School has been the same every single day, which is boring, but I luckily haven’t run into Hayden and Abby. They weren’t at lunch, and I didn’t see them in the halls, not like I was searching, I was, in fact, trying to avoid them at all costs.
Nick has been eating lunch with Anthea and me, every now and then, switching it up to sit with his jock friends, but he is with us more often than not. It’s been nice, though. Getting to know him even more has been fun. He’s a jokester, and I’ve learned that he’ll giggle at almost anything.
His happy-go-lucky demeanor really rubs off people around him, and I’ve been enjoying our time together. He makes me feel like everything will work itself out in the end.
Not seeing Hayden around school hasn’t changed our relationship. He’s actually been making more of an effort to be a better and attentive friend. For the last two weekends, he’s asked me to spend my time at the gym with him while he works out, and I keep him company.
Somehow, he managed to persuade me to box with him a few times, stifling a giggle when I would punch his covered hands because I had the upper body strength of a gerbil. I would just pout and give him the silent treatment until he caved, promising he would behave.
I find myself looking forward to spending more and more time around him, my unbearable feelings only growing by the day. If there is a way to stop it, I would, but I can’t. He makes me the happiest I’ve ever been, but he also has the power to make me utterly miserable.
It feels like things are too good to be true, and I know I’m going to jinx myself, or something is going to fall apart soon. I don’t want it to. I want things to stay just as they are, but there is a tugging on my heart that Hayden is still the same, just hiding it better.
I stare at the brown-eyed girl looking back at me in the reflection of the mirror. She looks happier with flushed cheeks and sparkly eyes, making it obvious who I’m thinking about. I smile lightly and shake my head, tying the elastic around my dark hair that I gathered into a ponytail. Baby hairs spill out to frame my face while the others tickle my forehead; I leave them alone knowing nothing will help.
A few days back, I asked Hayden if we were still on for the new superhero movie last night, but he, unfortunately, had to work. He promised me that we would go see it later in the week, or sooner. Then he managed to suck me into visiting him at work to hang out and bring him food.
Briefly, I look over my clothes one last time and collect my purse from the bed. Before I walk out of the door, my phone dings in my bag, making me stop in my tracks. I dig around my messy bag to pull it out, and I see a text from Nick.
Nick: This is kind of last minute but I was wondering if you wanted to see that new superhero movie in an hour?
Me: I would but I promised Hayden I’d see it with him a month ago, sorry! I’d love to go with you again sometime soon! :(
Nick: What? I thought Hayden already saw it?
Me: I don’t think so…He had work when it came out.
The next message that pops up from Nick is a screenshot.
Do you know that feeling when you’ve run too far? It feels like your lungs are squeezing together, and your chest is caving in on itself. That’s exactly what I feel like in this second looking at a picture from Abby’s social media that I don’t follow.
I blink back the tears and swallow the lump in my throat while looking down at the bright screen. It’s a picture of Hayden and Abby kissing in front of the movie theater, both of them smiling. ‘He spoils me! Thank you for taking me to see your favorite superhero movie, my love,’ reads the caption that is enough to shatter my heart, again.
The sting of doubt shocks every cell in my body, and I don’t want to believe it, but looking at the time and date that places them at the cinema last night, I suddenly feel the tears pouring down my cheeks.
I take a deep breath to calm myself, but the anger I feel for being so pathetic over this is excruciating. I need to stop allowing him to affect me this badly, but it hurts so much. I need to grow up and have a backbone, so what I type to Nick next I don’t regret a single bit.
Me: I hope it’s not too late to take you up on that offer?
Nick: Not at all! Are you sure? You don’t have to, love.
Me: I’m sure!
Nick: Okay, I’ll be there in thirty minutes!
Me: See you soon!
I’m not sure if this could be one of the most immature things I’ve done? It’s actually just doing to Hayden what he does to me on a regular basis, but I can’t face him right now. I need a break, and I know being with Nick will make me feel better.
I tiptoe back to my bathroom to put some cold water on my red and hot cheeks, patting a soft towel against my skin to dry it. I scold myself, not wanting to get upset, knowing that Nick will be here soon, and I don’t have that much time to pull myself together.
I’m an ugly crier.
I was right. Nick does make me feel a thousand times better after he picks me up, and we watch the movie. He makes an impression of one of the actors that has me doubling over in laughter.
My whole body feels lighter like my brain can take a pause. I haven’t thought about Hayden since Nick came to get me. Nick’s cheerful ways make everything so much better. It feels nice to actually let myself have a good time with someone who isn’t Hayden. I push him to the back of my mind to deal with at a later time because right now, I’m going to enjoy myself.
We both complain about being hungry around the same time, so we decide to stop and get some food before our night together is over. He chuckles at me when I bounce in my seat as we pull up to a pancake place.
During our dinner, I begin to feel guilt due to my phone constantly buzzing nonstop. I finally had enough, apologizing to the boy in front of me before looking at my texts to also see that I have missed calls from Hayden.
Hayden: Are you okay?
Hayden: The least you could do is tell me you’re not coming so I’m not worried sick about you.
Hayden: Elsie? Please just tell me you’re okay. You’re scaring me.
