“We’ve been up here long enough, haven’t we?” he says in my ear, nose nudging at my neck like he’s the one search for heat. His body shakes against mine, and I can’t tell if it’s from fear or being up in the chilly air for too long.
You’d actually think he should be overheating from the two pairs of socks he has on under his boots, his long-sleeved shirt topped with a pullover, and his coat hanging from his shoulders, but I never know with him.
“Let’s go look around then?” I suggest, brushing my finger over his red tinted nose.
Hayden nods and manhandles me to quickly leave the beautiful architecture. He breathes a heavy sigh of relief once we’re back on solid ground, but he still doesn’t drop my hand, only tangling our fingers.
I find us venturing into various stores that have appealing names, gawking at items you’d never find back in the states. Against my better judgment, Hayden persuades me to go in a wine shop. We graze down the many aisles while I’m looking over my shoulder every second like it’s illegal, waiting for someone to pop out and get us into trouble.
I don’t even bother to question it inside of the store when he swipes up a bottle of wine, strolls over to the cashier, and flashes his identification that she accepts. Hayden hands over the money, thanking the woman when she passes him the wine in a paper bag. Once we’re outside, he shoves the alcohol in my bag with an innocent look on his face.
“Why did you do that?” I hiss, glaring at him like he’s suddenly grown three heads.
He rolls his eyes that have a mischievous glint. “Why not? We’re in France, El. We should live a little while we’re here and have the chance.” He bends down to press a reassuring peck to my forehead, trying to hand my backpack over again.
“I’m not holding that.” I fold my arms and shake my head, refusing to take that back from him.
“Well, I can’t carry it. The yellow doesn’t go with my outfit,” he retorts, finding himself more than funny.
“Not my problem. You’re the one who wanted to buy it.”
“And now I might not share any of it with you.” Hayden takes a lighter approach but sees no waver in my eyes, so he huffs and stomps his foot dramatically against the stone beneath us. “Would you stop acting like a child and just carry it for me? No one will ever know if you just keep it in your bag.”
“I’m the one acting like a child?” I ask humorously, shaking my head at the frustrating boy who’s agitated.
He uncrosses my arms for me and slides the straps of my bag up till it sits comfortably on my shoulders. He pats it, and before I even have a chance to protest, he’s clutching my hand and pulling me down the freezing street.
We don’t speak further about it. I know it’s not that big of a deal and our teacher wouldn’t find out. Even if she did, there isn’t much she could do about it.
Our quick pitstop at the Arc De Triomphe is jaw-dropping. We admire every little detail we see along the way. On the way to the Louvre, Hayden suddenly stops in the middle of the street, pulling me to him.
One of his hands holds mine in the air while the other rests on my hip to sway us along to the music that a man is playing on the side of the road. A few scattered people stop to observe us, but all I can focus on is the heart-stopping guy who makes me the happiest I can ever be.
Little things like that are what makes me fall even harder for him.
I do wonder what is going to happen when we return home. Are things going to be as they are here? Is it going to be worse? Or are they going to be good like they were before we left for this trip? I can’t help but think being back in our hometown will be a smack of reality.
France has been our little hideaway. A part of me wishes we’d never have to leave, that we could just continue in this bubble of ours.
Even some of our classmates are convinced he’d ended it with his girlfriend and is now moving in on me. It’s hard and painful to deny and explain that we’re just friends.
That’s all we’ll ever be.
Of course, I leave out the part of my feelings for him and how he’d never feel the same.
I spot a cafe from across the way, and I lead Hayden to it, ordering two coffees and many different pastries to share with us so we can try them all.
We’re cozied up in the back corner that’s dimmer than the rest of the restaurant. We have a perfect view of the outside streets that are getting darker by the second as the sun sets and the moon rises to take its place.
I poke and prod at the hard cream on top of what seems to be a cake. I tilt my head to look at it all around, ignoring the chuckles coming from Hayden who sips on his hot beverage.
“Would you just eat it already?” He teases, interrupting my inspection with laughter and raised brows.
“I like to observe before I taste.”
He rolls his lips inward, looking away from me with an odd expression before he’s bursting with giggles, and I know exactly why.
“I know it wasn’t mean to be taken sexually, but I couldn’t help it.” His eyes crinkle at the sides, nearly spitting out coffee.
I grin, hating and loving his immature side at the same time. “Yeah, that’s because you’re a disgusting pervert.”
“I am not!” He defends, holding his hand to his heart in mock offense. “Okay, maybe a little.”
“Maybe a lot…”
“Don’t pretend you don’t enjoy it sometimes. You know you love me.” He counters, chomping down on one of the sweets we bought without even bothering to look and see what it is.
I don’t even bother to deny or accept it. What’s the use? He knows I love him too much, but he can never know my love branches off in a totally different direction than what he expects.
Chapter 33
Elsie
The thought of leaving France tomorrow is pretty upsetting. I’ve grown quite attached and accustomed to the pretty city with a different culture. I’m still grateful and amazed I’m able to be in a place some can only dream of.
Our last full day flies by, of course. Ms. Mills ushers us into a new museum that is closer to our hotel, and Hayden holds my hand all the while. Even when my palm begins to get a bit clammy and I try to pull away, he holds on tighter.
