I can’t say I blame her for the way she treats me, though she can go about it a better way. I understand it can be a scary thing if your boyfriend had a best friend of the opposite sex that they’ve known their entire life.
Maybe she’s worried that I’ll take him from her. I have no intentions of doing that; it doesn’t matter what kind of feelings I have for him. I can’t morally handle that.
Hayden and Abby’s relationship has always been on the odd side, to me at least. All I’m aware of is that it started off as a fling after they hooked up at the beginning of senior year, then it turned into something more. They just don’t communicate like normal couples do, and when they’re together, they hardly act like they’re dating.
I don’t overanalyze their relationship for the sake of my sanity, but sometimes my mind wonders. Something about Hayden pushes me to that point, but I can’t let him. I won’t allow him to have so much control over my life.
One of the main reasons why I’ve avoided talking about that kiss is because I don’t think I can handle his confused answer. That or I don’t want to hear him admit that it was a mistake and it shouldn’t have happened.
My best bet is to forget. How am I supposed to do that? A huge part of me never wants that kiss to fade from my memory. I want to keep it locked in my heart for as long as I live, but it hurts too much.
Hopefully, there will come a day when I can move on and find something, someone, for myself.
As for this entire week of feeding Hayden radio silence, I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on the topic of him for too long. I’ve kept busy with school, spending time with Nick and Anthea, and helping my mom with wedding plans.
Everything has been hectic around the house since the baby. Gabe and my mother’s wedding seems to be right around the corner in December, and Wylie, being his rambunctious self, has made things extremely stressful. Though there is still that glimmer of happiness floating around, which I know it’s only due to my mom and my stepdad’s love for each other.
To think that my mom had just given birth a little less than a week ago and is now preparing to host a dinner for her boss, Jane, and her husband is astonishing. Of course, I gave her a hand by running to the store and returning in record time to help cook, but she’s acting as if she didn’t just push a human being out of her.
She’s stationed at the stove, chopping up vegetables while I’m in charge of watching the little ones until Gabe comes home from work. Wylie is laid out of the floor with his toys while watching a movie, and Leena is upstairs in her crib taking a nap.
Sitting on the barstool, I watch my mom bake, listening to my phone vibrate against the counter. I finally give in and pick it up to see what else he can possibly say to me.
Hayden: Just answer me once, please?
Hayden: Say something, anything…You can even call me the biggest asshole in the world if you want.
Hayden: Just let me know that you don’t absolutely hate me.
The maddening thing is he’s done everything in his power to make me hate his existence, and yet I don’t.
Me: You’re a dick.
Hayden: Thank you…
Me: Go away, I have to help my mom cook dinner.
Right as I place my phone back down, I glance up to see my mother sending me a quizzical look with raised brows and dark hazel eyes burning a hole through me.
“You and Hayden were really weird with each other at the hospital…It seems that you’ve been dodging him ever since,” she states, turning slightly to mix the sauce in the pan while I’m curious as to how she even knew that’s who I was texting.
I don’t know what it is with moms. They have some sort of spidey sense when it comes to their kids. They’re able to predict when something is wrong or off, not that I’m complaining; it’s one of the things I love.
“I don’t know, honestly,” I say thickly, fiddling with my fingers. “We were bickering at the Halloween dance, and the next thing I knew he was kissing me.”
The clang of silverware rings through the kitchen when it slips out of her hand and rattles against the counter. She coughs and clears her throat, turning to face me with wide eyes. “I knew it!” She celebrates with a light and airy tone. “That’s good, right?” she asks after noticing my emotionless expression.
“No, it’s not.” I sigh, irises falling to the table mat, picking at it. “He has a girlfriend, and there’s so much more to it. You could have another kid, and I still wouldn’t be done explaining it all.”
My family only knows what I let them in on that goes on between Hayden and me. Though my mom always seems to anticipate it anyway, she never says much on the issue.
She parades over to where I’m sitting, leaning over the counter to lay her hand on top of mine. “It will all work out on its own in time. Just don’t ever forget who he is to you and who he’s always been.”
A small smile graces my lips, and I nod. She pats my hands one last time before pressing a kiss to my head and returning to the food. My phone vibrates again, and I groan, thinking that I had gotten him to leave me alone for the moment.
Hayden: Uh, I also signed up for that France trip that our art class is taking. I hope you don’t mind a travel buddy. x
Great, just great! This kid is absolutely unbelievable. I’m not sure if this is his warped way of thinking that a trip like this can mend things between us. But that’s not true. Yeah, maybe it’ll do us some good to be in a new environment that’s far away from his girlfriend, but that can go very badly.
It would be so amazing to have him there with me in France. It would be like a dream come true to spend time with the one person who means the world to me in such a beautiful place, and maybe we can work on some things.
But like I said, hope is a fickle bitch.
About an hour later, I’m sitting next to Wylie at the dinner table. My mom and Gabe are placed at the head while Jane and Rick, her husband, sit right across me.
I only wish I know how we’d gotten on the subject of me. It was probably my mother bragging about me every single chance she can get, going on about my grades and how I’ll get into an Ivy League college. I merely blush and shrug, not really knowing where I want to go to college or what I want to study.
