After the fifth call to my home landline, I finally speak to Anthea and Nick who are together. I know that it isn’t okay to punish them for my wreck of a life. I come to find out they had been plotting a way to sneak into my house if I continue to ignore their calls.
They spend fifteen minutes trying to get me to spill the beans, but I feel like if I repeat everything, it will all just weigh down on me. Or will it make me feel better?
I end up spewing out everything, and surprisingly, I feel so much better.
I take the silence on the other end as pure shock and hopefully, not disappointment. Then what Nick says next almost makes me have a heart attack. He says it so fast I make him repeat it again, and apparently, Hayden broke up with Abby last week.
It’s enough to send my calmed thoughts back into a tizzy, even though I don’t ask any further questions. I don’t have the energy to.
For once, it feels like I’m moving forward and that I’m maybe finding a path for my life. However, there are always things that set you back, right?
Mine comes through his harsh pounding on the front door every single day and his voice floating through the house and up to my room when Gabe opens the door and orders him to leave the property.
“Please, I just need to see her this once.” Hayden pleads this morning, voice raised just enough for me to hear it like he has for the past eight days. “I have things I need to tell her.”
“I don’t know what happened between you two, but you need to respect that she doesn’t want to see you right now, son,” Gabe says in a hushed tone, their conversation going the same every time he shows up. “Give her some time.”
“But I—”
Hayden’s begging would always either get cut off by the door getting slammed or by the headphones I would shove in my ears so I don’t have to hear him anymore. It’s a routine. Even after being rejected, Hayden would still sit out in his car for a few hours, for reasons I’m not sure of, but it’s nerve-wracking.
Today, he stays out there longer than the other times. It put off the plans I have with my mom because the last thing I want is to step out there and face him. Eventually, he leaves. His car drives down the road until it turns the corner and I can no longer see it, and I make sure the coast is clear before we leave.
I ignore the daisies sitting on my doorstep.
Staring at the girl in the mirror of the dressing room, I sigh, patting down the long, lilac fabric covering my smooth legs. I look away, stepping out of the room.
“It’s perfect!” My mother gushes and stands from her chair to pull me into a hug, a few tears sliding down her cheeks.
She has been so extremely emotional lately. The quicker the wedding approaches, the more happy tears she sheds, but I’m just thankful she hasn’t turned into a bridezilla.
“It’s a pretty dress,” I say, turning to look in the full-length mirror at the maid of honor dress she picked out weeks ago, finally getting me in for a fitting
“You’re the one who makes the dress pretty, dear.” She smiles warmly, twisting a piece of my hair around her finger before dropping it. “I don’t exactly know what has been going on with you lately, but I just want you to know that it will get better.”
I muster up a smile in return, wringing my hands together in front of me while my heart pounds in my chest for reasons unknown to me. It very well could be this one thought that keeps returning, bringing nervousness and excitement.
“Mom?” I ask, turning around to face her for advice. “What if I wanted to make a decision that could possibly change my life?”
My beautiful dark haired mother frowns, tilting her head to the side. “If it’s something you want and it’ll make you happy, then I say go for it. You can’t spend your whole life overthinking things because it won’t get you anywhere. Sometimes you have to make rash decisions. Just always remember that Gabe and I are here to support you no matter what.”
As always, her words bring me an odd sense of peace.
Maybe I do just need to take this leap to start doing things for myself. It may lead to a good future I’ll love.
“Would you mind taking me to your work after this?” I nibble on my bottom lip because I know it’ll be scary and something new, but maybe that’s what I need.
The biggest grin curls at her lips. “I would love to!” She pulls me into a bone-crushing hug to whisper in my ear, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you…Just don’t get any tears on this expensive dress.”
Soon, I’m walking out with the maid of honor dress in hand, carefully hanging it up in my mom’s van before we’re driving to the office. It’s an anxious trip, but I’m also looking forward to what is coming.
Jane is surprised but elated to see me, even more so when I tell her exactly why I’m there.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone’s fingers type on a computer so fast in my life, nor have I seen someone coast over all the details as if they know it by heart, which she probably does.
When we walk out of the building, I feel so much lighter than I had just hours ago, and I can’t seem to wipe the grin from my flushed face.
I leave January to start something new for myself.
Chapter 39
Hayden
Two weeks is slowly approaching.
Every single second has ticked by brutally slow, and all I’ve wanted this whole time is to hold her in my arms.
It’s been agonizing, and I can barely stand it. My head hasn’t stopped pounding, and the nausea churning in my stomach hasn’t ceased since she left me standing in that dreaded school parking lot.
There are some days when I just sob to the point of no return. Sometimes my mom will walk in the room with the biggest worried expression, trying to get me to eat something, but I don’t deserve her compassion.
I don’t deserve anyone. Not after everything I have put Elsie through.
Most days, I still show up at her house, but the outcome is still the same. Her car is always in the driveway, and it gives me this tiny splinter of hope that she’ll be the one to answer the door and just hold me until I don’t feel like the biggest fuck-up ever, but it’s crushed every time.
