Say You Love Me

by J. S. Cooper

  Chapter 3

  Sally

  “How did you know TJ was your soul mate?” I asked Mila, my best friend, as we waited for TJ and Cody to grab our drinks from the bar. The car racing had been fun and I’d thoroughly enjoyed teasing Cody before our races. His eyes had sparkled as we’d joked around and I’d thought that we’d really had a connection. Only then I’d noticed his eyes following a hot blonde every time she’d walked past us and my heart had sunk in jealousy. I’d tried to keep a smile on my face, instead of letting my sadness show. I mean, what sort of loser would I be if I expressed my jealousy to him? He’d think I was crazy. Men didn’t like jealous women they were in relationships with, let alone jealous women they weren’t even dating. And just because I’d thought he’d been flirting earlier didn’t mean anything. Because maybe that was just his way and it didn’t actually mean anything to him.

  “I’m not sure.” She shook her long blond hair and looked at me with a tentative smile. “Are you asking me because you want to know about me and TJ or because you want to know about you and Cody?”

  “You’re too smart.” I laughed at my best friend and leaned my head back on the red leather couch. I was surprised at how comfortable the seating was in the bar. I was used to cheap plastic and vinyl and this was a pleasant change. “Why can you always read my mind?”

  “Because I am in your mind.” She handed me a bottle of water from her bag and sat next to me. “Plus I was in your shoes just a few months ago. Drink this while we wait for the boys to bring our drinks.”

  “Water?”

  “I know how you get when you drink too much.” She nodded. “We don’t need you telling Cody anything you’ll regret in the morning.”

  “True,” I agreed and opened the bottle of water and took a sip. “I shouldn’t get drunk. I’ll either tell him I love him or that I hate him, and neither of those statements sound like a good idea.”

  “Yeah, no.” Mila laughed and I watched as she rested her head back and smiled at me. She had such a look of contentment on her face and as I smiled back at her, I realized just how much I envied her, her peace of mind and happiness. And that made me feel horrible. I loved Mila, she was my best friend, I wanted nothing but the best for her, but seeing how happy she was with TJ sometimes made me feel like my own life was even more of a mess. I felt like I was living in daydreams. I wanted so much to be with Cody that every little smile he gave me meant something more than it did. I needed to get out of my head, but I just didn’t know how to do that.

  “I know how hard it is, Sally.” Mila gave me a sympathetic smile and stared at me for a few seconds. “It’s such a mentally exhausting position to be in. I’ve been there.”

  “Yeah, but now you’re engaged to Mr. Wonderful and I’m just here still wondering what I’m doing wrong with my life.” I sighed before taking a large gulp of water, wishing it were wine. “Am I wasting my time waiting around for Cody?”

  “Is that what you’re doing?” Mila asked me softly. “Waiting around?” She looked at me hesitantly, her eyes soft as she looked into mine. She looked beautiful, but I always found that the glow of love gave you something makeup never could.

  “I don’t know.” I shook my head. “It sounds stupid to say I’m waiting around on someone who might never love me. Might never want me. It sounds pitiful.”

  “You’re not pitiful.” Mila grabbed my hands and squeezed them together. “You’re the man.”

  “Only, I’m not a man.” I made a rueful smile at her and laughed. “I’m a woman. A woman desperately in love with a man who doesn’t even know I exist.”

  “He knows you exist.” Mila laughed, but she stopped laughing within seconds as she surveyed my face. “Are you okay? And before you answer, let’s go to the bar and grab the bottle of wine that the bartender just gave the guys.”

  “I’m fine.” I sighed a long, deep, dark sigh. “I’ll be fine,” I said and followed her back to the bar, trying to still the excitement in my heart as we neared Cody.

  “We can always come up with a plan,” Mila said thoughtfully, her eyes sparkling as we walked. “I can’t say it will work, but maybe.”

  “A plan?” I asked her curiously. “What sort of plan?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.” She grinned at me and then lowered her voice. “Hold on, I’ll tell you more when we get back to the table.” She winked at me and we stopped next to the guys. “Hey, we’ll take the bottle now, thank you.” She grinned at TJ, who looked at her lovingly and I just stood there, avoiding eye contact with Cody.