“You’d be the perfect candidate for the new project we’re setting up.” Jane smiles, popping some noodles in her mouth.
“Project?” I lift my brows from behind the rim of my glass. Glancing at my mom, I see the same elated expression on her face, eyes lit up.
“We’re sending people off to South Africa for a month, thanks to people who sponsor us. They stay till the end of summer, building schools and working in hospitals. There’s a lot more to it, but that’s just the short version.” She explains, holding eye contact with me the whole time. “I think you’d be perfect for it.”
It sounds like an exciting opportunity, but I’m still in high school and possibly going to college. Plus, Africa is so far away from everything I know, away from him. I have my entire life in this town.
“That does sound really amazing, but I don’t think I’m ready for something like that right now.” I chuckle, trying to let her down easy, thankful for the offer.
Jane waves her hand dismissively, still grinning from ear to ear. “Don’t worry about it, sweetie. But if you ever change your mind, the position is always open for you.” She winks, and I nod, thanking her quietly.
The rest of dinner is pleasantly enjoyable. After I turn down Jane’s offer, she sneakily tried to change my mind the entire meal, begging me to think about it more before she left.
I can’t help but ponder on how great it would be.
Chapter 21
Elsie
“Give it back, you menace!” I huff, hair flying in my line of vision as I chase after Wylie who is surprisingly fast, considering his little legs.
The left side of my stomach begins to cramp, and I slow down, eyeing my little brother stumbling around the house with my phone clutched in his ha
nd. I had honestly never realized how many twist and turns this house holds until now.
Wylie giggles like a maniac, swinging the pirate sword in his other hand that matches his costume, finding this entire situation hilarious. I didn’t think he could outrun me, and he can’t, but he uses his small figure to his advantage.
As if my night hadn’t been off to a bad start already, the doorbell rings right as I corner the cackling boy on the other side of the couch. I narrow my eyes at him, not looking away for one second or else he’ll dart away.
“Gabe, can you please get the door? It’s probably Nick,” I ask my stepfather who’s been watching us from the kitchen, not making any moves to help me out.
“Or it could be some brats asking for candy, and I really don’t want to face that.” He exaggerates.
“Please? I’m too busy about to pummel this kid,” I mumble the last bit under my breath, pointing at Wylie who only grins wickedly, waving my phone around. Gabe sighs, but I hear him drag his feet towards the foyer. “Give me the phone,” I say sternly, crouching down to his height.
“No.” Wylie protests.
Footsteps echo through the house as they draw near. I hear Nick’s voice from the front of the residence before they step into the living room, but I keep my gaze on the irritating sibling in front of me.
“Hey, I’d been texting you to let you know we’re here,” Nick says with a questioning tone when he takes in the scene.
“Sorry, my brother took my phone captive, so I couldn’t see any texts for the last thirty minutes.” I glare, ready to pounce on him.
However, Gabe does it first, coming out of nowhere to scoop Wylie up in his arms. He tugs the phone out of his little fingers to place it in my outstretched palm. I thank him while the little shit pouts, folding his arms over his chest.
Turning, I see Nick and his little sister, Phoebe. I haven’t seen her in ages, and she’s surely grown up since the last time we’ve crossed paths. Three years can change a lot, I suppose.
Nick introduces us even though we all remember, excluding Wylie who is still upset that Gabe betrayed him.
Proper introductions are made before we set off into the chilly and eerie night. I pull my coat closer to me, listening to my boots clacking against the concrete that’s littered with dead leaves. Little kids squeal and run around everywhere while their parents try to keep up with them.
Phoebe and Wylie walk up to houses together. Nick and I stay back to observe and talk about the most random things. I enjoy his company; he never pressures me to talk about things I don’t like, and he never brings Hayden up.
I can’t help but point out the best-decorated houses which also happen to be the scariest that makes Nick walk closer to me. I laugh, nudging him towards them, and he whines, moving to my other side.
While waiting for them at the bottom of another house, I take out my phone to check the time, but instead, I see a message from Hayden.
Hayden: Happy Halloween! Hope you’re having a great time.
Me: I am! I hope you are as well…
Hayden: Not quite, but it would’ve been much better if you were here though. It always is.
That annoying flutter in my chest takes over, but I shove it down, telling myself to get a grip. I shake my head in annoyance, placing my phone back in my pocket before we follow behind our siblings again, letting them lead the way.
Phoebe has seemed to take a good liking to me, which I’m grateful for. It would have been extremely awkward if she hadn’t. Wylie has also drifted closer to Nick, which makes my heart feel light and happy. Wylie can sometimes be a bit off-putting around new people, but he acts like he’s known Nick his whole life.
We pace a few more houses down, their bags filling up fast. We stop in front of a huge white home that is probably decorated the best on the block. They even have a few people hiding on the lawn to pop out at people who walk up the front steps.
I mumble a quiet wow under my breath, feeling Wylie tug at the edge of my shirt. I peer down to see his eyes wide with apprehension and mouth agape in fear.
