by Jenika Snow
“I can’t come home.”
She pressed a hand to her stomach as the tears welled up inside her. That’s daddy on the phone, and he doesn’t know about you.
“Why can’t you come home?”
“Payne, do you love me?” she asked.
“Vicky?”
Again, he didn’t say the words. He was around the club, and his feelings would remain his own.
Hanging up the phone because she couldn’t stand it anymore, she left her apartment again, and threw away the cell.
She needed to man-up, or quit being weak, that was for sure.
Payne stared at the phone, wishing he could will Vicky to get back on the line, to talk to her. Instead, there was silence. Clara appeared before him, taking the phone from his hands.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine. He wanted to hurt someone.
The club, they were all looking to him to lead them, and in the last four months, he’d done a fucking poor job of it. He couldn’t get his head in the game, and the only reason they had lasted this long was because there was no apparent threat. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to get all of them killed.
Walking away from Clara, he made his way outside of the clubhouse into the open air. It always helped to clear his head. Staring up at the sky, he wondered what she was doing. Did she miss him? She sounded so sad on the phone, and yet she still wouldn’t come home.
He didn’t get it.
Brix came outside, leaning against the wall. “You love her?”
“Yes, I love her. I fucking can’t stand living without her.”
“The past four months you have fucked up, Payne. You’ve not made very good decisions. Men, they don’t know what to do to help you.”
“You got a fucking point right now?” Payne asked.
“No one has tried to take this from you. The club, it belongs to you. No one can lead like you. It’s time for you to go and get your girl.” Brix handed him a piece of paper.
Payne frowned as he opened it up. It was Vicky, her employment papers at a care home.
“She’s there, boss. The guys, we all trust you. We want to do what is best for you and the club. Let’s go and get your old lady.”
7
He was doing this, really fucking going to get his woman.
My woman. My old lady.
He stopped in front of the apartment building where she lived, his heart thundering, his need to go to her and demand she come with him riding every part of his body.
He looked at King, who sat behind him, and saw Beast through the review mirror. They’d taken the SUV, because truth was Payne hoped he could talk Vicky into coming with him today.
Once they knew where she was he’d gotten on the road and hadn’t stopped until he was here. She had stayed in the same town where they’d first looked, but she’d been keeping a low profile. It wasn’t until Brix started digging more that he realized she’d been staying in some rent-by-the-week motel, using an alias and living off her savings.
But once she’d gotten a job and signed a lease for an apartment, she’d become a red flag when they’d finally found her.
His heart was jackknifing in his chest, he was starting to sweat, and he realized it was because he was fucking nervous.
Yeah. Him. Fucking nervous.
“You got this,” King said beside him, but the other MC patch was looking out the passenger side window.
“You know how she feels about you,” Beast said, “so all you have to do is grow a set and tell her how you feel.”
Payne snorted. “How the fuck did you two become relationship experts?”
“Because we finally found women in our lives that made us whole.” King was the one to say it. He turned and looked at Payne. “And once you have that in your life everything is right in the world.”
“We have the MC, and that’s our life, but when you have the woman you love by your side, an old lady that will never let you down and will give you that love—” Beast shook his head. “—Fuck, men, it makes all the shit we’ve been through and done so worth it.”
The silence stretched on for a second, and Payne let those words sink in. “Well, damn, that’s some heavy shit,” Payne muttered. Before he said anything else he took a deep breath and climbed out of the driver’s side of the SUV. He was going to bring Vicky home, because without her he felt empty.
He went into the building, climbed the stairs to get to her floor, and stalked down the hallway to her door. When he was in front of it he just stood there, thinking about what he was going to say. But without wasting time and acting like a pussy, he pounded on the door.
It only took a moment for the lock to disengage, and for the door to swing open. And then there she was, standing in front of him and letting him know how much he fucking loved her.
He was here, and she didn’t know what in the hell to do. There he stood, on the other side of her front door, dressed in leather and denim, and looking so damn good. She didn’t move, didn’t even breathe. He smelled good, like motor oil and man, and every part of her body lit up.
She’d missed him so damn much.
I love you.
Her first instinct was to cover her belly, not because she was afraid, but because Payne was the father and he stood right in front of her. But she didn’t do that, and instead held onto the doorframe with one hand. Her throat was threatening to close shut, and she didn’t know what to do or say. She was already showing quite a bit, and it would be painfully obvious that she was pregnant once Payne looked down … which he would at some point.
“Payne,” she finally managed to croak out.
And then he was coming inside, not touching her, but having her move back in response. He shut the door, and she craned her neck back to look in his face.
“What are you doing here?” Good, I can say a bit more, and make myself appear calm.
“You ran,” he said, his eyes narrowing, his mouth set in a hard line.
And then she did cover her belly, because that was one of the reasons she’d run. She’d just found out she was pregnant, and worried about his reaction since he hadn’t acted like he cared for her.
