at the floor.

  “Hey,” she said, her thumbs wiping away my tears. “If you don’t take off your clothes, I’ll take them off for you and believe me I do not want the first time I strip you down to be remembered this way.”

  My hands moved and my clothes fell to the floor. I stepped into the shower. The hot water mixed with my tears as it flowed over my body until I finally collapsed onto the shower floor and pulled my knees to my chest.

  After a while, I forced myself to get out and dried off. Ever had left me some clean clothes in the room, so I got dressed. I sat on her bed staring off into space. Silently, she knelt behind me and started braiding my hair, which felt heavenly. When she finished, she sat beside me. I put my head on her shoulder and she took my hand.

  “Sorry about earlier,” I mumbled.

  “I know.”

  “I froze. I just…”

  “I know.”

  We stayed there for I don’t know how long, until Ever decided I had to eat. She dragged me to the kitchen and put a bowl of soup and some bread down in front of me. I took a few bites before pushing the rest of it around with my spoon.

  “Isn’t it good?”

  “Yeah. Just not hungry.”

  “I know you just did something you never thought you’d do—”

  “I just killed. Became a murderer. Yeah, so, I’m not hungry.”

  Ever looked away. “Okay. We’ll come back when you do get hungry. Briar’s waiting for us. We have to make a decision.”

  When we reached the bridge, the rest of the crew was there.

  “I’m sorry,” I said to them all.

  “Nothing to be sorry for,” Zabe said, surprising me.

  “He’s right,” Huxley said. “It’s happened to all of us.”

  “Now what?” Briar stood at the controls ready to plug in coordinates.

  I turned to Ever. “I need to go back to Valinor.”

  “I understand.”

  “I need answers.” I looked at her and everyone else faded away. “Will you come?”

  “To Valinor?”

  “I don’t want to do it alone.”

  “Yeah. Will they let me?”

  Smirking, I answered, “I think you’re forgetting who the Empress is.”

  Laughing out loud, she said, “Okay. If you promise they won’t kill me on sight.”

  “I’ll just jump in front of you.”

  All color drained from her face. “Don’t do that again.”

  “So?” Briar said, reminding us she was there. “To Valinor?”

  Ever nodded, though I noticed the look on her face wasn’t one of happiness.

  I retreated back into my head again while they talked. My finger found the tattoo on my arm and ran over it again and again.

  “We need to find our families soon,” Briar said softly. “We have no idea how long they’ll survive without Caspar.”

  “We will. We just need to get her home first.” I heard Ever say. “I’m going to get her to bed.”

  “I’ll stay here and monitor the comms for news about Caspar’s ship,” Briar said.

  Zabe and Huxley were playing an intense game of Loaded when Ever took my hand and led me to her room.

  I didn’t sleep that night. Ever sat up against the head of her bed with my head in her lap. For a long time, she was quiet, then she said, “We were on a mission for Caspar. He wanted this antique from the Mezzi Corporation. Briar and I went in for it. We were caught. A guard pushed Briar into me, knocking me over. Before I could get up, he was on top of me and pinning me down. The knife in his hand was coming at me. Briar jumped on his back and stabbed his shoulder. He dropped the knife in his hand, grabbed her and threw her into a wall, knocking her out. It gave me just enough time to get the dagger I had hidden in my boot. When he reached for his knife, I swung mine, slicing his throat. Then, like that wasn’t going to kill him, I took it a step further and thrust the knife into his heart. He fell onto me, covering me in his blood. I pushed him off, scooped up Briar and the antique, and jumped out of there.”

  I was quiet while picturing the scenario. “That’s different,” I said softly. “You were protecting Briar, defending yourself. You’re not a cold-blooded killer.”

  “Either are you.”

  I nodded, but her words meant nothing.

  The next day, I surrounded myself with the crew and Nero; staying busy, talking, playing card games, petting Nero. Anything to keep from thinking of what I had done. A few times, I found myself at the window just staring out into space. So much out there to explore.

  One time, I turned around and Briar had the maps out again. Walking over, I asked, “Are you still trying to decide where to go first?”

  “Yeah. There are a few different blue giants with planets close together.”

  “Go to the closest one first?” I suggested.

  “That’s the logical thing to do.”

  “Makes sense to me.”

  She nodded and pulled me into a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “Me too.” My voice quaked.

  Ever and I even went to the weapons room to spar. I had forgotten just how impressive the room was. Spending time with Everleigh, Huxley, Zabe, and Briar had made me see them as less threatening than they actually were. I had allowed the fact that they were criminals to slip my mind. This room brought all of that back. They were all lethal.