It nearly killed me when Wylie waddled up behind Gabe once and asked me why I don’t come around anymore and why I keep making his big sister cry. I didn’t have an explanation. All I could do was apologize and walk away so I could blubber in my car like a baby.
Elsie is the most selfless and giving person that I know. I took advantage of that.
I don’t plan on giving up, though. I need her back in my life. She makes me a much better person; she makes me want to be a better person.
Her mother’s wedding is just in a few days, and there is no way in hell I’d miss it. She’ll be there, and I can get her to listen to me so I can explain myself. So I can tell her how much I want to kiss her and be with her.
Me: I made a mistake, and I’ve made them a thousand times over the years, but I just need you to tell me that we’re okay.
Me: I need you.
Me: You’re the only thing I find myself wanting to fight for.
A grunt leaves my lips when I realize she isn’t going to answer. She hasn’t for the past two weeks. So why would she now?
“Is she still not replying?” Gwen asks as soon as she steps into the room, standing on the other side of the kitchen island.
“No!” I huff, jaw tightening as I fidget on the barstool, tossing my phone on the counter.
She’s silent for a few seconds, nails tapping against the marble top. “I called her a couple days ago, and she told me everything. I mean, I practically forced her to.” Gwen admits quietly, gaining my full attention.
I shake my head, feeling more frustrated than I was before. I had been keeping everything from them for a reason. I didn’t want them to know why the girl I love probably hates my guts. They’d be so disappointed.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you wouldn’t tell me a
nything, but you were moping around like a sad puppy.”
“I didn’t tell you for a reason.” I hang my head, the pressure in my chest returning but so much worse than before. “I fucked up.”
“Yeah, in more ways than one!” She agrees, gazing at me with sympathy instead of anger like I had expected.
“I’m aware…” I exhale, rubbing at my closed eyes that burn from a lack of sleep. “You’re not mad?”
“No, you’re my little brother, and I love you.” She rounds the counter to envelop me in a hug, something I really needed right now. “But you’re still an ass.”
“I know.”
“She’s always been there, and you took advantage of that because you thought every time you hurt her that she would just put up with it and forgive you. Which, to be fair, she did for a long time! I don’t think she can take it anymore.” Gwen explains softly, pulling back to gaze at me, and my lips curl down. “Didn’t you see how much that girl loved you?”
“Loved?” I breathe, trying to keep my aching heart calm because all I can focus on is the past tense of that word.
“You only have yourself to blame for that.”
Once again, I’m left to wallow in self-pity and tears.
Chapter 40
Elsie
The mundane routine my life has taken on is irritating and agonizing to go through. Luckily, a blessing from the universe: the wedding is fast approaching, which mixes up my everyday schedule a bit.
I haven’t been back to class, but I have been turning in the work to my guidance counselor so I can still graduate early. I’d pick all of it up and drop it off when the school isn’t busy so I don’t have to face the people who get under my skin. And by people, I mean Hayden.
I’m trying really hard to not think about how immature and melodramatic I’m being because I refuse to step foot back in a place I know he’ll be in, but I know I won’t be able to escape him there. That’s his place to shine, and he will just feed me lies that I will come to believe in the end.
I can’t take steps backward, only forward.
A day before the wedding, I call up Anthea and Nick to meet at a small diner. They deserve to know that I’ll be leaving so soon and won’t be coming home for a while. After all, they have been two very important people in my life.
It’s all hugs and laughs in the beginning. It feels so refreshing to sit around with friends who have your best interest at heart without so much baggage dangling around like impending doom.
By the time our food is placed in front of us, the conversation floats from a girl in our year who will be a having a baby shower soon to every single male in the senior class having detention every Saturday for two months because of that little black book.
I never wanted every guy to be punished, especially since not everyone had a hand in it. I surely wanted them to be served a lot more than just detention, but there isn’t much else I can do now.
Sheepishly, I apologize to Nick for involving him, though I know he didn’t mind, and he emphasizes how hilarious all the guys looked when we burned their precious book. It sounds like he’s getting more kick out of it than we did.
What those guys did was immature and completely pointless; they needed to see that. If no one stood up to them now, then they would just continue on with life thinking that it’s okay to treat women the way they were doing.
The chicken fingers on my plate get pushed around as I nervously pick at them before blurting the news. “I’m graduating early and leaving in January. I’ll be gone for a few months.”
They are baffled and surprised, but most importantly, they are so happy for me. I think Anthea is going to choke on her strawberry milkshake, and Nick has to pat her back gently to get her to breathe again.
I’m proud of the decision I’ve made, and some of my good friends supporting that make it ten times better. They, of course, go on about how they’ll miss me, but we’ll Skype, and I’ll have to visit them when I get back before they head off to college.
When I arrive home, I see that my mother already left to spend the night at a hotel for her bachelorette party that I declined an invitation to. It’s not like I didn’t want to go; I just didn’t feel up to it, and I wanted to give my mom that space she needs with her friends.
