“I’m not hungry.” In fact, I lost my appetite the day you told me to leave because your girlfriend thought she could do a better job at taking care of you.
He nods his head in understanding, eyes still wide with a sort of fear I’ve yet to depict.
I haven’t seen this side of him in so long. This is the six-year-old Hayden that would anxiously pace because he misplaced his favorite teddy bear. This is the side of Hayden I find adorable, not the one who goes on fits of rage.
He’s done so much damage to my heart that I’m not sure if it can ever be repaired. It seems that no matter what he does, I still don’t want anything or anyone to break him the way I’ve been shattered because I won’t be able to put the pieces back together for him.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t let him go, and it seems that he can’t let me go either.
Everyone in life hits speed bumps, and maybe this is just another one that we need to get over. We need to get back to the old us—the us that never thought of having another person in our lives but each other, and if that doesn’t work, then there isn’t anything else I can do to fix this.
My tongue pokes out to wet my lips that had been exposed to the cold weather for too long. I pick at the loose string of his comforter. “Hayden—”
“Did you have fun tonight? You looked like you were—”
“Hayden—”
“A–and that’s great. I think that’s really good. You deserve to have that, you know—”
“Hayden!” I say firmer this time. My voice raises only a tad because I don’t want to wake his family. I frown, wanting to know what the hell is going on in his head right now.
The next words about to spill out of his mouth die off, and he runs a hand through his wavy locks, tugging on them harshly. I wince and exhale loudly at the sight in front of me. Him being in pain makes me want to hop up and make it all stop.
Instead, I pat the empty space next to me on the bed, silently asking him to join me. He complies with his gaze falling to the ground when he trudges over. He presses his knees to the edge before crawling over to mirror my position, our thighs touching.
Hayden sucks in a sharp breath when my skin glides across his lightly before I flatten my hand out completely. I tangle my fingers with his to let him know that I’m here to listen, whatever it is that he has to say. I lean my back against the headboard, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Did you mean it?” He croaks, voice unsteady and husky.
“What?” I whisper, pulling my brows low, my free hand playing with our intertwined ones.
“That I’m losing you,” he bluntly states with distaste, saying the words like they burn him.
I weigh my options, fully aware that he’d know if I lied to him, but the truth will only hurt. We both deserve for someone in this friendship to tell the truth, and I think that person is going to be me.
“Yeah, I did.”
“I’m so sorry.” He whimpers, shifting his head to lay on my own, his body desperately seeking any contact with mine. “I was drunk and—”
“That’s not an excuse!” I didn’t mean to interrupt him, but it just kind of came out. I don’t want him blaming what he does on something else. He needs to learn how to deal with the consequences of his actions.
“I know, and I’m sorry.” His hand trembles against my own, and I squeeze it, encouraging him in a way. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
Everything I want to say lodges in my throat, even when I try to force them out. So, I merely sit there, enjoying being so close to him while I can, and I try not to let my mind drift off to dark places that tell me this won’t last.
“I’m sorry,” he says again so quietly, mumbling against my hair before pressing a small kiss to the top of my head to seal the deal. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry, Hayden,” I mutter and suddenly lose the warmth of his body when he pulls away, forcing us to sit up straight.
“Why do you always forgive me?” He grumbles while moving to sit in front of me, and our knees bump. I blink at him and shrug, which doesn’t seem to satisfy him because he scowls. “No, tell me…Why do you always forgive me when I’m the last person in the world who deserves it?”
“You’re my best friend, and I care about you.” I serve him with one of the biggest lies I’ve ever told, thinking it would be the most solid answer.
No, it’s because I’m so in love with you that I’m able to look past your awful characteristics. That’s what I want to tell him, but I don’t want to complicate this conversation and friendship any more than it already is.
His shoulders droop momentarily, and he turns his gaze and nods, trying to understand. I’m not sure why what I said didn’t make him happy as it should have. I admitted to still caring about him, but he seems down.
“Can you stay with me tonight?” he asks, sounding insecure and unsure, which isn’t like him. I tug on his hand to gain his attention and stare into his green eyes, a small smile on my face while nodding.
“I’m going to try harder, okay? I’m going to be a better friend because you deserve that. More if I’m honest, but that’s all I can give right now.”
I want to tell him to slow down and not overwhelm himself with trying to make it up to me, but I know he’s not going to go for it just by the look on his face. “Hayden—”
“Please don’t tell me that you don’t deserve it, because you do. I know that more than anyone.” He grips onto my hand tighter, making sure I hear him. “I’ve been such an ass to you lately with picking other things—other people—over you, and it’s been some of the worse decisions of my life.”
“I don’t think Abby would be too happy to hear that,” I say under my breath, heart falling just at the thought.
“Hey,” he says softly, lifting my chin up with his pointer finger to catch my eyes. “If she cares about me at all, then she’ll know how much you mean to me, and she’ll have to be okay with it.”
“I just don’t want to be the main cause of problems between the two of you.”