  “You girls don’t want to wait here at the bar with us?” Cody said teasingly and I looked over at him. His eyes were on me and I shook my head and smiled. He winked at me then, a slow teasing wink and I couldn’t stop my heart from fluttering. Why was he such a flirt?

  “I think we’ll wait at the table for you guys,” I said finally. “We’d rather sit than stand, thank you very much.”

  “You can sit on my lap if you want,” Cody said and winked again, and my mind went to all sorts of naughty places. “There’s a barstool.” He nodded at it and grinned at me.

  “I think I could just sit on the stool directly as opposed to your lap,” I retorted, and he laughed.

  “What fun would that be?” he said, and my face flushed as he continued to stare at me.

  “I’m not sure either way would be fun,” I said, and he nodded with a sly smile.

  “Touché.” He handed me two wine glasses and I looked over at Mila, who was staring at us curiously.

  “You ready?” I asked her before she could tell Cody to stop playing with me.

  “Yeah.” She nodded and I watched as TJ leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled up at him happily and then started walking towards our booth. I followed behind her and we stood next to the booth. I handed her the wine glasses as we stood there.

  “Let’s sit down.” She grinned at me as she poured me a large glass of red wine. “You’re going to need to be sitting down for this.”

  “So what’s this brilliant plan that you have, then?” I asked Mila, my mind wondering if she actually had a good solution, a way for me to get Cody without feeling like a fool. I was slightly hopeful that she’d have a good idea. I mean, she had gotten TJ, after all.

  “Well, I don’t know that I would call it brilliant. It’s not like I’m the queen of love, or cupid, but I think it’s a good idea,” she said as she filled her glass as well.

  “How good?” I asked her curiously, my mind wondering. She wasn’t going to tell me to go back up to the bar to give Cody a lap dance or something, was she? I grinned to myself as I imagined the look of shock on Cody’s face if I were to do such a thing. I wondered if he would enjoy it. If he’d get excited. If I’d get excited. I took a quick sip of wine to stop myself from thinking such crazy thoughts. There was no way in hell that I was going to go to the bar to give Cody a lap dance.

  “Well, let me get it out and I’ll tell you. Come, let’s sit down.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the booth next to her.

  “Why do I have to be sitting down? It’s not completely crazy, is it?” I sat back into the comfy couch and took another sip, looking back at the bar and staring at Cody’s ass. His jeans looked so snug and tight on his athletic legs. He was just so sexy. “You don’t want me to give him a lap dance, do you? Because that would be absolutely crazy.”

  “Don’t be silly, Sally. When have I ever suggested you do something crazy?” Mila laughed slightly after she spoke.

  “Plenty of times.” I shook my head. “Just as I’ve suggested plenty of crazy ideas to you. Ideas that you’ve actually done.”

  “You’re braver than me,” she started and gave me a huge grin. “And, plus, this idea isn’t crazy, I promise.”

  “Do I need to gulp my glass of wine down before you talk?” I glanced at her. “Hmm?”

  “No.” She grinned. “But if you think it will help, yes.”

  “Okay, fine,” I said a
nd sipped on it slowly. “Hit me. What is it?”

  “What is it? Just the most brilliant plan I’ve ever had.”

  “Hmmm,” I said and pursed my lips, not fully convinced. ‘Let me hear it, then.”

  “You know how they say that you should date your best friend—?”

  “Hold up.” I put my hand up. “I’m not interested in dating you, Mila.” I fake glared at her and she burst out laughing.

  “No, silly, not me.”

  “I’m not getting into any girl-on-girl action either. I’m not interested in that.” I glared at her again, wondering if she had lost her head. “That is not a good idea. I’m not going to be one of those girls who tries to titillate a guy by pretending to be interested in girls. That’s worse than the lap-dance idea.

  “Sally, I didn’t say anything about girls.” Mila’s face was bemused. “And you’re the one who brought up lap dancing. Not me. Just listen to me.”