He has somehow convinced me, while we gaze at mesmerizing art, to spend the night in his room for one last hurrah before we head home. With Hayden just being himself and me being a lovesick idiot, I agree without a second thought.
I have something to look forward to, which makes our tour around the gallery drag out longer than I want. Instead, I find myself wishing we are back in Paris to venture around and learn more, but Hayden’s crude and unusual comments get me through.
On a whim, we decide that we don’t want sloppy hotel food that’s cooked half-assed. So, Hayden, Emma, a few of her friends, and I split up to find a restaurant that’s just a few miles down the road.
I’m not sure how to describe it, but things have been different today. Not in the bad way that I’ve been expecting, but in the way that makes me feel dizzy and so full of love.
Hayden has always been more of a touchy-feely and clingy kind of guy, and I’ve never been one to mind, but today he goes to an extreme.
It feels like his eyes don’t sway from me, not once. He always had some sort of hold or touch on me. Whether that be a hand holding mine or an arm wrapping around my waist or shoulder, he’s always there. He even follows me to the restroom and waits just outside the door for me to finish. At the restaurant, he tries to perch me on his lap, and I almost fall into a damn coma at the shock.
I look at him like he’s insane and deny his attempt. He pouts throughout the entire meal while Emma sends me knowing glances and smiles that have me blushing. He finally gets his way when we order dessert, and the next thing I know, I’m sitting in his lap despite my protests.
He just grins at me, his green eyes flitting down to my parted lips.
It seems like he has no shame as his orbs gawk at my chapped lips for a solid minute. He
even starts to lean in before blinking, realizing we are at a table full of people. We don’t exchange a word after that, but he keeps me with him, leaning his head on my shoulder while holding conversation with a few other people.
My heart doesn’t stop pounding, and I’m sure my eyes are wide as saucers. I try to talk myself down, but it just isn’t working, or I really don’t want it to.
If we weren’t in public, would he have kissed me? Would I have let him, again?
I’m lost in my thoughts by the time we make it back to the hotel and bid everyone a goodnight. Hayden reminds me to come to his room just a little after midnight and bring my backpack, and I know exactly what that meant. He presses a loving kiss to my temple before we disperse to our separate rooms.
I slip on my pajamas before going through the process of packing stuff in my duffel that I won’t need before I leave.
“Do you mind if I stay the night in Hayden’s room? I’m not asking you to cover for me or anything,” I ask Emma over the music flowing from her phone.
“I don’t mind at all!” She grins a bit too excited, winking at me slyly as she shoves things in her bag. “I’ve got your back. You guys are going to make the cutest couple one day!”
“Thanks?” I chuckle at my newly acquired friend, ignoring her tangent about how compatible Hayden and I are.
Hours pass between Emma and me. She continues on about wishing she can find someone to love her as much Hayden loves me, teasing me to no end. My cheeks are turning so blood-red that at one point, I playfully tell her to drop the subject before I drown her.
“You better get over to your Prince Charming before he thinks you’ve stood him up.” Emma pushes me towards the door when the clock strikes twelve fifteen.
I scoop up my bag, telling her goodbye before subtly leaving the suite, making my way to Hayden’s without getting caught, surprisingly.
“Fancy seeing you here.” He wiggles his brows, closing the door behind me once I’ve stepped in.
Hayden takes the bag from me to sit it on the desk that’s across from the tiny bed and pulls the bottle of wine out to pop it open. I can’t help but feel giddy that I get to spend the night with my best friend in one of the most beautiful places in the world.
He switches on the ancient box television that looks to be about hundreds of years old. We settle on a French movie because that’s all there is, even though neither of us has a clue what they’re saying.
“Take your shoes off and get comfy.” He smiles. His sweet demeanor makes me feel a lot calmer than I was earlier. “You’re going to be here for a while.”
I comply and tug off my boots while he turns off the lights so the only thing illuminating the room is the television. He plops down on the twin-sized bed, patting the small area beside him before taking a swig of the bottle. I sit down next to him, the both of us crawling under the blankets, and I grab the wine when passes it to me.
Hesitantly, I bring the rim up to my mouth. The first thing I taste is the minty flavor he left behind, and for a second, I relish in being so close to his lips again. When the bitter taste flows down my throat, I scrunch my nose, frowning.
“Don’t like it?” Hayden snickers, trying hard to catch my eyes.
I shake my head, nibbling on my bottom lip. “What kind of wine is that? It’s worse than beer.”
“It’s some sort of red wine, I think. I picked up the first thing I saw. Plus, I couldn’t really tell since it was all in a different language,” he says in a duh tone, making a face when he takes a second drink from it.
“See!” I point out, laughing when he sticks his tongue out at me.
Within just ten minutes, my cheeks are pink, my eyes droopy, and there’s a sloppy smile on my face while Hayden looks the same, making dumb jokes. My body feels tingly and warm, but I think that’s because the sides of our bodies are flush against each other.