Hayden: Your mom said you went to the movies with Nick…What the fuck, Elsie?
Hayden: We need to talk.
Me: I don’t have anything to say to you.
He lied to me. Which is something he had yet to do so far, but there’s a first for everything! It makes me feel awful that he could so easily look me in the eyes and lie when I supposedly mean so much to him. I can never to that.
I shoot a quick text to my mom to let her know when I’d be home, then I switch my phone off, giving Nick my full attention so we can have a peaceful meal.
He can sense something is wrong, but he doesn’t ask any questions, which I am grateful for. But he does make me laugh even more, purposely taking my mind off the reality that I’d have to face sooner or later. Nick and I pick at each other’s meals to get a good variety, our night ending too soon.
It’s disappointing and sad when he drops me at my house. I shut the door behind me and quietly walk up the stairs to my room, the entire house nearly pitch-black dark, which means my family is probably asleep.
I hum under my breath, closing the bedroom door behind me and simultaneously turning on the lights. I jump back into the wall and throw my hands over my mouth to keep myself from squealing when I see Hayden sitting on my bed with a furious expression.
However, I can guarantee that I’m angrier, and he’s not getting off the hook easily this time.
Chapter 14
Elsie
The sudden blow of shock soon vanishes when I see that it’s someone I know and not a random stranger. But at this moment, I don’t know which I’d prefer.
I grumble incoherent words under my breath that not even I understand; I’m just irritated. I don’t mean to send a glare his way, but I do.
Strolling across my room, I drop my bag on the wooden desk in the corner. Pretending he isn’t here is my best bet at making it out of this unscathed. Yes, it’s childish—which seems to be all of the d
ecisions I’m making lately—but when I try to talk things out with him instead of jumping to conclusions, it turns into a game of who can yell the loudest.
All I want to do is sleep and reminisce on a good night I had with a friend, but Hayden is making it impossible as usual.
My bed behind me creaks from movement, and he sighs loudly in the quiet room. His footsteps echo lightly against the carpet as he makes his way closer, and I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart.
I just keep telling myself to stand my ground with him; don’t give in so easily. Someone has to set some ground rules, and it’s clearly not going to be Hayden since he thinks to treat people any way he wants is perfectly okay.
Homework from multiple classes are scattered across the expanse of my desk, so I start to sort them into subjects since they need to be turned in this week. If only I could remember when…
“Elsie…” He presses softly, his rough voice just above a whisper.
It seems that his anger has disappeared once he realized that I’m probably even more frustrated than he could ever be at the moment. He really doesn’t have any reason to be acting the way that he is. If anything, I should be the one about to throw a fit, but I’m not.
“Elsie…” He tries again in more of a normal tone, but I continue to stuff sheets of paper in my school folders. The material of his jeans rubs together when he fidgets, a little huff spilling from him. “Elsie…” He emphasizes a bit harsher, and I feel myself slouching to escape his flaming gaze. “Elsie!” he shouts, ripping the paper out of my hand to slam it back down on the desk.
I twist around to face him calmly. “Can you keep it down? My family is asleep.” I grimace, face warming up as I run a hand through my hair while turning back.
“Talk to me.” He begs, completely disregarding my last comment, but he does lower his voice significantly.
His delicate touch glides across my skin before he firmly grasps my elbow to turn me around, fighting to catch my gaze.
“Just one time I’m begging you to leave me alone.” My throat feels scratchy when I ask that, bringing my gaze to his solemn face. “I don’t feel like fighting with you, okay?” I bite down on my lip.
Hayden groans and drops his hand, and I tug my arm back. “I’d rather fight with you than leave.”
“I told you that I have nothing to say, all right? Now, just drop it and go.” I step around him to open up the drawers of my dresser, pulling out shorts and an old school shirt. I disappear in my bathroom, wishing that when I return, he’ll be gone.
Tugging off my clothes, I strain my ears to hear anything past the closed door, but I come up short. I slip on the pajamas, tossing the dirty clothes in the hamper before reaching for the doorknob.
My wish doesn’t come true.
Hayden still stands in the same place with his back towards the bathroom, hands nervously shoved in his pockets. I opt to lean against the doorframe, crossing my arms because I know this isn’t going to be easy.
“I have a lot to say…” he murmurs, facing me with a frown and the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Then say it because we both know you will either way.” I raise my hands before letting them fall back against my bare legs.
His Adam’s apple bobs up and down when he gulps, nodding his head. “You went with Nick, why?” The intensity of his green eyes pinning me down is suffocating.
I scoff. “Do you honestly think that I’m that oblivious and dumb, Hayden?” I wonder honestly, wanting to hear if he thought he could lie and get away with it. “Do you really think that every time you keep something from me that I won’t find out? Because if so, the least you could do is advise your girlfriend to keep your whereabouts off social media. You say you want me to trust you, but then you turn around and lie.”
There wasn’t any way in hell I will let him spin this conversation around on me for ditching him tonight after what he did yesterday.
He blinks at me, mouth agape before he snaps it shut. “I–I can explain…” He stumbles over his words, moving towards me, but my expression makes him stop.
