The Maid_The Eighth Day

by Rachel Wesson

The 7th day of Christmas

  December 31, 1876

  It was late afternoon by the time Colin came back to La Maison des Chats. They sat in the parlor.

  “How are Ellen and baby Cara?” Cara asked him, her heart breaking for him. Judging by the dark circles he had under his eyes, he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

  “I was out there first thing and Abe and Mary had everything under control. It may be an awful thing to say, but the family seems to have come alive. It’s almost as if by Fergus dying, he set them free.”

  Cara could well believe it. Fergus O’Malley had ruled his wife and children with an iron fist. She hoped they would get over their past and have happy lives ahead of them. Thinking of the past made her brave. She had to find out what had really happened all those years ago. “How come Thomas got away and you were taken prisoner?”

  “Didn’t your brother tell you?” he responded, a guarded expression on his face.

  Cara counted to ten trying not to lose her patience. “He did, but I want to hear your side of the story.”

  “Our platoon was surrounded, or at least we thought it was. We had a scout who told us he had a way out.”

  “The negro you killed?” she asked, gasping at the look her question triggered on his face.

  “I didn’t kill anyone, Cara. Karl, was a freed slave who was one of the most honorable men I ever knew. Some of the men didn’t like him, purely because of his color. They didn’t trust him. Feelings were running high, the men were scared, and they thought he might try to drive us toward the enemy.”

  “Why would a freed slave want to go near the Graybacks?” Cara asked, her bewilderment making her voice squeaky.

  “Exactly, but the men—well, some of them weren't thinking too clearly. Anyway, I believed Karl and ordered the men to follow him. I asked Karl to lead Thomas and his men, too.”

  “Follow Karl? Why didn’t you lead the men? You were their officer.”

  “Yes, but I had wounded men who were relying on me. I couldn’t just leave them.”

  “But the Graybacks would have looked after them. You didn’t have to stay behind.”

  Colin stood and paced a little before answering. His eyes didn’t look at her but seemed fixed on some point in the past.

  “Cara, you have no idea what it was like. Nobody does unless they were there. The Graybacks didn’t have enough to look after themselves, let alone Union prisoners. There were some reports of lynchings and worse. I couldn’t leave my men behind. Karl knew what he was doing. I knew he could lead the others to safety.”

  “So he was alive the last time you saw him?”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “Colin, I want to know. Did this man Karl save Thomas’s life?”

  “Yes, I believe he did.”

  Cara felt the blood rush to her stomach as she found it hard to breathe. She took some shallow breathes but it made the situation worse. He knelt quietly by her side.

  “Put your head between your knees. Now,” he instructed.

  “But it’s…”

  “Darn it, Cara, stop arguing and do as you’re told or you’ll faint.”

  She did as he said. He put a cold compress on the back of her neck which helped some, as did the small cup of water he instructed her to drink slowly.

  Then, sitting down beside her, he took her hand almost absentmindedly.

  “After the healthy men left we were fired upon, although we had put up the white flag signaling our surrender. Early the next morning, we were surrounded by Graybacks. Those that could move were shipped off to Andersonville. Those that couldn’t—well, maybe they were the lucky ones.”

  Cara took a deep breath as she saw the pain on his face matching the torture in his eyes. “You mean your men were killed because they couldn’t move? How horrible.”

  “It was war, Cara. It is horrible. The things men do to each other. But the worst was to come. Andersonville was like hell or what you imagine it to be.”

  “But when you were released, why didn’t you come home and clear your name?”

  “Initially, I wasn’t in a fit state to be seen in Boston. I had to recover and then I had to avenge my men. Wirz, the man in charge of Andersonville, was on trial in Washington. I went to his trial and gave evidence on behalf of all of my fellow soldiers who couldn’t. So many died, Cara, and I did nothing.”

  “I am sure that's not true. I’ve seen you with your patients. You’d do anything for them.”