We take large gulps of the alcoholic beverage just to get it down quicker, and five minutes later, the bottle is empty and sitting on the bedside table. We talk about the most ridiculous things that don’t even make sense. Things like if a squirrel and a fish mated, what would it be called? I eventually come to my senses and tell him it would be impossible for the two animals to even cross paths.
It’s obvious we’re both feeling the effects of it, but I know I’ll remember every second tomorrow.
The same movie still plays lightly on the boxed screen, lighting up the side of Hayden’s angelic face as he leans his head against the headboard to gaze at me with a lethargic smile.
“You know…” He slurs, scooping up my hand to run his fingers over my knuckles lightly. “It’s been so nice to spend time with you like this again. I’ve really missed it, and you.”
I haven’t realized how small the space is between our faces till now. “I’ve missed you too,” I admit; the buzz coursing through my veins gives me the courage.
He inspects every inch of my face, but I don’t feel scrutinized like I normally would. Instead, I feel like I’m sitting in a room with the love of my life and he’s picking out everything he adores about me.
He lets out a puff of breath, and I feel it against my face. Our noses are so close that he nudges mine gently. I feel this magnetic shift around us when his hand slips around to grasp my waist. My chest heaves up and down against his while my fingers absentmindedly play with Hayden’s.
“I can’t forget about that kiss, Elsie.” His hand comes up to cup my cheek, stroking the skin gingerly. “I don’t want to,” he whispers so lowly I almost don’t hear. His gaze falls to my lips once again.
It’s probably the alcohol that forces the next sentence out of me, or it’s the sheer terror that I’ll never be able to tell him how I really feel. “Neither do I.”
I’m scared that if I don’t ever let him know the feelings that have blossomed for him, how could I ever move on? Everyone deserves a chance to see if maybe a relationship could play out of a friendship if both are willing. It’s fucked up and bad timing, but when will I ever have the courage to do it other than now?
The breathy words have barely left me before his mouth is pressing against mine, and I sigh.
It’s an indescribable feeling. A calm I had no idea I was missing washes over me and drives me to melt into him like we’ve done this a thousand times.
This kiss is different from our last. I feel like I’m finally telling him things I’ve never said without having to speak a word, and it’s warm all around. My body tingles with immense love for a boy I know I can never have, but my fingers grip on the bottom of his shirt like I can somehow keep him here with me.
Things progress much quicker, and the next thing my hazy mind knows is I’m on my back with his bare torso hovering over me, pressing kisses over every inch of my face.
We both seem to silently agree that it would be okay, that this is a way we would navigate through every argument and sweet word, that finally sleeping together would be okay because we’re Hayden and Elsie; nothing can break us apart.
What I don’t know is that this night will break me.
Chapter 34
Elsie
With past experiences, I can vividly describe how pathetic and unwanted I felt, but this time around, I don’t even know where to start.
Hayden has never made me feel like an absolute scum of the earth and cheap until now, which is something I counted on never experiencing. I didn’t know how much it would hurt to wake up cold and alone in an unfamiliar bed after sharing so much of yourself with someone, to give them all of you.
I wish I can say that when I woke up completely bare, I was cuddled up next to Hayden, feeling loved and warm, that we spent the entirety of that morning talking to figure out where we’d go from here, laughing and kissing.
But unfortunately, most things don’t like to work out in my favor.
Instead, I wake from a heavy sleep to face an empty room. Even his luggage that was on the floor last night is no longer there. The television is turned of
f, but the curtains are still drawn shut.
Was this what he wanted? Did he plan on pulling me in with his charm just to have sex with me and then leave? Something deep inside me is begging for me to not believe it, but I can’t help but trust those thoughts as my heart slips into deep anguish.
The guilt is the first thing to slip in and take hold. My lips quiver like I’ve been stuck out in a blizzard for hours, and my eyes burn with tears that I refuse to let fall when I slip from the bed to throw on my clothes that had been tossed around.
I sniffle and walk out of the room with my eyes cast to the floor, gaze focused on the carpet as I walk back over to our suite. I pull out the keycard to unlock the door, stepping in to feel a warmness of the room surround me, which means Emma has the heat blasting.
Her eyes are on me the second I walk through the threshold, and it makes me want to break down, but I can’t, not now. I feel like a mindless drone. My body is shaking from the anxiety coursing through it, and I’ve been stabbed in the back with a knife that has been dunked in betrayal.
I want to think the best of the boy I love more than anything, that the entire situation is just playing against him in a bad way, but I also can’t help but feel like everything has been a ploy this whole time.
My mind is racing with thoughts, but on the other hand, there isn’t a single thing floating around up there. I don’t want to think. I just want to forget.
“Elsie?” Emma whispers softly, her hand landing on my arm to rub up and down soothingly. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head with trembling hands, wishing I can take back everything, maybe even the day I met him.
“I really just don’t want to talk about it right now.” I croak, not recognizing my own voice. “Do you think you could ask the girl who sits next to you on the plane to trade places with me?”
“Of course.” She coos, pushing some of my ratty hair behind my ear before rushing to shoot a text on her phone.
Mustering up some strength, I bend down to gather the necessary things along with clothes I plan on wearing for traveling. I drag my feet against the carpet to the bathroom, place everything down on the counter, and twist the knob to turn on water.
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 18