“You can never actually explain—”
Hayden cuts me off frantically like he can’t get the words out fast enough. “Abby convinced me that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, and I—”
“Why can’t you just…” I gripe, my sentence trailing off into nothing because I don’t know what I want him to do other than leave or admit the feelings I know he doesn’t have for me.
“Why can’t I just what, Elsie?” His jaw ticks, almost sounding like he has something in mind he wants me to say. “Tell me what you want,” he says softly this time, walking closer until the tips of his shoes are touching my bare feet, and for a second, I think his gaze fell to my lips.
You is the only answer I can think of because I want him; that’s all I’ve ever wanted, but I don’t have the guts to actually tell him. I don’t want to ruin us and our friendship! If he doesn’t feel the same, everything will come crumbling down around us. Plus, he has a girlfriend.
I ignore the way my heart is pounding so roughly, and I swear it’s bruising my ribs. “I want you to leave,” I say confidently, and for once, I feel proud.
Hayden looks utterly defeated, eyes falling to the floor and filling up with water. He takes one step back, nothing more and nothing less. “Is that really what you want?” he questions meekly.
“Right now, yes, that’s what I want.” Do I want that? I know deep down that it’s what I deserve, a break from him, because I can’t think straight right now. I need a breather from the drama, lies, hurt, heartbreak, and everything.
A sad simper curls at his lips before it’s gone in a split second and replaced by a somber one. He shakes his head. “Fine,” he whispers, jaw tensing even more, and he moves to the door, turning the handle before looking back at me with damp eyes. “I have a match on Monday, and it would be really nice to have you there. It’s at seven and the same gym that I work at.”
His words were dry, but I could tell how much he’d really like for me to be there. Hayden leaves without another word, gently shutting the door behind him, unlike the other times he had slammed it because he didn’t get his way.
***
Monday rolls around faster than I like, and I have been fighting with myself all weekend if I’m going to show up to support Hayden or not. I made a promise to not only him but to myself a long time ago that’d I’d always be the bigger person. It doesn’t mean I have to forgive him on the spot or talk to him, but he holds such a big place in my heart.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to turn around now that I’m walking through the very busy parking lot, being late as usual. I push forward, though, and end up standing in a dim corner, wincing every time he throws a punch or gets a hit.
Hayden looks so outraged and dismayed at the same time, but he dominates his opponent easily. I don’t look away; I can’t; I’m under his trance. Everyone else in the crowd seems to be as well, but my reason is a little bit different. I want to make sure that he’s okay.
I clap and grin foolishly when he wins. The referee holds his arm in the air, and he smirks arrogantly. I can’t help but chuckle.
I don’t have time to slip out unseen because his emerald irises have already found me. He catches me red-handed, looking incredibly proud of him. I smile and nod in congratulation before I get lost in the crowd, thinking I heard him shout my name, but I continue outside.
Once in my car, I let out a fresh flow of tears. They spill down my cheeks like a waterfall, and I don’t have any intention of stopping them, not when my heart clenches in my chest, and I realize I might actually be losing what I have with him. I hate crying, absolutely despise it, but he’s always had the ability to bring out the best and the worst in me.
Chapter 15
Elsie
The sound of slamming lockers all throughout the corridor makes me jump. Ever since I watched Hayden fight yesterday, I’ve been on edge, startled by the slightest
of things.
He seemed so upset and defeated that I felt his hurt. I’ve only seen him like that a handful of times, and he’s never hurt me or anyone else. He would just say things that he’d regret later on. Which is sadly a normal occurrence, but it’s on another level when he’s feeling defeated.
It was a surprise that he actually listened when I asked him to leave the other night without saying hurtful things out of anger or neglecting my request like he’d normally do.
I’m more than happy he’s found an outlet to put all his built-up frustrations into.
When we were just fourteen, his mom and his dad announced that they were getting a divorce. Hayden’s always had a temper, but that night, I’ve never seen him so angry. That was the first time I’d ever seen him throw a punch, not only at the walls in his room but at his father. I wanted to hold him until everything was okay, but I knew he needed to get it out.
Hayden’s mom didn’t want a divorce, but she was backed into a corner, and his father was pushing it. He wasn’t the greatest guy anyway, and his son has always resented him for it.
Just like that time when he fought his father, I felt bad for Hayden’s opponent last night. I didn’t want to see what he looked like since I already saw the blood on Hayden that I knew wasn’t his, so I surely don’t regret sneaking out as soon as I could.
When I went back home with pink and tearstained cheeks, I tried to keep myself busy. I made dinner for everyone, played video games with Gabe and trucks with Wylie, but nothing was filling that void that only Hayden could.
I gave him another chance, and he screwed me over again. It was pointless for me to feel useless because it wasn’t my fault, but I did. I let him back in like it’s nothing because I believed that he could really change if he tried, and for a short time, I thought he did, but he proved me wrong.
Hayden manipulates me and manages to control every aspect of my life—which is slightly my fault —but I’m sick of it. I didn’t know that I’d fall so hard for him. To the point that he’s all I can ever think about, even when he breaks my heart. If I did know, I would have stayed away years ago.
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 8