  “You should try the punching bag,” she suggested, holding up the tape to wrap my hands. “It helps me with my anger.”

  I glanced over at the bag hanging from the ceiling. “Really?”

  “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.” She positioned herself behind the bag. “C’mon.”

  I taped up my hands and then threw a punch.

  “Harder.” Her golden eyes met mine. “Picture Caspar.”

  Opening and
closing my fist, I punched the bag again and again. Anger came from places I didn’t know existed. It wasn’t just anger toward Caspar, but toward myself, toward my parents, even Galton. It was anger at impossible situations.

  “Hey guys,” Briar interrupted from the doorway. “Come with me.”

  Ever grabbed me. “You okay?”

  I nodded.

  We followed Briar to the med bay. A body was lying on the bed dressed in a silver uniform. Ever stepped closer and examined the AI. “Flawless,” she commented.

  “Do you approve?”

  “She looks great. Does she work?”

  Briar smiled. “We’re about to find out.” She rolled the AI over, pulled her shirt up just enough to slip a tiny microchip into the hidden drive under her arm. Seconds later, the AI’s eyes popped open revealing their green color and she sat up. Her gaze shifted over each of us.

  “Hello, Nirvana crew.” She looked down at her hands, flipped them over and back again. “You have given me a body.”

  “Yes, Zia,” Briar answered. “I hope you’re happy with what I picked.”

  “This is very nice. Thank you.” She stood and walked to a mirror where she placed her long auburn hair in a bun. She turned to Ever and said, “I am ready for duty.”

  “I’m going to let Briar show you around or whatever it is she has planned,” Ever responded.

  “Wow!” I said when we were alone again. “I knew AIs were advanced, but she’s amazing. So humanlike.” My mind started wandering to my nanites. How much like her was I? Did the nanites only heal me? Did they do more? Could they?

  “You’re lost in your thoughts again.”

  My eyes met hers and I shrugged. “Sorry.”

  She opened her mouth like she was going to say more, but instead she leaned in and kissed me.

  Ever excused herself to do a few ship related things, so I wandered around. I found Zabe in the observation room stroking Nero who was purring in his lap. Zabe looked more approachable holding a cute animal.

  Nero’s eyes opened as I plopped down next to them. “Traitor,” I said, sticking out my tongue. Nero just closed his eyes again. I laughed.

  “You’re good for us,” Zabe said.

  “I am?”

  “Yes. You’re the calm in the storm.”

  Staring into the dark space, I said, “You’re all good people, Zabe, just in a bad situation.”

  “I tried telling Caspar no once. That was when he killed my brother. Two guards had to hold me back. He was just a kid.”

  I couldn’t imagine going through that. Bristow was like my brother and I didn’t know what I would do if something ever happened to him. “I’m sorry, Zabe. Caspar’s gone now. He can’t hurt anybody else.”

  “You’re brave, Akacia. Stupid, but brave.” He smiled. “Everleigh has been through a lot. Be patient with her.”

  I stood up, tousled Zabe’s hair. He looked up, shocked that I had dared to be so familiar with him. His expression melted into a smile and I left to wander some more.

  Huxley cooked meat and vegetables for dinner. We all ate quietly.

  “This is delicious,” I told him.

  “Thanks, Akacia.” His smile was sad. “These guys are so used to my cooking, they don’t appreciate it anymore. It was nice to cook for someone else.”

  “I’ve enjoyed all of your meals.” I blinked back the tears.

  “I suppose I should tell you what I am, too?” Zabe said out of the blue.

  Reaching across the table, I placed my hand on his. “Only if you want to tell me.”

  He took a swig of his drink. “Black bear. I’m strong and quick-tempered.”

  “Don’t bother him when he’s sleeping. He may bite your head off,” Ever joked.

  Zabe growled at her and she laughed.

  My emotions began to overwhelm me so I dabbed my mouth with my napkin and said, “Thank you all for opening up to me and making me feel like part of your family. You will always be a part of mine.” And before I broke down completely, I stood up and walked back toward the sleeping quarters.

  I stopped in front of Ever’s room, unsure if I should go find her or wait for her in my own room. Of course, I hadn’t been in my room since the first night back.

  “I gave you access to my room,” Ever said from behind me. “Just put your hand on the pad.”

  I did as she said and the door opened. Inside, I sat on the bed and rubbed her blanket in between my thumb and forefinger.

  Ever knelt in front of me. “It’ll be okay.”

  “It’s not just that.”

  “Then what is it?”

  Blowing out a long deep breath, I said, “I’ll miss you…all of you.” Then I added, “I’ll be home tomorrow and I’ll have to be the Empress again. Tonight, I’m just Kaci. That’s it. Nothing special. I want to be with you.” I could feel the burn in my cheeks. “Not necessarily sex. I just want to be next to you. Can we do that?”