And he’s here now.
And when he lowered his gaze down to her belly, his eyes slightly widening after a second as if he’d just realized, she expected the disgust to come from him. Or maybe for him to just turn and leave her standing there.
“Vicky?” He said her name low, his voice sounding thick. “You’re pregnant.” He said it without making it sound like a question.
“Yes,” she said. She’d wanted to tell him, but had been too afraid. Well, now was definitely the time. “You’re going to be a dad, Payne.” She swallowed. “It’s a boy.”
8
It hadn’t taken much convincing to have Vicky come back to the clubhouse with him, but then again she hadn’t told him she’d stay permanently. She came to see Clara, and if she wanted to leave again, well, he’d have to figure out how in the fuck to make her see she belonged here … with him.
Payne stood at the bar, downing another shot. He was going to be a father, and that shit was pretty heavy. A fucking father, and he didn’t know what to do about that. It seemed wrong somehow, so fucking wrong.
He was damn happy. She was having his baby, and they were going to be a family, but she’d run from him. Hadn’t even given him the chance of being a good father. She’d just taken off.
They hadn’t really spoken about all of this either, which they needed to. She’d slept most of the way back to Grit, and he knew she was exhausted.
“Did you know she was pregnant?” he asked Clara, who was only a few feet away, going through some club paperwork.
After Clara and Vicky had a very short reunion, Payne had wanted Vicky in his room to rest.
He wanted to go to her, but he also needed to wrap his head around all of this. When he’d first seen her back at her apartment she’d looked so damn fragile. He’d done
that to her, and he hated the fact he’d made her hurt.
“Yes,” Clara finally said.
He nodded. “That’s why you wouldn’t help me.”
“I helped. I kept in touch with her and made sure she was okay. If she needed money, I pushed some into an account for her,” Clara said. “She needed space.”
“I don’t get you fucking women,” Payne growled out.
“You don’t get us, but then you don’t want to get us,” Clara said.
“Babe, not right now,” King said.
“No. Payne wants to be all real and shit. He wants to put blame on someone, then he should look in the fucking mirror. She ran because you were too much of a limp dick to do anything about it.”
“Enough!” King said. “You’re my woman, my old lady, but that is still my Prez.”
Clara gritted her teeth and held her hands up. “Then you can fuck him tonight.”
She turned her back and walked out of the clubhouse.
“You need to go and chase after her.”
“She was out of line.”
“Was she? Really? I don’t think she was. I was the one out of line.” He looked at the shot and shook his head. “This is not going to solve shit.”
He made his way toward the door that would lead him to the stairwell toward the bedrooms. Turning back, he faced the room. “Let everyone know Vicky belongs to me. She’s my old lady. She’s not club pussy, and anyone who touches her will have to deal with me. She’s mine. Always has been, always will be.”
Taking the stairs two at a time, he entered the bedroom and found her in his bed in her pajamas, reading. She had circles under her eyes, and he hated that she was so damn tired, that she’d felt she couldn’t talk to him about any of this.
I need to do the right thing, to tell her how I feel.
The sight of her on his bed was so right. Many nights he’d entered to find her reading, or watching television. Sometimes he’d even watched her getting off.
She lowered the book, staring at him. “Well, that’s a surprise,” she said.
“What is?”
“You’re not drunk as a skunk. I expected you to be completely wasted after the bomb I dropped on you.”
“Not going to happen.” He took a seat on the bed, noticing that she inched a little away from him. That shit was not going to fucking stick, not for long. He let out a breath. “You ran.”
“I left because I was afraid and thought it was the right thing to do.”
“You fucking ran from me, Vicky. We both know it.”
She sighed.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“If I knew I wouldn’t be talking about it right now. Was it because of the baby?”
“In a way. I didn’t know how you’d feel. I was tired, okay? I was tired of always hoping, and never getting anywhere with you. It’s always a game to you. You were never happy to claim me. I was just a hole for you to use.”
“No, you weren’t, and I’m not going to let you accuse me of that kind of shit. I fucking love you.”
Her eyes widened for a second, but then he saw this hardness cover her face.
“Prove it.”
He took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. “Be mine, Vicky. Be my old lady.” He didn’t give her a chance to say anything before he started speaking again. “I fucked up, but I’m going to prove that I’m worth being in your life.” He placed a hand on her rounded belly, and his chest ached. “And I’m going to prove to you what a fucking great dad I will be.”
“What?” she whispered.
“I’ve already made the club know you’re mine. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. The club, they know you belong to me. They’ll do everything in their power to keep you safe.”
Payne stared into her eyes, and he saw the tears fill their depths. “It’s because of the baby.”
He frowned.
Payne had expected her to throw her arms around him, sobbing how much she loved and missed him. Instead, she was staring at him with so much sadness. What the hell had he done wrong? He didn’t get it.
“Why are you not happy?”