“It won’t.” He assures through a breathless chuckle. “If anyone is causing problems between Abby and me, it’s her. But this is about us, okay? Don’t worry about my relationship with her because all I care about right now is fixing this, us. So, what do you say we raid the fridge and watch a lot of movies?”
I can’t fight the grin when I see his face light up. “Sounds great.” I hum, following him off the bed and out of his room.
“Thank you,” he whispers, tossing an arm over my shoulder to haul me closer and press another kiss to the top of my head.
Chapter 23
Elsie
It finally feels like the walls that Hayden created between the two of us are crumbling brick by brick, almost like this past month didn’t happen, like that kiss we shared didn’t happen.
There is a part of me that doesn’t want to forget it, that wants to keep it a secret buried deep in my heart for safe keeping, but I’m not sure if that’s healthy. For me to move on with my life, I need to pretend like it didn’t happen.
It’s the best decision for our friendship. We’re both clearly aware that if we don’t move past the time spent on our school’s roof, our relationship will go down the drain in ruins. I felt that spark, and I could let it grow, but I can’t, and I won’t.
Hayden has someone, a girl that cares for him even though I dislike her, and that’s all I can ever ask for. I’ll be okay. I can move on and continue to hold my feelings captive despite the pain it puts me through. I’ll do it for him, for us.
When he asked me to come over that night on Halloween, I didn’t think we’d end the night eating loads of junk food—that Hayden complained about, insisting we add vegetables into the mix. He also insisted on watching every gory, horror film and going on a jog the next day.
Even though I love those movies, the blood makes me queasy, but Hayden is a trooper. He let me nudge my head against his shoulder until
the scene changed.
When we stretch away the next morning, all snuggled up in his warm bed, he demands that I get up. He doesn’t tell me where we are going, driving till we make it to my house. Skipping up the steps, I find him digging around in my dresser till he pulls workout clothes that I haven’t touched in a while.
He ignores my protests and stands his ground. He says that I need to get some sort of exercise before I die at the age of thirty with a stomach full of pizza. I reply, “At least I’ll die happy.”
Our run through the trails next to a park is miserable. My nose is runny and blood-red from the incoming winter air, and my lungs burn from the unfamiliar pressure I’m putting on them. Not to mention my hands are completely numb!
Not only that, but I fall behind immensely. Hayden is an absolute gentleman, stopping to wait for me and then continuing when I catch up, spewing out words of encouragement to keep me going.
When we are finally done, I whine for a solid forty minutes of how I’d never do something like that again.
Hayden just ignores me and drags us to get a salad for lunch, surprising me with frozen yogurt after. My face contorts in disgust when I look at his ginormous bowl filled with creamy goodness with colorful Nerds topping, which ruins the entire thing.
“You’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met,” I mumble, gazing over the many arrangements of candy.
“Don’t knock it till you try it.” He hums, standing directly behind me to wrap his arms around my neck with his bowl dangling in front of my chest, leaning his chin on the top of my head. “And you might want to watch it, Archer. I’m paying for dessert, remember?”
For making me run, he should have to pay for dessert whenever I want it, I think to myself, but I only chuckle. “Fine, then you better give me a bite of yours.”
“Only if I can have some of yours.”
“Deal.”
***
To say I am shocked when he comes to my house after our time spent together is an understatement. He can see the look on my face and insist we make up for lost time. And we do.
However, the next day is back to reality and high school. I dread that things will go back to the way they’ve been recently, but Hayden restores my faith in him because he hasn’t changed. In fact, he’s making more of an effort to be the boy I’ve always known. He has been sneakily sending me text messages in the middle of class, which I’ve been enjoying all too much.
Me: My english teacher looks like that bird thing from the first Percy Jackson movie…
Hayden: They must know you’re a demigod…
Hayden: RUN BITCH RUN!
Me: I believe that you’re overreacting.
Hayden: That is the same demeanor that almost got Percy killed.
Me: You watch too many movies.
Hayden: Excuse you, but I actually read the books.
Hayden: Apologize…
Me: Damn, chill out.
Hayden: I’m perfectly chilled.
Hayden: In fact, I’m refrigerator temperature.
Hayden: Which is about the temperature my math teacher keeps the room at because I’m fucking freezing.
Me: Better than this room that feels like a boiler.
Hayden: It’s probably only hot because you’re there.
Hayden: Smooth or what?
Me: That was more along the lines of chunky peanut butter.
Hayden: Don’t be jealous, Elsie.
Me: That’s gold! You think I’m jealous because of your game with girls?
Hayden: Girls aren’t a game.
Me: You need to leave.
Hayden: I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me forever.
Me: What a dream come true! And yes, the sarcasm was intended.
Me: That’s the bell for lunch, the best time of the day.
Hayden: See you there (;
I shake my head at his reply and walk to the cafeteria with my bagged lunch in hand. I slide my phone back into the safety of my pocket, spotting Anthea and Nick at the usual table tucked in the corner of the room.
Anthea hounds me with questions about Hayden, and I try my best to catch them up on everything except for a few minor details. I know they must be a bit confused. I’m just as puzzled, and I lived the whole thing. Nonetheless, it’s sorted, and we’re working our way back to how things used to be.
