by Jenika Snow
She stared at her cell phone, her heart racing at just getting off the phone with Payne. He’d said he wanted her to come back, but was that because he saw her as his property? She loved him, was so in love with him it hurt, and she knew Payne wasn’t the type of man to settle down.
He’d told her that, and she’d heard that from others at the club.
No, she’d made the right decision for herself and for her unborn baby. Placing a hand on her belly, she looked down. She wasn’t showing, and the thought of her stomach getting big, the baby in her growing, becoming strong, healthy, had her smiling.
She just hoped Payne let this be, because they both would have a better life if they weren’t with each other.
You say that, but you know you don’t mean it.
Vicky didn’t know what the future would hold for her and her baby, but she knew she could get through it. She’d been through a lot of shit back in the day, and although it had been hard—and this would be by far the hardest—she’d prevail.
I have to, because there isn’t any other choice.
Payne was a fucking fool. And it had taken Vicky leaving for him to realize the best thing in his life had walked away.
You have no one to blame but yourself. You fucked up, didn’t want commitment, and now look at what the fuck went down.
He paced the meeting room in the club, waiting for Brix, one of the newly patched members, to come in. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.
“Yeah,” Payne barked out and turned to face the door.
Brix pushed the door open, a laptop under one arm and a scowl on his face. “What the fuck, man?” He asked, looking sleepy as hell. “It’s early as shit.”
“It’s fucking noon.” Payne wasn’t amused.
“I had a long night with two very eager club whores.”
Payne tipped his chin toward the computer. “You can pretty much find out anything about anyone with that thing, right?”
Brix gave him a “are you kidding me” look. “Hell yeah.” He went over to the table and set the computer down before taking a seat. “I can find out the bra size of your girlfriend from tenth grade if I want.”
Payne snorted and went over to the other man.
“So, you want to know something about guns, drugs, or pussy?”
“What makes you think it’s about one of those?”
Brix looked over at him. “You gonna tell me it’s not?”
Payne didn’t speak for a second. He sat down in the seat across from Brix and glowered. “I need you to find out where Vicky is.”
Brix grunted, the sound making Payne know the other man was satisfied he’d been right.
“Can you track her cell phone?”
“Can I track her cell phone?” Brix said in a sarcastic tone. “It’ll take some time, but I should be able to locate where she’s at.”
Payne nodded and stood. “I have shit to do, but as soon as you know something call me.”
Brix nodded, already working on the computer.
Vicky thought she was just going to run from him? Hell fucking no.
4
“Do you want to be found?” Clara asked through the receiver.
Vicky glanced around the supermarket. She was so tired, and hadn’t taken a proper rest in the last couple of days. Payne hadn’t tried to get back in touch, which she was both sad and happy about. But it also made her suspicious.
You love him.
“What do you mean?”
“Payne’s getting your phone tracked. Do you want to be found right now?”
“No.”
“Ditch your phone—take the battery out first though—and call me when you have a new one.”
“Why is he doing this?” Vicky asked, feeling sick to her stomach. “I just need to get my head on straight. He didn’t act like this when we were… together. Now he acts like he wants more.” Her heart raced.
“I think he loves you.”
She closed her eyes at hearing that. “He doesn’t know what love is. The only thing he cares about is his club, and what people think of him.”
Clara sighed. “Sweetie, you’re not here. You can’t see him. The guys are all tense. Payne’s focused on finding you, and you alone.”
“It’ll die down when he realizes I was nothing but a piece of ass.”
“Yeah, when he has you back here. It’s up to you. Either ditch the phone or be found. I love you.”
Vicky hung up. Grabbing a few supplies, she headed out toward the beater car she’d purchased a couple of days ago. She had money saved up, and she didn’t want to have to rely on buses for the rest of her life. But then again, she didn’t know how long this piece of shit Honda would last.
The baby.
Turning the phone off and taking out the battery, she threw it in the trashcan and climbed into the car. She’d get a burner later, and let Clara know the new number. She couldn’t disconnect form her friend.
But right now it was time for her to set up a new life for herself.
Payne stared at the cell phone that Brix had put in his hand, which had been taken out of a trashcan. If they hadn’t gotten here in time, he would have never known.
“I can’t believe it’s still in the trashcan, but she’s smart,” Brix said. “She got rid of it and removed the battery.”
Gritting his teeth, Payne put the battery back in and fired up the cell phone, and saw her screensaver was a picture of the two of them, one he didn’t even know she’d taken. He had his arm wrapped around her neck, kissing her head.
When the hell had she taken this?
Pulling up her last calls, he saw that Clara had been the one to call her.
He turned toward King, who had come with them. “Your woman has been lying and meddling in my business.”
“What?”
“Clara. She’s been speaking with Vicky, which I have no doubts means she knows where she’s been at this whole time.”
“No, that’s not fucking true. If Clara said she doesn’t know where Vicky is, then she doesn’t,” King said on a growl.