“This isn’t about me. You’re only doing this for the baby.” She lifted her book up. “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t really expect much else.”
“For fuck sake, Vicky,” he growled out angrily, but then again, he deserved this. He’d pushed her away, never made his commitment known to her. She had every right to run, but it still pissed him off. “You ran away. You knew you were carrying my child, and instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, you ran.”
“So? I was tired of you not showing me I was worth more than being in your bed.” She exhaled roughly. “It doesn’t matter, I guess.”
He stood and started pacing, his anger rising. “It does fucking matter. For over four months I fought for you. I went fucking mental trying to find you, and you don’t think I hurt along the way? You’re in my fucking soul, woman, dug right beneath my skin, and you really think I’m doing this for the baby?” He snorted. “Yeah, I’m happy about the baby. I can’t wait to see him. I really can’t. He’s going to be a fucking rock star. This has nothing to do with the baby. This has to do with you and me.”
He took the book from her.
“I know I’ve been an asshole, Vicky. I’m not worthy of your love or anything. I can even pretend to be pissed at you for running, but I can’t, not really.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was the one that pushed you away. I kept you at arm’s length because I thought that would keep you safe. It never did. My nights were filled with you. Whenever I slept away from you, I missed you. You’re always in my head.” Payne decided to lay down his heart for her. He fucking loved her. She was the mother of his baby, and soon she was going to be his wife. “I can beg you for forgiveness, and you can tell me no. I’ll accept that. There’s not going to be any more holding back, Vicky. I love you, and I intend to prove to you exactly how fucking much I do.”
9
Payne didn’t care what it took, or what he had to do to make her see he was sincere. He’d screwed up, pushed her away, but he’d change things for her. He’d make things right.
He gave her one last look. “I’m going to make this fucking right.” He knew where he needed to start. If he was going to do this, then he was going to go all out for her. It had taken too long for him to realize how much she meant to him. He’d been hardheaded, not giving a shit about her feelings.
That all changed now.
“I’m going to prove to you that you’re my world, that my baby growing inside of you will have a mom and a dad that are together and love each other.”
Her eyes were still wide, her mouth slightly parted. He couldn’t help himself. He leaned down and claimed her lips with his, giving her a promise right then without saying the words again.
“I’m going to fucking prove to you that you are it for me.”
Vicky watched Payne leave the room. She was in shock, her entire body on the verge of shaking from her turbulent emotions.
A part of her wanted to deny what Payne said, that he really didn’t mean this. But she knew Payne enough that he didn’t make idle promises. He didn’t speak out of his ass and say shit just to please someone.
So he meant all of it, and she was so filled with emotions she started crying.
Wiping the tears away, she chuckled. “Damn hormones,” she said to herself and chuckled. And then she felt her little boy kick. A gasp left her, the shock filling her as she placed a hand on her belly and felt the little flutter for the first time.
She cried harder, her happiness overshadowing everything else.
There was a knock on the door, and she straightened.
“Come in.”
The door was pushed opened and she saw Clara. She smiled and didn’t stop herself from going to her friend. The tears erupted even harder, and Clara held her tighter.
“Please tel
l me that asshole didn’t hurt you again?”
Vicky shook her head. “No, he told me he loves me and wants me as his old lady.” Vicky pulled back and looked into Clara’s eyes. “He said he’s going to make things right.”
Cara smiled. “About damn time.”
One week later
Over the last seven days Payne had been searching for the perfect place for him and Vicky to raise their son. Yeah, he was going out and buying them a house. The little place he rented was small, old as fuck, and had been used as a bachelor pad for far too long.
He wanted something better for her, something that didn’t have memories of bitches from the past, drinking binges, or snorting lines of coke off the table at three in the morning back in the day.
He’d been wild, that was for sure, but he was older now, had a family coming, and he wanted to do right by her.
He pulled his Harley to a stop and looked up at the two-story tan and blue trimmed house. It was only a few years old, and sat on two acres. It was still in Grit, close enough to the club, but also far enough away to give them privacy.
He heard a vehicle pull up behind him, and saw a BMW come to a stop. He hated working with a realtor, but it was the fastest way to get this shit done, especially since he didn’t have any connections when it came to buying a new house.
Once all the pleasantries were out of the way, and the realtor in the suit, slicked back hair, and tiny frame, eyed Payne like he might get the shit kicked out of him for even breathing, they walked up to the house.
Yeah, this guy knew who Payne was … everyone in Grit knew about the MC.
“Over here we have the kitchen with stainless steel appliances and granite counters—”
“I’ll look around myself. You can stay here,” Payne said, cutting off the man. He didn’t need a tour. He didn’t care about any of this shit. What he cared about was having something nice for Vicky. He looked at the upstairs. Five bedrooms was real nice. It would allow them to have more kids in the future.
Shit. Already thinking about more kids? I don’t even know if she’ll have me, even if I get a nice house for her and get my fucking act together.