Their wide gaze drifts away to something or someone who is standing behind me. Whoever it is takes the seat next to me, and I look over to see my favorite green-eyed boy smiling and sliding his food on the table.
“What exactly are you doing here, Hayden?” I perk up with a teasing tone, genuinely curious as to why he’s sitting here when he hasn’t in quite some time.
He shrugs carelessly, unwrapping the sandwich that his mom no doubt packed him. “I’m having lunch with the greatest person.” He sends me a wink before peering over to the other two occupying the table. “And friends…” He corrects before returning his gaze to me with raised brows. “Is that a problem?”
“Not at all!” I can’t fight or hide the smile that spreads across my face, feeling a blooming in my heart. I introduce Nick and Hayden, not really knowing if they’ve properly met before, but it seems they have.
Nick seems perfectly comfortable, easily sparking up conversation with everyone and engaging us in his impeccable storytelling skills that always have me laughing. Then there’s Hayden who seems to have an edge to his voice every time he speaks, and constantly fidgeting in his seat, only eating half of his food.
I have a slight itch to ask where his girlfriend is, but I refrain. I want to enjoy this time that he’s choosing to spend with me as much as I can. There’s always a nagging that tells me this is going to cause some sort of rift between them, but it’s not my problem.
It’s not my relationship to deal with, and I won’t step in the middle. Sometimes I worry that Hayden may be too sweet to put Abby in her place, but then again I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe she is okay with Hayden having lunch with me, so it’s best if I don’t overthink it.
“When are you going to France?” Nick’s sweet voice pulls me out of my endless thoughts.
“Um…” I croon to myself, pondering hard on the question to remember. “We leave the twenty-eight of this month, right?” I scrunch my nose, looking over to Hayden for reassurance who’s already looking at me with a smile, nodding his head to confirm.
“Where are you guys going?” Anthea shoots us the next question, picking at her salad with the fork. “Either way, I know I’m going to be jealous.”
“Versailles, I think. It’s a town a little over forty minutes away from Paris.” I inform them, knowing that Anthea is vicariously living through me.
The girl had demanded thousands of pictures the second I found out I was going. Not only that, she pretty much threatened my life if I didn’t bring her back anything.
“So, we may be taking a road trip.” Hayden wiggles his brows while sending me the most adorable simper, a glint in his eyes that makes my heart swell.
Chapter 24
Elsie
The thoughts of our friendship falling through the cracks haven’t been as prominent lately. Instead, a little twinge of hope has replaced it in my heart, and it rises every single day, my feelings chasing after it.
I can’t stop it, and I sure as hell can’t just walk away from him.
Sometimes I ponder the idea of Hayden just being a guy I ran into in the hallways, knowing how much easier life would have been. But being friends with someone since you were four, not to mention having immense feelings for them, creates an unbreakable bond that makes you want to give them chance after chance.
And finally, Hayden has morphed back into the boy I’ve known my entire life.
He truly has been trying, and it shows. Even Anthea who isn’t his biggest fan after everything he’s put me through has noticed his switch in demeanor, saying he’s been cleaning up his mess.
A full week has passed in
the blink of an eye, and we’ve spent nearly every moment together. Hayden made it clear he wants to pick me up before school and drop me home afterward. Every time we head home, though, we never actually make it back into my driveway. Instead, he takes me to the most random of places.
Neither of us supports animal captivity, but we still end up at an aquarium, making disgusted remarks the entire time and baby-talking the animals in hopes it will cheer them up. We receive odd glances and get kicked out, but it was an experience to remember.
A few nights after finishing our homework, we head over to his gym together. I’d observe him train for a match coming up soon or I’d “run” on the track while waiting for him to be done. Most days, I’d finish before him, purposely, just to go back to watching him.
I tell myself to look away from the sweat that would trickle down his bare chest to his taut stomach and hips. The determined look in his eye is more than intimidating when he’d throw rough punches at the bag, brows furrowed. His feet shuffle expertly, arm muscles bulging with each hit, and it has me gawking.
Hayden’s boss catches me red-handed staring on many occasions. I almost burst from embarrassment, but instead, I shoot him a sheepish smile with blood-red cheeks, and he returns it with a sly wink.
One night, I even try to ask why he hasn’t shared this job and hobby with his girlfriend, but he dodges the question, moving on to another subject.
Abby is a topic I’ve been avoiding like the plague for a while now. It’s a nagging question in the back of my mind that I know I need to at least think about, but why? I’ve finally got my best friend back. There isn’t anything else to overanalyze.
I don’t really know her. A small part tells me that she’s a raging and controlling bitch, but sometimes I can’t help but feel bad for her. Hayden’s supposed to be in an exclusive relationship with her, yet he kissed me and doesn’t seem to regret it one bit.
Maybe I should be gloating and flying on cloud nine because of that, but I can’t. Not when I continue to put myself in her shoes, wondering how I’d feel if my boyfriend made out with his best friend.
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 13