  “Yes, except for one thing.”

  “What?” I looked up.

  “You are special.”

  Tears brimmed my eyes.

  I changed into the cami and took everything else off besides my underwear, then climbed in bed. Tears soaked my pillow.

  When Ever climbed into bed behind me I closed my eyes. Her warmth, her touch, it was what I needed right now. A wave of shivers rolled down my spine at the feel of her warm breath on the back of my neck. I was soothed by her closeness.

  Ever put her arm over my side and a soft hum escaped from me. The safe feeling surrounded me. I wanted her to feel that way, too. To know she could tell me anything.

  “I saw the cages.”

  Ever’s body stiffened.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that you can.”

  Her response was soft, almost non-existent. “Thank you.”

  She didn’t say anything else and that was okay. I just had to make sure she knew that I could be her safe place, just like she was mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Akacia

  WHEN WE WOKE, THE MOOD was somber. Ever shuffled to the bathroom and got ready. She left her hair down and put on very little makeup. I took my time getting prepared. As glad as I was to be going home, I was heartbroken to leave. Ever didn’t say anything during breakfast or on the way to the bridge. It was as if talking would hurt.

  “Briar? What’s the news on Caspar’s ship?” Ever inquired.

  “Reports are saying an internal explosion destroyed the ship. No talk of foul play,” she responded. “I’ll keep listening. I do have some news on the tracking device.”

  Ever’s head snapped up. “What?”

  “It looks like it’s been on there a while. I think Caspar put it on the ship when he handed it over to us. He’s always been keeping track of us, we just didn’t know. We never had a reason to disobey him before.”

  “You never realized it was there when you hacked the ship to take control?”

  Briar shook her head. “No. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Are you sure it was the only one?”

  “Yes. I did a sweep of the ship and I asked Lael to verify it was the only one.”

  Ever seemed to be lost in thought as she doodled on paper.

  “Can you hail Valinor?” I asked.

  Briar pushed a few buttons and then Galton appeared on the screen.

  “Empress.”

  “Galton. We will be arriving shortly.”

  “Who exactly?”

  “Whoever I decide to bring with me, Galton. I expect you to treat them as guests.”

  He gave a firm nod and the screen went black.

  “I think it would be best if just you came at first,” I said to Ever.

  “We can jump down.”

  “Okay.”

  Out the window, I could see Valinor getting closer and closer. The planet was beautiful from afar. White clouds swirled above the blues, greens, and purples. That was my home, my planet. My people were waiting for me.r />
  “Are you sure about this?” Ever asked, holding the jump device.

  “Yes.”

  Ever put in her earpiece and led me to the jump circle. Nero joined us. Seconds later, we were standing in the grass just outside the compound. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with the familiar scents around me. Home.

  Ever was checking in with the rest of the crew. “We’re fine. Stay there.”

  I heard the door open and opened my eyes to see Galton standing before me. His eyes shifted to Ever and a scowl came over his face.

  “Galton,” I said to get his attention.

  He smiled, approached, and took my hands. “Empress. I’m so glad you’re home.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Kaci!” Bristow came running around the corner, picked me up, and spun me around. “You’re really okay?”

  “I am.”

  He gave me a big bear hug. “Good. I’m tired of running this place. It’s hard and quite boring.”

  Laughing, I messed his hair. “I’d say you did good a job. The planet is still here.”

  “And now I’m placing her back in your hands.” He gave a slight nod and I kicked him. “I tried my best to find you. I just didn’t do it in time.”

  “It all worked out.”

  He nodded. “So who did you bring down here?”

  My eyes flicked to Ever. “Galton, Bristow, this is Everleigh. She is here as my guest.”

  Galton huffed. “She’s the one who turned you over to Caspar. The reason you crashed on that planet. And the reason you were almost sold back to him.”

  “Galton, I appreciate your concern, but it is none of your business.”

  Bristow, at least was understanding. “Hi, Everleigh. I’m Bristow. Kaci’s best friend.” He stuck out his hand and Ever shook it.

  “Kaci has told me about you.”

  He grinned. “She has?”

  “Something like best friends and partners in crime.”

  Galton cleared his throat and Ever looked like she was caught doing something wrong, but Bristow laughed.

  “That we are. I’m glad she didn’t forget about me while amongst the stars. Speaking of which, weren’t you the one who didn’t want me to leave and then you decided to go off adventuring?”

  “Wasn’t exactly voluntarily, but I won’t hold you back, Bristow. I told you that before. I will miss you, but I want you to be happy.”