  “But it wasn’t enough. I couldn't even save Tony from a chill. What sort of doctor was I?”

  Cara wanted to comfort him, to help reassure him he wasn’t responsible for the death of his brother. Tony had been sickly before he had joined the army. After the war, everyone had heard how awful the conditions in Andersonville had been. It was a wonder more didn’t die. The fact some soldiers had survived had been down to men just like Colin. Honorable men who would have done anything to save their brothers in arms even at their own expense. It must have been so hard for Colin to watch Tony. The guilt in his eyes was understandable, even if it wasn’t his fault. No wonder he hadn’t come back to Boston. His father was dead, Tony was dead. Boston would have been full of painful memories.

  “Colin, don’t, please don’t. You are a wonderful doctor. It wasn't your fault Tony died. Nobody blamed you for that.”

  “No, they were too busy accusing me of cowardice and murder. I didn’t kill anyone in cold blood, although I was tempted. There were nasty men on both sides. Some of the Union men in Andersonville behaved worse than the guards. But I swear on my life, Cara, I didn’t murder anyone.”

  “I believe you,” she whispered. “But if you didn’t kill anyone, why would Thomas say you did?”

  Colin looked at his feet. His silence spoke volumes.

  Cara swallowed hard to try to stop nausea from overtaking her.

  “Are you telling me my own brother is a murderer?”

  No answer.

  “Colin, I need to know.”

  “He was my best friend, Cara. I saw him as another brother. So did Tony. He would have been my brother if I had married Colleen. But, war, it changes people.”

  “Thomas wouldn’t. He couldn’t.”

  Colin pushed the chair he was sitting on back as he stood and walked to the window. Cara watched him as her mind went over the previous years. Thomas had returned from the war a different person than the one who went away. Before the war, her brother had been what some had called a lovable rascal. He’d had a reputation as being a bit wild but their father seemed to accept that was part of growing up.

  Cara remembered a couple of servant girls having to leave. She’d never understood why, only to know it had something to do with Thomas. What she did know was her brother had never let anything stand between him and his heart's desire. What he wanted, he took, whether it was his or not.

  But murder? Could he have stooped as low as that? And why blame Colin? His best friend. Not only had he destroyed Colin’s life but almost ruined Colleen's life in the process.

  She looked up to find Colin staring at her as if waiting for her to reach some conclusion.

  “You think he murdered Karl, the man who saved his life.”

  Colin nodded.

  “But why? What reason do you have for believing that?”

  “Nobody needed a reason to believe Thomas. He came back from the war a hero while my father died believing I was a murderer and a coward.”

  Cara winced at the harshness of his tone. Her heart broke for him. “Your father idolized you, Colin, you and Tony. He wouldn’t have believed that.”

  “You’re wrong. Father had the chance to get me out of Andersonville. He had connections, but he did nothing. He left me in that stink hole. He believed every word your darling brother told him.”

  “Oh, Colin, that’s so unfair. I just can't believe it. I won't.”

  “You would rather believe I was the guilty one?”

  “No, of course not. I would prefer to think you were bo
th innocent.”

  “But we weren't, Cara. Two good men died needlessly and, in a way, I was responsible for their deaths. I was the one who asked Karl to lead Thomas to safety. Karl had no love for your brother. I couldn’t bear the thought of Colleen losing her brother as well as her fiancé. Your family had been through enough suffering. But if Karl had left Thomas behind, Karl may have survived the war.”

  “And Thomas may have died. Mama would have died, too. You did what you had to do, Colin. None of this is your fault.”

  “Yet it is me who has the wanted poster following him around. The irony is if it was just Karl who died, I don’t think anyone would have cared.” At Cara’s intake of breath, Colin explained. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but a white man was never going to be convicted of a negro’s murder. That’s just the way it was back then. Maybe it still is today.” Colin took a deep breath, “John Brisbane, another fine soldier, was white. His father is a prominent attorney who has vowed to see me hang.”