Gabe didn’t want a bachelor party. He said they were stupid and completely useless to him. He also didn’t feel like having a hangover the next day. So I stick around to help him out with the kids, playing a few video games with Wylie who cheers and climbs all over me when I let him win.
My phone hasn’t been buzzing as much as it had for the past two weeks, but it still does every now and then. I’ve ignored his calls, and I don’t dare look at his texts or listen to the many voicemails he’s left. They all just sit there, never to be opened.
The next morning, I wake up feeling much more rested than I have in a long time. I hop in the shower to wash and shave everything that needed to be prickle-free for today.
I don’t bother putting on makeup, only dressing in something comfy before packing a bag filled with the things I need. I toss it in my car next to the maid of honor dress and turn to look at my stepfather.
“Don’t forget you have Wylie for the whole day until it’s time to walk down the aisle.” I remind Gabe as he straps Leena into her car seat that’s perched in the backseat of my vehicle.
“Yes, I know…And I know because you and you mother have both reminded me more than once.” He chuckles, making sure his daughter is tucked in nice and safe before closing the door. “I’m getting married.”
His warm smile makes me mirror him. “That you are.”
“And you’re moving on with your life.” He teases, and I roll my eyes, placing my hands on my hips. “We’re all growing up, huh?”
“It’s about damn time.”
“You know that I love you, right?” He brushes his knuckle across my cheek, and I have the sudden urge to cry. “And Wylie too, of course, no matter how much he likes to torture me.”
I chuckle through watery eyes, leaning in to give him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I love you too. Thank you for being what this family needed.”
“It’s my pleasure, Elsie.”
I bid him goodbye and wish him luck, teasing him about crying like a baby when my mom walks down the aisle. He shoos me with his hand, pushing me into my car while I laugh before driving away.
The venue is cute but quaint, just exactly the style my mother would pick.
As soon as I arrive, everything goes by in the blink of an eye. My mother is frantic, of course, but we all manage to get ready. I somehow manage to do my hair and makeup while taking care of Leena, changing her diapers in the middle of everything. I dress her before handing her off to one of my mother’s friends who is going to be babysitting for the night.
I slip on my dress, making sure everything is in place before helping my mom into hers and curling a few pesky strands of hair that refused to stay bouncy.
“You know that I’m so proud of you, right?” My lips curl up as I hold my mom’s hand right before we walk.
She tilts her head, squinting at me while Wylie stands under us, looking up. “I should be the one telling you that.”
“You tell me enough. I think it’s about time I return the favor.”
A small simper graces her lips, and I realize how beautiful and glowing she looks in an off-white lacy dress with the sleeves covering her arms, hair curled perfectly to shape her face.
“Stop it. You don’t have to reassure me, sweetie.”
“I’m not…I’m just really, really happy for you.” I feel the waterworks threatening to break through, but I push it back. “You deserve this, you know? Gabe is a wonderful guy, and he loves you so much. I can’t take care you forever, and I guess that’s now just hitting me.” The tears burn in my eyes at the realization I’m actually going to be handing my mom away.
For so long, it was just us.
She didn’t meet Gabe for a while a
fter my father died, so our relationship grew extremely close. I thought that maybe it would just be us for the rest of time, until it wasn’t. I’m truly thankful for Gabe loving her so much and wanting to take care of her.
He doesn’t mind that she already has two kids by another man; he looks at us like we’re his own.
“Oh, Elsie…” She coos, kissing my forehead and swiping the pad of her thumb under my eye. “You were never made to take care of me. That’s my job. You’re supposed to grow up and do things for yourself. You’re on your way, and I’m proud of you.”
The light classical twinkle of music starts to play, and we know that’s our cue.
I press one last kiss to her cheek before we’re ready. People in their seats stand to watch her walk with her arm linked in mine, her other hand holding a bouquet of flowers and Wylie because he so badly wants to walk her down the aisle with me.
A few stray tears and sniffles leave me when I watch them say their adorable vows, Gabe sending me sly winks and looks every now and then that make me roll my eyes. Wylie goes to give them their rings, nearly dropping one, but my mother quickly catches it as my little brother waddles over to stand in front of my legs nervously.
I haven’t once dared to look at the crowd. I don’t want to catch eyes with him; it’ll be too much right now. I already miss him so much and just want to be in the comforts of his arms to know that I still have him, but I know I don’t. Not anymore.
However, I did feel the unmistakable teasing nudge on my arm from Nick as I walked my mom down the aisle, casting a glance to see Anthea next to him, which made me happy.
After the beautiful and heartwarming ceremony, the bridal party and family remain to take pictures. Once we are finished, we all made our way to the reception where everyone else had already appeared.
I keep my eyes cast to the ground, for the most part, only lifting them to watch my mom and Gabe have their first dance as a married couple. I come to the conclusion that there are so many people standing around; I highly doubt I’ll see Hayden, and I strangely find solace in that.
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 21