Yeah, maybe, but Payne wanted to blame someone.
“But she’s still been speaking with her.”
“They’re best friends, Payne.”
Payne looked at King. “I’m trying to find Vicky, and you think it’s okay for her not to tell me she’s been in contact?”
King cleared his throat, but still looked annoyed and defensive. “Why are you hunting her, man? Vicky, she was free pussy, according to you. You told me that so many damn times, and now you’re saying she’s not? Now, after she left, now you want her as your old lady?”
Payne felt his anger grow. He grabbed King’s neck. “Don’t call her that.”
“What? Free pussy or your old lady?” King ripped Payne’s hand away from him. “What do you want me to call her? Your old lady? You didn’t give her the fucking title when she was here.”
Only King, his VP, could tell him this kind of shit without any serious consequences. He didn’t like what he was hearing, though, because it was the damn truth.
“She’s mine.”
“So? You never claimed her. Vicky should have left your ass months ago,” King said. “Can you blame her?”
“You all know she belonged to me.”
King shook his head. “That girl’s heart was breaking. That was your fault. She was dying inside because of it. Hell, if we could see it you should have too.”
Payne took a step back, staring down at her cell phone. Opening up the pictures, he saw the life he’d been living with her. All these pictures of him and them together … all of them she’d taken and he hadn’t even known. “Eventually she would have gotten hurt if I really claimed her.”
“Damn, man. She can get hurt anywhere. She could get run over, hit by fucking cancer—you name it, the risks are always there. You think Beast and I didn’t think of this with our women? You think we don’t worry about their safety? I do. I worry about Clara all the fucking tim
e. She’s a damn pain in the ass but I love her, and I don’t want to even think of life without her. We all have to deal with this kind of shit. Instead of dealing with it, you just push Vicky to the side, never claiming her. You never allow her to find peace with others either.”
“She’s mine!” He didn’t know how many times he needed to state it before his club started to realize it.
King smiled. “I’ll talk to you when you’re in a better mood and have some damn sense knocked into that hard head of yours.”
Payne pocketed the cell phone and moved to straddle his bike.
They headed toward the clubhouse. Once they reached it he saw Clara waiting. She was nibbling her lip, and he climbed off his bike, making his way toward her. He stepped right up close to her, invading her space.
“Is she okay?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“I know you called her. I know you warned her about me and what the fuck I’m doing. Your loyalty should be to this club.”
“It is. My loyalty is to this club, but it’s also making sure Vicky is safe. She’s been in my life since before the club was even a blip in my radar.”
“Then why did you warn her?” he asked.
“She’s not ready to be found, Payne. Do you want her when she’s doing nothing but running, or would you like her to come back when she’s ready?”
It made no sense.
“Tell her I’m not giving up.”
He went to move away, but she grabbed his arm.
“Do you love her?” she asked.
“Yes. I will never love another woman. She is my life. Tell her that.” He was under no illusions that she was in contact with Vicky.
Clara frowned, looking torn. He’d seen the look many times before. She didn’t know if she should tell him something or not.
“What is it?”
“It’s nothing.”
Payne stood. “I’ll find out.”
“What Vicky has to tell you is her right to tell, not mine. I’m not going to force the issue. This is all on her.”
He sighed. “I’d never harm her.”
“She would gladly die for you, you know that.”
“I don’t want her to die for me, Clara. I just want to know what’s going on in her head to get up and leave without a fucking word.”
“It’s Vicky’s way. She doesn’t do things normally.”
Payne paused, suddenly overcome with loss. She’d been out of his life for too long, and he was struggling to cope. He didn’t want to sleep without her. Life was just … life. He hated it.
“I’m not going to give up. I love her. Her place is right here, by my side.”
Clara nodded. “I’ll let her know.”
There was nothing more he could do, not yet.
5
Vicky stared at the lopsided picture across from her, a Western theme painting on canvas. The place she stayed at was a rent by the week kind of thing. It was outdated, not clean enough for her, but until she knew what she was actually going to do, she had nowhere else to go.
I can’t run forever.
That same phrase had been playing over and over again in her head since she had left, but she pushed it back. She didn’t need doubt right now.
When she left she didn’t know if it was for good, just to clear her head, or if she was trying to figure out if not telling Payne was the best idea.
Truth was she felt like shit for running out on Payne. He deserved to be a father, to know what was going on. If he said no to this life than she’d have her confirmation. She’d have the proof that he didn’t want her, or this baby.
She placed her hand on her belly, feeling the world on her shoulders.
But if I don’t go back, if I don’t tell him what’s going on, I’ll never truly know.
It shouldn’t have been such a hard decision, but it was. It was so damn hard.
She looked at the new cell phone she’d purchased earlier, wanting to call him, wanting to hear his voice. She missed him, so damn much, but it was scary. The rejection, the very thought of him turning her away, scared the shit out of her. Clara could have been exaggerating about how Payne was acting, but Vicky didn’t want to tread on that thin line.