  “I’m listening.” I gave her a small eye roll.

  “I want you to listen and not interrupt me. You can talk at the end. Okay?”

  “Fine.” I sighed. “Go ahead.”

  “Okay, so here’s the deal.” She sat back, sipped her wine slowly and I stared at the huge diamond engagement ring on her finger. It sparkled and I felt my heart swelling in happiness for my best friend. She’d been in love with TJ for so long and it had seemed like such a long shot that he would be interested in her. Even I had doubted that he had any real interest in her. Yet, it had all worked out. Maybe Mila really did know something about love, or maybe she had just gotten lucky. Either way, she was my best bet at figuring out how to get Cody to show some real attention to me. And not just the innocent idle flirtation, either.

  “I’m listening,” I said, my heart starting to race nervously.

  “So, like I said, I think you should date and marry your best friend.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “I heard that part. So exactly what is the plan? You haven’t said anything past that.”

  “So, Cody needs to become your best friend.” She leaned forward expectantly, waiting for me to respond. I stared back at her, waiting for her to say something else. Only she didn’t continue talking.

  “Cody needs to become my best friend?” I repeated after her, confused. “Just exactly how does that happen?”

  “That’s where the plan comes into place.” She grinned at him. “Essentially, you’re going to worm your way into his life. Get closer and closer to him as friends. You’re going to friend-zone him.”

  “Eh, why would I friend-zone him, if I actually want him?”

  “Because guys always want someone that they can’t have.” She nodded, her mind obviously working overtime. “And, well, guys don’t respect friend zones. He’s not going to be like ‘oh I’m in the friend zone, I will never try and hit on her’. He’s going to be like, ‘shit, this girl is hot, I want her, who cares about the friend zone?’”

  “Um, I don’t know about that. Aren’t I already in the friend zone? Isn’t it pretty obvious that I’ve been interested in him for a long time? And he certainly hasn’t disrespected any of my boundaries yet.”

  “Yeah, he probably knows you’ve been interested in him for some amount of time, or were interested at one time, but guess what, it’s easy to get out of that. Guys don’t overanalyze like we do. All you need is to have another guy around, someone else interested in you, throw it in his face, not overtly, but maybe you can ask him for guy advice, relationship advice sort of stuff. That way you show him you’re over him and into other guys and he’s the one who’s now friend-zoned.”

  “But that’s not true.” I frowned. “And where am I getting these other guys from? It’s not like they’re swarming around me.”

  “You join some online dating sites, plus we’ll go to bars.”

  “TJ will be cool with that?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow. TJ was a confident, cocky man, but he was always jealous when Mila was around other men. I couldn’t see that he would be happy with her going out with me to pick up other men. “Also, are you going to tell TJ that this is a game for me, meeting these other guys? That I’m trying to make Cody jealous? What if TJ told Cody? How embarrassing would that be?”

  “I’m not going to tell TJ.” She shook her head. “At least not now. I don’t think he would tell Cody, though.” Mila looked thoughtful. “I’ll just tell him that you want to meet some new guys and need a friend with you.”

  “Yeah, he might not tell him on purpose, but what if something slipped out, like, ‘Damn, that Sally is really into you, she’s playing all these games to get to you.’”

  “TJ would not just let something like that slip.” Mila shook her head and laughed. “That wouldn’t be an innocent slip. And I’m not going to tell him it’s all a game. Not at first, anyway. But I will eventually, since TJ is my fiancé and I don’t want to lie to him. Plus, he’s a good guy. You can trust him.”

  “Yeah, well, TJ’s not really an innocent, is he?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “I mean, before you guys got together, he was a jackass to both of us.” I laughed. “He was always making fun of us. And this is something that I can imagine him making fun of me for.”

  “That’s just his way.” Mila looked at me with a small, loving smile, though I knew she was thinking of TJ’s ways much more affectionately now than I was. I didn’t love him.