“No…” He whines, going from pulling at my clothes to clinging onto Nick’s jeans.
The taller blonde boy rests his hand on my brother’s shoulder, comforting the child.
“I want to go up there,” Phoebe mutters in amazement, dazed just as I am.
“Okay, we’ll be here with Wylie. Can you take his bag up so he can get some candy too?” Nick asks, handing my brother’s bag over to his sister who looks at him like he’s gone mad.
“I said I wanted to go, not that I wanted to go alone.” She clarifies, frozen to her spot.
“I’ll go with you.” I chuckle, bending down to press a swift kiss to Wylie’s flustered cheek.
Phoebe grabs my hand, and I tug her along, squealing and jumping on our way up to the house, laughing at ourselves. She looks a little shaken but hides it when I ring the doorbell, telling her there’s nothing to be afraid of.
I should have been telling myself that.
When the door gets pulled open, all the blood in my body runs cold. Fear and guilt clouds my mind, and my stomach churns, making me feel like I can puke on her designer shoes any second.
“Elsie! What a nice surprise!” Abby greets with a sweet voice that makes me feel dizzy. To make matters worse, the one boy who I’ve been avoiding rushes over to the door at the sound of my name, eyes full of shock and regret. “Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?” She chuckles in a teasing manner, putting on a nice show but still trying to embarrass me.
Everything about her makes me want to either deck her or run away in the other direction, but I can only focus on Hayden. I muster up the tiniest of smiles to send to him, and he returns it, a look of longing in his bright eyes.
I wonder if he’s missed me as much as I’ve missed him.
“My little brother didn’t want to go through all the scary stuff, and Nick’s sister didn’t want to come alone, so here I am.” I spout off my reasoning even though I don’t need to. I take a quick glance over my shoulder to see Nick bent down in front of Wylie, the two of them in deep conversation before they break out into obnoxious laughter.
“Nick has the most disturbing laugh,” Phoebe mumbles, shaking her head in bashfulness.
I honestly adore his loud laugh. I find it contagious and hilarious, but I suppose if you grew up with it, then that might become annoying every now and then.
Twisting back around, I notice Hayden looking very fidgety. A hard and cold expression overcomes his face, angry irises glaring at Nick before they fall to me and soften. He takes a deep breath.
“Well, that’s…sweet?” Abby says unsurely, hand resting on the doorknob while the other holds a bowl of candy. She drops some in both bags. The fake smile tugging at her lips makes me feel exhausted. I don’t know how she manages to put on an act all the time; it must be tiring. “I’ll see you at school!”
It’s the last thing she says before slamming the door shut, disconnecting me from Hayden who looked like he had something to say.
“What a bitch,” Phoebe says, and I freeze in shock before bursting out into laughter, parading down the steps with her.
Hours pass before we find ourselves back at my place. Wylie and Phoebe pour out their candy on the floor to assess what they received over the night, snacking on some every few seconds. They’re never going to sleep tonight.
I want to spend a little bit more time with Nick, so I ask them to stick around and watch a movie with us, and he agrees immediately. We lounge around to watch a horror film, and about half way through, both Phoebe and Wylie are knocked out because their sugar rush plummeted.
Nick carries his sister out to his car, bidding us a goodbye before driving off. I send Wylie off to sleep and lock everything up before climbing the stairs to get ready for bed myself. I’m about to hop under the covers when my phone dings, making me get this weird sense of déjà vu.
Hayden: Can you come over? We really need to tal
k.
Me: Hayden, it’s late.
Hayden: Please?
Chapter 22
Elsie
With every bone in my body, I wish I know why I give into him so easily. I don’t know why all I can ever think about is being with him as if it doesn’t matter how many times he hurts me. I rush to his every beck and call just because I hope that maybe something will change, that maybe one time I’ll look and him and just know he’s finally mine.
“Hayden…” A loud sigh leaves my lips, eyes falling to my hands that I pick at.
My legs are tucked up close to my chest, head resting on my knees and arms wrapped around my calves to seek some sort of comfort on his lonely bed. He paces the room, nearly leaving a trail of smoke in his path, thoughtfully pondering on something.
When I drove over here, I had every intention of telling him that I can’t do this anymore, and if he is going to continue to treat me this way, then I will have to take some steps back. Though it all vanished when he opened the front door with a look of anguish.
He looked like he was in so much emotional pain that I couldn’t even force a word out of my mouth. I just followed him up the stairs and sat down, waiting for him to say something, anything.
After forty minutes of silence, I drown in my own thoughts that are more confusing as the seconds tick on.
Hayden’s constant staring and unnatural jerky moments have me fidgeting with expectancy, wanting to get this over with so we can go back to the way we were when everything was okay.
Unfortunately, he’s giving me no indication as to why I’m here or what he wants to talk about.
The material of my sweats rubs against my shaven legs when I straighten them out to switch my position. I tug the overly large shirt back up my shoulder that was exposed.
“Do you want something to eat? Coffee, maybe? We have some leftover candy from tonight as well.” He spouts out hastily right when I’m about to call out his name again. His figure freezes, turning in his spot to look at me.
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