  “Hence you became Colin Deane? And you never returned to Boston.”

  “Got it in one. I have no way to prove my innocence. John was his father’s only son. The man is on a mission to see me hang, and I can't say I blame him.”

  “But you’re innocent. You have to clear your name.”

  Colin stared at her. She saw the longing in his eyes. She could tell he wanted to be a free man, desperately. But what was stopping him? The truth finally dawned on her.

  “Thomas. You can’t clear your name without implicating him. He killed both Karl and John Brisbane.”

  “There is no point in discussing this any further. What’s done is done. But you had to know the truth. Now you know the type of man you were going to marry.”

  Cara took a step toward him. “Colin Cowan or Deane, whatever you call yourself. I always knew what type of man you were. Same as your pa did. Underneath, he wouldn’t have believed anything bad about you, I just know it. He must have tried to get you out but failed. Those last months of the war were chaotic. I know he mourned both you and Tony. He told me.”

  “You saw my pa?”

  “Yes, I kept visiting him although my mother insisted I didn’t. She didn’t want any scandal. But your pa was nice to me when I was a child. I felt sorry for him all alone in that big house, so I went to visit him. I used to read to him when he was sick. He was a lovely man and so proud of both of his sons.”

  Colin shook with emotion he’d been trying to hold back. She put her arms around him, drawing him close, letting him cry. For the loss of his father, his life and what he could have had. Was he crying for the loss of Colleen, too? After all, he had given up everything so she wouldn't suffer.

  Colleen didn’t know how lucky she’d been to inspire such a deep love in a wonderful man like Colin. Colleen had hardly been the grieving bride. She’d rushed into marriage faster than a train going downhill without brakes. But Colin didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to feel his sacrifice was in vain.

  “Cara, did my father die alone?”

  Cara shook her head. “No, he didn’t. I wasn’t with him but Sister Maura was. She was one of the older nuns from the convent. Your father had given a lot of money to the convent but she didn't come because of that. He was such a nice man. He had lots of friends and she knew he didn’t want to die alone. Mama forbade me to go, she told me I was morbid. I went to the funeral, though. Mama was furious but Papa, possibly for the first time ever, overruled her.”

  She held him close, wishing she could do something to ease his pain, but knowing there was nothing anyone could do. Those lost years with his father could never be recovered.

  Chapter 29

  “Cara, I know we were once friends but could you…do you think?” Colin stuttered. She wasn't making this easy, staring at the floor. Why couldn’t she look in him the face? It was almost as if she were hiding something. His heart beat faster. Could it be?

  He nudged her chin up with his finger, forcing her to look at him. Her lips parted with a sharp intake of breath. She was shivering, too. His hopes raised, he looked into her eyes and saw her glance at his lips, her cheeks flushed a becoming shade of pink.

  Cara O’Donnell had feelings for him, he was certain of it. She wasn’t as immune as she pretended. He took her hands in his gently, instinct telling him to move slowly for fear of frightening her. All he wanted to do was hold her, to reassure her. For now. What he really wanted to do was to kiss her senseless but that would have to wait.

  First, he had to prove he was trustworthy, an honest man, not the pariah she had believed him to be.

  “Cara, there is something else you should know before you agree to marry me.” He took a deep breath. It was a risk telling her, but he wanted to be completely honest. He didn’t want any more secrets between them.

  Cara’s heart lurched. Was he finally going to tell her the words she needed to hear?

  “The other reason I couldn’t fight to clear my name is the fact I became an addict. I was badly injured at Andersonville and on pain relief for a long time. Only I kept taking opium because it made me feel better even when I didn’t need to.”

  Her eyes widened but she remained silent.

  “I’m fine now, only a few scars to prove I was injured. Cookie helped me get clean. I owe him everything.”

  “Oh, Colin, how awful it’s been for you. Not just the war but the aftermath, too. Hopefully it’s now behind us.”