Leaning back on the bed, she stared at the stained celling. She needed to decide what she was going to do. Vicky didn’t want to live with the guilt of just running off and not telling him. She also didn’t want to wonder about the “what if.”
Two weeks later
Payne tossed back another shot. It had been two fucking weeks, and although he had men working on finding Vicky, they hadn’t come up with shit. She was hiding, and doing a real good job of it.
“Give me another,” he barked out to the prospect serving drinks. “And when you’re done go clean out the fucking toilets.” Yeah, he was being an asshole right now, and the kid wasn’t doing shit to deserve it. But Payne was in a shitty mood, pissed off, and was getting drunk. That was not a good combination.
“Easy, man,” Smalls, one of the patches, said. He asked for a beer and looked at Payne.
“Fuck off,” Payne said, hearing his voice slur.
“You’re being a prick.” Smalls kept staring at Payne.
“What the fuck you looking at?” Payne tossed back the shot.
“Man, you either need to get your dick wet, or get the stick out of your ass.”
The only pussy Payne wanted was Vicky’s.
“I got two sweet honeys waiting for me in my room. We can tag team that shit if you want.”
Payne shook his head. “Dude, I can’t get hard for any woman that isn’t Vicky.” Yeah, he’d just said that out loud.
“That right?” Smalls asked.
Payne didn’t bother answering.
“Well, if that’s the case you got it bad, and you better get your ass off the barstool and go find your old lady.” Smalls took his beer.
Yeah, Smalls was right.
Payne looked at the empty shot glass and knew he needed to get his shit together if he was going to find his woman … his old lady.
6
Four months later
Vicky smiled at her elderly patient, not even afraid anymore as the older woman reached out to touch her stomach. It had taken her a long time to get used to people touching her belly. Her nerves were justified. She was having a baby. That shit was big to process, and she had even gone to the hospital to have a checkup and a scan. She was having a beautiful baby boy.
Just the thought of a tiny Payne made her feel so much love and joy.
Every single night she would sit at the end of her bed in the small apartment that she rented, staring at the phone. She didn’t make a whole lot of cash, but she got by. The apartment was nice, and it was one she’d be willing to keep her baby in when he came.
“How much longer, dear?” Francine asked.
“A few more months still.”
“We’ve not seen the father around. Is that what you want?”
Francine was a kind woman, but she was nosey, and the question took Vicky by surprise. Her first instinct was to go on the defensive, but she bit her tongue. Vicky sat with her for many hours listening to her talk about her seven kids and thirty grandkids. The woman always had company, and she always liked to talk.
But this question was a bit intrusive.
“It is what it is. I don’t really want to talk about it.” Tears filled her eyes, and she quickly blinked them away. She would not cry in front of someone. This had been her decision to leave. And even after contemplating going back and telling Payne, she’d decided this was the best course of action.
“Sweetie, nothing has to happen. Sit down, tell me all about it.”
Vicky took a seat, thankful of the rest on her feet. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s something, otherwise you wouldn’t be crying. Now, what is the problem?”
Biting her lip, she tried her hardest to keep the tears in. “I loved him more than he loved me. He had this … club. You know, some
of the guys relied on him, and he couldn’t be seen to have a weakness. He didn’t love me enough to trust me to be by his side. He didn’t want the commitment.”
“I’ve been on this world eighty-five years, and in all that time I’ve come to see that men are stupid.”
Vicky started laughing.
“You think I’m kidding. I’m not. Men are entirely stupid, and for the most part, they are a waste of time.”
“Really?” Vicky wiped away the tears.
“When it comes to really crazy, and the most important decisions in life, yes, men are stupid. The thing is, we wouldn’t have them any other way. They are stupid, but they are also the loves of our lives, and none of us would be without that. We love them too damn much to let them go.”
Vicky sighed. “I do love him. I love him so much that it hurts.”
“I know. It’s hard. It is always hard. Men, they don’t make it easy. You’re so young, and you should be living life, loving it in fact.”
“I love working here.”
“Sweetie, it’s a pleasure to have you in our lives.”
After an hour of talking with Francine, it was time for Vicky to head home. She traveled up the apartment stairs and got her key out. Once inside, she rested her head against the door and took several deep breaths. The nights were always the hardest. She struggled without Payne.
Grabbing her cell phone, she dialed Clara’s number and waited.
“Hello,” King said, answering the phone.
Gritting her teeth, she tried not to say what she wanted to, but her need won out. “How is he?”
“Vicky?”
In the distance she heard noise. She heard him.
“Is that Vicky? What the fuck?” Payne asked.
“Clara went to the toilet. I answered her phone,” King said.
“Baby, Vicky, is that you?” Payne asked, suddenly on the phone with her.
She closed her eyes as the sound of his voice went through her.
It’s been so long.
“Hey,” she finally said.
“What are you doing? Come home.”