  “Exactly.” I gave her a pointed look. “That’s his way. He’s not just going to stop doing it. Yeah, maybe he’s going to stop teasing you because he loves you and he wants to marry you and keep having sex with you.” I laughed at the look on her face. “But nothing has changed with me. He’s still going to keep teasing me. And if I’m going to do this crazy plan and try and get Cody to be my BFF, then I’m not going to want to be worried that TJ is going to let something slip and make me look like an idiot.”

  “So you’re entertaining the idea?” Mila said with a smile, ignoring my TJ disses.

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” I sighed. “It doesn’t seem like the worst idea. And then at least I’d get to spend time with him. So that even if he doesn’t fall in love with me, he’d still be in my life.” I took another sip of wine. “Oh, God, I sound pathetic, don’t I?”

  “Not pathetic. You just sound like someone who wants to be around the man you love.”

  “I can’t really love him though, can I?” I groaned and placed the glass of wine down on the table in front of me. “This is just sad. I’m in love with a guy who sees me only as his sister’s best friend and now I’m trying to become his best friend, so I can be closer to him, so that I can hopefully make him jealous and get him to fall in love with me.”

  “We can’t help who we love.” Mila shrugged. “That’s why I got into the fake engagement with TJ. I just wanted to spend time with him. I mean, that wasn’t the best situation for me in any way. I thought my heart was going to be ripped out of my chest. I thought my soul was going to leave my body forever.”

  “Yeah, but it worked out for you.” I gave her a weak smile. “And, well, TJ at least was eager to sleep with you. Cody has never given me any indication that he is interested in anything with me. No dating, no kissing, no bending me over a bed and taking me. He’s not given me any indication for anything. And I know he’s not asexual.”

  “Would you be happy if he’d tried to make a move, like he did with Barbie?” Mila said softly. “Honestly, how would you have felt? What if he basically had a one-night stand with you and then never spoke to you again?”

  “Well, I’d feel like shit, but at least I’d know that he’d at least been attracted to me once.” I gave her a wry smile.

  “Sex isn’t even always about attraction,” Mila said. “Plus, Cody’s an idiot—one of those guys who gets drunk enough and sleeps with anyone.”

  “Well, Barbie wasn’t exactly ugly,” I said as I thought about the girl that Cody had slept with a few months ago at Mila’s lake house. My heart had ripped in two when I’d realized that they’
d hooked up. Barbie had been beautiful—one of those girls that every girl is jealous of. She’d made me feel so insecure, with her perfect body and perfect looks. And the fact that her personality was awful had only made things worse because it had made me realize that personality really accounted for nothing. She’d been the biggest bitch, yet that hadn’t stopped Cody from hooking up with her the first chance that he’d gotten. I didn’t even care that he’d been drunk. In fact, part of me wanted to write him off completely. He’d obviously had no feelings for me, if he was able to do that. Absolutely no feelings at all.

  The emptiness that resounded through my body made me feel so hopeless and lost. All I could think was what was the point? What was the point of allowing myself to dream of him, when there was never going to be anything between us? If I didn’t even matter to him one iota. But the hope in me wouldn’t die, especially after Mila and TJ had gotten together. I’d figured, maybe I had a chance. Maybe Cody would one day wake up and think to himself, “Oh shit, look, here’s Sally. She’s been here all along. I love her more than anything in my life. I want her so badly. I need to be with her. She’s my soul mate. The love of my life. How can I live without her?” It was a long shot, but it was worth a try. I sighed loudly as I looked at Mila. Her eyes crinkled as she stared at me, and she gave me a half-smile.

  “You okay?” She reached over and patted my hand.

  “Not really,” I said and took a deep breath. “How can I be okay when I don’t even know if I’m coming or going? How can I be okay when I don’t know if the sun is even shining? How can I be okay when all I think about is him, day and night? Even my dreams are pervaded with him. He’s on my mind all the time. He distracts me at the gym, when I’m reading a book, when I’m watching TV. He distracts me right now and I’m talking about him. I don’t know what to do, Mila. I think I’m going crazy. I know I’m obsessed. I know that this isn’t healthy. I just don’t know what I should do. Should I just give it up? Should I go to a mental asylum? Should I seek professional help?”