  “Does that mean you’ll marry me? I want to have the service now but I couldn’t find Reverend Chase. And I realized I hadn’t asked you, not properly. And you probably want to get dressed up even though you look gorgeous in anything. So say yes and I’ll make sure he is free tomorrow.”

  Cara listened to him babbling. She waited for him to say something about loving her but he didn’t. Did it matter if he didn’t love her? Surely she loved him enough for the both of them? She found herself nodding.

  His gaze was drawn to her full, parted lips, her breath growing more ragged.

  “Oh, Cara,” he murmured as in slow motion he bent his head toward hers, giving her the chance to pull away. Thankfully she didn’t. Closing his eyes, he caressed her mouth with his own. She stiffened but nothing could stop him now. Her scent assailed him, the feel of her body in his arms overwhelmed him. With a groan, he drew her closer, his hands cupping her face as he kissed her again.

  He didn't deepen the kiss for fear of frightening her, although it took every ounce of willpower not to. Some primal instinct told him she had never been kissed before. Not like this.

  His fingers massaged the sides and back of her neck as he reluctantly released her lips, drawing her closer. Her body melded to his as she lay her head against his chest, breathing rapidly.

  “Darling Cara, you are so beautiful. May I kiss you again?”

  He felt her nod against his chest, although she didn’t look at him. Her eyes were closed as she lifted her face toward his. A smile played at his lips. She was enjoying this, too.

  He touched his lips to hers, gently at first but as desire seared through his body, he deepened the kiss, her arms around his neck as she inched closer, her mouth opening beneath his. Shock mingled with pleasure as he deepened the kiss, pushing her back against the wall. A door banged shut in the distance but it was enough to engage his brain. She was an innocent, so help him. She deserved better than to be manhandled like this where anyone could come in and observe them.

  Breathing hard, he broke their kiss. At the look of shock and hurt in her eyes, he pulled her close whispering, “Later darling. Now is not the time. Someone could come into the room and see us.”

  Breathing hard, she gripped his arms in an effort not to stumble. Her whole body was shaking and her legs felt funny. Her pulse burned through her veins. She had never imagined a kiss could be so shocking, so pleasurable, so divine. She was desperate for more, yet he was right. Here she was behaving no better than the girls who normally occupied La Maison.

  What mu
st he think of her? She was torn between kissing him again or slapping his face as society would expect for his taking liberties. Only he hadn't stolen them. She had given herself freely, willingly even. To the man who had given up everything to save hurting her family because he loved…her sister. She couldn’t stand to look at him, she felt so guilty. She spun around, narrowly missing the piano and ran out of the room, her face in her hands.

  Why was she upset? Was it because he kissed her? Cara was so hard to understand sometimes! Colin knew he should feel ashamed, the kiss had gone beyond a peck on the cheek but she was almost his wife darn it.

  She had agreed to be his wife, hadn’t she? Actually, she hadn’t said yes but she had nodded and kissed him. Like a wife would kiss a husband.

  Of course, Cara was going to marry him. She believed him. She loved him. She’d shown that in her embrace. The feeling of relief that all his secrets were now out in the open made him feel as light as a feather.

  He hoped she wouldn’t feel too bad about the kiss. Women took these things harder than men, but after tomorrow, he would be her husband and she could kiss him as much as she wanted. He couldn’t wait.

  Now he had to find Chase to make sure the Reverend was free tomorrow. Whistling, he grabbed his hat and made his way off to find the Reverend.

  Cara cried herself to sleep that night. She didn’t speak to anyone and eventually the other girls left her alone. She loved Colin. She’d agreed to marry him, yet she felt worse than ever. How could she spend the rest of her life with someone who loved her sister so much he’d thrown away the life he’d known, not to mention his reputation? Did she really have so little self-respect as to marry a man who didn’t share her feelings?

  Chapter 30

  The 8th day of Christmas

  January 1st, 1877

  After a sleepless night, Cara took her time getting up. She had just finishing getting dressed when Jolie sauntered into the room.